Preety_India

Yes ma'am. I had encountered a few emotional grizzly bears and I don't know how to use a gun. Best is to avoid..

You forgot two things - intuition, emotional logic, psychic senses

Not only that they promote gang culture, sexism, misogyny and drugs.

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So I need to vent about a person who is deeply impacting currently in my life.

People who look externally happy or achieving on the outside are deeply suffering on the inside. Practice mercy on every soul. You need kindness meditation. That will heal your jealousy. Bring kindness in your heart for every person and imagine them as a child because once upon a time they were an innocent child.

Drink a ton of cold water. I literally become a statue in summer.

7.

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.. The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of wack.

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He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. At times I felt cared for. Because he did not kill me. He let me live. He even cared when I was dizzy and thirsty. The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of whack.

Trigger warning.. If you're a victim of abuse, don't read this, it's not for you, it's for my venting. So.... I was at a party last week March. And my friends got some cocktail mocktail stuff. I was very thirsty because it's summer time the most cruel time for me. So drank what they gave me. There was a guy I had been familiar with whose name is Robson. (name changed for privacy). He was laughing with me, making some jokes. As the night went on, I was losing my sense of self. And I began to laugh and giggle wildly. Hazy memory. I'm still suffering. Then he kinda pulled my arm and gestured me to walk to his car. He told me that he will show me something. I kinda laughed and agreed to walk with him. He kept walking and dragging me by the arm and this continued for a long time. At some point I felt I was far away from the crowd that he had isolated me from. I could not see those people anymore. This guy Robson lived in the Beehive National Park. That's where all of this went down. He then dragged me by my arm and took me to his car. Once inside the car, he offered me a drink and I drank. I was too thirsty and tired from all the walking. I was sitting in the back of the car. He came to the back and began to touch me. He pushed me down on the seat and began to remove my clothes. I resisted and kept struggling my way out. I tried getting a grip on the door knob but my hands couldn't reach there so I kinda slid my body a bit upwards and now I could get a full grip of the handle, I turned it and the car door flung open because of the weight of my body. I got out with great difficulty but now my head was spinning. I began to walk and kinda run but slowly. I was tripping. So I tried running faster but my vision was blurry. When I ran I stumbled upon a tiny rock and kinda fell because of some obstacle.. He came behind me. I was on the ground, laying on my stomach. Hurt and tired. I could see his feet when I looked down at my feet. He had shoes. He was wearing a hoodie/like a blue Grey checkered flannel and a black shirt inside. I kept kicking his feet with my shoe in an attempt to frighten him. But my kicking was like bunny kicks, it had no impact on him and he seemed to be smiling back at me. I was nervous and my heart was pounding.Then he lifted me slowly by my arm and then took my whole body into his arms (like carrying someone). And took me back into the forest.I could see thick bushes, big trees and all leaves on the floor, it was dark in the night. I could barely see anything. Then he lay me on the floor of the forest. I could see flashes of light that illumined his face in the night. He then asked me if I needed something. My heart was still pounding. I gave him a blank stare. I was in an inebriated state so I couldn't move my body. I was exhausted, tired and hurt from all the walking and running. He got up and left me alone for a while. Then I saw him coming back from the distance carrying rope in his hand and there was a shiny silvery object in his other hand. As he got closer I realized the shiny object was a big knife. He sat near my feet and began cutting the rope with the knife. He cut the rope into small pieces. He then threw the knife and it landed next to my body. He proceeded to tie my ankles with the rope. I was feeling hurt because it was so tight. Then he suddenly got on top of me. Then he looked into my eyes. I was in and out of consciousness. He began kissing me. I kept pushing him off. I pushed him hard with my hands and arms. I was struggling to get out of his grip.I grabbed the knife and kept shoving in into his face and he grabbed my hand really hard. He began smiling my hand was shaking and I couldn't get a grip on the knife, I dropped the knife and he immediately grabbed the knife and flung it far away. He then took his right hand and grabbed one one of my wrists. My wrists are tiny. So he reached for the other wrist and grabbed both of my wrists with his one hand. With his other hand he kept unzipping his pants. I could feel his penis on my body. He then inserted something into me. I felt something going inside. I raised my head to see what it was. It was a green bottle. I began moaning. After a while, I was feeling very thirsty. I told him that I needed some water. He got up and left. I was feeling weak. He came back with a water bottle. He gave me some water to drink. Then he got back on top of me. He began to choke me by placing his hands on my neck and tightening his grip. I began to feel dizzy.He then lifted me up, like made me sit back up. He placed me on his lap and kept rocking me back to consciousness. Then he asked me if I trust him. I said yes out of fear. He then hugged me tightly, extremely tight and began to feel my chest by pressing his chest against it. My heart was pounding. He then said that I was lying, that if I really trusted him, I wouldn't be shaking in fear and my heart wouldn't have been beating so fast. Then he whispered and told me that I should not lie to him.I asked him if he was going to kill me. He said no. I felt a bit relaxed when he said no. Then he untied my legs. Picked me up and carried me to his car. He placed me in the back of the car. I was exhausted and moaning and was half sleepy. He drove the car for a few minutes, maybe half an hour. I had no idea where he was going. He kept glancing back at me periodically during the time he was driving. Then he drove to a spot deep into a backroad of gravel and dirt and stopped. It was surrounding the edge of the forest park. He then got out of the car and got into the back and sat next to me. He caressed my face and told me everything would be alright. I asked him if he had raped me. He said that the only thing he did was kiss me. Then he got closer and pulled my face and began kissing my lips and gave me long kisses multiple times. I was completely frozen with fear because I thought he was about to rape me. I didn't protest, I thought protesting him might make him violent and aggressive so I kept quiet He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it.

babloos-journal frozen Lsd-trip-reports-hannu loving-a-bipolar-person brain Reptile

This person is my friend. Or at least that's how they pretended to be. Now.. This person has many demons they will need to work on. One of the demons is inauthenticity and living a double life.They will always lead a double life 100%.They present only one side of the narrative - their side. Meanwhile completely sabotaging my side. This person managed to completely flip the script in their favor and made me the fall guy. They are the worst form of emotional vulture I have ever come across. Marcel was a great man who came in my life and would have never wanted to hurt me. He was very caring and sweet to me. He was the best person in my life and the best boyfriend I had. Unfortunately we parted ways because I wasn't fully ready for a relationship at the time and I was dealing with stuff. Now this current friend is a horrible human being. They have shown me what evil and a demon look like. They are the personification of a demon, witch like features, deep eyes, long face. This person emotionally ravaged me to the point of self destruction. I have never experienced something so fatalistic and lethal in my life. I was deeply vulnerable with them without realizing that they were completely fake and shallow. I exposed all my secrets to them. I exposed my soul to them They are extremely extremely sweet in a way that cannot be considered as fake sweetness. They are able to act like a total angel while being a demon from within. They can take the veneer of a caring angel who pays attention to all the minor details of your life and comes back to either act protective or sympathizing. Their way of sympathizing are that of a leader. Like Barack Obama coming and telling you everything will be alright. When in reality nothing is gonna be alright even in the slightest They will show immediate care /concern, offer themselves up for helping, play the Samaritan/global peace campaigner /savior /humanitarian /ambassador of hope/soldier role. They pride themselves in this samaritan role. They act like your greatest ally, meanwhile being your greatest enemy in your shadows. The most shallowest human being I have ever come across. They are dull in the head but try to act smart. They are extremely careful about social image and reputation and curate it carefully, they do every thing to serve their convenience and agenda, they are deeply sociopathic, take pleasure in other's pain, even a standard abuser is better than them, because a standard abuser will at least have some basic concern for your safety. They will feed and clothe while abusing you at the same time. But they at least feed and clothe. But not this one. They will cause emotional dehydration. They will take every ounce of you while maintaining supernatural levels of intimacy and closeness. They will be so close that you might be tricked into believing they are you.

psilocybin could improve symptoms such as anxiety and cognition problems which are typical in ASD patients. Researchers hope that psilocybin could have even deeper effects than merely treating autism spectrum symptoms in fragile X syndrome

Reece, I was walking towards the graveyard to meet you. And when I met you, I felt like I became one with you.

Yess

I'm imagining we both are talking sitting on rocks by the beach. And the water rises up and splashes against us You put your hands/arms around my shoulder. And pull me in. And we just admire the beauty of nature around us And then you look into my eyes like you want to make love to me. I feel shy and look away You pull my face back to your eyes and give me a hypnotic gaze. You look deep into my eyes. It's so romantic. I slowly rest my head on your shoulder.. softly. You tell me there's nothing in the world that you wouldn't do for me and how much you wanted me and how this feeling would never die. I softly acknowledge you. You compliment me on my dress and you see the black bow on my ass. And you slowly touch that bow and I kinda giggle shyly. I have been dying for this moment. I want to be your love bird, fly with you. I want my fingers to softy entangle with your fingers. I just can't love you enough or even get enough of you ever. I want hickeys on my neck and I'll give you some hickeys too, on your neck if you want This soft loving feeling. I never want to be too far away from you. I want to be lost into your hypnotic gaze Your eyes make me want you more and more. I need the warmth of your body surrounding mine. The feel of your skin on my skin. This is so beautiful.

When we are on the beach this song should play in the background.

How about stop assuming bullshit? I spent majority of my life in abusive relationships not knowing what love meant. Or what respect meant. So the top list is helping me to understand healthy forms of love.

@WelcometoReality how do you even know that im engaging in all that? Your own assumption and projection??? You don't even know me.

@WelcometoReality not easy for an abuse survivor.

There is no better and or. First finish life purpose course. Set up a career. When you are 22, then start enlightenment. I finished my career at 22. Now I'm focused on spirituality.

Keep enlightenment work and life purpose separate Don't mix