Preety_India

@dflores321 what has sex got anything to do with respect ? Respect is given to both gender and is regardless of anything.

@Jacob Morres obviously. I'm happy with those gender roles. At least women have some semblance of security.

@eaaaeaeae women don't owe sex. Simple. It has nothing to do with men.

One of the fastest ways to determine how much a guy is into you is to see how much he pays for you, works like a charm The guy who doesn't pay a dime, cut him out because he is some fuckboy

I like to see guy in provider role even though I can pay for things. I don't pay. The guy pays. On rare occasions it's half split paying. I don't date guys who don't pay. I find it cheap. Not that it's a big deal. It isn't. I can pay all the bills and not need a thing or buy him stuff. Yet his gesture means a lot to me. So if he pays I feel special. And anyone who thinks this is bad, If he cannot pay how can he hold future responsibilities. I'm not screening him for hook up. But for a future life partner. As a life partner, his role as provider goes without question. That doesn't mean that I can't provide for myself. But I won't be with a man who won't. It simply doesn't look logical to me. I can only imagine a relationship where the man is the provider because that's what I grew up watching. To be honest this is also true for western countries. I saw married couples and everything is provided by the guy. So it doesn't matter how rich the woman is, I still think the man should be the provider. I don't know why. I have more respect for a man who is a provider because that's what my father did. I automatically lose respect for men who don't provide because I see it as their basic role. It's like watching a woman insulting her man, that would be like she isn't doing her basic role. I just can't see men in not being a provider, it looks unusual and weird. Because as a woman, no matter how graceful I wanna be, I wanna look up to a man Call me old school.

I think this is the reason why I test guys. To weed out. It makes perfect sense to test guys because the ones who actually do not want you create all sorts of problems even over little things. Its unappealing.

@Nahm I'm in receiving mode for your love.

I'm trying really hard to become more Selfish. This is my weak area. Selflessness looks good on paper, even in practice, however I want to be able to play this game right. I want to modulate my selflessness and a add some selfishness to the mix so I'm not too unhinged. Give me some tips and suggestions on how to become more Selfish. I lack self preservation instinct or at least there's something fundamentally screwed with my self preservation compass. I always throw away my own good and become the sacrificial lamb in every situation. I lack being selfish. This is not a boundary issue. It's like I have to force myself to be Selfish in every situation and my mind usually goes mute on this. I start acting like a mule and become too sacrificial. I have realised it's getting detrimental to my well being. I need to act selfish or die trying. It's good to be empathetic but I want to be selfish like other people around me. I struggle thinking selfishly because the strategy or technique/value system is missing. I want to hone my opportunistic side for better survival. I know that this sounds a bit contradictory especially after I began my spiritual path. However midway on this spiritual path, I realised that if I don't act selfishly there is a foreseeable danger to my life. That won't go according to plan. So the damage control mode was to focus back on survival. I have now understood that my spiritual job involves to not only grow a building but also a fortress at the same time or else the building is gone and I'm finished. So selfishness has to be an important part of this equation in the sense of self preservation. This is tough Because I never properly learned or integrated skills of survival and selfishness. I always operated from a paradigm of giving giving and giving more, but never understood how to grab instead of "give." Now I'm struggling to grab for myself. If you have always been selfless the majority of your life, becoming selfish will feel like learning Greek and vice versa, that is if you mostly been selfish, then suddenly becoming selfless becomes an arduous task. I know this sounds like a foolish question but whatever, at this stage I need to save myself. That's my priority. Any practical tips and exercises please. I don't need your lecture/spiritual platitude.

I have observed that whenever I date guys I am always testing them one way or another and having a wicked smile inside of me. I don't show that smile but inside I'm trying to test how far the guy can go in proving himself to me. This is the Manipulative side of me. I feel a sense of duping delight because the guy doesn't realise that he is on a test and he is slightly confused around me. I keep him confused and I enjoy his confusion. I know this sounds really bad but I enjoy a strange sense of satisfaction knowing that he is putting in so much effort. It's pleasing and makes me chuckle. Especially the power I can have over him and how he responds to it in order to impress me. He is in a perpetual state of being tested by me and I try to test his limits. If he doesn't reach the next bar I set, I drop him politely. But for me creating all this fuss is pleasing. It's like a game I'm playing and seeing him struggle for my affection is oddly satisfying. So I'll be subconsciously playing shit tests on him just to see his every move and reaction and see if he can catch it. He is generally oblivious. But I keep testing and playing to see the extent of his longing for me. I don't try to hurt him. But I'm always wanting him to do as much as he can to please me. I don't want to surrender easily. I don't know if this is good for me or him but I simply enjoy it. I like exploiting his affection

I think I need to get some rest

I'm imagining different scenarios in which a guy expresses his love to me A drunk guy asks me out (think of a big open place ) A guy acts very generous and think of old school chivalry. Big shot guy. a guy woos me in the middle of a forest A guy offers to teach me dance but fools me into thinking that all my old bonds don't exist anymore.(would this be good ) A guy sings a beautiful song for me .a guy that has been approved by my family Only the guy who wants to marry me and strictly shows interest The last imagination was a dirty thing - like a guy who is too desperate to fuck me all day every day. Just doesn't let me go Or a bald guy who wants me too badly. Very Manipulative.

You be you.

You don't have to justify anything in life

I don't realise that even relationships are a part of the long list of things that I already hate.

@flowboy Your name should be grabboy.

Totally agree with this. I too find it like a weird group think

I think I resonate with these two reasons. So kind of you to respond.

How to deal with them ? By giving them.... (When guys are generous it creates good feelings. If I were a guy and a gal asked me treats I would feel very fortunate and jumping with joy to give her favourite things to her) I would be so upset if my man didn't buy me my favourite stuff.

You mean what goes around comes around.

Anything that gives a false sense of security in life should be dropped.

I just don't want to be a part of anything anymore. I'm tired. I feel like I watching waves appear and disappear in an endless sea. Wealth, looks, money, status, cars, relationships, everything feels like a joke. A long list of things to keep pushing your life towards. Can't we do better with our time ?

@hyruga thanks for the suggestions.

@Emerald another skill I possess is the ability to breakdown complex subjects. I can go deeper and deeper into something without feeling overwhelmed or superficial. So if there's something complex, I try to have a multi dimensional paradoxical approach to it which a lot of people find very chaotic yet my ability to hold that chaos perfectly as though it's nothing dangerous is really unique, I don't feel the need to have a certain order in my thoughts and this lack of rigidity can make me jump from one perspective to another with ease. Most people find it uncomfortable to deviate from a particular perspective because they find it ego threatening whereas I kinda keep ego aside and try not to allow my ego to hold a perspective, so if something feels right as long as it feels logical and right, my ego doesn't deny it. So a person can hold a conversation with me till infinity without getting bored.

@Emerald I do posses one skill that I am confident about based on feedback given by people who I helped in the past. And that skill is intuition. My intuition is generally on point, at least that's how people experience me. I'm not sure how important this skill is in the field of psychology. I developed this skill in childhood where I learned to navigate the world mostly through a child like Intuition rather than direct observation. It honed my intuition because I majorly relied only on Intuition to understand situations in life.

I need to be totally honest. I don't think I can do it at this stage. But I love to study human psychology and provide tools to people to help them. That means I possess the basic engine but fine tuning or polishing isn't there. Maybe with time, I will keep polishing the engine to the point it gives the desired outcome