Preety_India

By the way are you Luca Fresh ?

I guess that's why people are different from each other. Different personality types. Some bold, some afraid.

This is probably the best meta breakdown of a question I have ever seen on the forum in years. You're still not pushing to the edges, you're still stuck in the box where you're trying to get something from women. It's even worse, cause you're calling it a reward. Before you were a nice guy, thinking that it'll get you a reward. You correctly realized that it won't. Now you're thinking devilry/ not giving a fuck, etc will get you a reward-- and you might be right, but do you see the edges that define your pathetic box? It's the "how do I be in order to get puss" box. It's reactionary in nature, and makes you into a slave, and not into the master you think you are/want to be. Getting puss is theory (about technique, not into understanding "female nature") + experimental action + reflection. That's it. You can find what works for you both in approaching and in relationships. On 26/07/2021 at 3:27 PM, StarStruck said: Essentially women are the gate keepers by nature. They decide who gets to reproduce and I can tell from own experience. Women reward devilry. Do they do this consciously? No. It is just their unconscious instincts that are conditioned by thousands of years of evolution. If a man is not ruthless in his nature, women become ruthless against the man. That is the bottom line. Also learned that women exploit man's insecurities. All this "female nature" talk is fetishistic (meaning it prevents you from understanding the underlying structure). It's really not that profound. It's not something to be so heavy-hearted about. This whole post is structured like advice, but it's clear that it's advice to you. You're just talking to yourself, but on this public form so that it can be validated by others. It's cope.

This journal is inspired by a bunch of threads in the dating section. If I wish to attract the man of my dreams into my life, I should not only focus on the kind of man I need to attract but also focus on the kind of woman I need to become to get such a man. Aka a high quality woman. If I become a High quality woman I'll be better at attracting the man I want. I shouldn't be focused solely on the man I need to grow as a woman as well.. So here is my rudimentary effort in trying to become a High quality woman. Cheers.

If it were my forum, that would be easy. It is his forum, not mine.

comment You're still not pushing to the edges, you're still stuck in the box where you're trying to get something from women. It's even worse, cause you're calling it a reward. Before you were a nice guy, thinking that it'll get you a reward. You correctly realized that it won't. Now you're thinking devilry/ not giving a fuck, etc will get you a reward-- and you might be right, but do you see the edges that define your pathetic box? It's the "how do I be in order to get puss" box. It's reactionary in nature, and makes you into a slave, and not into the master you think you are/want to be. Getting puss is theory (about technique, not into understanding "female nature") + experimental action + reflection. That's it. You can find what works for you both in approaching and in relationships. On 26/07/2021 at 3:27 PM, StarStruck said: Essentially women are the gate keepers by nature. They decide who gets to reproduce and I can tell from own experience. Women reward devilry. Do they do this consciously? No. It is just their unconscious instincts that are conditioned by thousands of years of evolution. If a man is not ruthless in his nature, women become ruthless against the man. That is the bottom line. Also learned that women exploit man's insecurities. All this "female nature" talk is fetishistic (meaning it prevents you from understanding the underlying structure). It's really not that profound. It's not something to be so heavy-hearted about. This whole post is structured like advice, but it's clear that it's advice to you. You're just talking to yourself, but on this public form so that it can be validated by others. It's cope.

Thank you. Hugs

@fopylo I'm not having any fun. I'm a serious seeker. Thanks

I think the pattern of a life purpose has started to emerge. I am having a distant intuition of my life purpose, although it seems vague right now to me, it is absolutely fascinating and I would be full of passion to pursue it through and through. I feel a little embarrassed and hesitant to reveal it thinking what others might think. But I need to reveal it anyway. So here it is. My life purpose is to manifest God in my life through my art, expression, a career in organic farming and through teaching kids. I know it sounds vague and maybe I won't be able to make much money out of it, but at this point in my life, money has taken a backseat. For me leading a deeply spiritual life is important. Without it, my life would be unfulfilled. My parents pressurised me into picking a financial career. I got good grades and worked as an intern for a year but I was frustrated at the end. I dropped it and started pursuing my studies again. This time I want a change. I want to lead a beautiful life, with or without money. Maybe few years down the path, I might turn into a hippie or a monk in a cave or any isolated place. But it has to be serene and beautiful. That's what I always wanted. People might judge me as useless or unsuccessful but for me my success lies in doing that which fulfills me on a deeper level. I think I should listen to the voice of my passion because I believe that I will be my authentic self only if I do what I truly love pursuing. This thought came to me when I was taking a quiet walk through nature and I realized that almost every bird, tree, flower, leaf, even the wind and rock, every creation in nature was actually a manifestation of God. And then I thought, well, I'm a creation of God too.....

I'm tired of fear dominating the whole of my life.

I want to become a recluse again.

Something I need to get over is this fear

You're a savior. This is how I was feeling. I always felt ashamed, guilty and demonized for spending time with myself.

@ivankiss I see myself as very feminine. I understand the importance of being authentic. But I also want to integrate masculine traits that I don't have.. Not like I'm trying to be like men, however integrating some from men is no harm.

I hardly ever debate @Leo Gura. This is probably the first time I showed some spine debating him. I'm usually scared of him. I tend to recoil in fear of him because he is more logical than me and I have fear of authority. He is male, authoritarian, founder of the forum, so that definitely makes me nervous and I try to not argue too much with him. So whenever he comes down on me, I tend to cower back and flee the argument. This is my typical response to any authoritarian male (sometimes to authoritarian females as well) Male aggression makes me cower back as a typical response. I'm just glad Leo is never too aggressive with me. In a way he doesn't need to. If he says even a little, I immediately leave his discussion and don't drag it further. For me just a few words is enough to start recoiling back. I'm too shy and reserved and fearing kind of person, not how people imagine me. A tiny bit of authority can make me submissive.

Oh

So for this journal 2 threads are most relevant

I need to use this thread for this Like the guy in the thread says - Stage Orange Stage Red Stage Masculine

@thisintegrated I swear I'm the slowest person on this forum. Emerald told me last year that I needed a dose of masculinity. It's like a year now I guess and I'm still struggling. Then I must be really slow.

All I can say is that I have a poorly integrated masculine. I remember some guy telling me on the forum not long ago that masculinity represents mainly about mission, purpose, duty, and protection according to David Deida I tend to lack these qualities mentioned.

Yea yea I'm trying to get there.

@thisintegrated lolling at hormone. Nope. I don't want hormones. I need to cultivate masculinity but finding it difficult because I don't naturally posses it. I have always been surrounded by females. I never talk much to men. So I'm kinda closed off to their masculinity. There is no male in my life right now. I think having a male helps with such things. To have some influence. Like whenever I'm surrounded by many men, I watch them, learn from them and I feel motivated to do better, I try to rub their qualities on me little bit, generally dominant males help me achieve this.

Men were known for hunting gathering In order to get more selfish, I'll have to embrace masculinity. Masculine elements are horribly lacking in me Males are driven.

Seeking stage Red and stage Orange Elements of opportunism Elements of selfishness Elements of logic and craftiness Elements of greediness Elements of survival Elements of passion, purpose driven, assertiveness,leadership, go getter Elements of preservation Elements of gathering- hunter gatherer masculine aspects Elements of strictness, discipline-again masculine Elements of rigor ... tenacity Elements of mastery Elements of productivity, desired results Elements of goal orientation,vision making Elements of motivation (imagine Tony Robbins ) Elements of core discipline Elements of integrity and Stage Orange ethics Elements of ambition Elements of judgement Elements of implementation, action, outcome, practice Most of these elements if observed carefully are masculine.

I meant how to integrate some masculine aspects into my femininity. I'm talking about masculine integration.