Preety_India

@hyruga it's not so much about self esteem. I'm simply on a huge learning curve when it comes to relationships. There's lot of tension because relationships can be very confusing. My latest theory is that attraction and love are two different things. What looks like attraction isn't love and what seems like love isn't attraction. There seems to be a lot of fun in a relationship where there's a lot of attraction, the downside being that it quickly falls apart. At the same time, relationship where there's very little to zero attraction, there's little fun, yet it lasts longer because it doesn't fall apart. I think woven between these patterns are layers of stage Orange, Blue, Red and green. Stage Red and Orange are purely attraction based relationships. Stage Blue and green are not necessarily attraction, yet they endure a lot of storms because they are guarded by pillars of strong values of commitment, either it's religious committment which is social or community driven or empathetic commitment driven by the individual's need for loyalty and dedication. Often times we're attracted to a person who just isn't on the same value system as us. I'm really confused little creature who is trying to navigate the complex world of relationships, through mistakes, trial and error, this is never guaranteed to be easy. This is definitely an area where I seem to struggle excessively because here the control isn't absolutely in my hands, I cannot really control what the other person is going to do in the relationship, that's really their take, not my monopoly and vice versa. Whereas when it comes to other areas of life I'm pretty confident because I have monopoly and autonomy there, I can do things how I want without having to think about someone else. Relationships don't allow for such autonomy because they are a mutual thing, depends on well a couple gets along with each other, yet even if the couple got along really well, it could only be temporary, today they are together, tomorrow they are separated. I think this is the hardest part of relationships where nothing is certain and it feels like a big gamble where the outcome is never dependent on how you roll the dice and you always have to be ready for a pretty unexpected outcome to turn up.It's almost like the stock market. You invest with hopes of growing your income and a crash means you lose whatever you invested. You can never know what time will show you. Relationships always look good in the beginning whereas time shows up the real outcome. In a way hoping and investing too much in a relationship is a bad idea.

Love makes you feel fulfilled just like chocolate. Love is good only when it benefits you otherwise it's just game. Love that doesn't benefit is like an expired gym membership.

I mean think like this .. A person who is trying to attract you can also attract others as well. What is stopping him ?

Then what is truly beautiful and loving ? I think the ability to love someone as well as the whole universe. A person who is truly deeply loving and not just a conventional lover who is good in bed and otherwise.

Sometimes i wonder if love between two people is the most egoic thing disguised as something beautiful or holy. Maybe that's why it doesn't last.

Depends on individual interpretation and neurosis.

True attraction means wanting and acceptance. These forces come together. Perfectly. He should really want you. Wanting is loving.

True attraction leads to true love... True attraction means wanting and acceptance. These forces come together. Perfectly. He should really want you. Wanting is loving.

This is the highest love.

Don't be with people who just don't want you or only pretend to want you. So a one sided love is just a symptom of attraction disease

Paradoxically you are better off without people who can't make your life better than what it is.

But that's the whole point. You ain't getting. What's my gain in having a guy with many options. Those are not my options, but his options. My gain is when he is exclusively for me..which means he only wants me and not those girls. So if he is jumping through hoops, it proves he only wants me because he is doing things for me,if it wasn't that he would be fucking other girls. Now that's what even a guy would do, if he had a girl who is available to all guys, he can't have fun with her because she is not his. He would want a girl who despite having tons of options only wants him. Relationship is the most serious Selfish transactional business. It's the most egoic thing that can exist, paradoxically very satisfying at the same time without being spiritual, that's why I hate it so much, yet the human body craves for it for obviously sexual reasons ,but relationships involve a certain possessiveness, where partners only want each other and having too many options makes them insecure, even jealous, relationships aren't meant for holy godly people, although movies tend to advertise relationships that way, fuck pure love, without sex relationship wouldn't exist, if I wasn't giving you the sex you wanted, you wouldn't want me, that's what we're talking about here, relationships are meant for people who strictly mean business, it's give and take in the most egoic fashion, sometimes I wonder if we're sold the whole idea of relationships by a cult like society to indoctrinate us for reproduction, if that's the case, then I had a shadow against casual sex that is not exactly legitimate and casual sex between you and a woman would make more sense because at least there's no dirty business or contract, just fulfilling each other to the best levels and wanting nothing in return, it can be damn confusing.

Spirituality is the least theoretical thing.

Brahh, I need to know what you're smoking.

I'm too stressed right now.

@SamC sam I did not ignore your question. I thank you deeply for asking it. Right now I'm going through some crisis regarding the stuff going around in the dating section so my mind is not in the best place to give a thoughtful answer. I would really need some time to relax and then think carefully instead of wasting this opportunity in giving an impulsive answer. So I would want you to please wait and have patience with me and at a later point in this week I will surely answer your question. I'll be back to your question/thread a bit later but surely I'll take out time to answer. Right now my mind is too stressed. Thanks for understanding.

We have reached paradigm lock.

@Byun Sean thank you. Appreciate. My only comment and last comment.

I never said about it. But shitting on it isn't exactly helping it flourish. Every stage has its mean sides. But Green takes the greatest amount of flack. What could be the reason other than that Green is challenging every ego that's non Green. This is simply attacking Green in order to protect ones ego meanwhile under the assumption that somehow it's about not allowing bruised egos be protected, no this is just a cover up, the real reason is to protect one's own ego.. It's like shutting down a whistle blower giving some bullshit excuse like we aren't allowing the whistle blower's bruised ego to be coddled ! But the underlying strategy is not this. Because listening is the most empathetic thing to do. So the first thing a Tier 2 person would do is giving space to listen. Instead of suppressing in the name of a higher mission, pure hypocrisy and bastardization of true values.

Maybe his thinking. But not his ego.

I'm advocating for not sabotaging any ego.

@thisintegrated Leo himself is blue. Look at the amount of policing he does. Not just blue, Leo almost bans anyone who doesn't agree with him. So so so so so so green. And so so advanced green..my ass.

@Happy Lizard I don't care if it's advanced green forum. Because that doesn't factor in the good parts of green but mostly focuses on the bad of green in the name of top down criticisms. It's almost laughable because it's like Feminism trying to grow and evolve but before this evolving can happen, the patriarchy decided to start finding faults in it and start criticizing it from the above, thus actually doing a disservice because it blocks the basic evolving of something that's already struggling, it's a nice cop out used by the Higher Ego to not have to compromise with the issues of the lower Ego, let's keep punishing in the name of criticizing from above thus suffocating it and destroying it because our fragile egos cant handle the shit that it's capable of evolving,so let's start defeating it before our egos get shattered. That's a nice strategy to not only achieve higher status but also achieve the goal of defeating anything that might defeat this newly created high status quo.

This is the biggest challenge for Greens. That people who aren't Green keep judging and moralizing into guilting them as "don't think you're morally superior" and basically using this argument to actually demoralise them. Tragicomical and paradoxical = satire.