Preety_India

I don't think highly or lowly. I don't think egoically. I think authentically. It doesn't matter if Greens are tier 2 or tier zero. That's not the goal in my mind. I like Green and respect it yet I don't see it on the forum. Just because somebody is discussing something doesn't mean they become what they are discussing. In fact most discussions are in negative spirit and keep shitting on Green. You could actually call it a Green shadow forum rather than a green forum.

Nope. The forum is not green. I have been here for a really long time to realise that this forum is not green. If it becomes Green, it would be nice. Yet that's not going to be the case. It will never be Green so you have nothing to worry. If this forum was so green, I wouldn't have been so sad here everyday, so suffocated. Anyway. The green here is just a facade, it's like people discussing veganism and acting how trendy veganism is when none of the people discussing veganism are anything but vegan.

Not up to my expectations.

So the last thread was gone. If I had feelings for a man and if he gave me a cold shoulder, how do I cope with the feeling of rejection. On a side note- I can now understand how guys must feel when they get rejected. If the feelings are strong, then the hurt is really bad. I've never been rejected by a guy before so this was the first and not gonna lie, it hurt. Of course I can't compare it to a heartbreak.. Yet it left feelings of unworthiness.

This made sense. Do you mean psychological denial ? You mean I have to feel the pain and then kinda accept it ? I didn't get you here

Your advice is always so close to my heart.

Well then things remain to friendship. Some guys can be a bit cold, stiff and not want to make the first move or anticipating that I should be direct about it. I don't make the first move generally. However with this one guy I made the first move, he is not really in my list of "guy I really admire" but he is someone who I was deeply sexually attracted to. One thing that was strange about him was that he would flirt with me a lot and had shown sexual interest in me. I wonder what was all that about, maybe just gimmick or a way to rest my interest.

Shadow against Selfishness - the why ?

I need to start targeting my insecurities. I am looking for something. Or I act out in ways that might not be normal. Again ....acting in these ways as a result of an underlying sentiment is just another form of insecurity nicely covered and taped shut.

I need to dissect each and every insecurity and study their root causes and remove or heal them one by one

Some people were especially kind to me Especially those who messaged me. Thank you for reaching out. Journal reading is also a skill. If you are reading my journal, you're actually reading my psyche. Is my journal confusing to you ? That's because my psyche is malformed. This is me unapologetic.

I always dreamt of a Stage Red guy riding a horse and carrying a whip to discipline me. Sexing me up to make me his queen Umm. Well that's not gonna happen.

What will happen if a man was able to expose my game and read me word to word -i would be simply dumbfounded. It will be his Gotcha moment. I can play cat and mouse only for so long.

I will gladly receive a kick in my butt I'd it is out of love. Love is what I wanted. Also that person can almost read me word to word.

Someone just sent me a message in pm and this is probably the best message I ever received. sorry sweetheart (saying that in a friendly way) i was a bit upfront. i feel like i’m konfrontier you with what i myself have also gone through a bit - emotional dependence to people and love is not sth bad, and you definitely are a wonderful person don’t let your ego get ahead of your selfishness. be selfish with getting more independent. you still get a lot of love! i really really like you! if not i would not have reacted to the accountability part. please don’t think i want to hurt you by confronting you. i really would prefer giving you perspectives! i also cried so much and somehow when i got thrown out i was in so much rage upfront - i sense you are going through a tough time.

As I learn how to deal with both the good and bad sides of me, I will continue to prosper, grow and become better with time and eventually heal.

The other two that come to my mind are Acting overly dramatic Acting in histrionic ways

The other Insecurities I see in myself. Opening the whole can of worms lol like Pandora's box. Acting immature Acting in provocative ways Feeling deprived Excessively seeking comfort Wanting too much love all the time Not being able to act selfish Self abandonment, no self preservation, lack of self love. No respect for self

On the other hand, my manipulative behaviour could also be a sign of my underlying Insecurities.

My list of Insecurities A deep need for sex Feeling a certain emptiness in the middle of my chest, right in the centre, I can almost feel it physically. It gives the "my heart is sinking" kind of feeling Am I using sex as a way to fill some need Underlying issues ....need to introspect on this. Feeling desperate and needy Getting quickly attached Addicted to drama Acting in exploitative ways Allowing others to take advantage of me My weakness becoming an addiction My weakness making the other person become predatory towards me My weakness of being addicted to attention from someone who claims to love me My attention seeking or wanting from this person turning into a trap of this person blackmailing me and punishing him when I don't beg enough. Not giving me space to be independent Lots of attachments - desperation, lack of boundaries, neediness, low self esteem, need to fill void, unconscious behaviours, feeding on drama, starting up shit, underlying reasons causing or creating unnecessary behaviors , attention seeking, giving entertainment to others , allowing myself to be used in return for attention, feeling deprived, psychological addictions, Emotional addictions, love addictions, feeling unworthy, inadequate, unloved or undeserving of love Self destruction, self harm and cutting, self punishment, self torture and self degradation

Shaming myself or being shamed by others will never help because that doesn't solve the problem, it only prevents it from being opened up about Which is basically putting a lid on it. This is like a violent process but I have to go through this to emerge out stronger better.

There's suddenly so much growth happening for me. I have opened a bunch of threads in the dating section and each one of them is directly exposing my insecurities. This is awesome. I'm on a roll. It's like I'm exposing myself. And the more I do this with courage to be vulnerable the better it gets.

That was wonderful. Thank you. You inspire me to become better.

Maybe those guys feel aroused by doing this. Maybe they feel they're doing a great job.