Preety_India

@LastThursday well I don't need to pm. I can simply drop in your journal or bring you over to my journal.

There are a few things I will focus on - Myself Integrated development Couple of lists Becoming a High quality woman Daily homework Communication Purpose-living an authentic and purposeful life Motivation (theory versus practice)

From today the focus will be fully on myself

A couple of things to consider from now on Have a sense of peace Create a sense of comfort Create a sense of order and discipline Work on your insecurities Shadow regarding selfishness Machiavellian aspects. Study those Work on Motivation (practice versus theory )

Integrating my shadows and turning into a well rounded person. Step by step process.

Remember purpose and communication.

Okayish, I need to set the ball rolling now

One thing I observed about myself is that I only do things when I sense a comfort zone around those things. Somehow things need to be perfectly manicured for me to get around doing them.

Seems like a bad marriage.

This video made me laugh so hard. Red pewdewpie omg.

Stuff that is not so personal.

Selfishness as a shadow..... My greatest weakness is my inability to be selfish. I'm trying really hard to become more Selfish. This is my weak area. Selflessness looks good on paper, even in practice, however I want to be able to play this game right. I want to modulate my selflessness and a add some selfishness to the mix so I'm not too unhinged Give me some tips and suggestions on how to become more Selfish I lack self preservation instinct or at least there's something fundamentally screwed with my self preservation compass. I always throw away my own good and become the sacrificial lamb in every situation. I lack being selfish. This is not a boundary issue. It's like I have to force myself to be Selfish in every situation and my mind usually goes mute on this. I start acting like a mule and become too sacrificial. I have realised it's getting detrimental to my well being. I need to act selfish or die trying. It's good to be empathetic but I want to be selfish like other people around me I struggle thinking selfishly because the strategy or technique/value system is missing I want to hone my opportunistic side for better survival I know that this sounds a bit contradictory especially after I began my spiritual path. However midway on this spiritual path, I realised that if I don't act selfishly there is a foreseeable danger to my life. That won't go according to plan. So the damage control mode was to focus back on survival I have now understood that my spiritual job involves to not only grow a building but also a fortress at the same time or else the building is gone and I'm finished. So selfishness has to be an important part of this equation in the sense of self preservation. This is tough Because I never properly learned or integrated skills of survival and selfishness. I always operated from a paradigm of giving giving and giving more, but never understood how to grab instead of "give." Now I'm struggling to grab for myself If you have always been selfless the majority of your life, becoming selfish will feel like learning Greek and vice versa, that is if you mostly been selfish, then suddenly becoming selfless becomes an arduous tas I know this sounds like a foolish question but whatever, at this stage I need to save myself. That's my priority Any practical tips and exercises please. I don't need your lecture/spiritual platitude. I don't help people with egoic intent.. I'm not doing it for people to see me as good. I see value in helping others. It gives me inner satisfaction to see that I was of value to others. It's simply me being generous. And no. I don't need any praises or compliments or pats. In fact most people tend to hate me because I'm like a straight shooter kind of a person. Yet i don't really care about whether people see me as a good person. Charity is one of my core values so I don't have any major problems with helping people. I don't do it out of selfish or egoic/Narcissistic mentality. Even if I become super selfish, I won't stop helping people, because I always believe that everyone must offer something of value to each other especially when they can. Yet my main problem lies in grabbing for myself. I don't feel selfish. I don't get that feeling where I want something for myself. I don't grab something to myself. So if there is a situation where some material stuff is being freely distributed, most people run for it. Whereas I'm like, " meh, I don't care." I admire the raw selfishness in other people because I lack it fundamentally. So by the virtue of polarity I attract such selfish people to me. No problem, I admire that they can be selfish. It helps them to survive better. However when it comes to me, I give into reckless self abandon and I never get the feeling like I should gather something for myself or go into self preservation mode. During rare occasions when I finally feel a bit of selfishness or self preservation it's usually only in circumstances when it's super urgent to defend myself or in situations where im forcing myself way too hard. Or else I go back into the lackadaisical self abandon mode. The thing is being selfish seems to come very effortlessly to people whereas with me, I have to force myself to extreme levels to act selfish I want to be naturally and effortlessly selfish. It's really important to survival. I'll need some mental exercises to train my brain to think selfishly since I naturally lack it.

Part 1 - focusing on my strengths and potential abilities. Part 2 - focusing on my weaknesses and flaws Part 3 - Targeting my shadows.

I just love mango milkshakes. But mangoes aren't in season right now.

Fun stuff and cool ideas theme journal.

@Leo Gura please I request you to make a video on this topic so people who struggle like me can get some substantial solutions for this one.

@Leo Gura Please help me with this. I can't figure out a practical way of becoming more selfish. ??

This is a huge bias. I'm not doing it for people to see me as good. I see value in helping others. It gives me inner satisfaction to see that I was of value to others. It's simply me being generous. And no. I don't need any praises or compliments or pats. In fact most people tend to hate me because I'm like a straight shooter kind of a person. Yet i don't really care about whether people see me as a good person. Charity is one of my core values so I don't have any major problems with helping people. I don't do it out of selfish or egoic/Narcissistic mentality. Even if I become super selfish, I won't stop helping people, because I always believe that everyone must offer something of value to each other especially when they can. Yet my main problem lies in grabbing for myself. I don't feel selfish. I don't get that feeling where I want something for myself. I don't grab something to myself. So if there is a situation where some material stuff is being freely distributed, most people run for it. Whereas I'm like, " meh, I don't care." I admire the raw selfishness in other people because I lack it fundamentally. So by the virtue of polarity I attract such selfish people to me. No problem, I admire that they can be selfish. It helps them to survive better. However when it comes to me, I give into reckless self abandon and I never get the feeling like I should gather something for myself or go into self preservation mode. During rare occasions when I finally feel a bit of selfishness or self preservation it's usually only in circumstances when it's super urgent to defend myself or in situations where im forcing myself way too hard. Or else I go back into the lackadaisical self abandon mode. The thing is being selfish seems to come very effortlessly to people whereas with me, I have to force myself to extreme levels to act selfish I want to be naturally and effortlessly selfish. It's really important to survival. I'll need some mental exercises to train my brain to think selfishly since I naturally lack it.

Strictly no Tik Tok for Leo. Leo will vomit at the mere sight of it!

Taken from a thread in the dating section. I guess that's the repressed side of me peeking out. It's kinda hard to be a woman and not feel repressed after having been shamed all life(from birth) in regard to express oneself more comfortably sexually.. I mean when a woman does that, men call her "unwomanly." And not like women don't shame other women. It gets internalised at some point.. Whenever I write something sexual on this website, I feel a huge resistance and a certain heaviness around my shoulders/Arms like I'm breaking some big glass barrier over my head, questions like how are the men on this forum going to perceive me, what Judgements will be thrown in my direction keep popping up in my head. I know that I shouldn't care what people think. But whenever I write in a manner where I don't want to think what/how men are going to think about me, I'm immediately met with judgemental words like -"I'm being unhinged/lunatic etc etc." It's hard to navigate around this Madonna/Whore complex. If I say that I don't like certain sexual things, I'm judged as a Prude. If I say that I like certain things, then the reaction is -raised eyebrows and eyerolls. To be honest it's easy to say - be a sexually free woman..but much difficult to actually be.

I guess that's the repressed side of me peeking out. It's kinda hard to be a woman and not feel repressed after having been shamed all life(from birth) in regard to express oneself more comfortably sexually.. I mean when a woman does that, men call her "unwomanly." And not like women don't shame other women. It gets internalised at some point.. Whenever I write something sexual on this website, I feel a huge resistance and a certain heaviness around my shoulders/Arms like I'm breaking some big glass barrier over my head, questions like how are the men on this forum going to perceive me, what Judgements will be thrown in my direction keep popping up in my head. I know that I shouldn't care what people think. But whenever I write in a manner where I don't want to think what/how men are going to think about me, I'm immediately met with judgemental words like -"I'm being unhinged/lunatic etc etc." It's hard to navigate around this Madonna/Whore complex. If I say that I don't like certain sexual things, I'm judged as a Prude. If I say that I like certain things, then the reaction is -raised eyebrows and eyerolls. To be honest it's easy to say - be a sexually free woman..but much difficult to actually be.

I'll use a two fold strategy to achieve my full goals. The ultimate goal is to become a High quality woman. This goal can be achieved through a 2 prong approach. One is to use a direct materialistic stage Orange approach to developing core vibration and resonance and polarity which is healthy materialism-wise. Good for female survival, good for self preservation, good for developing a healthy ego, good for boundaries, good for minimising damage to Self!..this is also good for developing an uncanny ability to be able to separate wheat from the chaff, like Emerald (from Diamond Net says) to be able to screen and filter men so that you are not wasting time with men who don't match your frequency. This is called working or actively weeding out which I think is an important job(almost) as a woman; especially as a high quality woman! Second is the indirect non materialistic stage Green approach to developing psychic resonance (which I have talked about before), this is the advanced extension of "Becoming High quality woman" and this is more about becoming a deeply spiritual woman, it's about empathy, divine feminine, spiritually significant, purpose driven work. This is the part of becoming the work itself, what I described earlier.

This ...

I have a huge need for climax. Emotions are obviously important to me but only in the context of relationships and when I'm dreaming, romanticizing, Fantasizing. However when my biology starts making mischief, I feel a Strong urge to climax, in that moment I'm in sort of "female heat" like it's seen in wild lionesses or female wild animals. Especially during those times of the month when my hormones start tickling me, then I get horny and if I don't climax on those times, I feel very dissatisfied and uncomfortable. Although I rarely watch porn and only when I'm extra horny. I apologise for being brash and unapologetic.

@Emerald what do you do when you are super horny ? I usually watch porn if I'm super horny for a moment.. kinda guilty pleasure.