Preety_India

My mother is a narcissistic sociopath. I suffered her narcissistic abuse and sociopathy for more than a decade. It was a lot of suffering as a child. She would do everything in her power to create deep fears in me. She would be passive aggressive with me. One day she would be nice to me and next day she would be very cold and then the next day she would be raging and threatening me. She had created deep fears in me Sometimes she would say things like "I wish I had you aborted." "if I had a gun I wouldn't hesitate to shoot you." I remember being a child and watching her walk past me and my heart would suddenly start pounding as I was having a heart attack. She had created such fear and PTSD in me. She is a vile woman. My dad was an empath, very kind and caring. My mom absolutely devoured him like a beast. She would constantly harass him. When I became a bit older she turned her attention to me and began targeting me She would regularly attack my appearance, attach my self esteem, insult me in front of other people. She always wanted me to know who the real boss is. She could never accept any kind of failure or defeat in life. She never cried. I never saw her crying. She used to treat crying like a sheepish thing.. She used to make fun of disabled people. Anyone who appeared weak to her didn't deserve a life. On the other hand I used to cry a lot. I was completely opposite of her. My dad used to cry a lot too. I remember seeing my dad cry often but never her. She was almost undefeatable. She never showed much of an emotion which was honestly very baffling to me. She used to insult my dad at every opportunity. This used to happen on a regular basis. My dad was just a slave to her. I used to feel sorry for my dad because he was such a great guy being abused by his wife. His self esteem had rapidly declined under her abuse. When I looked through patterns of narcissistic abuse, I saw that almost every trait described her perfectly. She would do everything that a narcissist would do. When I was a teen she would make sure I didn't have a single friend. She would isolate me from everyone. She would insult my friends on purpose so that they left me. She always wanted me to have a helpless look on my face. If I ever told her that I really depended on her, this used to make her feel very warmed, almost as though I have surrendered to her and now she has absolute control and reign over everything. She loved playing the role of the provider and feeder, as if it was something that gave a sense of control over everything. She didn't want me to be independent. If I ever mentioned to her that I needed a job or I wanted to have my own life, she would freak out, as though by simply wishing I had a life of my own was like a big crime. One of the reasons I started to dig deeper into narcissistic abuse is because I wanted to thoroughly process my mom's unusual behavior. She was and is unusually destructive

@dflores321 stop it please, you're making me laugh so hard, I'll fall off my chair now.

My most important journal entries got lost. Anyway, lesson learned

Hmm. Back to basics I guess.

I lost my entries here as well This is crazy

I lost all my entries. What the heck

@Raphael you can stay away from them and still be able to help them. Stay away for your sanity. They don't deserve your presence. I don't know which parent is Indian

. Will add some insights on this.

Red pill is stereotypical and archaic and actually does more harm to men than good It constantly forces men to be super alpha and this strategy backfires because human beings, man or woman are made of emotions.

I had a problem with one of my past boyfriends that he would ejaculate as soon as we would make out in the bed. But I would be in the process of getting orgasm and he would ejaculate before I reached full orgasm. I liked having extended orgasms because I would want more action from him. He would get tired quickly meanwhile I would be a bit dissatisfied although I never complained about it. But I wanted him to not get excited so quickly and take it slow. He wouldn't be able to control his urges during sex. He would still end up ejaculating a little faster than me. And then the action is over. I don't want it like that. The sexual feeling is good but sometimes there's no climax. I still used to have sexual energy and he used to be exhausted. What can a guy do for delayed ejaculation?

Great answer. Appreciate. A lot of people take brutality for granted.

Humour is something I deeply appreciate.

I did some zodiac study on men for compatibility match And what I found is that I'm not attracted romantically to a Gemini. Best example is Trump. I don't like him at all. And the other Zodiac that I absolutely do not get along with romantically is Sagittarius. They are too direct and raw for my delicate sensitivity. Ughh. The zodiac signs that are a good Romantic match for me are Scorpio and Taurus And the next are Capricorn, Cancer. Cancer tends to seduce me a bit too hard. I have observed that.

My femininity is boosted even more in the presence of a very masculine man and no he doesn't muscle for that. Just sexual virility.

I would obviously want a guy to be a little more direct with me when it came to sex although I would want a bit of gaming and foreplay before I finally give in.

So I have fallen in love with Darsh, a film character. And I feel extremely excited when a man seduces me. But I'll stay excited only if he is committed to me. Most players aren't committed.

5 things You Your life Your environment Your ecosystem God and universe

Parasmani the ethereal Indian gem.

@Leo Gura you forgot birds, especially prehistoric ones that are still kicking ass!

Omg I never been complimented in such a deeper detailed way. Yay. Right now after reading your comment I feel like this..

Kinda contemplating on this. Will write a short goodbye note when I'm finally done.

Lmao perfect description. I had a half Italian boyfriend. He was so practical.

Going to record my deepest spiritual and emotional insights here.

I'm a perfectionist kind of a person.

Self reflection on my own behavior.