Preety_India

My SECOND BOYFRIEND I recall one night while returning home from office. We usually use the term office for job or work. So I had to board a bus. It was raining heavily. It was 8 pm. I had a late shift. So I got the bus. Then I took another bus. By this time it was already 10 pm. Since the streets are jam packed and crowded the busses move slowly through traffic and the wait time in traffic is easily 15 minutes at different spots, so a short distance would take an hour to cover. So it was 10 pm. Now the busses slowly reduce in frequency as the night draws on. I could hardly see a bus. I waited and waited and waited. I saw a minibus. Minibuses are privately operated busses, they aren't controlled by the governments and hence they run at anytime, there is no schedule for these busses and they are not regulated well. You see a lot of drunk and nasty people in these Minibuses. These buses are notorious for rapes. A lot of rape incidents have happened in such buses. I used to always tell my mom to never board such busses. And she used to exactly board these busses. She has this old generation mentality where she has to save money at all costs, even at the cost of life. It's so stupid. I often suffer because of her stupidity. So one of these notorious Minibuses arrived. Now I was intently looking at my watch. It's 10. 30 pm. It's now or never. No government bus will come by now. Even if it comes, maybe it will be very late. So either sit at the bus stop forever or board this minibus. I had no option. I hated those mini busses because I knew there were always nasty people in it. But it was raining. Soon the streets would be cleared and I will be the only person on the street at night. If I'm alone at this bus stop with nobody around, any drunk or homeless man can rape me. Plus there are always groups of men during such times who look for vulnerable women to rape them. So I was literally trembling in fear. I had to get home as soon as possible. I didn't think much and boarded this minibus I got in and sat in a secluded place. I could see a man sitting on the opposite bench or seat. And it seemed he was drunk. There were a group of 5 men sitting behind me. I wasn't facing them. I was looking out the window. The whole time my heart was pounding harder and harder. The ticket collector was a young boy, probably just 15 years old. He came up to me and I paid him the money for the bus fare.. Then he collected money from all those men. After some time, the drunk man on the opposite seat came near me and stood next to me and made gestures for me to move near the window. I didn't pay attention. He started to touch my shoulder. I just removed his hand off myself. By now I knew this guy was trying to sexually harass me because he saw that I was the only girl in the bus. All the men behind me said nothing to him, and did nothing, they simply watched. He kept trying to touch me on my shoulders and on my arms and I would throw my bag at him to tell him to get off me. Then I put my feet up on the other seat so he couldn't forcefully push me. Finally the ticket collector saw his antics and shoved him into his seat. Then he grabbed this pathetic drunk man by his collar and took him to the exit stairs and told him to get off the bus and pushed him. The man was left there and the bus moved on. I breathed a sigh of relief. This 15 year old boy saved my life. I could have fought that man but what if he carried a knife? So sometimes it's better to not defend aggressively. This incident reminded me of the ever present threat of rape usually in lonely dark places while returning home at night from work. Next day I went to my boss and told her to put me on early work shifts so I never have to work to return home late at night. She was pissed but she agreed. She was a total bitch. She was extremely fat and obese and she would give me these mean looks. Maybe she was jealous of me, that I was getting a lot of attention from men. I mean. I just didn't care what all these people thought. I just wanted to mind my own business and work and come home. I didn't want any drama in life. I was a brave girl. I battled a lot of odds, usually because of men, to be able to just secure a job and work. It's being difficult being an independent woman here. A lot of men try to challenge you, as if they are jealous of you trying to better in life. back then I had a real issue almost on a daily basis.

My SECOND BOYFRIEND I never like obsessed men. They are psychos. I used to hate this person but he was my coworker I had no option but to keep quiet about it. If I had spoken out against him or others, they would have fired me instead of disciplining the men. It was frustrating to work among a bunch of guys salivating over you and constantly obsessed with you. But this was the only job I could manage to get at the time, it was a sort of a recession and jobs were few, most companies were laying off instead of hiring and given the huge population, getting a job is a huge challenge. I didn't want to lose my job. So I had to put up with unruly arrogant male colleagues as long as I was there. At that time, I was planning to come to US and eventually I was. But at the time I was stuck in this 9 to 5 job for my survival. I had enough money to survive without a job. I had made investments while pursuing my MBA that had helped me financially. However I needed a job as well. I needed a career. (But later on in my life I dumped this whole career and pursued marketing. I realized that the whole field wasn't meant for me. It was male dominated, I was always the only female in the group facing all sorts of harassment and on top these jobs were overly competitive. I had competed too much by then. All I needed or wanted was a husband, a family and a peaceful job. This was not to be the case. But anyway. I think less of it now in retrospect) I also had a lot of challenges to face as an Indian woman.. As a woman in this country, there is a constant threat of rape and I'm not exaggerating. For this workplace, I had to take 3 separate busses in the morning and 3 separate busses in the night. I could drive only a small distance. I wasn't very good at driving and driving as a woman in these crowded places in the city is also risky. I had multiple incidents where men on the streets would lear at me, harass me, once I was on my bicycle and a car behind me try to ram my bicycle on purpose. Many women in my country constantly face sexual harassment on streets and the police doesn't help much. They think that we are crying victim if we complain. My female friend was overtaken and thrown off her bike once while she was returning home. Some men do not like women being free and independent and trying to live their own life. They try to threaten their safety by such behavior. I had many female friends who stopped working and quit their jobs because of sexual harassment. This can only be solved if the government takes strict action for women's safety.. Most women use public transportation to feel safe. The streets are not safe at all, especially at night.

My SECOND BOYFRIEND Something in me was attracting these April guys. Maybe an April fool's joke, who knows. Maybe Pisces love the stability and pragmatism of an Aries because Pisces is so dreamy dreamy. Some Aries are strong, robust. Depends on which quadrant they are born. If you have an Aries from the first or second week of April you have an aggressive bull Aries. These guys like SHT can be very domineering, make their own rules, bend to nothing and are calm but stiff. Stubbornness is a hallmark quality of both Aries and Taurus. But Bud was born in April but wasn't an Aries. He was born on April 25, he was a Taurus. Bud was very stubborn, one of the reasons that lead to our eventual falling out. I can't stand stubbornness in a man. When it comes to important things, a man can stand his ground, but when little things are involved, a man should let go his ego and pride and be a bit attentive to his gf. Guys who are too stubborn put me off. I don't see them as husband material. So Bud was the most stubborn man out of all the men I dated. I had been working for a few months at this new workplace. And Bud was constantly vying for my attention. One day Bud changed his cabin and replaced another person there. This was a guy I used to never get along with. He was cringey. He used to mock me, harass me. Once he even stretched my arm and forcefully removed my bracelet and kept dangling it in the air. In any other country this would have been considered sexual harassment. I really had problems with this dude. He was obsessed with me.

My SECOND BOYFRIEND So Mr Bud gave me an umbrella for free that still sits in my room. Gradually I started getting attracted to Mr Bud. He was funny, extremely funny, made me laugh. He wouldn't stop gawking at me. And I would laugh looking at him. Much of the time we would share some silly banter. He was a bit feminine. I would call him a beta guy. He behaved a lot like most beta guys He wasn't dominating. He wasn't aggressive. He didn't have male pride or ego. Just a humble guy. He was born in the month of April. Somehow I was always attracting these April men.. Even SHT was born in April

My SECOND BOYFRIEND I saw that men who weren't good looking also lacked confidence. And a lack of confidence in a man was a huge turn off for me.. A man that looked confident also looked more manly to me. So Bud was a little guy who was almost like a jester. Always around me, playing pranks on me while I would be seriously immersed in work. I had a terrific work ethic. I would never miss a day. Always on time. Finishing all my work on time. would never talk much to anyone. All the males in the team were infatuated with me. I could sense it. They would try to flirt with me but I would pay no attention at all. A part of the reason was that I had come to negatively perceive men after the experience with SHT. It had traumatized me. I viewed men as perverted sex machines who only wanted a woman for something, That thing. And I thought men weren't capable of giving, only capable of taking. ) For now I had a very low opinion of men. That's why I never responded to any of the flirting. Bud started to up his game with me. He would flirt every day. His attention was non stop. Frankly I was enjoying it. I started to see him as a good guy. He was very helpful to everyone. Bud was the kind of guy who could take the shirt of his back and give it to others. He was extremely helpful. He wasn't kind but he was very helpful. He was very annoying, like an annoying joker character. He looked like a joker and walked like a joker. He would make people laugh, go the extra mile to please people. He was constantly trying to please me. I could easily see it. Soon word started circulating in the office that there is something going on between him and me. Anyway I didn't pay attention to that.

My SECOND BOYFRIEND One day I was talking about umbrellas. And I wanted a specific type of umbrella that opens and closes automatically. I was discussing this with the colleagues because they wanted to get one as well. Suddenly Bud stepped in and offered to get one for me. I politely declined. He kept insisting for a really long time So I finally said ok. I told him that I pay him for the umbrella. He said fine. A week later, I was sitting in the office cabin and typing something on the office computer. Bud came in and started showing everyone in the office the stuff he got when he was on vacation. And he pulled out an umbrella and came to me and kept it next to my computer. I was just startled. I immediately asked how much I needed to pay him for it Normally it would cost something like $10 for that one. He said it was ok, he didn't want the money. I felt a bit embarrassed and I removed the money from my wallet and I handed him the bucks. He just wouldn't accept it. I was frustrated and I sat back in my place. I asked him why he wasn't accepting the money. He said that his mom always told him to never accept money from strangers that you're trying to help. I was like ok... Never heard of it before. Maybe it's a cultural thing. Now India is made of so many different cultures that differ from state to state, so I thought maybe in his culture this is how it goes. I said ok and forgot the whole thing. But I remembered him helping me. I still have his umbrella to this day and it's a red colored umbrella. It sits in the corner and I never use it. I used it when I was in the relationship with him. But after I broke up with him, I never used it because I didn't want to be reminded of him.

My SECOND BOYFRIEND The chapter of SHT was over. Mr SHT, a piece of shit was gone from my life forever. I permanently closed this chapter. New chapter begins. The Chapter of Mr Bud. I will call him Bud. Because that's how his name begins. He was an Indian guy. After finishing my college. I began searching for a job. I joined a small investment firm. It was not a good experience. In fact it was a horror show. That firm was a scam as I would find out later. I quit that job and joined a accounting company. This was a marketing company as well. The pay was minimum, bare minimum. I thought I'll just get some quick experience and jump for a higher better paying job. I started my first month at this workplace. And here comes Mr Bud. He was assigned by my manager to train new members or employees. Since I was a new employee, his job was to train me and explain me how to operate their systems and the overall protocol. It was easy. And it took only a few months to master the whole technical process. Within months of joining my performance was better than all the men in the team. This was an all male team. I was the only female in the team (prejudice). I was regular on the job, a hard worker. My days were fine. I had forgotten all the pain and misery of Mr SHT. So this guy Bud was always hovering around me like a butterfly. He would constantly draw my attention to him.. He was extremely helpful. At first I didn't notice this guy. He was shorter than me. Slightly shorter. He was thin and kinda wimpy. He looked ugly. He was nothing like my first handsome boyfriend. If my first boyfriend was a 9 out of 10 then this guy was a 4. I would have never fallen for this guy. Because I usually was attracted to good looking men. I didn't pay much attention to the ones that didn't look good. They escaped my view. This was not an internal bias. It just that a lot of the not-so-good-looking men also lacked in other qualities. So they would compensate for the lack with excessive criticism of women to take the attention off themselves.

Invoking and banishing Invoking that which is good. Banishing that which is bad. As a weapon to defeat Or as a challenge Universe tarot deck 1 matter 2.time 3 space 4. energy 5.state 6 flow 7 Invoking 8 banishing 9 energy and message you put out in the universe 10 message you receive from the universe You need to have a successful communication with the universe You should give out messages to the universe for the universe to understand you better. This is like the energy you put out in the universe. Also be a good listener. That is, listen carefully to what the universe is telling you. And you will know what to do. Absolute absurdity Do not look for answers in absolute absurdity. You don't realize that you are looking in all the wrong places for love and acceptance. Now one of the main things that human beings crave for is love and acceptance. Love and acceptance is the source of life. And denial or deprivation of this is like rejecting a person's need for love. Almost denying a person their humanity. You're not able to get unstuck from your reality. So what you imagine in the universe is beauty. And what you see the reality in front of you, it's absolute garbage, absolute absurdity. But you try to seek validation in this absolute absurdity. That's the flaw. That's your mistake. That's you being ignorant. If you want to follow the way of the Universe then you must embrace principles The Universe is Abundant That reality and its possibilities are infinite Believe that everything is infinite. Anything and everything is possible. Fear nothing. Think abundantly Reality is absolute absurdity Your abundance will cause the doors to be opened. Doors opening to new opportunities God moves in mysterious ways and so does the universe You're stuck in reality. You need to get unstuck Love and acceptance is a universal need You have to invoke the good and banish the bad When you believe in the abundance of the universe, you walk by faith, you live in faith, you stop living in fear. When you live in reality, you live in fear. When you live in infinite possibilities, you live in abundance You allow the universe to take its natural course Accept the reality around you. The universe has created it. When you open yourself to the abundance of the universe, you're cured of your fear and insecurities and your depression. The love of the universe enters your heart and mind. Once you have the universe with you, you see everyone as a tiny insignificant speck and what they say or do becomes insignificant. So even if they hurt you or ignored you or mistreated you, it doesn't matter to you. Your sights are on receiving the love and acceptance from a true source the universe. The love that you receive from humans is at best only selfish love. It's not pure love because humans are Incapable of selfless unconditional love and acceptance. What humans give you is conditional and so it's lacking and deficient in some way. True love comes from the source, which is the universe.

I can't believe that I'm actually thinking that a new future for me is possible. One day I will be free of everything that has held me back. One day. But the fact that I'm believing in myself is already a big step.

Unfortunately, we’ve bred a society that are, in many ways, like a bunch of adult two-year-olds, grown-ups who believe it’s their divine right to feel every pleasure they can possibly feel, to never encounter any difficulty, any pain, any suffering. And if they do, then God must be a cruel God. Now I realize that some of you might be thinking, Come on, Koukl, you’re really whitewashing this, aren’t you. How can so much egregious suffering be justified? I don’t at all mean to brush away the terrible impact of evil on people’s lives. But I’m talking about a frame of mind that we do seem to have, a frame of mind that we are first and our pleasures are first and God owes that to us. And if He denies us our pleasures to any degree, then there must be something wrong with Him. Now if God is a good God, and He denies us our pleasures, then I’ll tell you one thing, there’s a good reason He does so. That’s what it means to be a good God. I’m not going to buy the idea-the infantile idea that Americans have-that in order for God to be considered good, He has to give me everything I want, when I want it, or conversely, He must protect me from every injury and every difficulty. No, it’s fair to say that God has allowed suffering in the world for very good reasons, even though we’re not clear on all of those reasons. By the way, what’s the alternative? If you conclude there’s no God because of the existence of evil, then there’s no possibility of ever redeeming that evil for good. British philosopher Bertrand Russell said that no one can sit at the bedside of a dying child and still believe in God. My response to Mr. Russell is, “What would you say to a dying child?” What could an atheist say? “Too bad”? “Tough luck”? “Bum deal”? You see, in that circumstance, there’s no possibility of redemption for that evil. In fact, it doesn’t seem to make sense to even call it evil at all if there is no God. But with God, at least there’s the possibility that the evil can be used for good. That’s the promise of the Scriptures. And so, instead of the syllogism, “God created all things, and evil is a thing, therefore God created evil,” we start from a different point. “All things God created are good-which is what the text says-and evil isn’t good, therefore God didn’t create evil.” Then we can progress to, “If God created all things, and God didn’t create evil, then evil is not a thing.” You see, those two syllogisms are just as valid as the first one (if God created all things, and evil is a thing, then God created evil), and it seems that the premises are more reliable. The premises seem to be accurate and true. The questions we have to ask ourselves are: Do we have reason to think that God is good, and do we have reason to think that evil is not a thing? If we have good reasons to think those two things, then our new set of syllogisms work. We can then strongly trust that when God does allow a privation of good (evil) to influence our lives, He does it not for evil designs, but ultimately for good purposes.

Now the real question at this point is, “Was it worth it? Good can come out of evil, but was it worth it in the long run, the measure of good that comes out of the measure of evil in the world?” And my response is that the only One who could ever know that is God. You and I couldn’t know that because our perspective is too limited. Only God is in a position to accurately answer that question. Apparently God thinks that, on balance, the good is going to outweigh the evil that caused the good, or else He wouldn’t have allowed it to happen. Christ paid a tremendous price, an example of the tremendous love God had for us. God would not be able to show His sacrificial love unless there was something to sacrifice for. Here’s the problem, and this is why we don’t think that, on balance, it’s really a fair trade. We think that life is about giving us pleasure and making us happy. That’s what we think. This view is very prevalent in the United States. Our personal happiness, pleasure, and enjoyment are the most important things in life. That’s not what the Bible teaches at all, though. There are aspects of enjoyment, but the ultimate reason we were created was not so we can have fun and enjoy life. God’s purpose for creating us was to develop us into certain types of people who were fit to spend eternity with Him. He does that by conforming us to His image by helping us grow through the process of living in a fallen world. This is part of the message of the book of Hebrews. Even Jesus was conformed-made mature-by the process of suffering. In God’s mind, the goal of the process-being conformed to the image of His Son-is a much greater good than the bad of the evil that we have to put up with on this earth. The balance is definitely on the side of good. I admit that this is not an easy issue, and part of the reason is that we bring some baggage to the discussion. Part of the baggage is that we have this idea that if God put us here on this earth and created the world for us to live in, then it seems to make sense that the summum bonum-the greatest good-is our immediate sense of personal pleasure and satisfaction. Therefore, if there is some circumstance in which we can’t have immediate satisfaction, then God must either have abandoned us, not exist, or be evil for allowing such a thing. Last weekend I had a conversation with a young man about homosexuality. He challenged me with this point: Why would God create people as homosexuals if He didn’t want them to experience the pleasure of homosexual sex? Now, of course, I didn’t agree with Him that God created people to be homosexuals. It wasn’t God’s design that they have this desire. But even if I conceded such a thing, why must I admit that-since one was created with a capacity for pleasure-only a mean, cruel God would allow conditions in which they’d have to say no to that pleasure? When you think about it for a moment, doesn’t it strike you as odd that we’ve developed a view that in order for us to acknowledge God as good, He must give liberty to all of our passions? And if God doesn’t give liberty to all of our passions-if He doesn’t allow us what we want, when we want it-if He ever asks for self sacrifice, if He ever allows a condition in which we hurt, in which we suffer, in which we are inconvenienced, if He ever allows a circumstance in which our bodily desires are not given full reign, then certainly He must be a cruel God? Isn’t that an odd view? Do you know what kind of person thinks that way? A child. A child sees what it wants and goes to get it, and if it’s stopped, that child puts up a fuss. I was with a little two-year-old today who wanted to go into the house while wearing muddy shoes. She was stopped, and she put up a fuss when her shoes were removed. Mom and Dad knew, though, that there were other things more important than their daughter’s desires at that moment. Now she didn’t understand it. All she knew was what she wanted (understandably, by the way, she’s a two-year-old; that’s the way two-year-olds think).

It isn’t that Satan did something bad and passed that stuff on to them, because evil is not a stuff. This is a key point in this discussion. They cannot “dip into” evil because it’s not a thing to dip into. When we make a shadow, we don’t do it with shadow stuff, but by blocking existing light. In the same way, evil doesn’t cause our actions. In fact, it’s the other way around. Our actions are what cause evil-or the loss of goodness-in us, and that loss of goodness does have an impact on future actions, giving us a predisposition to cause further evil. God did not create Adam and Eve with bad stuff in them. What He did was to create them with a capability to rebel against Him or choose to do wrong. This is called moral free will, and it’s a good thing, but it can be used for bad. It can be used to rebel against God, which digs out a hole in goodness, so to speak. Satan and man both used their free moral agency to originate actions that fell short of the goodness of God. I’m sure God had a good reason for allowing evil. It has caused a lot of suffering, but that suffering has, in turn, also brought about a lot of good under God’s direction. When you forgive someone who’s wronged you and you treat him kindly, is that a good thing? Sure it is, but you couldn’t forgive him if he hadn’t done something bad against you. I’m not saying that we should do evil so that the good of forgiveness could come about. I’m showing that it’s not a contradiction to claim that good can come out of evil. It’s not good to promote evil itself, but one of the things about God is that He’s capable of taking a bad thing and making good come out of it. Mercy is one example of that. Without sin there would be no mercy. That’s true of a number of good things: bearing up under suffering, dealing with injustice, acts of heroism, forgiveness, long-suffering. These are all virtues that cannot be experienced in a world with no sin and evil.

What is evil? Could it have a purpose? Here is a view of evil from an adult rather than a childish perspective. The first step in answering the problem of evil is this: We’ve got to get clear on what this thing “evil” actually is. It does seem to follow that if God created all things, and evil is a thing, then God created evil. This is a valid syllogism. If the premises are true, then the conclusion would be true as well. The problem with that line of reasoning is that the second premise is not true. Evil is not a thing. The person who probably explained it best was St. Augustine, and then Thomas Aquinas picked up on his solution. Others since them have argued that evil has no ontological status in itself. The word ontology deals with the nature of existence. When I say that evil has no ontological status, I mean that evil, as a thing in itself, does not exist. Let me give you an illustration to make this more clear. We talk about things being cold or warm. But coldness is not a thing that exists in itself; it has no ontological status. Coldness is the absence of heat. When we remove heat energy from a system, we say it gets colder. “Cold” isn’t a thing. It’s a way of describing the reduction of molecular activity resulting in the sensation of heat. So the more heat we pull out of a system, the colder it gets. Cold itself isn’t being “created.” Cold is a description of a circumstance in which heat is missing. Heat is energy which can be measured. When you remove heat, the temperature goes down. We call that condition “cold,” but there is no cold “stuff” that causes that condition. Here’s another way of looking at it. Did you ever eat a donut hole? I don’t mean those little round sugar-coated lumps you buy at the donut shop. I mean the hole itself. Donut holes are actually what’s left when the middle is cut out of a donut. There’s a space called a hole, a “nothing,” the condition that exists when something is taken away. Same thing with a shadow. Shadows don’t exist as things in themselves; they’re just the absence of light. Evil is like that. Evil isn’t like some black, gooey stuff floating around the universe that gloms onto people and causes them to do awful things. Evil is the absence of good, a privation of good, not a thing in itself. When God created the universe, he created everything good. He made a universe that was perfectly good. Everything was as it should be. After God was completely done with creating everything, something happened that reduced the good in the world. That loss of good is called evil. That’s why in Genesis 1 we read “it was good” many times. From the record we know that God didn’t create evil. But something did happen in which evil-the loss of good-took place, and as a result a lot of other grotesque things came about. So donut holes don’t exist; they’re just the absence of donut. Shadows don’t exist; they’re just the absence of light. And evil doesn’t exist; it’s just the absence of good. The next question is, if God created everything good, why would He allow evil to infect His creation? Satan would be the first example of an independent source of evil. Adam and Eve would also be a source of evil with regard to the human race. They didn’t get Satan’s evil; they initiated their own. Satan influenced them—he made his own hole in goodness—but Adam and Eve made their own holes in goodness. They’re responsible for their own evil.

Oh God, no, not at all. Sex is the primordial. The energy. I use sexual energy daily to get my motivation. I don't need to watch porn or anything like that. But yea, masturbation can be a part of it. I call it tantric energy. It's the creative force. Sexual force is more powerful than any other motivating force in the world. Imagine if your lover told you to do something. You'd do it instantly because it's central to your life. Sexual energy is like a spell. When wantonly used for mindless masturbation to porn or for Promiscuity, you waste it away for nothing but instant pleasure and tiredness. It kinda becomes counter productive because you tire yourself out and some people lose interest in sex because of over doing it, they get bored. Instead it can be used efficiently to motivate yourself, so no need to no fap and all the associated complex guilt but use it to your advantage by using it to motivate yourself to be a better matured person.. Now I'll say there are better uses for sex than entertainment of the body parts and dopamine release These are 1 Sex used for procreation which is the fundamental use of sex. This is obvious. 2 Sex for calming negative energy, growing intimacy and having a positive relationship with the opposite gender. Growing loving feelings. 3 Sex for tantric energy for daily motivation. Using it as a motivating creative force. Sexual energy is the primordial energy 4 Sex can be used to heal inner repression that came from trauma or by negative input during teenage years. For example in catholic systems or cults, there could be a demonization of sex leading to psychological issues. Such people can feel uncomfortable or just hate society and life knowing that everything is rooted in sex. This will need to be healed by sex itself. For such people, sex can serve as a therapy to cure the inner dissonance or discomfort or shadow. They can rid the shadow with the use of sexual energy. 5 Sex for Openness. I've seen in my experience that when I'm having sex or feeling sexy or sexual, I have more Openness than usual. I also observe this in other people. People who don't have loving comforting nurturing sex can tend to be more aggressive and less open to other people, less generous or welcoming. They are like stuck up. Sex releases hormones that creates the energy of Openness. So those were my 5 ways in which sex can be used positively. Also how you use sex is important. 1 if you have loving nurturing comforting sex it makes you a more patient calm caring gentle person. 2 if you have sex in a violent way, where it is about torturing someone for pleasure or utilizing them as a toy or object and sort of disrespecting them while the sex is going on, it leads to feelings of hate or aggression and the person who indulges in such sex via actual sex or porn ends up becoming more aggressive. So 5 uses and the 2 ways of having sex or using sexual energy in life.

J

This is my spiral dynamics chart or map I'm a lot green, some orange, a lot yellow, little blue and some parts turquoise and coral.. I don't like red or blue that much or even purple. Those are very raw to me, like very rooted in certain things. Whereas I'm more yellow and dynamic and open to different paradigms. I am more coral than turquoise because turquoise doesn't fit me in the sense like certain things, because I need the strategic framework of Yellow and I also need the absoluteness of Coral integrated into it.

My perspective on love. Your idea of love is very dysfunctional and simplistic in a very illogical way. You are thinking of love as liking ice cream in a very literal sense as in when a person says "I love ice cream" but they are trying to imply that they have a preference for ice cream. Love is not a preference or a taste or a passing feeling. We do not define our relationships as lightly as a passing feeling. Now love is a state and a quality. Some people are more loving than others. Because they have that quality. Also the cultivation or expression of this quality depends a lot on how conscious the person is. People with a natural instinctive bend for the spiritual are generally more loving unless they are fake or hypocrites. Love takes different forms, it's like water that fits and takes up the shape of the container. Similarly love can be a romantic love, a love for a purpose or a cause, a love for God and the universe, a love for a child, a love for the self. Infinite love is like infinite capacity or infinite space. Now imagine you have the spring water flowing from the mountains and let's say this flow is a never ending stream. This is how infinite love will look like. It's abundant, eternal and never ending. It has no start or stop. It is flowing eternally. When you experience this love, all judgement comes to an end Please try to be more spiritual or grow spiritually. With your thinking, you will get blinded by a false society. In simple words I'll say love is the experience and being of the Divine Eternal and note that this experience and incarnation is not subjective. Anyone who experiences it will look at it the way it is to be looked at or felt or become. There are no versions to this divine eternal love. It's one and only one but reflected in so many actions and sentiments. Yet it's fundamental nature remains unchanged. So water remains water, as pure as it can be, it doesn't change even if different people are drinking the same water.

I always say Aum. OM is probably the better spelling than Aum. It's basically saying Om. More than sound of Infinity, it is considered the sound of the universe that is closely related to the holy trinity of Hinduism including Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. So we say in hinduism, Om Brahmane Namah which means paying a salute to the Auspicious Brahma. This is saying Om, just like the trumpet of an elephant or someone uses the Conch Shell or Shankh in hinduism to create a deep sound that resonates and sounds like the ocean. When the conch is blown with controlled breath, the primordial sound of "Om" emanates from it. This is the sound of the primordial, the beginning of the universe and life first began in water. So water is the primordial force Therefore Shiva, Brahma and Vishnu are all shown on water during primordial stages Mahavishnu rests on water with the serpent before he exhales for the universe to begin. Of course this is all mythology but ancient mythology was a patterned system of communicating ideas. So here the message is celebrating and saluting and respecting the Universe with a salutory Om. Saying Om is used for Om Jaap Meditation which is a mantra bead meditation that I do. Here a dog says Om. I showed this video to my boyfriend and he has begun to say Om in his meditations and he feels very peaceful after singing Om. A conch used for creating Om sound While saying Om, say it slowly, deeply, peacefully and for as long as you can hold your breath, not putting too much pressure, just a gentle Om sound. Om is generally used as a prefix or beginning salutation in many mantras. In some ways om can be considered similar to the use of the word HOLY. In Hinduism, many mantras begin with a salutation, either it is Shri (pronounced as Shree) or Om. Now in Buddhism, we use Om as well. The mantra that most commonly uses the Om is Om Mani Padme Hum which translates as "the jewel is in the lotus." When we say Om Namah Shiva or Shivay we are saluting the Auspicious Shiva In some way saying Om is like saying "now I'm one with the universe." Yes Om is also used in chakra healing to bring about the vibration of the universe within you. When this universal energy enters you through this sound or chant, it energizes and activates all chakras. Copied from this thread.

I remember starting my first journal entry here. My first journal and not this one. It was called Zen digger. And it's content was really about dealing with toxic people and then it went to places and insights I never expected I'd have. But once again I'm faced with the same question.. And today there are better answers to older questions. I came through a long way and on the way I learned a lot. And that's what's important. When you overcome your situations and conditions, you become your greater self. And those who didn't have these conditions will never know what it means to become you and forever be deprived of the self you have become. When they are not grateful for what they have they are not going to be happy. But when you are grateful for what you have, you'll have happiness that they can never have. Because you're the chosen one. So when you are molded by those bad situations or conditions, you were placed for a reason, the universe chose you to make a point, you were chosen for persecution, you were chosen to overcome, because you were chosen to be purified through your wisdom, through your trials and hardships, you were chosen to become the greater self. You were chosen to make a point and bring glory to the universe. You are the chosen one. Because only through suffering comes greatness, only through pain comes intelligence, only through deprivation comes love.