Preety_India

Lots of insights from last week.

This is the best spiritual insight I had so far The other one was about port of entry and a complimentary exercise. The hall exercise

intuition-truth-judgement-clarity-wisdom-angels general-compassion-detachment unlimited-inspiration famous-quotes waking-up-part-2personal-intimate-journal

Intuition truth judgement clarity wisdom Tough love angels general compassion Detachment Extreme politeness

The only way to deal with fear is to journal it. Since I left the forum in a jiffy, I suffered from withdrawal symptoms. I had to take that decision in the last minute. For a person like me, this wasn't easy. I was anxiety bonded to the forum. Which meant whenever I was anxious, I used the forum as a means of distraction from the anxiety. The forum interaction helped me with coping with my deep anxiety. Not being on the forum meant dealing with that anxiety again. This became a vicious cycle because the forum was a toxic place full of arguments and fights. This sometimes made my anxiety worse. But just like with drugs, you come back for more because living without is also equally terrifying. Now that I left the forum, I got severe jitters. Followed by nightmares and panic attacks. The last mental breakdown I had on the forum actually was very dangerous. It gave rise to a series of nightmares and attacks. I felt severely ill. I was attacked during my most mentally vulnerable state. I can't believe people can do such things to others. It's reprehensible.. My Covid anxiety still flares up from time to time. It's hard. People who never had to deal with anxiety attacks, panic, nightmares will never understand what all of this feels like. I remember being on a forum before joining here and the experience there was equally miserable. There was a guy who had shot people with a gun and he would routinely name call and harass me. When it became too much, I simply left the forum because there were no moderators there. The experience on this forum was slightly more safe than that one. Yet I don't feel like this forum is safe either. You can't tell someone who has anxiety to have tough skin or to stop experiencing anxiety. This is not how it works. Vulnerable people come online for help and support often times because they have nobody to turn to in real life and the internet becomes their refuge. But the internet is also filled with sociopaths and people who only come online to hurt and enjoy hurting others mentally. This is a dangerous mix. It's like mixing rapists with rape victims. The more vulnerable you are the worse it gets. This combination is deadly. The forum is not set properly. It's designed in a way that it brings radically different Groups of people and lumps them together. You can't have two types of people with drastically different mental and emotional levels in one place. The only place where such mixing happens is a school. A high school is a dangerous place. Because kids from all backgrounds are a free pass into the classroom. Some kids are tough and insensitive, downright sociopathic. Some kids are depressed, sensitive, vulnerable and emotional, Empathetic. The kids who are insensitive start bullying the sensitive ones. This often becomes the breeding ground for traumas and complex psychological damage that the institution never takes into account on a greater scale. Since children are unable to reason and rationalize, they automatically internalize all the trauma leading to an array of psychological problems like PTSD, attachment issues, trust issues, abandonment issues, anxiety, depression, obesity, and a lifelong battle to undo the trauma experienced in school. I wish authorities created separate school groups for different children. Children who show early sociopathic tendencies of hurting other kids and provoking fights should be separated from the rest of the group and schooled in another classroom. This will provide relief to abused and bullied children who don't have to deal with that again.

I wanted to add a few more stuff

I wanted to add a few more stuff

I'm looking for a woman who can inspire me, who can show me courage when I feel lost and who can give me guidance when I'm prone to folly

Let's get real. I have had enough of some people's drama. The best medicine is to ignore. Fucking ignore. @marcel I love you. You help me with this.

Finally I'm able to have a measurable amount of progress in the direction of boundary setting.

Don't attract other people's drama into your life even if it is out of compassion. Biggest lesson learned.

I'm finally able to move on in peace.

@diamondpenguin yes I do get upset. But you have to have a certain control on your emotions. Calm down and think rationally about it. You are only hurting yourself. So tell the narcissist who you are dealing with that you are done with them. After several experiences the only solution I found is that you cut them off and move on.

Today is a great day of celebration. Everything is harmonizing finally. What a gift.

Today I did not have a panic attack One thing I have understood is that it takes a huge effort to understand who is how. It takes a lot of effort in finding respectful people who will not break your boundaries or treat you like shit after you have done everything for them.. But I'm just generally happy and free that I'm over with a lot of things. One clue that I gathered from my experiences is to detect drama wherever possible and just stay out of it for a good measure, do yourself a service and just remove all these cobwebs from your life. One by one. List it. See how you feel about it. Note it down. Reflect on it. Do some psycho emotional processing. And find ways to quit it in both polite and harsh ways. Just generally keep a no nonsense policy so this never repeats again and learn from past mistakes. Remember the person who gives you a strange feeling or vibe and just don't engage much. This way you're filtering majority of people and only having those who are generally safe.. I don't know these past two months tested my resolve like nothing else. I gave back to a lot of people who were subconsciously hurting me. It fell like a pack of dominos. Funny how that happened. One card falling after another. It began to unravel itself so fast and I realized I was deeply stuck in so much drama that it felt like quicksand. First it was the guy who I had to deal with and it was a long time coming. I just felt absolutely free. Then I confronted a person who had a few choice words for me. Then it was a person who I had to completely block from my life, a girl. And I felt very relieved. Then next it was someone who was being covert with me and I gave them back as well. Then I slowly moved to making my boundaries tougher and tougher. It's almost like a shedding process rather than including, it's more like eliminating. Then I removed this one person who was in regular communication with me and who had given me a threat, a very lethal threat and who were constantly trying to guilt and gaslight me. I did not respond to another person who was trying to command me. I did a good job at filtering him out. I had enough of that person Next was major drama in my life and I finally managed to put an end to it. I mean bravo...i feel like a heavy burden is lifted off me. I feel pure and strong and myself again. Lesson learned and probably the biggest lesson - those who don't allow you to be yourself, they are drama Queens and cut them out of your life because they're weaving a thick web and it would be too late before you realize this. They don't need your compassion nor have they done work to deserve it.

There are just so many things that are slowly coming to an end

@diamondpenguin yup

@Marcel Ich liebe dich

@Marcel also good morning my Ewige Seele.

I love you. ?❤️ I'm feeling so much better

Feeling blessed.

Just imagine if we had real angels who come to us to tell us the truth about reality

I realize that I still have a long way to go in setting boundaries, screening people and in general self and social awareness. So many lessons to learn about what I shouldn't do and what I should. Generally people who respect your needs and boundaries are usually the ones you'll have the best time with To Marcel — I love you so much. You're the best.