Preety_India

I see segregation as a solution although I find it absurd. You could have a set of states ruled completely by democrats, top to bottom, the same for Republican states It's like two halves, one ruled by democratic rules and the other run by Trump turds. Major divide.

I wouldn't say that ideas, concepts and narratives are unhealthy. They're a tool for guidance. Tools aren't healthy or unhealthy. They're just tools. Obviously it's up to you to invest in direct experience. You can't really differentiate idea from truth because truth itself is unproven. You can only believe in objective reality and test your ideas in relation to this objective reality. That being said, this place has numerous options for exploring spirituality in many different ways apart from the ones generally discussed here. So you're free to explore those. And about being ignorant or having understanding, you don't need to take things to heart, this language exists in every spiritual circle, the word "ignorance" shouldn't be applied in an offensive context here, it only means that work needs to be done to further refine understanding. If you don't agree with the final understanding that is unanimously agreed upon here, it's completely okay, you don't have to. Follow your own path which suits you right.

Sort sort sort sort.... This should be my bottom tag in every journal entry.

bland-spirituality patterns-of-communication college-programs projects different-types-of-cats-journal-on-cat-study random-journal

It will be a less glamorized version of spirituality that is generally sold on forums Sort sort sort sort

I went to the store and got this cake for my mom. It's her birthday, December 1 Although I have had a ton of fights with her, I still don't want her day ruined. I want her to feel happy. Also got these happy birthday candles.

Harm OCD

This forum is only good if you know how to keep away from ideology. I have very carefully tried to not be influenced by the meditation section of the forum. It can sometimes brainwash you with ideas that are not very practical. Be careful of the spiritual trap. A lot of people who embrace this trap often end up feeling lost and lose touch with reality. Consciousness is fine and healthy as long as it aids your living. If consciousness is making a person lose touch with basic reality, it undercuts the benefits of spiritual development. The idea is to use spirituality as a supplement rather than evading what is essential to living. Be careful of that trap

I feel very uncomfortable. I feel like killing myself.

My sibling should have been in fucking jail. Because it's murder.

@Marcel thank you. You are my light.

Thank you my apple pie.

@Marcel thank you so much for the support Marcel. It means a ton to me. Family problems aren't easy and I always had a bit more than I could handle. I hope one day I feel free. Sometimes I wonder if there is any true value to having a family. At all. Because I witnessed my father's death and a family member was responsible for it. It created a deep gash in me. I started hating the word family. It created a deep wound because I couldn't stomach the pain of losing a family member and realizing how family drama played a role in it. It was sickening. I had a ton of family issues growing up. And it made me a bit bitter and angry. And lost. You help me a shit ton to get through my trauma. But the wounds are very deep. I am still looking towards a happy future where things will look better. I don't want to lose my mom the way I lost my dad. Sorry I'm emotional.

First world problems. (I guess survival is not too hard there.)

@Marcel you are my hope and you are my star. Whenever I think of you, I feel unusually happy and safe. I'm in clouds. I escape into dreamspace.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and the month of December is my father's death anniversary. So it's making me very emotional. 18th December is my father's death anniversary

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and the month of December is my father's death anniversary. So it's making me very emotional. 18th December is my father's death anniversary

Even if my mother is abusive she deserves to live and I want her to live long, as long as possible no matter what because she is my mom and I don't want to lose her to this psychopath who is trying to use manipulation. Maybe I'm selfish in wanting her to live long so that I can feel safe (my own psychopathy visible here, you can also call it codependency but I still love my mom and I wish things were different.) Am I incapable of loving someone? Am I too selfish? Is it wrong to be selfish?

Personal responsibility is only fully viable when the Society is able to encourage and support.

I so agree with this. Such wise words. Yes we need this mentality that you have. This Empathetic approach. Kudos.

Am I incapable of loving someone? Am I too selfish? Is it wrong to be selfish?

How am I supposed to grow? Everything can be so confusing. Yet I'm getting there. Learning gradually but whatever I'm learning is extremely powerful to me.

Even if my mother is abusive she deserves to live and I want her to live long, as long as possible no matter what because she is my mom and I don't want to lose her to this psychopath who is trying to use manipulation. Maybe I'm selfish in wanting her to live long so that I can feel safe (my own psychopathy visible here, you can also call it codependency but I still love my mom and I wish things were different.) Am I incapable of loving someone? Am I too selfish? Is it wrong to be selfish?

So here's the deal. Although I hate my mother a shit ton(because she was fucking abusive to me growing up and what she did was truly fucked up and I try to find a place of compromise with her) , I still have mercy on her pitiful soul. And I feel I like life is preparing me for a bigger struggle. She is bipolar and has other medical issues so she is definitely not going to last long. But I don't want her to die because I got some accounts to settle with her, some checks and balances, I need to reconcile with her before she escapes to heavenly abode so I do it right before she is gone. This is a huge emotional responsibility on me. I get this gnawing feeling that the other family member <who I hate to call my blood > is probably waiting for my mother to die so that they can get money???? Whatever maybe the reason. I feel like I am tasked with this responsibility to stand up for my mother's rights. I could not do the same for my father because I was just a clueless teen when he died and I failed to protect him, for which I'll forever suffer from survivor's fucking guilt (sorry for being full of rage, but all the trauma causes me to fly into rage and upset) My question is how do I feel strong and independent in these circumstances? How to not feel helpless and incapacitated? How do I feel independent and matured and strong enough to fight my oncoming struggle for which I need to be mentally prepared, like my mother's medical issues, my pending reconciliation with her, the impending doom of her death and dealing with a narcissistic psychopath who is hell bent on taking all her money and is constantly trying to make things difficult so that we fall into dire straits and she ends up suiciding or dying. I mean my psychic feelings are strong. I knew my father was going to die one week before he actually died (my brain somehow told me like a fucking premonition). Now I'm getting a premonition again that bad things are to come because of this pathetic psychopath who is deliberately trying to ruin things for my mom by brainwashing her and making me and her feel helpless with constant depressing discussions. This person also told me to take a rope and chair a few months back. But my mother is emotionally dependent on this psychopath and constantly listens to them. I feel helpless the way I felt helpless during my father's death. I'm sorry for the strong hard language but I deal with a lot of family trauma and it sends me into anger and insanity