Preety_India

Such a beautiful way of summarising it. True, tough love is wasted when it's used recklessly.

And never ever date a guy who splits the bill. They are society material but not relationship material.

Never date highly vulnerable guys. They turn out to be manipulators and psychos. Never date a guy whose validation you need to seek all the time. Never date nice guys, they are always superficial and fake. Never date successful and success oriented men.

Never date overly emotional guys. Big mistake.

Feminine traits Trustworthy Non-confrontational Non-preachy Not imposing Positive and sweet "See this is your problem"- nope Soft voice Elegance Graceful Honest Flexibility Reserved "Within herself" Classy Non needy Non dismissive Matured take Intuitive Non-validating "Maintaining her own"- feminine confidence Not too open or direct/not unapologetic Not being harsh Not seeking attention Kinda boring "Plays hard to get" "makes you chase" but doesn't reward Empathetic Chill Forgiving Asking for forgiveness/apologizing Extremely humble Slightly bimbo Obedient Angelic Sometimes dumb Sometimes "not dumb" Smart Clever Wise and perceptive Goody goody . .

I’ve never dated a narc beyond 3-4 months either (except of my second bf when I was young, but I am not a 100% sure he was a narc, maybe just toxic), it interestingly becomes apparent at about 2-3 months mark (I wonder if that is where the 3 months comes from in some of the dating advices I’ve read (like don’t sleep with a guy for 3 months to see how he truly is)). I’ve watched a lot of dr. Ramani videos, Sam Vaknin, and many other ones, however I still dated a narc for a few months recently… just because I was in a vulnerable/very busy place in life and he checked out a lot of my other boxes that I got too excited too fast. So my lesson here was, if you’re in a vulnerable place, you’re probably not paying attention and overlooking many things (unless you’re a super human), so it’s better not to look for a partner then. ........ Also, one observation from my own experience. Everyone's vulnerable place level is different. If u worked on your empathy, expressing emotions, and letting yourself experience lows as well as highs, u will not be as vulnerable or become prey to narcissists when u r at your lows, because your overall level of consciousness and empathy for yourself is quite high to start with. And all u need to pass a low point is to feel through it and accept it and be gentle with yourself during this time and u will also be able to recognise easily that u r in that low stage. On my emotional resilience and noticing how I feel, not numbing it down or trying to fix it with relationships So the only answer i see is to work on yourself more and raise your own level of emotional awareness and empathy for yourself and others. I really don't see any other healthy and sustainable way . . . think there’s a difference with how people share that experience if it’s like “I had a difficult time in my life, but I’ve overcome it, I am so proud of myself” vs “I was once in a dark place, it was horrible, I hope you can understand that and pity me and not push me to get there again” - and that is a difference between being over the experience vs not. Also going into many details vs just briefly mentioning it. I noticed when bad things happen to us, there is a limit to how much we can “vent” about it. At some point, once we’ve let it all out, we get tired of talking about it so it just becomes like “yea, been there, happened to me, let’s talk about something else now”. And I can definitely understand how that was a big part of yourself and why you would want to share that, but it sounds like you’re doing it from more of a positive note. My goal is to get to a place though where I don’t want to talk about my hardships anymore - where I’ve let it all out and rather focus on better things. I don’t know if it’s fully possible though and I don’t know if that’s realistic. ..... yea it’s definitely important to work on your issues first and not cover up them up with relationships. Narcs don’t just happen to us, we allow them to happen to us due to poor boundaries and lack of self love.

Emotions are never a good indicator of judgement. Actions are. Emotions can be faked. You can't distinguish between real emotions and fake emotions. That's why they're used so often by manipulators. The only one thing you can do is test the credibility of emotions through corroboration with reality. Emotions that are genuine will have a logical reason or cause to justify them unless the person is mentally ill. Where there is no mental illness and no real reason, the emotion is most likely faked and most likely for the purpose of deception.

Niceness and attractiveness have an overlap: authenticity. The part of niceness that doesn't overlap with authenticity, should be discarded. ....... Being in the presence of someone and being yourself without feeling judged or like you have to put on an act. There is a feeling of warmth and trust. You feel relaxed with them. They feel like home to you and you feel like home to them. ....... Intimacy = “into me see”. Like people said before being able to share things with each other in a safe space, trusting, accepting and loving each other for who they are - you can’t have it with many people that’s why it’s special. .............. Yea, that is the best thing. But not fake “emotional logic” though that they had to learn from “how to win friends and influence people”, that also sucks. But yea I know what you mean with guys who are manipulative like that. ...... Ehhh.. in my experience, not really.. I’ve met some logical guys and if they lack EQ it’s a nightmare - it’s like talking to a robot that’s constantly calculating what’s the best thing to do based on data. ..... In that case the best combo would be a guy who is logical along with "emotionally logical" you know what I mean, like some guys who are overly emotional (I'm scared of such men) because they could be manipulative. I had dated an emotional guy,but he was very manipulative. Yet the robot was not able to create feelings but I liked his honesty. ...... @Khr like I would like to divide emotional into two categories Emotional - this is making sense. Logical Emotional Emotional - this is not making sense.. Illogical emotional. The second option is much harder because some people are Illogical without intent, just acting immature Whereas with some people are Illogical emotionally and that's because their emotions are fake and don't corroborate with their reality, they are hiding something. Incongruous. ....

It’s because you’ve been blessed not to date any narcs - you would need direct experience to see why. My old narcs would cry in front of me, tell me about their sad childhoods, be super vulnerable, tell me how they want to open up orphanages ?. Now I’ve learned my lesson so if in the first 3-6 months the guy is crying to me about how his dad never loved him I’m gtfo ?. Think about it this way, if you were to meet a truly great guy, you would probably want to put your best foot forward at first - you wouldn’t go and display all your skeletons in your closet off the bat (although sometimes it happens if you’re in a really bad place in life). Then it would take some time to get to know him, get comfortable with him, see if you can trust him to share your deepest stuff. Narcs start “sharing” right away, then you start sharing too, it creates this strong feeling of intimacy, but it’s bs. A healthy person takes time to build intimacy and trust.

A man's only method of expressing intimacy is through sex. It is the man's or male version of intimacy. Guys who love you are sexually interested in you and will show it. It is his version of love. To take it or not is up to you.

Why as a woman you should never make the first move?

Constantly seeking validation can lead to poor self esteem control.

#Bemanipulationfree Guys usually like "a put together" " drama free," " in her own," "playing hard to get" kind of a woman.

Validated can be 2 things A selfish thing A weakness thing, like a deprivation thing

I'll be applying for a course to become a psychologist in the future.. I still have doubts about this road in life. Sometimes I have fears and insecurities regarding how my personality will fit in with that of a psychologist. What do you think about this career choice ? Do you need a specific personality and how do I match with it ?

I agree, last time I had blood drawn, realized I was freaking out but after it was over, it didn't feel it was that bad. The mind turns a cat into a lion.

Omg I give the same reaction these days, I had similar experiences with exes. So these days it's gtfo to any Illogical emotional outburst. Trying to live life #manipulationfree.

Being a nice guy is not a problem as long as you want to attract someone authentic. But don't be a validation sucker.

3 principles You be you You love you (ie love thyself) You need you(look inside)

Lmao please explain why I deserve it lolololol?

@Khr like I would like to divide emotional into two categories Emotional - this is making sense. Logical Emotional Emotional - this is not making sense.. Illogical emotional. The second option is much harder because some people are Illogical without intent, just acting immature Whereas with some people are Illogical emotionally and that's because their emotions are fake and don't corroborate with their reality, they are hiding something. Incongruous.

In that case the best combo would be a guy who is logical along with "emotionally logical" you know what I mean, like some guys who are overly emotional (I'm scared of such men) because they could be manipulative. I had dated an emotional guy,but he was very manipulative. Yet the robot was not able to create feelings but I liked his honesty.

That's an impossibility. I think clear communication can help. Also dating history. If someone is sadistic, their dating history might reflect it. Whereas the displeased ones might get pleased at some point.

The logical guy is the best guy ....imo.