Preety_India

Working on developing a strong Ego. I think I have too many things on my plate and I'll need to do a balancing act Like juggle everything all at once.

@JoshuaBell thank you for the support. Also it takes a lot of courage to say whatever you said. I wouldn't be able to do that

@Ethan1 that sounds pretty good. Never thought of reparenting myself.

For the love of God, fix your life and get it back on track before you begin to worry about your virginity. You are going through a cycle of messes that might start compounding if you do not take care of this asap. No drugs. No addiction. No laziness. No toxic friends or relationships. No wasting money. Put a direct full stop to all the chaos. Once you settle into a healthy place and routine, then start approaching women and work on relationship area. Right now you need to get your life together before you can think of Chads and Stacys.

@Marcel I feel a lot less tension in my body and even more connected to you now. I love you so deeply.

@Marcel You have done so much for me. I got a new found self confidence because of you. You made me feel supported and empowered. You made me feel protected. That changed me instantly overnight. I dropped my inner anger and felt like I was swimming in love. My mood was uplifted and I felt extremely positive, less anxious and more relaxed.

@Marcel It means a lot to me because I never felt loved, supported, accepted, appreciated, or understood. You make me feel all that.

@Marcel I love you. I feel very blessed under your wings.

My writing needs to be less formal and more creative. Focus on Emotive writing Intelligent writing Creative writing (mixing different styles) like a story Expressive or articulate writing Better vocabulary usage Accurate writing Simple writing /elegant Complex writing

I would use a more flexible approach. Times where I want to achieve a flow state by cutting out distraction and anything that stops me from doing things on the spot. And times where growing in random directions offers me a new perspective and leverages my position in tailoring goals. However, wanting to have a better perspective on things before you get into motion is not necessarily a lack of mindfulness or self deception to me. Sometimes it could just be that you demand a better framework to base your future goals on and maybe you're simply trying to refine your standards and strategies before you're ready to for a Kickstart. I won't take this process for granted no matter how randomized or ungrounded it appears. To me both processes are equally important and so I'll optimize both and use them interchangeably, the best of both worlds, of course there's some bit of a sacrifice in the process but it would be worth it.

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I've been suffering from this issue for some time now. I've finally decided that I have to do something about it. Especially psychic attacks If anyone has had any success with negative Entity Removal and if they have a good resource like a video etc or set of tips and techniques then please mention here. Thanks for helping.

Somehow this part is never ever strongly enforced in this section of the forum. I wish people understood the depth of it.

Hands down the best advice given on this forum in almost 3 years of being here.

.. Tagging certain things that I consider important in relationships.

Best advice ever given on this forum by far.. I'll note this as "best relationship advice for all situations." Tagging this post.

I guess there are better methods than that. Some of the videos posted above are helpful. Also there's ton of literature online on this subject. You might want to look into it and some of the methods might be useful. Such subjects are of esoteric nature so you cannot have a fixed solution like a one size fits all, methods may vary from person to person. You have to try what works best for you. Also if you're a non believer in such entities or occurrences, it wouldn't really matter what you do or don't. For me it has been a matter of practical experience. I know I'm not imagining things. Things of paranormal nature have happened in my life where I began to question reality and why a certain pattern existed, the feeling of being cursed, the feeling of being followed by a shadow, I neglected it for some time thinking that it might not be true, that it's only my mind, however when things fall in a constant pattern, I realized that I was only fooling myself by not acknowledging what had been going on. Now I want to be a bit proactive about it and see what I can do, experiment a little and see what works. If something eventually works, then good, there's not much a person can do anyway in this regard.

emotional-healing-closed-journal unironically-perfect-closed-journal best-advice-ever-given-on-relationships i-dont-need-anyone not-a-big-ego-but-a-strong-ego putting-everything-into-perspective

Hopefully I'll be able to heal myself emotionally once and for all. I have been dragging this for years and despite all my efforts I haven't reached there yet.

I also have emotional baggage and unresolved issues from my past relationships. My emotional baggage comes from being mistreated by my exes and feeling a sense of deprivation and abandonment. The only regret is that I stayed with them longer than I should have because I trusted them too much and believed that the relationship would still work even when they were clearly not putting any effort in making it work And I was a very positive person who tried her best to make those relationships work and did not realize that sometimes you need to stop hoping and start learning. I had this mentality back then that I could fix things and turn negative into positive. Sadly I learned my lessons through my relationships that relationships can't work just with one person taking the entire burden of the relationship, the other person must put equal interest and effort or else it crumbles. One person can only do so much. You have to break things and cut your losses instead of hoping for better things. Also i was manipulated extensively in these relationships where I was made to believe that I'm loved every time I doubted something. It's hard to think straight and logically when you are manipulated. I was completely brainwashed to believe that the relationships were working despite my intuition saying otherwise. Every time I tried to break these relationships, I was given new hope and I was manipulated even more. It was tough to understand what was going on. And I was a person who trusted very easily. I am better at detecting manipulation now than before. If someone told me something that doesn't feel okay, I lay down my boundaries instantly. Back then I was completely shitty with boundaries. It is suffice to say that I didn't even know that the word boundaries existed. I had no idea what boundaries even meant. I had no idea how a healthy relationship looked like because my mother and father had a toxic relationship. He was the cool guy and she was an abuser. The dynamic was very ugly between them. She was not kind to him. He never expressed himself much. So there was no way for me to know what a healthy relationship even looked like. Back then I took everything at face value, not being aware of my own emotions, not aware of healthy dynamic and completely devoid of all boundaries. Not having any boundaries meant I was unable to say no when I was disrespected or mistreated. I was very forgiving. So if someone treated me badly, I used to forgive them instantly if they said sorry. But they would do the same thing again. The reason why I was so forgiving is because my mother is completely opposite of me. She was very unforgiving to my dad I had taken an oath in my life at the age of 14/15 when I ran away from home that I'll never become like my mother - ruthless, cold, unforgiving and hyper strict. I decided that I'll always be forgiving and gentle and warm rather than cold and not strict like her. She had warned me that the world is not a good place and that whatever she became, it was how circumstances had shaped her in her life. She always told me that I was stupid and dumb and that I did not understand the world She considers me too loving and soft, incapable of survival. At certain points in my life, I felt like she was telling me the truth. But because I hated her so much, I was unable to accept her advice or her way of life.. I had deeply rejected her deep deep inside of me. I had developed intense hate knowing that my dad suffered because of her. Because I loved my dad to death, it created intense conflict in me as a child. I was supposed to pick sides between the two. I always chose my dad's side because he was more gentle and caring and she was ruthless. I could not resonate with her Maybe she was right about the harsh realities of life. Because she had warned me early on that my soft and sensitive nature would invite a lot of pain in my life. By the way the turn of events in my life after the age of 18 actually proved her to be right. I suffered enormously because of my kindness and forgiveness. People who came into my life only took advantage of me. It left me drained stressed and traumatized. So in a way she was right about survival in this world and why she was being so tough. This has generated intense conflict between me and my mother. On one hand I hate her very deeply and I still forgive her despite everything, yet on the other hand I feel like she loves me in a very twisted way that I can't explain. It feels like she shows me love through hate. On one hand I don't want to be like her at all and on the other hand what she says about the world is true but I'm unable to accept her advice because accepting her will make me become more like her. So it is a paradox. A vicious emotional conflict. Maybe after her death, I will sometimes have flashbacks where I will feel like what she was saying was right. That will generate an intense conundrum. I will forever suffer conflict because my mother and father were polar opposites and the love for both has torn me apart. Either I choose my dad or I choose my mom. I decided to choose my dad. But my mom used to hate my dad so much. In turn I began to hate her for hating my dad. Now you see where all the emotional conflict comes from. My dad was stage Green and my mother was stage Orange I began to embody stage Green to be more like my dad and less and less like my mom. I didn't like anything stage Orange. I began to hate people who resembled my mother. I began to hate anything that reminded me of my mother. It created intense emotional conflict in me. I was divided between two opposite parents who could never be similar. My dad was very emotional. I became like him. When I was 15 years old I began to exhibit behaviors of my dad. This was against her expectation. She had imagined her daughter will be like her Then my mom resented me. During every fight she used to tell me, "you're so much like your dad." She wanted me to become like her. But I turned out to be like him. And she hated my dad a lot. So she began hating me as well because I reminded her of my dad. This is intense emotional baggage and unresolved conflict. I have emotionally rejected my mother and accepted my father I had to make one choice and I made it. It's final.. I have a lot of childhood scars coming from trauma that was unresolved and kept festering for years. All of this trauma was created by my mother. I became intensely attached to stage Green because it reminded me of my father and how safe he made me feel. Stage Green represented safety and security and warmth and kindness. I developed a strong rejection to stage Orange. It was poorly integrated in me because every time I try to integrate it, it reminded me of my mother and I simply cannot integrate anything that reminds me of her. Everytime I think of her and the conflict she creates in my mind, my stomach becomes sick. She left me with intense trauma, baggage, turmoil and conflict to deal with for the rest of my life. Good job as a mother. Even her death in the future will not resolve my trauma. In fact it will make it worse. I will have more conflicts because of flashbacks. I'm torn between love and hate. Glimpses of my childhood where I feel like she loved me when she hugged me immediately overshadowed by memories of her violently beating me and abusing me verbally and mentally. She mixed love with hate. She was a tyrant. She was nice one minute and then intensely cold and mean the next minute. She would love me and then hate me other days. She normalized abuse in my mind. Blatant child abuse. She made abuse look like love. She mixed abuse with love. So she would beat me and then make it sound like this is all loving. Of course it is not. Because of her I lost sense of boundaries between normal and abuse. If my exes abused me, I did not feel that lt was abuse. I took it as love. My boundaries were horribly messed with since I was a child. I began to normalize abuse because that's what I did as a child. This pattern continued in my life. So if my ex disrespected me, i was desensitized to it. I was not able to draw a boundary. It took a lot of time and understanding and shadow work to finally escape the grip of abusive relationships. I know this is a lot to deal with but I'm a tough cookie who was being motivated by my dad. Never gonna give up, that's what he always told me. I'll always be his daughter first, her's later.

Well said.

I also have emotional baggage and unresolved issues from my past relationships. My emotional baggage comes from being mistreated by my exes and feeling a sense of deprivation and abandonment. The only regret is that I stayed with them longer than I should have because I trusted them too much and believed that the relationship would still work even when they were clearly not putting any effort in making it work And I was a very positive person who tried her best to make those relationships work and did not realize that sometimes you need to stop hoping and start learning. I had this mentality back then that I could fix things and turn negative into positive. Sadly I learned my lessons through my relationships that relationships can't work just with one person taking the entire burden of the relationship, the other person must put equal interest and effort or else it crumbles. One person can only do so much. You have to break things and cut your losses instead of hoping for better things. Also i was manipulated extensively in these relationships where I was made to believe that I'm loved every time I doubted something. It's hard to think straight and logically when you are manipulated. I was completely brainwashed to believe that the relationships were working despite my intuition saying otherwise. Every time I tried to break these relationships, I was given new hope and I was manipulated even more. It was tough to understand what was going on. And I was a person who trusted very easily. I am better at detecting manipulation now than before. If someone told me something that doesn't feel okay, I lay down my boundaries instantly. Back then I was completely shitty with boundaries. It is suffice to say that I didn't even know that the word boundaries existed. I had no idea what boundaries even meant. I had no idea how a healthy relationship looked like because my mother and father had a toxic relationship. He was the cool guy and she was an abuser. The dynamic was very ugly between them. She was not kind to him. He never expressed himself much. So there was no way for me to know what a healthy relationship even looked like. Back then I took everything at face value, not being aware of my own emotions, not aware of healthy dynamic and completely devoid of all boundaries. Not having any boundaries meant I was unable to say no when I was disrespected or mistreated. I was very forgiving. So if someone treated me badly, I used to forgive them instantly if they said sorry. But they would do the same thing again. The reason why I was so forgiving is because my mother is completely opposite of me. She was very unforgiving to my dad I had taken an oath in my life at the age of 14/15 when I ran away from home that I'll never become like my mother - ruthless, cold, unforgiving and hyper strict. I decided that I'll always be forgiving and gentle and warm rather than cold and not strict like her. She had warned me that the world is not a good place and that whatever she became, it was how circumstances had shaped her in her life. She always told me that I was stupid and dumb and that I did not understand the world She considers me too loving and soft, incapable of survival. At certain points in my life, I felt like she was telling me the truth. But because I hated her so much, I was unable to accept her advice or her way of life.. I had deeply rejected her deep deep inside of me. I had developed intense hate knowing that my dad suffered because of her. Because I loved my dad to death, it created intense conflict in me as a child. I was supposed to pick sides between the two. I always chose my dad's side because he was more gentle and caring and she was ruthless. I could not resonate with her Maybe she was right about the harsh realities of life. Because she had warned me early on that my soft and sensitive nature would invite a lot of pain in my life. By the way the turn of events in my life after the age of 18 actually proved her to be right. I suffered enormously because of my kindness and forgiveness. People who came into my life only took advantage of me. It left me drained stressed and traumatized. So in a way she was right about survival in this world and why she was being so tough. This has generated intense conflict between me and my mother. On one hand I hate her very deeply and I still forgive her despite everything, yet on the other hand I feel like she loves me in a very twisted way that I can't explain. It feels like she shows me love through hate. On one hand I don't want to be like her at all and on the other hand what she says about the world is true but I'm unable to accept her advice because accepting her will make me become more like her. So it is a paradox. A vicious emotional conflict. Maybe after her death, I will sometimes have flashbacks where I will feel like what she was saying was right. That will generate an intense conundrum. I will forever suffer conflict because my mother and father were polar opposites and the love for both has torn me apart. Either I choose my dad or I choose my mom. I decided to choose my dad. But my mom used to hate my dad so much. In turn I began to hate her for hating my dad. Now you see where all the emotional conflict comes from. My dad was stage Green and my mother was stage Orange I began to embody stage Green to be more like my dad and less and less like my mom. I didn't like anything stage Orange. I began to hate people who resembled my mother. I began to hate anything that reminded me of my mother. It created intense emotional conflict in me. I was divided between two opposite parents who could never be similar. My dad was very emotional. I became like him. When I was 15 years old I began to exhibit behaviors of my dad. This was against her expectation. She had imagined her daughter will be like her Then my mom resented me. During every fight she used to tell me, "you're so much like your dad." She wanted me to become like her. But I turned out to be like him. And she hated my dad a lot. So she began hating me as well because I reminded her of my dad. This is intense emotional baggage and unresolved conflict. I have emotionally rejected my mother and accepted my father I had to make one choice and I made it. It's final.. I have a lot of childhood scars coming from trauma that was unresolved and kept festering for years. All of this trauma was created by my mother. I became intensely attached to stage Green because it reminded me of my father and how safe he made me feel. Stage Green represented safety and security and warmth and kindness. I developed a strong rejection to stage Orange. It was poorly integrated in me because every time I try to integrate it, it reminded me of my mother and I simply cannot integrate anything that reminds me of her. Everytime I think of her and the conflict she creates in my mind, my stomach becomes sick. She left me with intense trauma, baggage, turmoil and conflict to deal with for the rest of my life. Good job as a mother. Even her death in the future will not resolve my trauma. In fact it will make it worse. I will have more conflicts because of flashbacks. I'm torn between love and hate. Glimpses of my childhood where I feel like she loved me when she hugged me immediately overshadowed by memories of her violently beating me and abusing me verbally and mentally. She mixed love with hate. She was a tyrant. She was nice one minute and then intensely cold and mean the next minute. She would love me and then hate me other days. She normalized abuse in my mind. Blatant child abuse. She made abuse look like love. She mixed abuse with love. So she would beat me and then make it sound like this is all loving. Of course it is not. Because of her I lost sense of boundaries between normal and abuse. If my exes abused me, I did not feel that lt was abuse. I took it as love. My boundaries were horribly messed with since I was a child. I began to normalize abuse because that's what I did as a child. This pattern continued in my life. So if my ex disrespected me, i was desensitized to it. I was not able to draw a boundary. It took a lot of time and understanding and shadow work to finally escape the grip of abusive relationships. I know this is a lot to deal with but I'm a tough cookie who was being motivated by my dad. Never gonna give up, that's what he always told me. I'll always be his daughter first, her's later.

I'm not too clever in any department. I thought I was retracting back to my former self.