Preety_India

I'm writing a fictional romantic story in scattered parts It will build slowly over time. There are multiple characters in this story. Main character is Regina. Second is Arnold. Third is James. Fourth is Esther {this is the story of my life, some biographical components are added between lines }

Entry classification. dealing-with-my-sexual-urges Write about sexual fetishes and fantasies. during-my-suicidal-moments Not sure what to write here Talk about the list included in the journal. Like psychic resonance. my-deepest-desires Write about three things in this journal. 1) freedom from insecurities 2) all flaws and lacking removed 3) all weaknesses removed or gone. audiorol Record audio about thoughts. Improve verbal expression. general-evaluation-journal No idea new-vocab-multilingual Add ( new) English vocab words and phrases along with German loving-vibration-and-the-color-yellow to-my-lover Add love poems psycho-emotional-and-spiritual-growth Write about psychological evolution. Learn new stuff.

source-journal association-of-angels blackrose -i-want-to-be-a-writer-working-harder-and-harder-everyday-my-life-purpose high-consciousness-love.. High quality Woman the-discussion-i-had indian-songs-and-music romantic-music-upbeat-music-motivation-music-sad-music/thoughtful-music a-collection-of-relaxing-music collection-of-ideas heaven-is-here productivity-102 spiritual-metamorphosis funny-things-and-random-journal

Verbal humiliation Words that turn me on - bitch, slut and whore. Not the c word though.. I like aspects of verbal humiliation when they're used in the right context within the confines of the bedroom. Of course this is only when I'm having sex with a man I completely and fully trust and he has to have a deep fulfilling emotional and romantic connection with me, not otherwise. I don't feel sexually aroused unless I'm having sex or experiencing anything sexual in the context of a romantic relationship with a partner who I'm emotionally involved with.

I suffered a lot of shaming around these fantasies. I was guilted and gaslighted and made to feel improper to have these fantasies and fetishes It's almost similar to shaming men for watching porn and making it sound like porn is responsible for rape Or making this argument that video games cause violence. The important point to consider is that it's not how moralistic a concept appears to you, it's the way you use this concept is what constitutes morality. You could also Make the argument that drunkenness causes rape. If you watch porn consciously, you're not going to use it to rape and harm someone If you play video games consciously, you're not going to be violent. Similarly having rape fantasy or bdsm doesn't have to be looked at in a negative sense. What it becomes for you is what you make of it. Learn to take personal responsibility rather than blaming and shaming those who practice their fantasies in a conscious manner.

Although not in depth.... I have still managed to discuss these female sexual bondage fantasies in these threads.

Both BDSM and Rape Fantasy (although controversial, unconventional and generally taboo), are a huge part of domination fetishes. The state of being dominated and submitting to a dominant force exciting arousal Obviously there's distinction here. Rape as a crime is non consensual. Whereas Rape Fantasy is a very much consensual sexual activity that relies on domination aspects of the sexual act and mimics rape in many ways and uses force and conquer, power, control and thrill as a way to solicit an arousal Nothing of it has anything to do with actual rape. Also the whole myth associated with rape fantasy being induced by some sort of sexual trauma is just a myth, the brain has a capacity to submit to a variety of fetishes, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with actual trauma. It is what it is - just a fetish based fantasy

There is something being ridiculed that turns me on. In my violent romantic bdsm fetish. It instantly lights up and activates my submissive feminine instinct.. Like him ridiculing me in the middle of sex, it fires up my sexual urges 10 times more. Verbal humiliation. It definitely plays a big role in turning me on Violence does not mean the person will kill me or hurt me. It's simply an illusion of violence in a role play context where the illusionary violence creates a feeling of thrill and this thrill excites sexual arousal. This violence is also a part of Conquer-invade-dominate aspect of bdsm love making and sex. Same applies to rape fantasy.

I also want him to call me "dummy" right in the middle of having sex with me I find it extremely endearing and romantic. The more he calls me dummy, the greater is the intensity of my arousal.. He is basically putting his dick in my brain.. And I gladly take it.

Part of my violent gothic romantic fetish, I'll write a bit later. Kinda tired... .........

I like this particular costume. Because it appears very macho and sexy gothic masculine to me. The hood adds to the vibe. The mysterious man being sexy with me. I want him to Carry a whip for extra mercy.. I like the neck accessories. It gives a sense of power to the male approaching me. Even cuffs and stuff around his wrists give his appearance a sense of power and dominance. Like he wants me "right now." I wish to be conquered when he approaches me. Yea I like that. Like if he said to me "I'll make unpredictable moves on you and you're not allowed to resist" That would make me submit to his overtures. And if he approaches me on a horse, then even better. He just wants to scoop me out. Like a Conqueror. He wants to conquer and invade my femininity and make me feel Defeated and Taken

** talking with everyone in the room except him, because the sexual tension is unbearable. Looks away from him when he looks in my direction. Carefully avoids him and starts walking away when I see him approaching. Laughing away with other people and giggling, looking at him from the corner of my eye, catching a glimpse and immediately looking away so he doesn't catch me looking at him, he then comes closer and closer, omg my heart is racing and I don't know where to run, he comes closer and brushes his body gently across mine from the back and goes and talks to other people, thank God he is far now, my heart was going to explode out of sexual tension.

@Marcel *omg he came, shies and runs and hides in a cupboard. Can't face him when he actually comes. Closing the cupboard door so he won't find me. Peeping at him through a slit in the door making sure he can't find me.

@RickyFitts I'm glad.

In my deepest darkest suicidal moments, this is the song I used to listen to. It helped me get through those situations.

And how do you I want him to be? I want him to wear a gothic costume and look intensely at me. I'll include some pics to create that perfect vibe I want around him. I especially like this picture. It invokes that feeling in me like my lover really and passionately loves me. His intense gaze directed at my face, trying to gauge my facial expressions meanwhile I desperately shy away from his intense stare, unable hide how I feel and he gets the mighty privilege to butcher my femininity with simply his gaze and revel in my helplessness.. His smirk-like predatory smile after arousing me sufficiently knowing that he won and me Defeated in this cat and mouse game where he has finally caught me and trapped me and I can run away no more, I can escape me no more, and this brings a smile of masculine victory on his face, knowing he finally got me by the force of his muscle, might and subtle charm and won me. His subtle calmness and relishing his own success and cruelty at finally making my feminine bow to his force and fierceness. That precious male facial expression I've always craved for.

This screams like pure goth more than anything to me.

I like this goth costume. I want to imagine myself in this and be there ready for my lover. With a staff in my hand. I want to wear black collars around my neck and lots of dark and black stuff generally. I want my legs and feet bound by tight boots and laces and buttons. Sometimes I want to be dressed up like this. And I want my dress to be ripped off. In my strange beautiful Gothic fantasy, I want to pick this dress for our bedroom trysts. If I'm annoyed and angry with you for some reason, I would most likely prefer to stand in the middle of a hall and keep staring at you in my silly little dum dum black dress and wait until you pay me some attention. If you are busy with something and if I'm having to wait for you, my silly me dum dum self wants to sit around in this dress and wait for you to come and pick me. Sometimes I would prefer some red detailing on my silly dum dum black dress. I want to look like a Gothic princess waiting in desperation for her lover to come and hold her.

My most recent sexual fetish is all about goth and Gothic motifs I collected some pictures where I imagine I'm the person in the costumes in the pictures.

My latest fetish was being licked on my neck. And having my neck squeezed. I feel very sexual around my neck and feet. For a Pisces like me, neck and feet are considered the most erogenous zones on the body I want to feel my neck squeezed while I give a massage. That's pure fire..

The Indian way I love you The German way I love you n+1 more than you The Aussie way I'm a better lover The French way The joy is mine The American way I love myself better

My next desire was peace of mind. I like to live by myself or in a family but in any case I always crave for peace of mind.

One of my deepest desire was to find pure love. True love, to be in love, my life to be a poem of eternal romance. To find love in which I would be bound deeply and eternally with no escape. Never ending love.

@Gregory1 thank you for the kindness.