Preety_India

I think having a bipolar boyfriend taught me a lot of things.

I'm going through something intense right now.

But I want to focus on upgrading my inner software. I want to outdo myself and I will do it There are 2 things in my mind right now. I'm a stage orange opportunist mixed with Green Hippie Deluxe. One is asking myself What exactly am I achieving from this action? And then seeing if those answers are justified for pursuing those actions and matching those answers with my higher goals like Match The Column Created this match the column haphazard table for clarifying my idea.. Second is looking for the hidden opportunity cost. When you are doing something, let's say anything, there is always a gain, but there's also ( always) a loss which escapes our notice. This game of opportunity and loss is playing behind the curtains. When you lift the curtains that's when you realize what's happening. This requires some deep perceptive thinking. My game is ruthless. My Game is - be one step ahead

Along the same lines as the previous post

The brain always keeps getting new information and then sets itself in order and again achieves stability or plateau. Ok? . A little bit of interruptions, spaciness and disconnections will happen before a final version is reached. These are features not bugs. But you see, even bugs are important, because how else would you know what's a flaw. So you got to turn these flaws into opportunities for growth. So in the prototype let everything flow freely. Let nothing be subject to scrutiny. Make as many mistakes as you can. Then correct and drain out the flaws. Notice that what you consider as a flaw could be a source of a gem, a source of a great opportunity to turn the tide in your favor. This flaw was eventually useful in the greater scheme of things. So you see, you'll need to focus not an event or a flaw or a constituent but on the process. Too often we are focused on things. Sorting the good and the bad. Separating the wheat from the chaff. Yet we don't realize that it's not grain but the milling that we need to focus on. Maybe the final outcome is going to be bizarre yet beautiful. Who knows. There are always those final finishing touches phase, where you have enough scope for improvement, remove all those flaws in that stage and you have a pretty good prototype or FV(final version) Something like this This theory of mine is in the budding stages. I still don't know what I'm writing and what it exactly means. But it will crystallize to something when the right situation comes along. We aren't playing Olympics here. Just saying.

Steps to self esteem If someone doesn't like you, don't blame yourself for it. Not your fault. It's their lack of acceptance. It's their flaw. It's their Incapability I don't have to feel bad for being who I am. If they can't make you feel loved or accepted, it's not you at fault or being bad in any way. Stop Guilting yourself. The forum members are so cool and nice. Forget the bullshit that happened. Some of them can be my friends. I need to take the positive aspects. There is always some positive leftover to pick up from. http://personalityspirituality.net/articles/the-michael-teachings/the-seven-roles-in-essence/ I want to try a love radiance kind of a meditation practice.. Sometime back I wrote these words *don't play God, if you can't love everyone* And there are changes happening to my personality since last week. Huge changes One is freedom. Second is letting go. Third is I am no longer holding onto or caring about what people think. Let them think what they think. If they think bad about me let them think bad about me no problem because in the end moral judgment is moral judgement and God doesn't care about moral judgement God cares about the greater good of everyone. Because when Preety fell in love, she fell in love a bit madly. I can hear the coucal again How to deal with offense. Let's see this How to deal with someone offending you on the forum. I really need to work on this problem.. Sometimes I see someone writing some racist stuff or writing something offensive. How to not get triggered. Just let it go Forgive the person People are not perfect Most are ignorant of race and culture and not sensitive enough to others feelings Their ego gets defensive when confronted with the offensive stuff they say. They don't change It only creates more chaos It's not good for anyone Try to forgive and let go Understand where they come from Maybe deep down they are good people but sometimes they can be allowed to have their dick moments. Yesterday I picked a fight with someone on the forum because I felt offended by a comment on sexist stuff written.. When I see some sexist stuff I get a bit triggered I need to work on it. So the best way is to let go. But I'll look for other ways too If someone wants to hate you, for whatever reason, like culture, race, sexuality or because they simply don't like you, give them love Beat hate with kindness Just be friendly with understanding people on the forum. Because they are non threatening. I know that I'm an introvert and I know that I have intimacy issues. So on top of all of that I find it even more frustrating to have to socialize with judgemental people who spew out sexist nonsense. I'm trying to learn tricks because this is going to be a problem on the forum and also on the internet in the future. There will be trolls everywhere trying to target vulnerable minorities. The space of the internet is going to change rapidly so Now what to do about feeling unwelcome or hurt. There is no peace in fighting. There is peace only loving. I want to use sexual energy to get the motivation I need in life. I'll call it tantric energy. Mm words I've said for a long time that it's not enough to just survive something, right? That's not the point of life. You've got to thrive, you've got to feel happy. If you do something against your heart.... But I think that what that does internally is probably really damaging.

I feel like this is the music of my life. I get such pure consciousness vibes from this song. Every tune, every piano key. The emotion is so original and raw This is the most beautiful song in the universe. This is how you relax I just ordered 3 cups of coffee. One cappuccino, one espresso and one latte. The didn't add sugar in it. Damn. Plus they mixed it all up. I don't know which one is which. Ugh. Now don't laugh at me. I love making stone jewelry. Last night was like a hurricane here. All winds and storms and shit. And then power outage for 6 hours straight. I was just holding a torch. All the sounds of the stormy winds and thunder and lightning Ooooooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaaaaah I was kinda scared. My God, it was dark and windy. Crazy haa.

I enjoy Karachi biscuits. Wish I could get them again. I will have to get them ordered. The bulbul is called the nightingale bird. But there are a few types. The red vented one. This one has a blending coarse call. It feels like Resonance. The other bulbul bird is the white cheeked or white eared bulbul. This one has a soft sweet call. It's similar to the Iraqi bulbul. So this is the call of the white cheeked bulbul. I deleted the last post because its risky. People go to jail for Marijuana here. Ughh. You know what I mean. Again... Ughh Can't even write about Marijuana.... Ughh

Indian food that I absolutely can't live without. Just shut up and eat. Paneer curry. I eat this with rice.. Samosas are my all time favorite. More samosas and cutting chai, holy moly I absolutely love this during winter or monsoons when it's cold outside and the hot tea just energizes me.. Eating this during rains is a delight. Just shut up and eat. Butter chicken yummm Butter chicken with rice and kulcha is just totally yummy.. I'm not able to find these anywhere that I used to have as a kid during tea time. They are called nankhatai squares. Once the lockdown is lifted, I'm gonna go hunting through the city bakeries for these. Nostalgia. They taste a bit like butter cookies with cashew and glaze on top. Sesame seeds added to give that extra taste.. They just melt in the mouth. This bakery cake that I used to order. Lub Lub it This is a simple Indian dish called Aloo poori or puri.. Just the simple things that make me happy. It's nice to eat these during tea time or monsoons. Monsoons are a big thing in my country. People make special meals and dishes during monsoon to enjoy the season.. This is paneer tadka mix with bell pepper, jalapeños. This has the Mediterranean oregano flavor to it. A bit spicy pungent smokey flavor. Paneer mix with tomato This is the Naan /kulcha . Mixed with spices and herbs, it's like nice soft chewy spicy bread. Both of them are similar however naan is a bit harder than kulcha. Kulcha can contain a lot of herbs. This is kadhi pakoda. Tastes like heaven. Light on my tummy. Another tasty yummy paneer bell pepper recipe. I use bell peppers with oregano a lot in all of my recipes. Paneer masala Kadhi or yellow curry. I love the smell of rice.. I regularly eat basmati jasmine rice that has this nice fragrant aroma. I just love it. With curry it feels like heaven. Sometimes I add cinnamon to it.

There are a few pleasant exchanges with a few pleasant faces... And that's how life comes to an end. The soap opera of life ends. We all end up in the blur, the car whisks the kids away, and all is over within a matter of minutes. Never know when time passes by and everything is over before your eyes and in retrospect everything was so small and simple and yet humans got it so complicated I see a lot of people from different walks of life very keenly interested in making the world alright. I understand that there are a lot of things in the world that are not right. But at the same time, I think these people who are always looking for a quick fix to things are very egoic. You might gloat about how many likes you get on Facebook. You could order the biggest cake right now and enjoy it. You could be sitting in an amusement park or taking pictures with your friends at Disney. These things that are egoic in nature will never bring true joy. I always feel that true joy lies in being connected to mother earth, living the most effortless natural life. Dancing naked in the wind. Something like that. The egoic joy is only a distraction from true joy. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves this question Are you living or simply existing? Are we human or are we dancers. My sign is vital. My hands are cold. I remember watching the movie the ring a few years ago. It was shown to me by a friend of my sibling. God I didn't sleep for 15 days after that. It just wrecked me lol. I was so damn terrified. I used to constantly look at myself in the mirror and wash off my face. Just to make sure that the horse wasn't there. I was terrified of that horse. This is the coucal I always keep talking about. This guy wakes me up every morning between 4 and 5am. My sleep gets usually disturbed by the sound of this bird. It's always on the tree near my window. It has a strange heavy sound. I love its call during a cold breeze, very soothing and calming.. I don't regret being disturbed. All coucals Indian Myna.. Has a sweet call. Very common in my area. This bird comes near my window. So I dug some videos that give an idea of coucal's calls and sounds. Also the other sweet sounding birds that I usually hear are the Indian myna and the Indian Koel also called Asian Koel.. the Indian koel is also called the Indian cuckoo. The myna This is a different coucal not found here but has a great call. This bird is found in Africa and below are some African cuckoo calls. These sounds kinda give the feeling of wilderness Burchell's coucal Sometimes I hear this sound in early mornings in combination with that of the koel..

I believe in witchcraft so obviously for me, good and evil are a part of the rigmarole of life. I'm this hippie bohemian witchcrafterian (my own vocabulary) alchemy girl who is trying to integrate every aspect of the world into her life and moving along, weaving the story of her life and seeking her spirituality through the prism of her experiences, insights and practices. I like what DrewNows wrote in his journal. What purpose does such a division manifest itself? This is a distribution of energy, how it feels to say “all in”, when you know there’s 100% certainty to scoop it. Take the cake and hand out as many pieces as possible ? made tea this evening about to start a new habit, reading before bed ? mint leaf (does the trick), alfalfa, dried cilantro n parsley and dandelion (finally I make a tasty tea by actually smelling the herbs, alchemy baby! love light (s) out! I like alchemy myself but I won't be going out to get herbs right now. I need to wait till the lockdown is lifted off. I like making my own witchcraft tea.. I use chamomile. I like how he says alchemy baby... Hehe. Also the way he writes love lights out..I'm going to do the same. Daily parslc Shivambu Sunbathing Movement: walking, squatting, jogging action adventure on mdma supplements: (usual) plus mdma Fasting: mini watermelon learning: cleanse body of 5 elements ... Daily F/Sb/R(s/t)/D/T(r) shadow work insights (overly?) bold, a bit self conscious place more value on feeling love light (s) out!

One constant theme in my life that I will continue for the rest of my life is Be true to yourself. I can't stress this enough. Do you see like a teacher archetype in me? Like a philosopher cum advocate. That's where I thought that certain bits of my personality match parts of the INFJ-T type. Sometimes the advocate in me takes the back seat How do I live such a complicated life if you ask me? The simple answer is I don't know. The theme of this journal is essentially going to be self exploration. I think this an important thing in spirituality. My spiritual practice without self exploration will be like drinking artificially flavored juice. My disjointed patterns of thinking need to be forgiven This journal is not only going to be a self exploration journal but also a record of my deepest most intimate personal thoughts. I'm laying myself bare and naked.

In this journal, I've tried to respect the theme. Since it's about me, looking at the title, I will always try to include stuff about my own personality in here. I don't like writing much about myself. I like writing more about the stuff that catches my attention or interest. But writing about random stuff will be a disservice to this journal, given it's theme, so I try not to stray from the theme of the journal. Although I always love including gifs, pictures, Memes, videos and art in almost all of my journals, since this is a strictly personal journal, I will avoid adding that.. I'm a very chaotic, (all around the place), highly curious, random and scattered brained kind of a person. Don't expect discipline in me. Disciplining a mad horse will be easier than disciplining me. I can't help who I am no matter how vagrant, ill-disciplined and weird I tend to come across as, even my family intensely hates me for my lack of discipline, but I have come to embody the spirit of "be yourself" anthem since this is my only option of accepting myself. Trying to change myself will lead to me placing myself in an eternal zone of discomfort and this can turn into a tragedy. So I'll let me be myself.

Writing and painting have always been my key favorite interests throughout my life. I can't get enough of either. But spirituality also has a due place in my life. I like starting my day with spirituality. That's why the early morning meditation. For me nearly and almost everything has to be spiritual. I don't know why but my heart is deeply in love with spirituality since childhood. I used to collect books on spiritual stuff, I used to love reading books on Reincarnation, mysticism, paranormal phenomena, these things have shaped my personality over the years. I have admired Ian Stevenson (if I remember his name correctly) greatly, he was in some ways a pioneer in this research. Over the last few years, I've spent time watching numerous documentaries on spirituality and mysticism. I have studied ancient cultures. My appetite for such inquisitiveness is voracious as is reflected in many of my journals.

My journey of the heart post is still pending for its finishing touches. I never have enough time on my plate.

Yea he is always projecting and assuming.

So I was talking about the Archetype of this person who is free and funny. This is what I call the opposite of what I am.. I'm a deep person. Whenever I write something it has a deeper meaning. I get intense. My kind of spirituality is intense and emotional, I go to the root of something, I believe in the paranormal and the mysterious, since I'm a Pisces, the water runs deep for me. I apply my own interpretation and deeper meanings to things. I can't help it. This is my character. For me the sun and the moon and the stars and the waters are important. I live in cosmic reality, my way is intuitive, that's why I love witchcraft, it's an embodiment of intuition, intuition is very strange, at one end it can easily look like self deception, but if you get too keenly interested in exploring intuition, it has layers upon layers of understanding reality in different and mystical ways, in a language only a soul will understand. This needs some degree of spiritual Cultivation and naturally intuitive people, spiritualists and mystics have that. Is this quality or skill inherited at birth, is it brain chemistry or does this person develop this skill over time. I believe some people are just born mystics and psychics. It's something they have. Native Americans/Indians are especially good in this area. One of the reasons why native American Shamanic culture baffles and intrigues me so much. Even Hinduism has its own large dose of intuition in its Pagan literature from astrology to astronomy to ancient Hindu rituals of invocation and chanting, the world of intuition is very much alive in most Ancient Pagan rituals. Now coming to the Archetype of the Naked Prince. I'll call this person the Naked Prince. This person is an exact opposite of my deep intuitive mysterious goth archetype.. If I represent a purple rose dripping in blood, he represents the hanky panky jester who gives no shit about life, he goes along his way dropping his spiritual nuggets wherever he dances and moves along, quite unassuming and looking at life in the most funny light hearted sunny effervescent way like a warm summer breeze floating and galloping, taking everything in his stride. I look in envy. I'm the winter, hard mysterious and cold and he is the summer, warm, fresh and carefree. How could this be. I'm amazed looking at this diametrically opposite Archetype of me. Then I sit with my head on the railing, watching the sun rise, thinking to myself that even I could be buoyant like this. Might I try?

DrewNows gave me the permission to use his stuff in my journal.. Its very interesting. I'd love to include his techniques into my spirituality kit. I copied some of the techniques he is using and I'm sure this is going to be useful. Daily Practices/activities/responsibilities/self love/creativity Shivambu Movement: headstands, stretching, jumping, walking, burpees, free flowing hands, stick swinging, squatting, hanging, pull-ups and body-ups, yoga poses sunbathing sun-gazing mindfulness meditation cleaning/washing (dishes,clothes,trash etc) communicating personal boundaries w/ uncle fasting (liquids/citrus fruits) supplements: caffeine, bee pollen, cacao powder, OPC grape seed extract, He Shou Wu, gotu kola, dry cilantro (to consider: iodine for heavy metals, b12, fish oil, creatine, vitamin C, beta alamine, argenine AA, ginseng, lions mane, micro-dosing shrooms, etc) Learning: Bhuta Shuddhi: mastering of the 5 elements, Shaman/Alchemy, master of earth subconscious pressure point .... Daily Fears/Shadow behaviors/resistance (stressors/triggers)/demons/toxins (released)

Sometimes people appear like archetypes to me. I see them through the perspective or image of an archetype. This helps me. Because I have a tendency to integrate different things into my persona like a decorator crab. I tend to see what I can find in someone that seems useful to me. People come and go in my life. But they make an impression on me. I like to learn a bit from here and there. I don't exactly resonate with people's energies but I find their energy desirable nevertheless. Even if I don't jive with their individual energies, I am amused by their presence and I see something about their ways of thinking that are distinctly different from mine. So what I do is simply put their thinking and their practices into my book and start cultivating the habits or do the practices they do, this is an essential part of my growth process, it's simple yet effective. Recently on another spiritual website I came across such a person. He seems to be whimsical, funny, naked most of the time, always living in nature. This personality has caught my attention. And people rarely catch my attention since I'm always engrossed in my own world, so a person has to be a kind of a caricature to get my attention. So this funny caricature has my attention. Now.. Once I give my attention to someone, I'm in full force. I like to see them inside out. I might get deeply interested at least for the time being. As long as it lasts.. Almost everything has followed the same pattern in my life.. I'm a vagabond. A lonewolf gypsy vagabond. My interest in anything is fleeting.. Sometimes I'm deeply passionate about certain things. But most things stay on my creativity radar for some time. After that it's time for the next interesting thing. I'm like an absorbing sponge. Wherever I'm placed, I absorb some and then once I'm full, I get exhausted and need another place to get myself soaked.

I have thought about some things. Things have been a bit upside down. I always feel like I am speaking in a retrospective kind of way. Like my life is a blur and it has already passed by. Like I already lived my whole life and died and rose back again, like a voice from my grave, I speak again of a life that was over before it could begin. The pain insurmountable. The other thing that I've always felt is that....... I always had this feeling like I'm an ancient soul that traveled very far into time and went through multiple Reincarnations to reach who I am today. These Reincarnations were restless attempts of my soul to make peace with myself and my loved ones and something that always ate me inside was this never ending journey to find my soulmate. That I always yearned in mourning waiting forever for my soulmate to become one with me. I've felt a powerful sense of connection with ancient cultures and people. I feel they died but their death wasn't in vain and they always wanted to leave a message to their successors This separation helps me It seems like I'm finally coming to peace with myself in this birth and my journey will be complete.

So my personality summation is as follows INFJ-T HIGH INTROVERSION HSP - HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON EMPATH SUN SIGN PISCES AND MOON SIGN GEMINI PERSONALITY OF A STAR - A MIX OF SUN AND MOON TRAITS

The coucal has been my favorite bird for some time although I have been enjoying birdwatching these days and there are other birds that I like as well But the coucal has an amazing call. It gives me goosebumps

Dude you should stop your singing career and start a comedy career, your serious face makes me laugh uncontrollably especially when you're purposely trying to not be funny. You kill lol. I want to know Leo's reaction when he reads your post, it's the most epic post on this forum in so many years. This definitely belongs to the entertainment section.

She dodged a bullet my God. What is she doing with Michael Jackson's corpse in 2022 anyway Was she singing "I'm bad, I'm bad, you know I'm really bad." Or was she singing "Dirty Diana ooooh" Or did she say "I've been hit by a smooth criminal." Or maybe she was simply singing "heee heeeee" She took the virginity of Michael Jackson, she must be a high quality woman (don't blame me, forum lingo)

It's both difficult, complicated and comfortable being an introvert. Introverts have a huge chemical buildup in their brains. Their brains are different chemically from extroverts. Introverts constantly produce chemicals that stimulate their senses and brains. That's why a lot of introverts are highly intelligent people. But the buildup of these chemicals also makes introverts nervous, anxious, frustrated, agitated and often over stimulated. The last thing they want is another stimulation. They are easily able to entertain themselves because of their overly sensitive brains. Extroverts on the other hand have average or less buildup of chemicals and are therefore not that sensitive to outside stimulation. They need more to feel stimulated. So even if they are In a huge crowd with lots of sensory overdose extroverts are comfortable with sensory load. Other thing that introverts suffer from is a certain kind of Neurotic tension because of overly sensitive nervous system. So they immediately get impacted by even a minor change in the expression of the listener's face. Introverts are thinking all sorts of things in their minds. This neurosis causes them to feel extra sensitive to any form of judgement or hate. They get very anxious even by the mere thought that someone will judge their behavior. In order to escape this tension, they develop defensive behavior in early childhood. They learn how to put on a mask to impress people but keep their inner feelings hidden. The reason is with the mask they feel more protected. They feel safe because with the mask nobody will judge them. But if they tell their true feelings, their greatest fear can come true. As they grow, they become an expert at hiding, masking and not opening up. Their feelings always remain hidden and this can sometimes become dangerous for them because it leads to emotional stress and inability to cope with inner pain which is hidden. They feel the need to open up but the fear puts a lid on it. Every time they feel to open up, the fear of judgement comes up and they go back and decide not to open up. They start to feel better not opening up because they don't have to deal with the fear anymore. This creates a temporary comfort zone that can last for many years. Once the comfort zone is created in their minds they will less likey want to break it. At the same time when they want to open up, they are looking for trust. They want to feel safe if they really feel like opening up. But they can't trust a lot of people because experience with most people has taught them that people will break their trust. Once an incident happens where trust is broken, they become further confirmed in their decision to not open up. However if they find a trustworthy person who has gained their trust with constant love and support over a considerable period of time, they begin to trust this person and open up to this person. They live their lives without trusting people and avoid people most of the time because of the lack of trust and only keep a very small number of friends who have successfully gained their trust and confidence. Introverts will never trust a stranger and will display weird behavior with them out of fear and suspicion. The stranger in turn will find such behavior very weird, even rude, and stop talking to the introvert. This is not the introvert's fault. They are only operating from fear and stress. However the stranger will misunderstand them and so will many people. The introvert might suddenly block the stranger from communication or leave a rude reply or not reply at all, thinking that this behavior will throw the stranger away, this way the introvert will feel safe. The process of gaining the trust of an introvert is very complicated. It very much depends on the point of contact. If the stranger or new person's first behavior is a critical remark or negative comment, this will be like a sword poking into the introvert and the introvert will immediately block the stranger in his mind. The introvert has already decided not to trust this person. Therefore the first few impressions are important to gain the trust of the introvert. Sometimes even this can fail if the introvert is not mentally ready to trust anyone.. If the introvert has suffered any form of abuse, or negativity, criticism, hate in their childhood or bullying in school, then their introversion will become extreme in adulthood and they will act very defensive and extra sensitive around people. Because past memory has taught them that people are not to be trusted and avoided. They will go to great lengths to avoid people. Such attempts will look bizzare and abnormal to extroverts but for introverts it's a defense and coping mechanism against further negativity. Because of all these confusing defensive behaviors, introverts mostly get misunderstood a lot. So it's difficult being an introvert. Also being an introvert becomes a failed mission. Most introverts are trying to hide and block people and avoid attention but this very strange behavior becomes counter productive and people actually start giving them more attention because of their strange behavior. This causes tremendous frustration in the introvert as they don't want that attention but they also can't control their behavior of avoiding people.