Preety_India

It will affect your self esteem. Look for other options. Money earned through such means anyway doesn't bring peace of mind.

I'm so happy today. I'm drowning.

embarassing but instead of asking my girlfriends who would rather give me an odd look, I prefer to say it here. Thanks for taking the time for a detailed explanation full of useful tips on dealing with pms pain. But the sexual urge has become a real problem. Last time I tried to masturbate to take care of it. But it seems the more I masturbate, the worse it gets, I get more urges, it turns into a vicious cycle. And then I get immediate pain after masturbating. Like menstrual pain right in my tummy. The sexual urges leave me with hot flashes and a feverish feeling. It forces me to masturbate and leaves me feeling a bit annoyed and stressed out. After masturbation, I feel like it would be over. But the urge re-emerges the next day the same way the previous day and I start getting sexual thoughts. It interferes with my work, there is no focus and I feel agitated like I need to have sex really bad. Back when I had a boyfriend, I had sex so it took care of it. But I decided not to have sex early on in a relationship and wait till the guy is really good because in the past having sex with my ex made me feel a lot of regret like I gave my body to a pathetic guy, it left me with a lot of guilt and shame and feelings of unworthiness. I felt like I shouldn't have had sex so early and easily. So this time I decided to hold off sex until I feel completely safe around my next boyfriend and until I feel like he is willing to commit and show respect to my body. Till then I will only communicate with them , get to know them for a while and then engage in sex if I feel he is really deserving of my time. But till then, even if I have a good partner, it's not like I'm going to have sex all the time. If he is not in the mood then I have to find my own ways and that is masturbating of course. But masturbating is not easy. If I overdo it, it causes pain from contractions and then agitations. I'm reaching full orgasms and sometimes multiple orgasms and it is no great favor. It stresses me out. It is relaxing in the moment, Because of endorphins and then I get good sleep the day I masturbate. Yet the nightmare of intense urges begins the next day again. I have been feeling anxiety because of this. I'm dreading my next period. I also drink soy milk. Before drinking soy milk this never happened. After drinking soy milk, I have begun to experience some changes like breast softness and feeling weird sexually, like a bit stronger sexually than usual. I also saw that the more sugars I eat, these urges intensify that month When I eat less sugars, that month it's a bit low. But taking away sugar completely feels like a nightmare of body weaknesses. I have gotten such strong urges this month that I have been looking at random men and feeling sexual just looking at them which has caused me to Shame myself for feeling so sexual around men and wanting them so bad. I have begun to feel feelings of intense shame whenever I feel sexual. I have never slept around, except strictly in context of solid relationships and I just don't want my moral integrity to be compromised in any way. These days the new trend for me is that whenever I see male chest hair I get turned on really quickly and I feel very ashamed about it because it could be any random male whose shirt is slightly unbuttoned and that turns me on and then I begin to guilt myself later for feeling horny about it. This is first thing these sexual urges have done so far. Now I don't know how much more horny it's going to make me, I don't want to reach a stage where I simply look at a man and get horny. That would be super awkward and kinda shameful I don't know how to go around this whole female sexuality thing that has suddenly made me have intense arousals. Never happened before. I took a break from relationships and it seems that I have been going through some kind of mental sexual withdrawals where not getting sex has charged the body with intense chemicals. I never felt before that female sexuality was this intense. And now I see the ugly side of it. A jacking up of female hormones and increase in female horniness is a pathetic nightmare. I never felt so extra horny before. So I never realized the nightmare waiting for me. And now with these intense urges, my sexuality is turning very wild and crazy. Like I want a man in bed really bad. But this leaves me with guilt because I just don't want it mentally yet my body keeps orgasming and wanting it.

@Marcel you think I don't know. Pfft Off I go.

I wish to drown into him, completely.

I like to surprise him sometimes. A big part of me is this unpredictability. *run run he came.

I finished the post beautifully in the nick of time. *Relief Bride is running with cake in hand and goddammit, it's raining!!!!!!!!

It's like walking to a baker and telling him to bake a cake at the last minute when the main guest is just about to come. *Heart beats wildly. I'm clumsy you know.

Thank God I finished my posts before he came I was so scared I won't finish within time. This fear is so romantic. My heart skipped a beat.

To Dear Marcel, (please listen to the song) This song (only the music and general vibe, not lyrics) reminds me of how I feel when I am with him. It's so liberating and happy making. He almost impregnates me with happiness. I don't know what to say. It feels other worldly. I feel like I'm in a different kind of heaven, a romantic heaven. When I'm with him. It's like suddenly my life has a new meaning. I feel very pleasant and warmed when I talk to him. I become very happy and my happiness grows inch by inch the more I think about him. A million years of happiness won't compare to a moment with him. He is my fantasy hero come to life. He brings a heavenly smile to my face. He wipes away every fear, doubt, worry, anger, restlessness from my face. I suddenly feel calm and flowing and at peace when I'm with him. Gosh, He takes my breath away.

Omg these pictures perfectly describe his facial vibes. He is so calm when he looks at me. This is how he will look at me when I'm angry. I don't know what to say. It feels other worldly. I feel like I'm in a different kind of heaven, a romantic heaven. When I'm with him. It's like suddenly my life has a new meaning. I feel very pleasant and warmed when I talk to him. I become very happy and my happiness grows inch by inch the more I think about him. A million years of happiness won't compare to a moment with him. He is my fantasy hero come to life. He brings a heavenly smile to my face. He wipes away every fear, doubt, worry, anger, restlessness from my face. I suddenly feel calm and flowing and at peace when I'm with him. He takes my breath away.

These pictures remind me of him.

Aesthetic of this journal.

Waking up next to him be like...

I am extremely happy.

I demand. This.

Entry classification reminder during-my-suicidal-moments my-deepest-desires Include metamorphosis post from serious emotion section

I want to be back from the dead. I want to regenerate my life.

A collection of my deepest desires. What do I really want? Sometimes I'm not sure.

Do you really think I'm honest? Do you feel my honesty?

This

What kind of aspects should my life purpose embody? Charitable element. Steady income. Passion.. Something I'm passionate about Generates enthusiasm High Conscious Activity and Contribution (I want to do something that is worth my time and worth my Life) Creative expression - this is huge for me because I'm an expressive person. I can't live without some form of creativity or creative expression Encompassing of my skills A comprehensive life purpose. I'm a multi faceted person. I can't settle for one particular activity. It has to be comprehensive.