Preety_India

Whats manipulative about it. I'm looking for values I want in a long term partner. Of course they would test me as well in their own ways. That's how dating works, it's about getting to know each other well. Please avoid using language like "sociopath". Very disrespectful. Everyone does shit testing in their own ways if you aren't aware. Stop acting like a kid.

What do you mean? Why should I sleep with them?

Hey thank you so much.

3 shit tests that I need in dating!!! Based on the theory that I described above, I need to have 3 shit tests whenever I'm dating a guy based on the insights above Character test Genuineness test Connection test

True love lies in authenticity. Connection is important but authenticity is authenticity, it cannot have another face or antonym or opposite For example take the word truth. Truth is simply truth.. So what's the opposite of truth? It's false. Do you want false/falsehood? Or do you want truth? The simple answer is truth. Because nothing other than that is good. A lie is always a lie no matter how beautiful and sweet. If you witnessed a murder, you witnessed it and you know that it's the truth. It's your moral integrity and conscience that will decide how you treat this truth. If you are moral, then you will honor this truth. If you are not moral or lack in conscience, then you would be okay with hiding or obfuscating or manipulating this truth to suit your needs That is what manipulative people do. They hide the truth on purpose or change its nature to pander to someone so that they get the desired result. The objective of this person in this case is not to honor or pursue truth but to pursue his own greed. Which means they will go against their conscience as and when it suits them even if it comes at the cost of hurting others or even putting them in harm's way or completely disregarding that person's wellbeing and abandoning them to die off in a corner. Lies betray you. Truth does not betray and does not make you suffer. It liberates you, sets you free and even saves you from harm. It also means that the person who tells you the truth cares about you enormously and deeply loves you since truth = love.. Truth lies in love, is deeply rooted in love and love is deeply rooted in truth if it's real true love. No love that is true will ever exist in falsehood. That would be equivalent to saying that water can exist as both water and ice. But that's not how the laws of the universe work. A thing cannot exist in both states. So if love is deep, then it has to be grounded in truth. It cannot be a lie. Because love is such that in order to be true, it has to be grounded in truth. Now imagine water. In order to be called water it has to exist as water. Even if it's contaminated and dirty, it is still water.. Because the molecular structure of water does not change even if it is pure or dirty. The dirt does not impact the molecular structure of water. So we know it is still water. True love is not tainted by anything. It remains true to its form. Just like water. True love is pure. Because water is true to its nature. Will always remain the same. Similarly real love is true to its nature, will always remain the same. That is what I mean when I say grounded in truth. It has a fundamental aspect that doesn't change at all and cannot be manipulated. The statement "the molecular structure of water is H2O" is grounded in truth because the fact of the statement just cannot be manipulated. There just cannot be another statement which is different from that statement and still is true. That is, you cannot say "the molecular structure of water is so and so, but not H2O", you simply cannot make this statement because you know it's not true. So something that is grounded in truth will have a fundamental or absolute aspect to it. Love which is true is grounded in truth. Therefore truth cannot betray love and love cannot betray truth. It's almost like they are interconnected. One leads to another and vice versa. So truth will lead to love and love will lead to truth. You have to see whether a person values truth or if they value anything that pleases them. For example do you value healthy food because you know it's good for your health, even if it may not taste good. Or do you value tasty food because it tickles your taste buds and you feel good but it's eventually going to cause your premature death. The choice will depend on how close you want to be to truth.. There are certain values that are fundamental and certain values that are not fundamental. I'll explain this with examples. What I mean is that certain values possess a fundamental aspect or character. Examples Truth Love Honesty Peace Authenticity Honesty is a very good example that I can use to describe what I'm trying to convey here. Honesty has a fundamental aspect. It is not neutral. It is an absolute virtue. Thus it is non dual. There is nothing secondary to it Whereas consider the following qualities or values Temperament Connection Now Temperament has no absolute aspect to it. It is a dual value or it has dual aspects - a person can be hot tempered or have a calm temperament. Thus there is a dual aspect here. Similarly love is absolute but connection is not. When I say love, I mean true love. Connection can be shaky. Connection can be sweet but deceptive. Connection can be deceitful. Connection can be shallow and fake. Maybe it feels good but it can be totally fake Connection can also be true Thus connection carries a dual aspect But if I say person A is very honest. Honesty is not dual. There is no dual aspect.. Honesty is honesty. We don't say fake honesty or true honesty. Honesty is honesty. If it's fake, then it's not honesty at all, it's just dishonest. But dishonesty is not the same as honesty. Thus honesty is absolute. But connection is still a connection even if it's fake. Friendship is still friendship even if it is fake. But true love is just true love. Certain things exist in dual aspects and certain things exist in absolute aspects. So if a person loves you truly, then that's absolute. There's nothing more to it. It's permanent, not subject to change. It is as it is. But if a person has a connection with you, now that can change with time, they can suddenly dissolve this connection, they could have a connection out of greed, this connection could be fake or false, thus it might appear true as of now, but at a later time, it can be exposed as fake, thus connection is dual and subject to Change in the future and therefore not trustworthy. You can trust love. You can trust honesty But you cannot trust connection. Because nature of honesty doesn't change tomorrow But the nature of connection can change tomorrow. So don't base your love/affection on something as cheap as connection Connection can only be rewarded when it's true....genuine. Similarly friendship can only be appreciated when it's genuine. Do not base your life decisions on aspects which are dual or changeable like friendship or connection because these conditions/values come with a dual nature, today they exist, tomorrow they may not. You can trust these values or conditions only when they are genuine. The person has passed the test and proved multiple times that the connection or friendship is genuine. Only then you can trust and base your decisions on such values /conditions. However if you are not sure whether the friendship or connection is genuine or not, then you shouldn't risk your decisions on it. First test it's genuineness. But honesty can always be trusted. Definitely base your decisions on fundamental values.

Connection without character is loving but not authentic. Character without connection is authentic yet passive and unloving. I need to decide whether I want temporary love or authenticity.

Both connection and character are important.

True. I totally agree. Emotional and sexual needs are very important

Yes I do find the idea of hookups not that natural. I never had them so I don't even know how they must feel. And I guess I don't even want to know.

@bejapuskas I didn't need to experiment because I fell into relationships really hard pretty early on in my life My first ever relationship was a solid girlfriend boyfriend relationship with lots of sex And the same pattern followed. So I never experienced sexual insecurities. So i never felt the need to be experimental about it. And once I fell in love, then that was it for me, I got hooked to the idea of long term relationships even if they are very difficult to maintain For me the pain is worth it because such relationships also make me happy even if there are breakups There is a feeling of mutual trust that I will never exchange for anything else.

I faced a lot of this problem. Especially with my American boyfriend. It was an interracial relationship. 2 relationships actually. Both same result. If I told them that I thought sex was deep and emotional and biological to me, they would tell me that I'm being a prude or overly emotional or delusional. But for me sex comes with emotions. This is not induced by religion. It's just how I feel during sex. I have never felt like having sex outside of such deep emotions. I often get emotional after sex with the boyfriends I had in the past So being shamed by them for biologically feeling emotional the way I felt, it kinda seemed absurd. So yeah that kind of judgement sucks as well I'm not a prude if I want sex with emotions you know

@bejapuskas good for you I'm a typical woman who likes a loyal faithful committed long term monogamous relationship. (example lifelong marriage/partnership ) Not shaming polygamy but I'm not that type. It could be the influence of my culture or it could be my own moral compass has evolved through my own thinking I'm a bit strict when it comes to love. I never take love matters lightly. But that's just me. My dating history is solid relationships till now. No casual flings, hook ups or any of the related things.

^ this.

@bejapuskas I agree.

Whenever I think of Shaukat I think of this song. I'm so so so head over heels........ ......

@Lucas-fgm@Lucas-fgm hey you're okay. Don't be discouraged. Just be careful on the forum because words can get you into unnecessary trouble. Sometimes emotions can run raw and attract you undeserved warning points. And some people On this forum are notorious in wanting others punished and getting warning points for simply being a bit petty and emotional. That's not nice behavior from such people but letting you know to be careful of such people. They love to have fun if someone is punished. @Shinaccidentally tagged

Shaukat is like a pure pure Indian guy. Hehe. I'm back to liking an Indian man Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy Super excited

@bejapuskas I don't think I will ever engage in casual sex. Sorry but it goes against my main moral principle of sexual integrity. Should I be shamed for sticking to my core moral principles? I don't think so. But I get the part where I shouldn't judge those who engage in it. Yet I'm not going to change what I'm comfortable with morally.

I met Shaukat on June 11 Since June 11, I have been super excited.

True. Lots of Spiritual women in India The question they are never celebrated openly or given enough credit for their work. They are mostly ignored by Mainstream. Sadly that's because they are women and there's a lot of sexism around them. Making these women feel important will probably upset the male Indian gurus me guess

@bejapuskas hehe cute. But I'm far from enlightenment. But Leo helps me in that direction. A lot

@Shin And the greatest awakening lies in not separating things but realizing all things are equally loving and parts of the whole whether it's wounded or Awakened. To embrace the Wounded just the way we embrace the Awakened. To embrace the Rapist just the way we embrace the Victim. Because even the most awakened still need healing from judgement. Everything is one. Everything is Love.. Everything is God. Everything is Infinity. Everything merges into one whole infinite consciousness made of love.

@Voodoo Child does she have paranoid delusions? If the answer is yes, then leave her. Paranoid delusions are the toughest to deal with. I had a guy who was BPD and paranoid delusions. It drove me mad trying to explain every little thing to him even when I didn't have bad intentions He would gaslight me and make me look like a bad person even if I loved him to death and doted on him. Its not worth your life.

He isn't particularly handsome But that's ok I'm not into looks anymore I appreciate his gesture toward me. He is a total punk asshole. But he makes me happy and that's what makes me happy He looks a lot like this guy. He got brown eyes. I have dark black eyes. He makes me very lovey dovey and I have been super excited since I met him

Maybe who knows I might eventually marry a Capricorn. Hopefully I will make him a good wife. I want a guy who dominates me... But softly