Preety_India

I want him to fuck my brains out.. I mean he should fuck the brains out of my skull.

I'll take a tour some day this week and surely let you know. Btw cheers on your effort. Very well done.

I was also talking about stage Umber Collecting stuff. (add a picture here later) So i have two things Keys Stage Umber Mastery

I had made a diagram. I'll post it here. First thing you need to have is keys.

I have to do some Productivity stuff as well. Next time I'll bring up these things with Zane. I'm not sure if he is into all of this

?? ???? ?????? ???????? ????????? ??????????? ?????????????? That's how I need to progress.

The journal was originally titled "why do I give a fuck?"

I did a lot of stupid things in my life which I regret. I thought I was too smart.

Plus I want to learn a lot of things from him.

I would want an intimate connection with my man where he understands me inside out. I want to be able to communicate with him just through my eyes. My ex used to like that.

@Marcel I would tell him that I am absolutely in love with him..

Eye color or hair color doesn't matter, blue, black, brown, blonde, platinum whatever. I just love the sharp features on the face His face and his look. The killer look.

My fantasy German man is my ultimate favorite. He knows my heart, my soul. He knows how to please me. He doesn't play games. He is honest and simple. He holds me like I'm his Cinderella with the glass slippers.

I really want to feel completely serenaded by him.

My God I have so many feelings right now for my German man. He will hold me tightly and won't let go. He will hold my face in his hands and look into my eyes. He will kiss me softly on my forehead and then on my cheeks. He won't kiss on my lips right away because he knows I might feel shy. So he will wait. He will hold me and make me sit on his lap. I will look at him and get drowned in his eyes. He will smile gently. He will call me crazy. He will feel my undying love and I will feel his. I feel so emotional right now. My body is trembling as I write. His love will make me feel complete. Such raw tender look in his eyes. His soft glare cast on me. Never letting me feel alone His strong arms surrounding me

I literally want to sleep in the arms of my German man and be completely devoted to him. Look into his deep dark eyes and drink his passion. I want to smile when he holds my face. Come and meet me near the tree. Come and make me yours.

I'm literally fed up with these journals having this Hot label. Like why can't we not have it in the journal section???? I like speed posting where all my thoughts are in each separate post and not clobbered together. I hate how I post 5 times and it goes hot.... Ugh ugh ugh. Now I have to wait again before I can post some more. My mind is on fire. Too many thoughts. I'll leave some spaces and write here so this hot label calms down. So annoying. .................. I'm in an emotional flow right now. Like I want to be with my man right now and I mean it. I demand it. No idea why I feel like this sometimes. Like a deep desire for sex. ............ Yesterday I had been thinking about Zane. So I'm stuck between two now.. The fantasy character German guy. And the real life stalker dude Zane. That's the dilemma. Both are attractive. One is real and the other is Imaginary. German guy = fantasy Zane = real life Indian dude

Maybe finally I can find some semblance of peace in the arms of my fantasy German man. Haha. Why am I in such an urgency to get my dream man? Probably because I don't wish to be spotted by a wrong man? So before the toxic guy finds me, I better find my right guy. Then I don't need to worry about other dudes. It's like I literally found my safeguard. My safety jacket that prevents me from drowning.

OK what's been bothering me lately?

Spirituality is a force and we are the agency, this material world, these circumstances and who we are, that's the agent/agency. The spirit works through us. The spirit manifests through us. If there is something the spirit is creating, it will manifest in reality through the agency of the physical world. What comes about can never be known. This is the greatest secret of the universe

I was looking for something, I was searching for something, did i find it?

I feel scared, nervous, frightened, as if I'm being judged for my sexual fantasies. All the moralizing never helps, you know.

After sifting through countless male fantasy characters in all of my past journals, I finally found my final perfect version of the male I want as a lover, his looks, ideas, passion and his intimate approach with me. This is like an art or hobby to me and with a serious preoccupation. I don't take this fantasy business lightly. This is the final iteration of the male I want. I had to explore the whole maze to finally come to this. The exploration had begun early this year and now it finally comes to an end. Phew!! What an eventful journey this has been. I finally find the template of the man who will match my frequency after sorting through countless explorations. They all pale in comparison to my latest find. Yea there were so many I had fallen in love with. So much experimentation. It just never clicked or maybe it clicked in the beginning and suddenly lost its charm because it wasn't what my heart wanted but my mind sort of settled for it thinking it's a good substitute But nah. It was only a stone on the path, not a destination. It was a stone that showed the direction to the destination. I used all these character models to navigate my own deep complex Introverted mind to find its deepest secrets, lay hidden extremely deep, and after all the conscious exploration and massive digging deeper, I finally brought my actual fantasies to the surface, these were buried inside and I had no clue that this is what I had wanted. Now that it's exposed, I can rest in peace dreaming about my ultimate man, rest are merely substitutes

I have coined a term - fphantazm - a state where you daydream about your man and bring him to life. And enjoy orgasms in this process. Right now I'm fphantazming. (f is silent)