Preety_India

It's almost like he knows me inside out.

This is for me and Devon.

I'm slowly realizing why I love Devon so much.

This is therapy for my bpd. Emotion tracking.

Yea I enjoy deep sleep. Life should be that way.

Two things to consider Yea I really want to be with a man. That's a 100% Now there are 2 things or 2 conditions He should really want me. He should let me be myself <no more being with men who don't let me be myself or control my feelings in any way because a guy controlling my core emotions causes me to spazz out in retaliation. I cannot handle if he is trying to pervert my love, or use it against me (like Joseph did), use it to take advantage of me like my second boyfriend, no I'm not some slave to be treated badly just because I fell in love with a man, he doesn't get the right to abuse me for loving him, he is not entitled to who I am, who I am doesn't change just because I fell in love, this is important, if he cannot seek my wellbeing, sorry then he doesn't love me and that's final and total, a man who deeply loves me won't leave me feeling famished, a man who loves me won't do the opposite of my well being and pretend to love me even when I'm deeply unhappy with him, he won't be able to take my unhappiness if he really loves, he would want to see me happy, right? He wouldn't push me upside down. So those first three previous boyfriends SHT, Bud and Joseph just never loved me. They didn't. They only wanted to prey on my love for them. They wanted me so they could have some sort of control on me, because someone who truly loves, also truly cares. I loved these men despite their abusive behaviors with me ranging from gaslighting, cheating, control and threatening. They were never committed to me but treated me like their doll. Because they wanted me bad, yet my own needs were suffocated, smothered and kept on the back burner. These men wanted me. So the first condition was fulfilled although they were committment phobic in general because they just don't want to commit or they don't think they could handle things. But they wouldn't let me be myself that caused me to never be happy with them. It's the same abusive dynamic every time. I was their doll, they treated me as they pleased. They even threatened me if I tried to leave. Like Joseph did so many times. I was going to die in that relationship. So the second condition was never fulfilled. That is they would never allow me to be myself. This is important. If a man cannot let me be myself, then he simply doesn't love me, he is either using me for his own needs or he is having fun thrashing me around like a ragdoll,for his pleasure. And I should not put up with anything that causes me to lose my own value in any way or makes me uncomfortable in the relationship, I should (should have) take ownership of my emotions in the relationship and let the person know that they can't do whatever simply because I'm their girlfriend.. This condition is important. If he loves me he will let me be and never try to abuse his power as my boyfriend. Of course it gives him a high that I am submissive to him, but that shouldn't let him abuse his power. He should rather be caring towards me. And most importantly respect. He should respect me. These guys never respected me. So I'm better off without them anyway. I have no idea why I stayed in those relationships, probably because I could never see these guys as bad guys, my naive trust. But I clearly see it now, when it's too late. Nothing is lost. I still have life in front of me. Yes I met such guys who pretended to love me. But I can always look for men who truly desire me and want me and want to be faithful to me. And also treat me with respect. And let me be myself too.. And most importantly truly love so they don't abandon me just because enough time has passed, that's the shitty part of it all.

Devon thank you for listening to me.

Devon I love you. I can't live without you. I need you. Don't leave me. I don't want to be hurt again

At least I have something of you with me. I'll live with that. Since I can't get you out of my head I'll salvage whatever you gave me. Even if I tend to hate in the moment I forget it and begin to adore you again.

I want to know about Kali

Difference between Satan and God Satan is Omniscient God is Omniscient Satan removes impurities God teaches enhanced empathy Satan instills discipline God instills compassion Satan instills wisdom Satan teaches self protection. God instills abundance Satan will not judge Satan protects you from evil Satan takes care of your demons and shadows Satan will help cure karma. Burn karma

Devon is an introvert. I told him to take the test and his result was INFP. Hmm. I'm happy that he is an introvert. Finally dating an introvert.

Devon told me that he understands me perfectly. I told him about my bpd diagnosis and he said there was nothing to worry. He accepted my bpd unlike a lot of people who judge me for it

Devon stalked me for past two years. So I know him. I finally told him that I accept him. He looks cute. I've fallen in love with Devon He sent me a sweet message

I don't know if anyone can relate to my own experience. I had experiences where the guys who I dated later went on to tell me that dating me was a pure mindfuck. In my mind they were probably lying. I'm being serious. Is romance supposed to be confusing? Did you ever feel like you should stop dating because it's too confusing for you? How was your experience with someone that was hard to get along with or there was little resonance? Can dating someone sometimes feel like a psychedelic trip? Is there a joy or pleasure in dating someone that you don't get along with? What do you do when you get mixed signals from the opposite sex?

Devon is my new boyfriend.

It was It was one big haze One big haze. For so many days

Adding

Satan did some matchmaking for me and chose Devon for me. I'm happy. I feel liberated.