Preety_India

I have already finished criminal case studies on Chris Watts and Elliot Roger. Both have showed some degree of Secondary Psychopathy. Yet Chris Watts is tilting more on the side of narcissistic sociopathy and primary psychopathy more than secondary. The level of secondary psychopathy in the case of Elliot Roger is quite significant. I have described both cases in different journals Jodi Arias will be my last criminal profiling case study.

I have realised after some thorough Contemplation that Jodi Arias has a combination of 4 factors Narcissism Delusion Sociopathy Jealousy Secondary Psychopathy Borderline Personality Disorder BPD I don't show narcissistic behaviors. The people who think I try to seek attention are falsely judging me and misjudging me. I don't exhibit Delusion. I don't exhibit sociopathy I don't exhibit jealousy I exhibit Secondary Psychopathy I don't exhibit Borderline personality disorder Out of all the traits I observed in Miss Jodi Arias, I share one specific trait - Secondary Psychopathy

People who helped me to gain clarity with my criminal case study - Juan Martinez prosecutor from Maricopa County. Investigator Flores Jodi Arias diary entries. Interviews with Jodi Arias Court transcripts Jodi's lawyers Kirk Nurmi and Jennifer Willmott. Private conversations of Jodi with her ex boyfriend Forensic psychologist Dr Stephen Reich Court appointed psychologist Dr Janeen DeMarte. Psychologist Dr. Richard Samuels I'm very glad that this case was so generously available in public.

Case study of Jodi Ann Arias - American killer who murdered her ex boyfriend (Travis Alexander) in a fit of jealous obsessive rage. I have compiled my study by studying transcripts, documents, videos, discussions with peers, going through reenactments, watching court trials etc. This is an exhausting process and needs lot of time, effort and patience

I'll publish or post my entire study on Jodi Arias in this journal and draw parallels between her and me. I have completed a deep study on Jodi Arias and a comprehensive psychoanalysis of her behavior and personality. Personality study is not simply limited to MBTI or other tests. There are many many other things that define a personality.

Here the example of Jodi Arias is very important and relevant. I have observed Jodi Arias for the last 5 years as a part of my criminal psychology profiling study. I wanted to become an FBI profiler That career was very attractive to me Psychoanalysis was my deep passion. Two careers that I had chosen for myself were "paranormal investigator" or "criminal profiler". I like studying psychology especially criminal psychology. This career has always fascinated me since childhood. I have been fascinated by human nature. I always wanted to know more about human psychology and psyche. I have been studying human psychology for last 7 years. That's a lot of dedication. Yet I haven't yet found a fixed career. But maybe one day I'll find a suitable career. I don't wish to be a therapist. But I want to be a psychologist and pursue psychology as a research subject. I watch criminal videos and court trials everyday. When I was a kid my father told me that I could become a good prosecutor because I used to argue like a lawyer Although I was looking for a lawyer career when I was 15, I abandoned it in favor of psychological profiling. I have done multiple criminal psychology studies to the point that I can even publish papers based on my studies if given a chance by a university.

Jodi Arias is one of the most famous American criminal who became famous (not sure why) but the brutality of her crime shook America. It instantly made her famous. She is a pathological liar and exhibits very sketchy sneaky behavior. I don't think she is a sociopath. I will call her a secondary psychopath. Also a lot of people think that she is a narcissist. But I don't think she fulfills the criteria of a narcissist. Simply trying to seek attention is not narcissism Attention seeking behavior is a part of many personality and psychological disorders. It's wrong to think that attention seeking is automatically narcissism because it's not that Simple. Secondary psychopaths don't want to accept that they can cause harm or evil. Because in their minds, whatever they do is justified since they are hurt. Their feelings are so strong that they think their actions are justified given their own suffering.

I compare myself to Jodi Arias. I think Jodi Arias is a good example of a secondary psychopath. Of course I can't commit crimes like what she did. But I share some of her traits.

I'm a secondary psychopath. Secondary psychopaths can become extremely popular. People are fascinated by them. But they can be very manipulative. Also they can be liars.

I'm not a primary psychopathy score is very low. But my Secondary psychopathy score is high. This means if I kill a person, it won't be cold and it won't be for money. Primary psychopaths are hard and cold and without emotion and empty. They do things to gain a benefit. Generally greed. Secondary psychopaths are completely opposite of primary psychopaths. They are extremely emotional to the point of abnormal but tend to hide their emotions because they are too scared to show that underlying emotion. They don't do things for a benefit. But they do it out of raw and extreme emotions. They are basically psychos. Revenge, hate, rage are emotions experienced in abnormal levels as compared to the average public. Primary psychopathy example - a gold digger who poisons her husband sneakily to get his money. Secondary psychopathy example - a woman who kills her husband because she is extremely hurt that he cheated on her so she stabs him multiple times out of revenge Or a woman who kills her rapist to seek revenge or justice. Or a bullied teenager goes and shoots people in a mall because he is sick of humans. These are examples of "emotions gone out of control" to the point that it arouses passion to cause destruction or crime. Such crimes are not committed for greed or money but out of sheer emotions that are extremely fatal and lethal Secondary psychopaths show fatal levels of emotions. They are like a ticking time bomb. Easy to explode. They are mentally and emotionally unstable.

(thanks for the supportive comments) I show behaviors of a psychopath.

I blocked a person after 4 years. This was huge and emotional for me. Morning I cried for 3 hours. It was so heavy. Thank you @Marcel for comforting me through this period. I am grateful to you for giving me the strength to be able to do this. That means a lot.

@Marcel I love you. Thank you for helping me and being by my side in my difficult time. Without you it wouldn't have been possible. You gave me strength. You're my hero.

I had several near death experiences.. I will record my insights from those experiences a bit later.

November 8, 2021 is an important date for me. This is the day I blocked Joseph, my ex boyfriend finally after 4 years. Today is the day I finally let go and was done for good. It took a lot of courage to do this. A lot of strength. Because I had so much karma with Joseph. I cried for 3 hours today. Lot of release. All the pent up emotions from his cheating and subsequent breakup. Mind you this wasn't easy by any means. It was a relationship of 3 years. I had shared a massive amount of struggle with Joseph. I had invested very deeply emotionally with him. So when he cheated on me, I felt like I was going to have a cardiac arrest. It felt extremely brutal. He had a complete disregard for my mental and emotional health. He treated me like garbage. His cheating had me completely taken by surprise and almost like a shock. And he had been hiding it like a coward. It's my own investigation that finally uncovered his cheating. And let me tell you that cheating in relationship is one of the worst experiences in life if you have invested many years and effort into a relationship. The stronger the emotional attachment, the worse is the setback you get. But today, the most disgusting shameful chapter of my life came to an end. Thanks to my current partner. I'm finally free from Joseph and his endless emotional blackmailing. Over.

November 8, 2021. Today was an emotionally heavy day for me Because today after the longest time I told Joseph to finally fuck off for good. I checked his message 3 days ago and he had asked me "how are you?" My man Marcel helped me a lot with this.. I was emotional since morning. And I somehow wanted Joseph to be completely gone forever. Marcel told me to block him for good and that's what I did. Today I blocked Joseph permanently for good. The thing I wasn't able to do for almost a year was possible today due to my wonderful partner who helped me take a bold step.. It was heavy on me but it was also relieving. Probably something like burning through karma. Well the karma chapter with Joseph is over for good.

Topics I'm going to be discussing in relation to my mother. The nature of narcissistic relationships where delusion plays a role. The concept of the narcissist holding the fake diamond. The nature of Trump "wanting to be president" despite all barriers and how narcissistic delusion plays a role in this case. The difference between narcissistic delusion (example of Donald trump and example of the diamond and perceived value), and idealistic fantasizing. Which one is healthier and which is not?

Current mood.

I'm trying to have a sharp focus today. I wrote those and I had them up here. Now I'll need to rewrite those again I don't remember those Taskmasters. But any way.

@michaelcycle00 Ahm. Actually an experience like that is difficult to put in words. It feels like there is no end to what consciousness can consist of. Literally every idea, thought, word, feeling is included in it Now imagine you're given a dictionary which looks real but it's actually a supernatural magical in nature You open the dictionary and you try to flip to the last page but you never get to the last page because this dictionary is simply endless. Consciousness is like that. It is endless. Everything you hear or see or experience is a part of it. Now your experiences and those of others have no definite ending. Because even if you die (sorry to say that), someone else will replace you and this experience will always go on. Every thought, experience or idea or expression is limitless, endless in time, space and existence. This is eternal and never ending. This is Consciousness. It is forever. We are finite beings (if you consider death as a finite end to everything) in infinite consciousness. I hope you got it at least somewhat. It's difficult to explain in words but I tried my best.

@Marcel I absolutely love that quote.

I like this. Hello, I wanted to make a personal stages of awakening post just for fun honestly. All of these stages will 100% be based on personal experience, and I am in no way declaring that ive reached any final point or that this is how it will be for you, this really is just for fun. Enjoy, feel free to add commentary . Initial Awareness Stage This is the beginning phase in which one begins to develop a sense of spaciousness surrounding all things. Suddenly the sound of footsteps may feel fuller and louder. You may even freak out and start noticing how fucked up you really are (or rather appear to seem), no worries as this is actually the heightening of sensitivity, which makes the "content" appear to be more intense, but the content is the same if that makes sense. Notable Effects in this Stage: - Heightened sensitivity to the patterns of thought. - An unspeakable sense of spaciousness, just an overall sense of "I am HERE!" but not yet being able to put your finger on it. - Noticing how much you actually react to situations, you may be shocked to suddenly realize that you may not resonate with certain people but you ignored it in the past, or you may notice how passive-aggressive you are. In general, you'll start to see how you really feel about things as the process of holding yourself back is fading away. Consciousness Stage This begins when one has a solid perception / understanding of what consciousness is based on direct experience. You will start to see how every single thing is consciousness aka raw experience. The sense of spaciousness expands even more, including more of what appears to be the exterior world. Perception becomes very apparent, you can become surprised by how obvious perception appears now. In meditation when the eyes are closed, you may feel like you are the very blackness of outer space itself, and that the planets, cosmos, etc. are all your imagination. A mystical experience is likely in this stage. Notable Effects in this Stage: - The spaciousness has expanded, fitting in the external world. - The sense of emptiness of mind can begin to be seen, you'll start to feel like an empty orb, and that thoughts arise in this orb. This is a beautiful thing, as this is the very beginning of purification of thought itself. - You may start to see the world almost like a video game, and wonder at the intelligence of what appears to be the God-Mind. - Meditation may feel deeper, with more baggage coming up. Inter-Connected Consciousness Stage Youve been meditating for a while, one day you eat a handful of shrooms or get a lil deeper in that meditation, then boom...GOD. This is a big stage, as one becomes aware of the divinity hiding in the material. One begins to see the interconnected nature of reality, how not a single thing is actually wasted or left out. Its as the scientific quote goes "Energy can neither be created nor destroyed.". One can realize that they are the divinity itself, not within it nor without it. Personally, I spent a few years in this stage, lots of psychedelics and contemplation in this stage. One big trap in this stage is the spiritual ego (I fell for it lol), its one thing to have the recognition that you are the divinity, but cool off on telling everyone in your town about it, try your best to keep your mouth shut . I remember I was on a date with a girl and told her she was God, she freaked out lol (like heart racing), not a good idea, thats how I learned though . Notable Effects in this Stage: - As the interconnected-ness becomes apparent, the present moment will begin to be seen as a complex mind filled with its own creation. - Lots of emotional purging, one day youll be spiritual asf, then the next youll be running away from home (dont do that , call someone, get help seriously youre not alone! ). - Mystical experiences happen a lot in this stage, and there will be many mindfucks. - One-ness can be realized here, but the ego tends to react in fear to it. This is the whole "Everyone is god and I feel so alone!" phase, yes it really can happen, but you get used to it and you realize its actually WAY better! (Also, this is just a thought story and it will be let go of eventually.) Spherical Consciousness Stage This is when shit starts to get REAL. Youll be having a conversation with someone and suddenly they are literally the center of creation itself. Reality begins to be seen as a 360 degree camera (unbelievable i know!). The sensation of the head disappears and every thing that appears to be seen takes its place. At this point you can sit down and just savor this spherical perception, it really is jaw dropping. In this stage the body feels lighter, the vibration becomes lighter as well. The entire system begins to undergo serious purging and unhealthy patterns become more and more obvious. Space begins to disappear at every single level at this stage, as its only the very beginning of the dissolvement of space: the visual field will be the first affected. One day youll look up at the clouds and youll be like " Oh theyre right there! wow." Notable Effects in this Stage: - The whole field of awareness is "touched", this results in a spherical-like perception. It is very beautiful. - It becomes very obvious that this is your creation, your beautiful work of art, and you are over joyed with being able to literally BE this art. - Deep compassion can begin in this stage, you may find yourself forgiving people youve never imagined forgiving. - Self - Judgement begins to fade away (finally! fuck!), youll stop trying to stick to nofap, or forcing yourself to just get your shit together. Rather, you begin to trust that the higher order will naturally dissolve these attachments (Mind you, that this can appear as being disciplined, im not saying youre just gonna sit still and money will just appear before you or something!) Caveman Consciousness Stage I call it this because its not how I expected Infinite Intelligence to be! One day you wake up and boom "Oh shit, this is it huh...". Infinite Intelligence is realized to be what appears as physical reality. You see that physical reality is literally unthinkable, you just cant make that shit lol. I mean go ahead "you" show me how to make creation lol. You see in this stage that creation is you, like its suffocating, it is all you but there is 0 space between you and it, so its like all the "things" that appear are bombarding you (so hard to nail down how this feels). You see that nature is super wise! Like.... Super Computer levels wise and its insane! A caveman shitting in the woods is as Intelligent as a computer (If not more, come on wtf a machine that absorbs energy from other forms of life, downloads the information it requires and dumps the remaining/un-needed content? Come on thats fucking awesome!). You will be most humbled in seeing that the world is super-natural, and that all the dirty mundane stuff IS actually the divine energy. Youll see a bunch of pigeons eating seeds and be humbled in seeing that they are infinitely more intelligent than "you" will ever be. Notable Effects in this Stage: - It goes full circle and you go from cosmic creature to caveman, seeing the intelligence in all the mundane "normal" stuff you do. Setting up a cup of espresso and drinking it is a whole new experience. - Trusting god is realized to be simply trusting nature as well, one begins to see that the ox is the body (might be confusing, but super relatable if youve been there!). - The magic that is thought reveals itself and is "seen" clearly. - Seeing the animals as literal robots that are made of intelligence, you begin to lose the sense of "otherness" with insects. Just as an example, I got a wasp hive right out my front door, that shit is above my head every day, but there is 0 fear now, as they are just other forms of life/intelligence! Love those guys! (I should probably get them removed my moms gonna freak out soon enough :D.) - Having a deep respect for all forms of life, some of the greatest lessons ive learned are from just watching animals, no joke. Also, animals no longer bother you as much, as it is actually the chronic release of fear chemicals causes insects to bite and animals to attack, take great precaution though! If you see a bear dont give it a hug! Cosmic Consciousness Stage: The body is another cosmic flow, like the planets rotating around the sun. At this point the bodys energy is always radiant, its like being the sun but never knowing who/what you are. You'll find Love blossoming in this stage, Unconditional Love will smack you right in the face. You realize how obvious it is, and that everything is fine! At this point people will think youre either a lunatic or a psychopath (or maybe an Angel!), as you will literally have 0 issues with the good people in the world and the sadistic murderers in the world. You stop perpetuating the pattern of fear mongering and begin to mind your own business, simply loving and being love with whatever is happening right...fucking...NOW and only now. The ordinary and special is merged! You notice how much people love you, people will just smile at you when youre out and about shopping, youll give your 2 cents on a situation to your friends and theyll think youre wise as fuck and youll be like "But it didnt come from me though I swear ." but they wont care. You become humbled when you see that you yourself once thought that the spiritual teachers really existed and you put them on a pedestal, only to realize no one was there and that it has only ever been your own LOVE. Notable Effects at this Stage: - Unconditional love blossoms. -Space has disappeared and all "things" are realized to be cosmic bodies. -Life is the purpose! You walk in this world aimlessly trusting that all the opportunities you need are right here . - The senses purify/empty themselves out, therefore the senses disappear one by one, it usually starts with the visual field. In meditation its like youre completely blind, you cant tell the difference between the body sensation and the hum of your refrigerator. - "You" finally let go of the body and let it be just as ordinary as all other apparent "things". No-Self The final sensation being emptied out is the sensation of touch, aka the sense of a physical body. In meditation the body more and more fades away piece by piece. The present moment is realized to be pure energy and thats it, its unbelievable really. Once all the senses have been emptied, there is just BOOOOOM, or AUM. Not much to say here, as this is the end man , enjoy being pure BE-ing with no distinctions between anything. All thats left is being humbled by life, being humbled by experiencing what its like to be a grown Man / Woman / Other, being humbled by the process of aging and death, being humbled by the wisdom that all beings have, being humbled by the whole of human experience, feeling the beauty / pain of life, feeling the joy of creating stuff, etc. Notable Effects in this Stage: - Only pure BOOOOM here, that Zen quote makes sense lol "Better to have been blind and deaf" .

This thing says everything.

@Fearless_Bum This gif explains self actualization, spiritual work, awakening, self development, psychology, philosophy of life in a nutshell.

Did you feel at any stage that consciousness was infinite? I had experiences where I felt Consciousness was like a galaxy and its endless.