Preety_India

Over the last year, I have toned down my defensiveness significantly. I don't like to portray myself as a sweet person because I find that pretentious So I kinda get a bit thorny. I can be a bit Funny too, especially self deprecating humour. My straight shooter personality can cause people to move away from me. But I don't want to change who I am at my core. Because that's not my goal, that would be like people pleasing or giving into peer pressure. I don't want that. I don't want to lose who I am in order to fit into people. So even if I lose friends, it's a price I'm ready to pay for Being Myself.

Sometimes I get along with people, I mean just their personality but not their opinions per se. Sometimes I get along with a person's opinion but not so much with their personality.

The last point above is very important because almost all of my boyfriends were extreme chatty and I was generally the listener in the relationship. There were times when my only response in the whole conversation with my boyfriend (ex) was just a single word "yes" and absolutely nothing from my end. Whereas his conversation would be a 20 minutes talk. I don't know Guys who used to get very chatty(chatty chaser ) with me were extremely irresistible in my eyes because they would totally dig out my whole inner self so badly that there was no escape from them and that process would make me feel like they have conquered me completely In essence the kind of guys I'm usually attracted to is a complex combination of a "Savior", "Conquerer" "Supporter" and "Dominator"

So I'll select some key traits that I need to look out for while interacting with people for better compatibility. Highly intelligent (the biggest trait that helps me get along with people, on an average most people I have interacted with all my life, the people who showed highest potential for a lasting friendship/relationship with me or a marathon of conversations or communication were people very high on the IQ ) People with lower intelligence both IQ and EQ became easily judgemental and dismissive of me. I noticed that they would make flippant statements or dismiss me for flippant reasons. They would be stuck in biases about me but not open enough to elaborate or communicate. Also their opinions would reflect a general lack of intelligence because they cannot go too far or too deep in a conversation or are unable to understand complex thoughts. They stick to simple ideologies and cannot think further than a fixed stagnant mode of thinking. Patience. I saw that I tend to get moody or my nature is such that I hide a lot about myself. This is my introversion. I keep a lot to myself majority of the time. I tend to close off which can frustrate the other person. This is something that I struggled with since my childhood and this introversion doesn't escape me. So if someone invites me to a party I reject. I like thoughtful deep conversations. I open up only if the person is sitting on my bed next to me. In essence the person needs to be intimate with me in order to get to know me better or else zero chance. This means the person has to be extremely patient to reach a point of mutual understanding with me. If they are impatient with me, either I let go or they let go. People who are uncannily quite chatty. I found that people who are very chatty love to dig into my introverted nature. The more they keep chasing me,the more my sense of fear is broken down one peel of the onion at a time and then I feel like I can stop being mysterious around such people. My lasting friendships have been with people who never gave up chasing me. I have an escapist social nature and that is fueled by my social anxiety and introversion. That means I keep running to the hills till someone grabs me and pins me down. Chatty people tend to have a grip on me because they tend to create a polarity with me. I'm quite, reserved and introverted whereas they are always trying to stir up a conversation against my wish. This tends to break my boundaries and makes me speak up even if there is internal resistance and strong temptation to go back to my cave..if a person keeps forcing me to talk, after some obstinacy, I'm going to give up and relent and I tend to be submissive to chatty people because of the polarity they generate against my introversion. Now that they have nailed me down after a constant chase, I give up running away and this tends to create an intense magnetism that I can't resist. I have to give up my resistance and become friends with them

The kind of people that I generally get along really well with are Very intelligent (generally noticed this. People low on IQ get frustrated with me) People high on Intuition People who are generally drama free People who are sensitive People who are understanding (so I don't have to explain too much plus less misunderstandings) People who are caring ( this can be good as well as bad) Very open to conversation (closed off people can never get along with. I like being confrontational. People who are direct. They relate to my directness much more easily than the rest People who are less judgemental People who have a lot of patience with me..this is important because my true nature always shows up as time goes by. Those who are impatient are going to have quick judgements. Those who are very chatty

Maybe invite him to coffee. How about that ? Sorry.oops. I thought this was the original poster.

Let him go. Given from the description it seems he did not show much interest beyond a one time conversation. A guy who is interested will immediately try to act flirty or leave some signal that he wants this thing going. Anyway there is nothing to lose..you don't have to delete his contact. He can always approach you wherever he wishes. Let him take the opportunity A word of caution here is - Men immediately think a girl is too desperate and needy when you show interest in them and it's worse than being a needy guy. Men instantly reject that. Kinda sexist to be honest. But that's how male brain works. They like the chase. If you chase them, they will treat you like bread crumbs. So beware of being stereotyped by men who you approach and don't give that vibe that you are so madly in love with him if he hasn't put any effort in showing serious interest. That's a huge error. Instead as a woman you could give choosing signals. Give subtle hints by appearing flirty. You don't try to grab their social contact. Let them grab yours. You simply walk up to a guy and smile and act flirty. Even a little is enough for a man's imagination. Men know from a woman's eyes and how she is looking at him that she is interested. The rest of the job is up to him. And if he doesn't initiate, for example if he is not asking you your social ID/handle or number then most likely he is not interested. Because if he were, he would look at you as a jackpot he doesn't want to miss. Conversely, sometimes men need a bit of time to warm up. Recently I was talking to a guy and it took a week's conversations with him and finally he asked me for my Instagram. I obviously wasn't romantically interested at that point and so I declined. However the conversation was me being a bit flirty and he thought I wanted him. I only did it to break ice. But even then he was closed off in the beginning. So the moral of the story is that sometimes or some men can close off initially because they are feeling insecure or not sure how to respond to your interest but as you loosen up and there are more conversations, the guy begins to loosen up as well, and at that point they might want to take it further But the best is to keep the flirting minimum because it can easily make you look desperate and actually chase men away rather than attracting them. Women have to keep it subtle

I agree with this.

Also toxic feminity should imply behaviours from society that suppress femininity by stereotyping it. For example toxic masculinity includes telling a man not to cry(because it's considered unmanly ) Toxic femininity can include telling a woman to not get angry (because it's considered unwomanly )

One of my previous posts on the same topic

I don't think that toxic feminity should be about spotting unhealthy behaviour in a woman because the same behaviour can be found in a man as well. Toxic feminity should imply behaviours where specifically being a woman, or femininity has been used unfairly to act in ways that are harmful to society. An example can be a woman who uses her motherhood as a way to dominate and abuse children and justifies it in the name of a mother, this is very specific because a certain feminine trait (the ability to be a mother) is being weaponized. So it's a bit misleading to simply state unhealthy behaviours. It would be more appropriate to state behaviours where a certain feminine trait or ability or feminine identity or femininity is being weaponized by the woman.

Women who love to gossip and women who are in authority positions and use that to destroy someone's career. Women with the Karen mentality. Women who use divorce and children as a weapon Women who use sexuality to get work done.

Status list (easy to pick from later ) Sleeping WAKEFUL Busy(with work) OFFLINE Back online Good morning Goodnight Ok Free time Leisure

July 6, 2021 CURRENT STATUS Journaling Back online ✓

CURRENT STATUS Slept for 5 hours.

Hopefully one day God will take away my pain and yours.

I love my Father a lot. Although I lost him many years ago and I couldn't recover from the grief even after many years. He was the most important person in my life. Today I ask myself- How can I love him better ?

I could never process your death. I was just a kid. I didn't know what was going on I just knew being in full shock and not being able to understand that you left. It created a lot of resentment in me that I couldn't help you live longer. It created a lot of pain that I couldn't stop the abuse you were being put through. I couldn't save you and this guilt haunts me. But when I die, it will all become equal . We will be one in spirit. You won't miss me. Don't cry. One day this pain will go away.

I miss you dad. Maybe one day I'll be able to do justice to you. You needed peace and respect that you never got. I will always remember how much you loved me. We had great times together. When I die, I will think of you. Maybe I'll meet you one day again and we can hang out on the beach. You won't have to worry about what's hurting you. You always wanted me to be fine but after your death, I was never fine. Your death had a huge impact on me. Because you were my greatest role model, friend and guide. You always worried about me. Deep down we both shared the same pain. You're in my heart.

I will never recover from the Guilt that I could not save my father from your vicious abuse. I hope you never live You can't kill someone and live happily

You were a pathetic bitch in my life who abused my Dad. God will never forgive you and I hope you rot in hell You were an abuser. He didn't do shit to you Because of you I got into abusive relationships Because of you I could never be normal His corpse is still in my head haunting me for the rest of my life And you bitch you better pay the price All your manipulations and lies I hope you never get peace This is my heart speaking My soul will never rest in peace until I die Because of this gift of eternal pain you gave me

I'm doing things in my own way. What the fuck is your problem? Karma will never change. Remember that..... God sees everything you pathetic woman The way you abused me the time will come.

When I'm close to my death, I think I'll hear God's voice telling me exactly what I should do. I'm fed up with life. I felt helpless for a very long time. Sometimes I feel like God should talk to me simply because I feel very alone. I feel very down and depressed. And human company doesn't satisfy me. In fact humans create disgust in me with their constant betrayals I wanted to become one with God. God should whisper into my ears that all the pain will be gone and there will be freedom at the end of the tunnel, deep dark trapped tunnel.

I wanted to start a megathread where you guys can give examples of toxic masculinity and discuss what you think comprises toxic masculinity. One example that comes to my mind is Trump

I love my Dad I love myself I love God/Allah/Hinduism(Shiva)/Christianity I love Art I love Spirituality I love Aatma I love SKB