Preety_India

The answer to it is robust mechanisms.

Predators always carry a hidden form of malice..

Now let's say Gavin123 is making jokes that aren't exactly funny. And you feel offended by them. And now you decide to cut off Gavin123 as a friend. What happens? You completely erase Gavin123 from your memory. Thus he erased from your frame of mind. Your frame of mind is clear and free. You feel free and better to have removed a toxic friend. But is this the only frame that is operating? Apart from this frame of mind, you have what's outside the frame of mind. In "outside the frame of mind" Gavin123 is still operating because he is a cop. So even if you feel relaxed that you have deleted Gavin123 from your frame of mind, Gavin123 is not gone. He is still there, only you managed to delete him Now you feel free you're more likely to make mistakes such as speeding and then you'll be pulled over for speeding or you could end up doing things that are even worse, just mistakes because your mind feels free of judgement and punishment. The problem is that you aren't exactly free. When Gavin123 was your friend, you felt a slight pressure of his presence and you wouldn't make mistakes. Now that he is removed from the frame of mind, Gavin123 is no longer perceived as a threat although he is still a threat if you're on his radar.

One is your own frame of mind. And the other is the "outside of your frame of mind." These exist side by side. This cannot be denied. If you deny this you aren't connected to reality, rather you're out of touch with reality. Being out of touch with reality will have its own consequences. Now let's say a cop is your friend.. Let's call him Mr Gavin123. Now Gavin123 talks to you everyday. You are happy talking to him but you also know that he is a cop as well This always keeps you on your toes. He might punish you anytime you do something wrong even though he is friendly with you because his duty is more important to him than being friendly to you

Let me give an example For this you need to consider two frames. One is your own frame of mind. And the other is the "outside of your frame of mind." These exist side by side. This cannot be denied. If you deny this you aren't connected to reality, rather you're out of touch with reality. Being out of touch with reality will have its own consequences. Other thing to focus on is smooth conceptual flow.

So i was talking about cognitive precaution or conscious precaution or precautionary awareness. For this to happen in real time, you have stop thinking that everyone is your friend or seek the best in people. You have to develop a certain intelligentsia and find peace, love and comfort in it. Instead of that, you have to think that there are enemies around. These enemies can be variously put into many groups Predators Cops Vultures Energy vampires In many ways whatever label or name they carry, the only common thread running through these labels are the two words - hostility and threat. Both hostility and threat are important components of survival. The main job of predators is to exhibit aggression. Cops don't seem like predators but they can cause harm by punishing you So what does machiavellian behaviour entail? It involves scanning people to see if they are going to be a threat. This not only applies to people but to situations as well. You scan a situation to see if it provides an opportunity or exists as a threat. Cops are very important here and so are predators. What is cognitive precaution in this respect? I can also call cognitive precaution by other names like conscious precaution or precautionary awareness etc. What does it mean with respect to the above labels? Let me give you an example.

Also important to have cognitive precaution What does this mean?

5g is dangerous. You don't need rocket science for this. You already know the waves from our wifi networks is already harmful. 5g is much higher frequency and it's not good for the ecosystem. Whatever we have is already enough And technology will destroy us anyway because technological waste is hard to dispose. Then we have CFCs. And we have AI. Hehe, we have enough things on the plate to destroy us, now we don't need to resurrect Jurassic Park.

Positive stimulations is another part of creating emotional stability.

Learn to recognize passive hostility as when as you can Hostility even if it's passive is still hostility.

Protecting my own emotional space is my own responsibility. Take that responsibility. Remember that every time something hurts, go back to the drawing board. There is an opportunity cost to everything. In the moment that you're thinking about the hurt, you're also letting the hurt damage your emotional space and forgetting to protect it in that same moment. You forget that. Where's your responsibility? Where's your effort at self preservation? What did you do to protect that emotional space? What did you do in the grand scheme of things to protect that emotional space? Wearing your emotions on your sleeve is a disservice to that emotional space. Letting yourself be callously and freely injured is just another form of disservice. Getting hurt and allowing that hurt to produce a reaction is just one dimension. But life is multi dimensional. There are many dimensions that are simultaneously operating. You forgot to account for those dimensions In the adjacent dimension, your emotional space is being hollowed out, disturbed, turned into a crumpled piece of paper, and being turned upside down and melted into liquid. This further injures the whole ecosystem within you. Before it happens and during its happening, take inventory of what's going on. Take responsibility at first, at the earliest, before the snowballing begins, take responsibility during the process when you're feeling sunken and a poking has happened, and take responsibility later after the incident to not only ensure that such things don't happen again but to also bring healing to what has already happened.

Robust mechanisms.

It used to be when I started off that I came off as way too needy with my texts. Also, I would sometimes talk about sex too early. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago after we were together for almost 3 years. Sorry to hear about your breakup. But it's a positive thing that you were together for 3 years. There must be a few things you learned out of it. And about the needy part, you can try to cultivate self love and work on your self esteem so the neediness goes away To be frank, neediness is a huge problem in today's society because people have stopped connecting as a result of technology. More people are interested in playing their phones than talk to their colleagues. So loneliness is going to be the greatest epidemic and loneliness is a precursor to neediness and so you'll need robust mechanisms to cure your neediness before it goes out of hand. This is not just for dating, it is also for regular socialization, needy people are generally dismissed and ignored which in turn fuels the neediness even more, so you will néed to brutally cut it out.

Every mother and every woman.

@Zigzag Idiot real suffering is not an imagination.

I've realized that real growth will only come from having a stable emotional state for a long period of time. And somehow I will need to put great effort in protecting my emotional space.

To be frank, yesterday when I complained like a bitch, I got a very peaceful sleep at night for the first time in a long year. All of the pent up frustration of having dealing with awful people was finally released. It was like releasing all the content from a wound and cleaning and healing that wound. It felt better that I finally let off steam about something that was bothering and wounding me. There is a problem with Western Psychology where a man complaining or being angry is looked at with disdain or simply treated as an irritable person, which only creates more suffocation and problems. Creating negative emotions is completely different from experiencing negative emotions. There's a subtle difference between a person who Complains for no reason other than riling up versus a person whose anger is genuine and is correlated to a genuine cogent reason causing the person to complain, the complaint itself is a form of feedback that will help improve the system, your own body complains through a row of multiple sensations like vomiting, headache, sweating, itching, fever, internal pain, it's a way your body tells you that you probably did something wrong with it, complaint itself is not wrong, it's the content of the complaint and the nature of complaining that should be considered, would we admonish a child complaining about a stranger hurting him, then why should we demonize an adult for complaining? If we're truly compassionate and Empathetic, then we need to empathize and understand the nature of complaint before we preach about negative emotions, negative emotions should only be demonized when the emotions themselves are causing the problem rather than complaint, but if there is an event creating such emotions, then it's a no longer about expressing negative emotions but giving release to the reaction to the event, which if suppressed will lead to feelings of low self esteem and continued hurting, instead releasing it gives strength and peace.

Great video

Yea don't complain about anything. Just suck up and take it. Don't even feel hurt. Don't feel anything. Because everything negative is wrong. Have you ever heard about Toxic Positivity? That applies to this thread.

Any idea why they reject you? Did you ever have a long term relationship of at least a year?

You missed the point. What I'm trying to say is that you are trying to limit yourself by thought. But in reality anything is possible. Why do you have severe limitations? Why not free yourself and try anything you want and then see what results you get?

@Andrew John even though he is not dragging you into it, it is still a form of unnecessary drama you're dealing with

There's a narrow gate.