Preety_India

I'm feeling ecstatic

My first boyfriend continued.... It was May. We had a few arguments about him not spending time with me and spending too much time with other women. Now it was June. I had felt disrespected in this relationship for some time. I decided to take revenge. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. I was an emotional woman. Playing with me was like playing with fire. He couldn't get away with this. To manipulate a woman, to win her heart only to break it, all for your selfish sexual needs. I wasn't having this anymore. The next day in the evening I called him and told I'm done with him. He was shocked.. I told him to forget me and never call me again. He was a bit jittery and nervous on the phone. I hung up. I hurt him. And it was for a good reason. He hurt me too. I had every right to break such a pathetic toxic loveless relationship. And being blamed for asking for basic affection. I moved on. The next week I saw him with another girl.. I was wondering how long he had been doing this with women. The next whole semester I would see him around different women, it was very unpleasant to watch. I would see him in empty college hallways and sometimes in the classrooms or cafeterias. He would look sullen and upset. He would look at me and I would look away. One day he sat where I was sitting and having coffee. And I got up and left. I wanted to forget SHT. This shaped in my mind an opinion on men. A toxic opinion. I started seeing men in a different light. I began to feel that men wanted women only for sex. Men were Incapable of love, emotion, affection, loyalty, compassion and companionship. I wanted a full man, a wholesome man, a man with a heart, not just a body with a dick on it. And so I stopped thinking about men at least for some time. Until......

My first boyfriend continued.... I was tired in the afternoon. I slept off. I woke up in the evening. I checked my phone. I had sent him an early morning text wishing him a happy birthday to which he hadn't replied. I sat there waiting that maybe he will reply when he gets home. I was wondering if he would take me out for dinner and I will order a cake and we will have a private little birthday celebration. 3 hours went by. No call. No text. I was thinking what went wrong. I sent a few texts. No reply. I was growing anxious. I was waiting to celebrate his birthday and go out on dinner with him. At least this was the best occasion to spend time together. It was 9. 30 pm now. Too late to even go out to dinner. What the hell was he doing. I decided to call him. I called and he didn't pick. He instead texted me that he was busy with his friends at Hotel ChIllis and the entire classroom was there along with the teachers celebrating his birthday. I was flabbergasted. Devastated. What I'm reading? He invited the entire classroom but did not invite me? He invited everyone except his own girlfriend. And no private celebration? I was not mad but extremely depressed when I saw the text. It was unbelievable. He never told his friends that I was his girlfriend. He always hiding our relationship from everyone. He wanted our relationship to be a secret. That's why he intentionally didn't invite me. This was very heartbreaking. Why would he do this? Did he want to see other women while having me as his sex kitty on the side. I felt terrible. I burst out in tears. I began crying and it wouldn't stop. I just couldn't stomach this anymore. I was feeling used. I was feeling exploited. He was playing a game with me. He wanted me only for sex. He wanted other women too. He was young. I was young. He didn't want to lose his chances. But he could just have told me and I would have left him for a committed man. Why would he hide his intentions from me. For sex? It felt awful. I was heartbroken. I spent the whole night crying. And I logged into a random chat group and started typing my love story. Then some guy responded to me and after reading my entire story told me "he is not into you. He is just using you. You have fallen in love with him. But he doesn't care about you. He only wants sex." this crushed me. I cried the whole morning and the whole week after that. I was emotionally devastated. This was my first love. My first ever sexual romantic relationship. This was my first boyfriend. He didn't love me. That's why he was hiding the relationship from everyone. He didn't want people to know that he had a girlfriend. I felt embarrassed and upset and depressed. My heart was crushed. I was no longer myself.

My first boyfriend continued.... Now it was April. Precisely April 11. It was his birthday. I was expecting that at least this day we would hang out, watch movies and have dinner together. SHT was in the classroom. The entire class was cheering for him. He was the Elvis Presley of the class. Everyone liked him. He was like a magnet. Every girl was attracted to him. I have to admit I was a bit jealous by such attention. I was his girlfriend. I wanted him to myself. Both guys and girls would be around him all the time. He attracted people like bees to nectar. Sometimes I was proud of him. Proud of his friendly behavior with people. But he was spending too much time with people and less time with me. He was very funny around them and very mysterious around me. It's almost like he was leading a double life. A public life and a private life. Not many people knew about his private life other than me. He already had 5000 friends on Facebook. He would make friends wherever he went. His life was all about friends. I was getting tired of this circus. Everyday was only him and friends. It's like I never existed. An entire month would go by without him calling me. He would call me only to enquire if I was home alone or not. That day people were cheering so loud. People were loudly saying "happy birthday SHT." I came home.

My first boyfriend continued.... Then it was March last week. One day he was on his bike waiting to go home and I stopped him. I stood there just staring at him in anger. I was throwing a fit. I was in my college uniform. We were supposed to wear a formal uniform on days of presentation in college. That day was my presentation day. Presentation days are when we stand on the stage in the classroom and with a laptop and projector, talk about a particular topic and present new ideas to our fellow students. These are powerpoint presentations and they are hour long and very tiring. I was too tired after my college presentation that day. I wanted to enjoy at the beach. So I demanded that SHT take me to the beach. I was throwing a fit. He said he had other things to do. I said 'no' and I stood firm.. I told him he had to take me or I would be very pissed. I wasn't taking a no. He had been evading me for weeks. I had been deprived. I wanted some time with him, some affection, some fun. He shrugged and kept explaining me that he really can't. And then he saw a group of teachers coming and he sped away narrowly escaping riding over my feet. I was furious. I didn't feel respected in this relationship. I felt used. There was no affection. I didn't talk to him for a week. I was very angry and mad at him for not spending time with me..

My first boyfriend continued.... It was February 21. My birthday. People in my classroom wished me. Then SHT slowly came up behind me, and slyly opened my laptop backpack. (it was compulsory for all students to carry a laptop to the classroom every single day of all semesters). He slyly opened my backpack and slid something under the laptop in my bag. Then it pulled back the chain of the bag and left hurriedly. I came home after class and opened my bag and saw that a card was under the laptop. I opened the card. It was a birthday card. Just a standard normal regular birthday card. Formal words printed by the card company Usually when I send a birthday card, I write my own words on the space on the inside of the card. This space is specifically provided for this purpose. There are formal words on one side which come with the card. There are personal words scribbled by the sender on the other side. When you give it to a loved one you make sure that you write something. He didn't write anything. That space was empty. I stared into space. And then I threw the card away in anger. Nobody does this. Everyone writes. How could he not. I didn't expect a gift but at least a few words would have made me happier. Nevermind Then days went by. He wouldn't call much. He would call only when he had something sexual to say. Otherwise nothing. I was growing impatient and weary. Deprived of affection. Is affection only sexual? What kind of love is this. I didn't like it. We would never really talk except when it was him wanting to talk about sex. Months were going by. And I was getting frustrated with the lack of affection. We weren't even going out anywhere. This didn't feel right.

Lol.. All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

My first boyfriend continued.... It was February 2nd week now. Semester opening time. The entire month SHT didn't call me even once. No texts, no calls, no emails. Nothing. It's like he had vanished. It was Saturday afternoon and I see SHT in the college cafeteria. I'm dumbfounded. When did he come back? Did his friend tell him that I called and inquired about him? What's going on? I went home and I called SHT and demanded that he come right away. To my house. Right now. I was furious. He came. When he came I was home alone and I smiled at him. But then I started the questions. Interrogation. Where were you? Why didn't you call me? I tried calling you. You never replied. What's going on? He then told me that he had taken ill. He was severely ill. "didn't my friends tell you that I was in the hospital. So you are a girlfriend and you didn't know." He blamed me. His trick was to blame me for everything. He left soon after. Without a kiss. I was pissed. I had to be a bit demanding with this guy. This is shitty. How can he do this. I'm a girlfriend. I need answers.

My first boyfriend continued.... Then it was January. The exams lasted a total of 14 days. Sheer exhaustion.. Very cruel. Indian exams are the cruelest. Not a day off and they put you through a drill. It's military style. If you fail, repeat. Dropping out is not an option. Because then parents terrorize you. You can't tell an Indian parent that you failed an exam or you decided to drop out. You better be ready to jump from the window. Because Indian parents take grades very strictly. If you failed exams, you basically failed the whole family as well as your life The second week of January. I wasn't studying hard.. Why? Because I began daydreaming sexual encounters with my boyfriend Mr SHT I would imagine both of us. I was too excited. This was my very first relationship. My very first romantic sexual relationship. My very first boyfriend. How could I not be excited? I was being an excited teen. I was on cloud 9. But he didn't seem that excited. He was normal. His calls began to lessen in duration and frequency. It seems like he didn't care too much. It was in the middle of the exams. It was Sunday. I called him. I started telling him how I was daydreaming about him. I was describing like a starry eyed teenager. He got upset. He reprimanded me. He yelled at me.. He was very dominating. Not controlling. But dominating. He said to me angrily "do you want all red lines on your marksheet? Go back and study. I want you to do well in this exam. Don't be foolish. Whatever it is, we can do it later. Have some self control. It's exams now. Go study and stop dreaming." Now it was the third week of January. And the exams were over. We would now have a vacation break of 1 month before the start of the next semester. The second semester. This was early spring break. I came home after finishing the last test and immediately jumped in bed and took my phone. I called his number. I could hear the ring... But nobody is picking up. I was getting restless. I hadn't talked to him since the last time he scolded him. Now it was my time for fun. I kept calling non stop. I thought he was playing a prank and intentionally avoiding me. But then someone cut the call and left a message. "who is this. SHT is not here" read the text. I replied "so where is SHT?" Then came the text reply "he left for his hometown just an hour ago. He must have boarded the train now. I'm his friend Rahul (a guy). Who are you btw?" I felt a bit unnerved and I didn't bother to reply. I thought to myself "wtf, how could he just leave for his place even without telling me? Did he just forget me?" I was too upset. But then in the coming few weeks I consoled myself by saying maybe it was a family emergency or something so he probably didn't find a chance to let me know.

My first boyfriend continued.... I was too scared by now. I felt guilty. It was the next day after Christmas. Normally we would have off days around Christmas. But because it was exams in January, some teachers were holding classes starting 8 am every day.. Classes would end close to mid afternoon. I wasn't myself anymore. I was ridden with guilt. What had I done? How could I just allow a stranger to get so close to me? He was still a stranger. I gave in to a stranger on Christmas night? What??? I couldn't believe it. I had sexually given myself the night before to a guy I had barely known. Although there was no actual sex, it still felt weird. I was sleepy, tired, feeling exhausted and drunk and I just didn't know how it all happened so fast..i wasn't craving for it to happen again. I kinda felt ashamed. Not because it was sexual. But because I had these moments with a man I didn't know much at all, a guy from my class.. In the next few days, he kept texting me and his texts and calls were regular. He would always ask me if I were home alone. He confessed that he loved me. I fell in love with him as well. This was my first standard boyfriend. Mr SHT. Mr SHT was smart, tall and handsome. My age, my classmate. All girls would drool over him. He would have a bevy of girls circling him. He knew how to get their attention just like he knew how to get my attention even without me knowing it He never talked about that night again. My family returned from the vacation. I didn't say a word. I was too afraid that they would judge me for being sexual with a classmate. Then came the death knell. The exams. It was January already. The fear and anxiety of the exams drowned out all the memories and fears of that night and all the leftover romantic feelings too. Now it was only and only Exam. That's it

My first boyfriend continued.... An hour later. I woke up. I went to the kitchen. I fixed some breakfast. Cereal and tossed some strawberry and banana into milk and served him in his bed. Actually my bed. He was groggy and he kept rubbing his eyes. I was in my night gown. He smiled at me. He ate it. All the time he would simply look at me. I didn't know what to say to him. We fell asleep again and woke up again an hour later. Then it was class time at 8 am. He told me he needs to go. He got dressed in his jeans and shirt. And then he took his helmet and said bye and kissed me and left.

My first boyfriend continued.... Then he rolled me over again. He was treating me like a ragdoll constantly touching me, rolling me over and over and pulling my nipples really hard, and then grabbing my breasts. Just twisting my breasts. It all felt hard. My breasts were swelling. I was feeling a lot of pain Now he proceeded to open my legs. I was scared. I wouldn't let him. I told him no. He then jerked off without intercourse. There was semen all over the bed. My vision was blurry and I was too exhausted.. He finally slumped over me in exhaustion. His penis looked shrunk. This was almost 4 am. I slept off. He slept off beside me. We were both naked.

My first boyfriend continued.... So he proceeded to remove my clothes. He ripped my panties off. (I still have no clue how he managed to do all this so quickly meanwhile I just stared at him feeling dumb. It seems he had experience with this kind of stuff. ) He laid me carefully on the bed trying not to bump my head against the headboard. He kept his palm beneath my head to rest it softly on the pillow. And then he took off his clothes really quick. I was just staring at him the whole time. I was very wet, dripping wet, this was the first time that I had felt directly sexual with a guy, real time experience. I had masturbated before but nothing I had imagined could come closer to this. He laid himself carefully on top of me. And then he touched my breasts. My breasts were feeling hard. My nipples were tight. I was very nervous and kinda scared. My heart was jumping all the time. And then he tried to roll me over. Everything was happening way too fast and I was too tired and sleepy but I was turned on. I was floating in a breeze. Just letting it happen. I wasn't actively resisting. Because I was too wet to resist.

My first boyfriend continued.... By now he came a bit closer to me, his face directly above my face and he was staring deep into my eyes. I didn't know what to do. The nervousness was taking over me. I leaned a bit toward him and he pulled me and kissed me on my lips. He held my head in his hands really tight and kissed me very deeply. I felt very awkward. Extremely awkward. I tried pulling away but he wouldn't let me. I kept kissing me. I got wet. Really wet after his kiss. I couldn't tell what was going on. He whispered that he loves me. He likes me. And then proceeded to kiss me again. He then removed my night gown. He did it so swiftly and quickly that I didn't understand how he just removed my clothes like that.

My first boyfriend continued.... He said he would call me "baby." I was just laughing very nervously. I liked him calling me baby. It felt very "at home." sometimes people in my family would call me baby. He kept on calling me baby. I kept laughing. Giggling. Nervous cackle. We were chatting for more than an hour by now. It wasn't even sexual. Just being funny. He showed me some Memes on the internet and he was making silly jokes. I was laughing my ass off.

Whoopsie

Mine is Monaco. God I love this section.

My first boyfriend continued.... He sat next to me. Very close. His thighs almost touching mine. He sat on my bed and my laptop was in front of us. So I came across some funny cat videos on my laptop and I burst out laughing. He laughed too. This was nearly 2 am in the night.. We kept chatting and laughing. I was laughing a bit too much. I was acting drunk. The sleep deprivation because I had been studying very hard for days, was really having a toll on me. I was just wanting to fall asleep. But here was a guest I had to entertain. As we kept chatting, he kept looking very intently at me. His gaze was very hypnotizing. His asked me what I would want him to call me. I said call me anything. I wasn't being flirty. I didn't know how to flirt. I was just being friendly.

My first boyfriend continued.... I was simply replying "okay" or "ok" to all of his texts out of tiredness. He then magically appeared at my house within minutes. I got a call on my phone and he said he is at the main entrance. I was flummoxed and dumbfounded. I just didn't know what was going on. I wiped my face and rushed to the door because I didn't want to be rude. I opened the door. I let him in.. I immediately ran to the kitchen. Because it's a custom in India that when some stranger or guest is at your home, you are supposed to serve them tea, coffee, biscuits or sweets like chocolate. I grabbed some chocolates from refrigerator and poured some juice in a glass and placed it on the table and told him to have it. He was looking tired. He was just looking at me. I was in my night gown. It was a sexy night gown. It wasn't too much. But that's what I wore most of the nights. It had some lace and it looked very feminine. So I sat across him on the couch and asked him a bunch of questions. My sleepy haze slowly disappearing. Now I was a bit alert. He was laughing and he was very much of an extrovert. My laptop was on in my bedroom. He was talking about some email he had sent. I excused myself and went to the bedroom to check my laptop. I was running through the emails. And I turned around and I saw him.. He was in my bedroom now. I was a bit unnerved. Because I was alone at home. I didn't see him as a bad guy.

My first boyfriend continued.... It was Christmas night. December 25. I was tired, groggy, lazy as a sloth and ready for bed. And Mr SHT was continuously texting me. So he asked me if I were home alone or with someone. Hindsight I probably should have lied or not answered this question at all. I regret answering this question. I was too naive and I answered that I was home alone. I just didn't know any better. He sent a couple of texts and then he said he was on his way home. I was too sleepy while reading these texts and I replied "okay." And his next text was "what do you mean? You want me to come over(to your place) ? I was confused. I was already too sleepy. I just didn't know what he was talking about. Hindsight I think he did it on purpose to trap me in his questions and make it look like I want him even when I never gave him such a signal. I was completely confused. I just didn't know what to answer. I didn't want him to come over to my place because it was well past midnight. He was still a stranger to me. We had met only once or twice before. And this was a month ago. I didn't even know this guy. Every time it was him asking me questions, I never asked him anything at all. I was simply replying "okay" or "ok" to all of his texts out of tiredness.

My first boyfriend continued.... He texted me "Merry Christmas." I was alone at home. My whole family was on vacation at the beach in another city. I didn't go with them because I had to prepare for my exams. January 2nd was the test date. I couldn't be vacationing at this time so I let them go while I was alone at home for those days. I was a bit nervous replying to a man I barely knew. Plus I was alone. I just replied back "Same to you." (I somehow cannot fathom the events of this night and how they unfolded, even today I can't. I wish it weren't this way.) So he texted me back. He asked me what I was doing. I texted him that I was doing nothing. Then he texted a few more questions and I answered them, just like a parrot. I was still naive. I never had a proper boyfriend, only a crush who had rejected me a year ago. Somehow Mr SHT wouldn't leave me alone. He kept texting. I asked him what he was doing so late at night. He said he was with his friends in a restaurant celebrating Christmas. I said ok. After some time I thought it was best for me to go to bed. I was too tired and my brain was foggy and I was sleepy. I had a long day studying up to 12 hours. I just couldn't hold up any longer.

My first boyfriend continued.... Now it was December. The month of November was very hectic, loads and loads of assignments and college work, no bunking or get banned from college for low attendance. I attended all classes dutifully. I had good grades. I was an A student. The coming January was going to be the exam month. We were going to have our first ever semester exam that month. So December made me anxious. I was totally into preparing well ahead for my exams. I was too scared of getting low grades. This was a very anxious month. Studies were important. Now it was 25 December. Christmas. I wasn't a Christian back then, not formally, but Christ is someone I always prayed to, so Christmas was special for me. I celebrated that day. It was a reprieve from all the piled up stress of that month. I was preparing for bed. I was sitting around when I received a text on my phone. It was Mr SHT. Holy shit!!! I thought to myself why in the world would this guy text me at night. He texted me "Merry Christmas."

My first boyfriend continued.... I answered all of his questions like an obedient parrot. And then he dropped me off at my house. My house was a swanky apartment and there was a bevy of Mercedes cars in the driveways of the apartment. Everyone who lived there was very rich. My parents had wanted that house because it was close to the workplace. There was this huge fountain near the driveway and the lights all around the apartment would light up that fountain at night. I came from poverty but my family worked hard and we got rich and made it big. We were living in the wealthiest neighborhood at the time. And this college was very close to my house and I used to ride the bus because it was much safer to use the bus than drive a car. I wasn't good at driving anyway. So when he dropped me, he looked at my apartment and for a minute he was just looking. Maybe he was thrilled, I don't know. He then asked me my number. I immediately scribbled my number on a paper and gave it to him. And then he disappeared riding on his bike. I came home, showered, fixed dinner and sat back and relaxed and thought nothing much of anything.

My first boyfriend continued.... So Raj was gone from my life forever. So I was getting books for my new semester and I started to walk away from the bookstore and I stumbled upon a bike. A guy sitting on bike looking intently at me. He was smiling at me. I didn't know him. Seems like he was from my class because I had seen him in my class just a few days ago. I was sort of angry because he had startled me. I was like an angry teen. I didn't want men, especially after being so embarrassingly rejected by Raj. I wanted to have nothing to do with men. Mr SHT smiled at me and said "I think you are from my class, aren't you even going to say a hello to a friendly stranger?" I was pissed off by his comment. He already made it look like I did something wrong by not saying a "hi" to him. So I shrugged and said "Hi" and walked off. That was it. Next day I saw him once again in the classroom and I looked away and walked past him.. I wasn't into getting any attention from any man. I just wanted to keep to myself. But it seemed as though the more I pulled away, the more curious he got. One evening it was already getting dark and I had lost some money and some books because I forgot my purse somewhere and I didn't remember where. I was standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to ride home. There were some people at the bus stop and I was busy looking at my phone, constantly checking the time. I was too nervous. I had to get back home really fast. I had to complete my class assignments. I had no time to waste I was holding books in my hands, nervously waiting for the bus. And I felt startled. Like someone said a soft hello behind me. I turned around and I saw Mr SHT on a bike. He had a nice brand new bike. I was very startled, I was like a deer in the headlights, I just stared at him, because I couldn't figure out how he landed there. How did he know I was here? There were too many questions in my head and I was nervously looking at him while he was smiling at me. I gave him a mean look. (in my head I was thinking "not this one again.") He raised his helmet and intently kept looking at me and asked me if I needed a ride home. I was instantly nervous and uncomfortable at this question /request. I was getting frozen. I had never been approached in such a direct manner by anyone, much less a man in my life. I looked at him like he was some bugger. In my mind I was thinking "what are you up to, why would I accept a ride from you?" I just fumbled with my bag for some time, mumbling something, just confused, not knowing what to say. I stuttered and blurted out "okay" very nervously. I didn't want to say yes but at the same time I didn't want to be rude to him. It didn't feel ok to say No. So I sat on his bike and he rode me home. On the way he asked me a few questions, regarding my interests, where I came from, about my parents etc etc etc. I answered all of his questions like an obedient parrot.

If this section of the forum is shut down for being too annoying, then what happens to all the beautiful threads and posts shared here? Do they all get deleted or transferred to another sub forum or do they stay preserved here with a lock on the sub forum? Leo, Clarity please?