Preety_India

I am also thinking about the advice zero guy gave me. That guy got some strange logic that always works..

Who is Zaiden? Zaiden is someone who is very generous and charming I feel like when I'm watching snow capped mountains, Zaiden is with me

And I feel awesome when I look at these things. Snow capped mountains Beautiful music to accompany that. Who cares about shit when you have all the beauty in front of you? I think about Zaiden at such times.

At least there is some consistency in what I'm doing

P

Peace

Feeling way better now after whatever happened yesterday. I never really want to be in this aggressive emotional state. It gets me worked up unnecessarily.

Don't be afraid of the lion that roars at you. Be afraid of the sheep that is yet to become a lion. Because when it does, you're fucked

As Paul said to Corinthians Without love, your wisdom is nothing but an empty sound of cymbals. You achieve nothing.

If someone came and cross checked and asked this forum a gazillion times, "what does it come down to?" then it will be reduced to an utter failure. Just shook. You cannot build castles out of sand. You cannot build love out of rubbish.

This forum is not the real world This forum is simply a simulation of a world created out of its own dysfunction surviving on its one dimensional perspective of reality.

Everything is so difficult. I swear. Everything needs hours and hours of psycho emotional processing. Too much software and little hardware. This is where Stage Orange and Stage Red completely put stage Green back in the closet where it belongs

Wise. I try to replace feelings of love I get from hearing approval with my own internal love generated by my spiritual connection to consciousness itself. In a sense, cut off external feelings of love and reground you sense of love directly in consciousness and being. Or you could reground love into the doing of your art/work. Also, I remind myself that people who praise me are usually not conscious and only do so out of selfishness. If I was a rapist no one would praise me. And there is no reason why I deserve any more praise now than if I was a rapist. So people's praise of me has nothing to do with reality. It's just their self-biased projections -- which I have little interest in.

Eventually this whole thing is not that difficult. Decent people come together on a plane and work together This is no rocket science. How do you keep pesky flies out? By being a torpedo.

Sharpening my dragon energy slowly.

I think the forum is designed in such a way that people who don't get enough attention feel isolated for some unknown reason and then go into attack mode. It's also designed in such a way that everyone feels on edge at some point because it encourages competitiveness rather than cooperation.

This...... In short. This is one reason why I don't like humans. They can be so inflexible with how they perceive reality. Please don't take that offensively though it's just an error in our cognition. It's simply more strategic for me growth wise to stick around so that I can continually hone my natural born Sherlock Holmesian talent. And sure no problems , for now I'll hold off on the cats ha. This is my own predicament by the way for the rest of my life, its something I'm just going to learn to more intelligently manoeuvre myself around, pick and choose when I take an alternate course of action. Luckily for this online world it has very little effect on me in real life. Long term game, I win. People are limited in terms of how they perceive reality, that's just something I'm going to have to get used to, its like a slight pain I'm still massaging the groove of.

when you say that people perceive reality in a limited way, that's not because of low IQ, that's because they have high emotional intelligence and integrity and possess the sensitivity that you probably lack and so since you don't get impacted much, you don't care much, easier for you. What you suffer is the classic problem of a limited perspective of others masquerading itself as a broader understanding of their limited perspective of you, their limited perspective of you simply being a notion planted in your head as a safety net for yourself..

When you interact with society, social games is all you get. One way of dealing with this is to stick around with "no nonsense " kind of people. Just plain decent people. That's it. They aren't there to create any drama. They aren't trying to bring everyone on board with their messiah complex or being hypocritical because when shit hits the fan, they are the first ones to scurry away. They are not trying to handle conflict in a way where they tend to appear good (gooder ) meanwhile throwing others under the bus. That's not called conflict resolution because no party is truly satisfied, it's called "I'm the better guy in this " strategy and where does it stem from, "ego".........? That's what is happening here. When you don't get satisfactory solutions you shouldn't agree to something like a mule. It won't help.. It's not about personal dignity or worth since we sometimes are too obsessed about that. It's about.......... This doesn't work. It backfires. Before you become the sacrificial lamb, just check out. The sooner the better. Decent people on the other hand aren't exactly trying to please everyone. They either stay silent because they don't see a better way out or take proactive action to shut down conflict altogether instead of using words like resolution.

Honestly I'm so tired and done. My brain hurts. It keeps taking me back to the whole notion that people just aren't worth my time and energy. No matter how many times I keep that door open to exciting new interactions, disappointments keep coming in and keep dragging me back to where I feel like I should just keep to myself.

I have to say that this whole thing felt like a massive drill in trying to exercise my ground. Yes I'm developing my dragon energy. Sooner or later I'll get there. But all of this comes at a great mental cost which I cant keep paying.

NOT EVERYONE HAS TO BE CONFLICT RESOLUTION MASTERS. no. A no is a no. I'm trying to get better everyday at enforcing my boundaries. And this shit is bothering me.. Remember how you praised me before for being better at raising boundaries. Frankly that has always been my biggest problem and I work around it everyday. Maybe you have tons of mental stamina and energy to deal with this and work things out and so you do you. I AM NOT YOU. I AM ME. I need to take care of my mental health. I've suicidal ideation issues and PTSD You cannot apply the same advice to me that you apply to yourself. This is not meant in an antagonistic or aggressive sense. I have no aggression toward you. You've been helpful to me. But for you to stay mum in the event of attack is not a show of sincerity. You cannot use such a situation against me and make me at fault because I'm not at fault. I was simply having a decent conversation with you. I have done nothing wrong. So the thing that this shit bothers me doesn't phase you at all even bothers me more because it shows a lack of care for those who are mentally weak aka people like me. Sorry we can't be having this if I'm going to be repeatedly attacked. You can keep working on your conflict resolution skills but I'm not into that because it leads nowhere as I know from past experience, it's only invitation for more trouble I know what works and what doesn't so I'm going to put my foot down. I'm sorry this all happened. But I can't do much I'm entitled to my boundaries and mental health

I can guarantee that people can't survive even one day if they had to live in my shoes

I feel persecuted here. But that's okay. This is just another part of my struggle.. I don't like to be offensive to someone but does that mean that I should be attacked? It's merciless.

Everyday I have to remember that I need to be stronger in order to survive in this world and this forum is the start. If I can't survive on this forum what are the chances that ill survive in this world