1. Have you ever been approached by a random guy who tried to "pick you up"?
Yes
No
Answer - Yes
2. How have most of your "pick up" experiences been?
Awkward and uncomfortable
Awkward but flattering
Positive and enjoyable
Neutral
Answer - Awkward but flattering
3. What is your most usual respone?
I gave him my number
I gave him my number and we agreed to go on a date
I didn't give him my number
I ignored him. Didn't want to be bothered
Answer - I mostly creep out and back off. Sometimes I can trust if the guy is respectful. I never give my number the first time. Only did it once for my first relationship (at the bus stop when he asked if he could drop me home). My general response is that I feel shocked and awkward because I'm not good at dealing with strangers due to my high anxiety. So I usually have the "deer in the head lights" expression when I see a random dude suddenly chatting with me. But I'm okay as long as the guy is making me comfortable..
4. What does it it lead to most of the time?
Casual sex
Casual sex and eventually it became a relationship
We wen't on a date but that was the end of it
A long term intimate relationship
Nothing, didn't see him again
Answer - it led to my first relationship which was short term and lasted six months. He met me at a bus stop.
5. Do you wish more random guys approached you?
Yes
No
Answer - right now in a relationship with a guy I found here who was a random guy that approached me here and after some conversations with him, I felt warm. All my relationships in the past were mostly random guys who took interest in me and met me in different places. Other guys who approached me but appeared incompatible or disrespectful or creepy were rejected without giving them any number or attention.
6. What's your ideal way to meet a man?
Being approached randomly
Through my social circle
At work
In a social setting (Clubs, bars, parties, etc)
None of the above
Answer - I'm not a social person since I have social anxiety, I don't go to clubs because I avoid crowded places. So I never met anyone at a party or club. I always met random dudes at a shopping mall, bus stop, grocery store, library, workplace, building, garden, park, online forum etc.. One guy tried to hit on me while I was waiting in the hospital lobby for my mother's scan reports. I politely rejected him because he was acting obsessed.
After many experiences with men randomly approaching me, I have gotten good at sensing the compatible from the incompatible. I tend to ask a few questions during the conversation the random dude has with me to get to know about their background like what work they do or why they are interested in me. If they answer that my looks were appealing, then I generally reject them. I need someone who appreciates me for something skin deep. If they say that they found something I did interesting or they would like to help me out, I feel good and flattered. If they discuss my personality or are curious to know me better and want to continue chatting with me, I tend to appreciate that a lot because that way they aren't pressuring me to say yes or no. I don't like being outrightly called out on a date. I usually don't go on a date. So I would expect the guy to first get to know me through texting/calling/chatting before it turns into a relationship because I would like to know the level of compatibility before I take the next step. If there is enough compatibility during conversations, I might even fall in love and decide to have a relationship like I did in the past. Most often I already know if I really want to take things forward because my own excitement about the guy is probably my best indicator to know if I really want to be with him or not. I usually feel affectionate and tender toward a guy I'm interested in. If I'm not interested in a guy, I don't feel any tingling or emotion and I feel something is "off" or it's not "clicking" no matter how hard he is trying. Sometimes it's not his fault because it just doesn't " click" since I don't feel any emotion at all. It's like he is talking to a wall, no impact. But some guys can make me feel cheerful for no reason, just the way they look at me or talk to me, it appears as though they are trying to have a deep chemistry, generally such guys are the ones I accepted. I like flirting but not the "desperate type of flirting" which makes me feel awkward or I get a "fuck boy" vibe, then it's an instant reject. Generally such guys ask for a quick date or hook up and I'm like - "no dude, bye." I like soft flirting that is slightly romantic but also carries some meat for further conversation. Light flirting which is gentle and soft. I get creeped out by excessive romantic gestures, by direct questions like, "will you marry me?" right during the first talk/conversation, or by guys who say something awkward, autistic, or something that gets my attention in a negative way like undue criticism or sounding argumentative or domineering. For example with my first boyfriend, he sounded a bit bossy during the first conversation at the bus stop and I went home miffed and angry. The same guy met me at the bus stop again the next day and approached me softly and asked if he could drop me home and I kinda relented. While dropping me off he kept asking me lots of personal questions and I felt a bit warm so when he dropped me and asked me my number, I gave it to him very nervously. That relationship didn't end well because I found him too bossy.
In a nutshell - I have been approached plenty of times especially by random dudes since I don't have a social circle as I'm not social. I'm a bit more on the shy, nerdy, socially awkward but funny side. I usually avoid social stuff but some weird reason people find me interesting although I'm a bit introverted around people and like to keep to myself mostly. So most of my relationships in the past were with random dudes who befriended me and developed an emotional connection with me over time.. I don't think anything is wrong with meeting random people, I was always open to that idea.
I have to say that those random dudes helped me have relationships lol, because without them I probably would have never had a relationship due to my bad social skills, so in a way they helped. But most of these approaches turn sour because I tend to reject a lot.
I have rejected plenty of guys because it simply didn't "click." and some guys just don't know how to talk or approach and they make it really awkward and uncomfortable right at the get go, they get rejected instantly because right off the bat they are sounding the alarm bell that they are totally incompatible. Some of these guys approach women as though you're being approached by a used car salesman at a mall trying extremely hard to sell you a product. It gives a very "salesman" vibe and that can be terribly off putting.
Other guys are very contradictory in the sense they're always trying to dominate the conversation, preachy behavior (which I find extremely obnoxious, that patriarchal smell), they try to act too smart or just like they know better than me, or try to one up me during the conversation, I am generally submissive in a relationship but I don't lose my dignity and I try to convey respect and agreeableness and if the guy is not doing the same but trying to talk over me, then I take it as a sign of him trying to take advantage of my submissiveness rather than respecting it, a guy who acts chill and respectful is understanding and embracing of my submissiveness rather than being predatory with it. I don't like guys who act too bossy, controlling and "over smart", big turn off. Guys who are respectful, pleasant, sweet and frank tend to make me feel welcome.
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