Preety_India

When you develop high mental/intellectual /psychological /emotional awareness, you are looking at a different God to sync with. At the same time, this MASA energy that I was talking about appears in dual form almost like a combination of love and Math, this energy like a combination of empathy/love and objectivity/rationality. At lower levels it only constitutes of empathy whereas at higher levels it also shows intelligence along with empathy.

The energy of the universe that I Was talking about earlier is something I'll call MASA (pronounced the way you would pronounce NASA ). When you are in sync with this energy you slowly begin to experience infinite growth. It's almost like the energy of God and or God consciousness.

Other insights This was about imagining God. And that God exists in different forms depending on your mental growth. You have to attain that level of mental growth in order to sync with the higher form of God. Imagine God as a brain. At lower levels imagine you are looking at a lower brain. At higher levels of intellectual awareness you are looking at a higher brain. Something that is more evolved and highly developed and very intellectually gifted. I mean you're looking at a different God now like a super intelligence. This is the lower form This is intermediary This is the highest form. Images of brains used as an example to explain different levels of how you experience God. And the butterfly theory is about going through levels. The butterfly jumps through levels and each level is a growth level. Each level is an achievement in terms of intellectual awareness. And then you reach the gold level which is a high level of awareness.

@Ilan is French your main language?

I think you meant a light shining.

Other insights. The other insight I had today was about imagining myself as a dry flower. Imagine yourself (that is myself), as a dry flower standing upright. In its normal state, the flower is very dry and sullen. And in this state it's very vulnerable to everything around it.. And all sorts negative forces and evil forces attack it from all sides.. Imagine that you're moving towards nature and sitting in a forest. And all the beauty of nature is healing you, it is inspiring you. You feel completely relaxed and happy.. And at ease. But when you move away from this nature and start walking towards a city and enter a mall, you hear alll sorts of stressful noises and lights that will almost give you a seizure, you walk into a classroom where the people target and bully you. You suddenly forget all the Positivity that you felt while sitting in the forest. And now you are suddenly surrounded by all kinds of negativity and once again you are completely stressed and you are slowly degrading. But once you go back to nature, you once again feel a sense of connection, beauty and healing. And the negativity is washed away. It's almost your whole body is covered in dirt and your body is aching all over and you feel so irritated. But you take a cold shower or a hot shower then suddenly you feel energized and relaxed and you go to sleep feeling well rested and relaxed. Now imagine yourself as a dry flower almost wilting and dying with all the negativity around attacking this flower viciously almost killing it. However once this flower tries to harness positive energy, it becomes alive again and full of freshness and its petals are alive and fleshy juicy again. It comes to life and slowly a dome shaped glass covering begins to shield this flower.. Once it's completely shielded the flower experiences infinite growth. Now the negativity cannot attack the flower anymore and the glass has protected this flower from negativity. When we access positive energy we come alive like the flower with a glass covering automatically shielding us from negativity. In order for this to happen, you have to cultivate, grow, absorb,use, consume, radiate,sync with or harness this beautiful energy. I'll call it the energy of the universe. This is you in your natural state. This is you in your state where you are harnessing the energy slowly This is you in a state of infinite growth.

So the 4 spiritual tools I'll use in this journal are Religion Spirituality Vibration Frequency

I had a dream last night where I saw a woman guiding me towards light. And her name was Cessna. She had beautiful beaming eyes. I call her my soul sister.

Insights that I had today.. One insight that I had today was that for every problem in the universe there's always a spiritual answer.. Imagine spirituality as a big vase full of answers and treasures. Spiritual treasures.. When you have a problem in life, all you need is clarity on it. And this clarity can be gained by digging into this big Spiritual Vase. This vase will always contain a spiritual answer to the dilemma you're currently facing in life. Imagine this vase as your spiritual vase. My soul sister Cessna.

Insights that I had today.. One insight that I had today was that for every problem in the universe there's always a spiritual answer.. Imagine spirituality as a big vase full of answers and treasures. Spiritual treasures.. When you have a problem in life, all you need is clarity on it. And this clarity can be gained by digging into this big Spiritual Vase. This vase will always contain a spiritual answer to the dilemma you're currently facing in life.

@Ilan thank you for your feedback. Yes there is a lot of work that I still got to do on myself.. And I'm trying to open doors to Positivity and light.

The devilry/devil is always using you as a puppet. But your intention should be to be free from this puppetry. One way is to completely cut negativity out of your life. Spiritual people who meditate in caves are good at repelling and avoiding all forms of drama and negativity. That's one way of achieving this. But the alternative way of achieving this is through religion. Both spirituality and religion achieves the same goal of liberating the self from devilry. It's like religion is like swimming through water and spirituality is like walking over land and they both reach the same destination, only by different routes.

The cause of suffering in this world is pure negativity. Negativity is coming through negative energy. I will say that it is a storehouse of negative energy. I'll call it a storehouse. When you have positive energy you are like a lighthouse. Don't be a storehouse but rather be a lighthouse.

This trolling in a way has opened the opportunity to contemplate on life and meaning. One thing that I understood is that the world suffers too much because of extremely high negativity. The cause of suffering in this world is pure negativity. Negativity is coming through negative energy ---------------------------------------- Further in this journal I'll talk about religion and spirituality lead to the same goal of deflecting negativity and creates a road towards Morality, growth, virtue and vibe and infinity good.. Also another spiritual insight that I have is about angels and demons. I have personally experienced both angels and demons in my life. Like for example this video where you see the evidence of Angels. This picture for example where a woman was saved from a car crash by an angel.

Insights from being trolled!! What if I told myself that it simply doesn't matter what someone says or does to me? This is a very difficult thing to do. Because you can't let go of survival. You always want to protect your core survival. Yes you must somehow try to protect your core survival. But above and beyond that, everything else is unnecessary. Remember that everything in this world comes with a price. Everything is a double edged sword. There is nothing that is completely good or completely bad Flip it on its face and you see it completely different. Even if there is hate, there will be love. Lets say someone hates you. How much can they hate you? They can't hate you forever. Even if they do, it will turn on them. Karma is like a mirror. What you do is what you become. This is your greatest treasure. Karma shows you what you do, either you do it out of evil or you do it out of ignorance. Eventually hate has its own karma as well. You hate someone, someone will hate you as well. You do wrong then you won't be happy either. And what happens if you simply stay in silence and let hate do its job. Even if a person pretended like they are trying to do something good, because they love to defend themselves, if they do wrong, it is intrinsically wrong and nothing will change that. Their so called good intentions won't change the fact that what they are doing is wrong. What if you just let them do what they want to do to hurt you? What if in the end its them who have to put greater effort into getting you triggered or harm you more to feel better about themselves. What happens then? Obviously they just get exposed for who they are when you remain in silence just observing their actions. Their own conscience will question their motives and actions. The other way around this is to just to be yourself and continue doing your work and let it speak for itself. To not be impacted by either good or bad. Also you should never involve yourself into bad karma no matter how much someone is trying to entice you into it. Let them do what they are doing and don't let it bother you or tempt you. What happens then? Because you could be fuelling the fire even more? Who knows. There are predatory people everywhere. That's just nothing that can change that. What happens if you engage with a hater? Does it change things? Maybe not. What else are the alternatives here? In what other ways can this be dealt with? You have to understand that there are two types of people mainly. The ones who are victimized and the ones who do the victimizing. And the ones who are very protective and supportive are actually rare. They are like a gem. The other way of dealing with this is to be extremely objective about it. Almost like a robot and just not get impacted by whatever is happening around you. Make it a task to not get impacted and continue doing your work. Continue with what you're passionate with. Just plain objectivity. Almost like a chemical in the laboratory that simply doesn't get impacted by anything.. What if you turned the hate and flipped it on itself? What if you just used every opportunity of hate and actually turned it into love and healing for yourself. What if someone left negativity at your feet and each time they did it, you simply told yourself that you are loved and that you are more beneficial to the universe and that you will survive and thrive and you'll do better no matter what. What if every opportunity used by the troll/hater/bully is actually used as an opportunity to make yourself stronger, better, more joyous and healthier. What if the hater/troll sees that their effort is actually going in the wrong direction and instead of hurting they are giving me more benefit? They will immediately stop trolling because they realize that their efforts are failing. This is way of turning them on themselves, letting things flip back at them. It's almost like they are throwing an arrow at you and that arrow turns around and hits back at them. Thus the bomb is neutralized, the bomb is detonated, the negativity is simply not engaged and neutralized.

One thing that the bullying has taught me is that it brings our innate fears to the surface. Our greatest and the most primal fears. Fears we generally never confront on a spiritual level. I have been triggered to the maximum on this forum, much because of my traumatic experience and PTSD from my childhood. People who never suffered PTSD actually have zero clue how a trigger works. Imagine if something triggers you like 1%. But for a person having PTSD, the trigger can feel like 80%. It's that bad. Traumatized people go into a total mental breakdown when triggered. It's important to understand how much sensitive trauma makes you. Basically trauma never allows you to feel relaxed. It becomes a vicious cycle because keeping it all inside of you is only going to make the trauma worse yet at the same time openly expressing your anger and frustration makes people label you as a "drama queen."

First I'll begin with some basic questions that I'll ask myself to gain some clarity on this problem that has been impacting me since a few weeks since my relationship began here. I attracted way too much hate and jealousy and that has honestly completely taken me by surprise because I would actually be more than happy to see someone in a new relationship but anyway, there are some people trying to invalidate my relationship so desperately, it's not even funny. But I'll just let them go and realize that their own insecurity is causing them to engage in such bullshit and rumours.. Why does something trigger or hurt me? Because I feel threatened. Why do I feel threatened? Because I feel it will impact my survival? Does my survival actually matter? The simple answer is No. In my opinion we are all spiritual beings and what we gain spiritually is all we got. That's our real treasure rest is temporary anyway. Why do we play survival games? Because we are guided by the fear of survival. But if we transcend this fear, then we are liberated suddenly from all kinds of suffering. We are led into a space of freedom, a space where survival never matters. A space where we can simply be ourselves. Why does survival seem so hard? Because we make it overly complicated. We think that we are protecting something. But instead of protecting we end up causing even more harm. This does not benefit us or the ecosystem in any way. If we look at survival objectively rather than emotionally, it doesn't even matter. We are just a speck of dirt. What are we exactly doing, exactly achieving? The answer is that human survival has only caused more harm than good. Human survival has made the whole ecosystem suffer to the max.

I have understood that interacting in this forum is problematic and I should simply not interact here in the main forum anymore because it is the main source of all the hostility and trigger. That's like a cage of lions where someone is simply ready to pounce on me I wished this place was more friendly but that's just a pipe dream anyway. But whatever I don't wish to lose my compassion no matter how much anyone hates me I should not let the trolls impact my mental health although this is easier said than done.

I never wanted to be on this forum to begin with but unwittingly it still became a part of my life. It provided me great relief from whatever I was going through in my personal life yet it was also a sore spot in my life because I did not like a lot of the stuff that was going on here. This forum was more or less like a double edged sword

I will also tell the bullies to stop dragging me into their drama and unnecessary conflict I will also tell the bullies that karma will get them and what goes around comes around. It's not okay to harass someone and they will be judged the same way they judged me. This is a learning lesson not to be on forums like this Nothing should be a reason ground justification or defense to attack someone's life in a personal way. And this forum has no policies for it People shouldn't encourage behaviors where a person's personal life is targeted. We are adult enough to understand that if someone opens up about their past trauma and their Vulnerability we shouldn't use it against them. That's not why they open up about their life. People should stop being mean. Also if someone is happy, don't use their happiness against them. I am happy for the first time in my life. And maybe some people aren't too happy seeing that. And that's why they are desperately trying to instigate things against me I am so done with this. Stop trying to drag me into unnecessary conflict. Stop targeting my personal life. Stop stirring the pot and dragging me into your drama. You are the one creating this. I have left the forum long ago and my personal life is in my journals, not any of your business. Gossip is not a good thing to do. Let me live in peace. Stop pushing my buttons. Stop instigating things against me. Stop shit talking about me and then expecting me to stay silent about it. If you don't like me, then just leave me alone. If you don't or can't have compassion for me, fine, but remember your lack of compassion for me will boomerang back to you. This is my message to people who enjoy targeting and bullying me. Ganging up on me is not okay. If you think that I'm the one creating drama, then you aren't drama free either because you're dragging me into it even when I'm consciously trying to walk away from it. This is the reason why you can't thrive in an unsupportive environment. Because you're literally talking to walls. Nobody listens and nobody understands and nobody cares. I'm tired of this fakeness. I'm tired of being abused on this forum and i constantly feel suicidal because of this. I'm simply trying to live in peace in my journals and the bullies won't stop instigating me endlessly. They still bring me up despite my repeated requests to not bring up anymore. Also these same bullies are spreading false rumours about me because they are obviously not happy that I'm having a happy life for the first time. I hope that nobody has to suffer this fate. Nobody has to go through mental breakdowns the way I did. I only wish the best for others. I am so exhausted by these constant wave of attacks recently. It affects me. And I get the blame even when I have no role to play in this. How am I hurting anyone by simply opening up about my personal life in my journals? This is absolutely ridiculous. I haven't slept for nearly 16 hours straight and this has eroded me so much mentally. Why do people shit talk about you and then act like it's funny. It's purely sociopathic behavior. It's simply targeted harassment. I even left the forum to get peace because I realized that talking over here is like talking to walls who won't listen and won't support but rather invalidate My spirit will stay forever even if I'm dead. You can't ban a spirit. That's the beauty of spirituality. Try to do good karma in life instead of causing others deep pain and suffering. I had a mental breakdown 9 hours ago. And I'm being blamed for it. I'm so exhausted by this useless forum politics .

Peace of mind Love Guidance Health Awareness

My standard response to bullies It's unethical and unfair to target someone's personal life. Stop using your personal vendetta against me to provoke and spread false rumors about me..

Public appeal to anyone who is reading this journal. Please do not abuse me on this forum - a public appeal This is a request to users who constantly want to harass me on this forum. Please stop this behavior. I make a humble request. I am only here because journaling here helps me. Public journaling helps me. Private journaling does not help me at all. Yes I admit that I have emotional and mental health issues largely because of childhood trauma and the resulting PTSD I suffered for many years. However this Vulnerability shouldn't be exploited on a website like this. People come here for help and not to be harassed or abused. I have a large number of posts because I constantly need to journal in order to stay positive or I could have a mental breakdown. I wish people here at least put 1% effort into understanding another person's struggles. I have never trolled anyone in my life and this is my only account and I don't even use VPN. I met an amazing guy on this forum last month who helps me a lot with my emotional battles. He is not another profile I created. He is just another user. He asked me for my profile picture so I edited it slightly and gave it to him. He uses a VPN probably. We are not trolling anyone, we are simply trying to help and support each other in whatever ways we can and we aren't hurting anyone. I would have completely left this website if I weren't journaling here. On my boyfriend's advice I left the forum. But it seems like it doesn't stop some insidious people from mentioning, quoting or spreading false rumours about my personal life. My personal life is not anyone's business nor is it for you to judge if you don't know me personally. Stop speculating so hard about someone online if you don't know them. Stop dragging me into unnecessary debates and conflicts and stop attacking my personal life and Vulnerabilities. Yes the journal is open to read. But just because the journal is open to read doesn't mean that you exploit this opportunity and use it as ammunition to hurt and harass me. It's not funny. It affects my mental health. I seriously don't have any interest on this forum and I have hardly replied in this past whole week except for one thread where Leo asked about VPN. Even that opportunity was used to attack my personal life. Please learn to be sensitive to other's struggles. You never know what someone might be going through. If you don't like my journals, don't read them. It's completely under your control what you choose to read.. I don't want to leave this website because the journaling is the actual thing that helps me a lot. Also to other members who simply watch passively, imagine if your sister was in my place. We are not here to create such a harmful environment. If you can't defend me (which I understand), but at least don't encourage the harassment and trolling because you are enabling it. It's not funny and it's not a joke. Trolling, harassment and abuse cause serious suffering and I have tried my best to not let the recent wave of troll accounts to impact me. I'm trying to stay brave and strong despite this constant effort to discourage my spirit. It's also forbidden under Forum Guidelines to not target someone's personal life. I'm not good at socializing. I'm far too sensitive but I don't expect anyone to be ultra sensitive. Just be decent, we can do this much. We can at least have this much understanding to stop gossip, rumours, and personal attacks. I just had a mental breakdown an hour ago because I'm mentally in a very vulnerable place struggling minute to minute to stay positive and just live my life. The journaling is the only thing that keeps me from going over the edge and my boyfriend who is supportive as well. Again my personal life is none of your business and also it doesn't hurt or impact anyone because I don't use it to attack anyone. I am simply trying to live in peace. Please stop harassing, abusing, trolling and refrain from using my personal life as ammunition. I usually do not talk to people in real life as a result of my social anxiety. Please don't tell me to seek therapy or any other advice because except journaling, nothing has worked so far for me. Seeking therapy is not as easy as it sounds and therapists have themselves told me to continue my journaling habit. I wish Leo had given better options with journaling like turning off comments but I really can't complain about something that has helped me for 3 years I left this forum on September 29th in the hopes that I would be left alone in peace. I have helped so many people on this forum, if they remember, it's a shame I get treated in such a despicable way. I have left the forum but I'm still the member here for the purpose of journaling. People here are very desperate to get me banned. My need to heal is greater than your need to ban me. Consider that someone is simply trying to seek help. Everyone needs help in some form, even those that you consider unpleasant or annoying. I might be annoying to you but I'm still a human being behind this computer screen and I deserve respect as much as you do. Please stop to think that whatever you think about me could also be completely wrong. Don't be so self righteous in your speculations and so hard on your projections. I want any communication to be devoid of my personal details.. I don't want any validation or attention, that's never been my goal. My only goal is to find healing for myself and my journaling helps with that. Journals are meant for personal use because that's where you can open without anxiety and scrutiny. Do not use people's vulnerabilities against them. Do not use my journal details as an ammo to attack me. It defeats the purpose of journaling. Do not attack my post count or the person who is trying to Simply help me. My post count does not hinder your progress. Recently the rumour is spreading in the forum that I might have created another user profile and act as a male. This is simply not true. He is a different user. You can confirm this with mods. Mods can Skype me and my boyfriend for confirmation if they want. We are two separate people and two separate accounts. Please stop this false rumour. Attacking someone's personal life is not only hazardous but also against forum guidelines. I have removed my followers which actually took 3 years to gather, just because people were constantly speculating that I'm looking for validation. I say it not once but a million times that I don't need your attention and or validation. I'm simply trying to exist and heal in peace. Please let me. Please don't use every opportunity to attack my character. You don't know me and will probably never will. Please don't use this thread as an opportunity to attack my character. Everyone has character flaws and nobody is perfect. Let's not use that to make someone feel miserable. My only humble request is that I be left alone. Please don't mention or quote me anymore on the forum as I have officially left it a week ago because of all the trolling and harassing. I understand that getting rid of trolls is difficult. Yet I expect a minimum level of decency from members to not encourage the trolls. Don't support this behavior by talking and speculating about me.. Please leave me alone and out of your discussions and gossips. Now that I have left the forum, this has to be easy. I make a public appeal to this forum to leave me and my personal life alone. We are here to learn and grow, let's focus on ourselves and not on what others are doing with their lives. I don't like people discussing my personal life since this is just a personal development website. How would you feel if someone targeted your personal life? Lets not encourage this behavior on the forum. I ask nothing from you all and I want nothing from you all, I don't want your attention. In fact it's a blessing when I don't get attention. I understand that I might have engaged in certain things that might have appeared as attention seeking but those were out of innocence and naivety, never out of purpose. I'm aware that I tend to attract more attention than usual wherever I go and that's why in real life I avoid going to places. So I come online where I feel relatively less anxious. I can't help people giving me attention, it is what it is, although I highly detest it and wish I never got any attention. I just don't like it. My humble request - Please leave me alone and maybe my life will get better. Thanks.

All I'm asking for is just let me be who I am and don't bother me unnecessarily and I don't need to engage or argue I'm usually not the one to start things. I like to be by myself. And I can't help it that my presence is so displeasing to you because I'm simply being myself. Also the part of validation and attention, well I don't need it, never needed it to begin with, never asked for it, and it's a deep projection to think I'm looking for validation. Because clearly in my opinion im not. I even left the forum for it and removed my 100 followers. Isn't it enough that I left forum? I'm trying to journal peacefully. Not trying to hurt anyone. If my happiness or sadness hurts your eyes, I can't help it. Just leave me alone and I will be fine. I'm too tired of people, so validation is the last thing on my mind. It's utter, baseless and pure projection and I don't need to die defending myself Im saying a gazillion times that I'm done and I don't need your attention so please don't make me a scapegoat Im simply trying to peacefully move on and live my life. Once again I don't want your praise, preachings, criticism, comments, validation, invalidation, feedback, please keep it to yourself, I don't need that shit, my own insights help me more than anyone else's. This is probably the nth time I'm stressing that just because I am here doesn't mean that I like to talk to people or want to talk to people. Absolutely not. I'm an introvert and I'll always be an introvert. Nothing will change that. So talking to people is always a bit difficult for me, nor does it ever amuse me in any way so saying that I am looking for validation is probably the biggest joke in my perspective. If I'm so unlikable, just don't talk to me and I will be chill And maybe when you ask if I am triggered, I guess it's quite hypocritical to do something triggering and then question why someone is triggered, maybe don't try to start a conflict when the other person didn't ask for it. I want to make this statement firm and clear that I only journal for myself and the purpose it serves is first and foremost for me. Everything else is secondary. So please do not have other thoughts. Most likely what's happening in my brain doesn't align with your thoughts and I'm sick and fed up of constantly having to provide an explanation to people. It's not necessary so let's cut it.