Preety_India

A close up shot of the umbrella plant. So cute.

After smelling the detergent soap, I'm literally feeling like my stomach is producing digestive juices. I am feeling hunger. This shit is weird. They call it Pica syndrome or something.

It's 4.46 am now.. Right now I feel addicted to this blue colored soap bar. I'm consciously trying to avoid eating it. Of course I know I shouldn't eat it. But I love the smell. It has a nice fresh detergent smell that I'm getting addicted to. So I'm constantly trying to smell it to the fullest satisfaction of my addiction. I can(sometimes) have an addictive personality.

My dad's death anniversary is in a few days on December 18. Maybe this garden is a tribute to his plant and pet loving spirit. He used to love gardening. He had grown almond and mango trees in his garden. His mom, that is my paternal grandmother was fond of gardening fruit trees. She was very devoted to plants and animals. Maybe that's where my father got it from. Also both my maternal and paternal grandmothers were crazily fond of cats. When I was a kid, people in my neighborhood had nicknamed me "catcrazy".... Because I was just a child when I used to chase all the stray cats and alley cats and bring them home. That was my regular job. My parents didn't resent it. I was good at taming wild cats. It used to feel like an adventure to tame the street cats. I raised and took care of a dozen cats when I was only 7 years old. I used to bathe them, feed them and play with them. Every time I see a cat I get very emotional. Because they practically raised me when I was a kid. Cats were the only thing that I shared my deepest feelings with as a child in the absence of human company. Cats used to understand my language for some reason, I definitely did not speak any human language while talking to them. I used to make weird animal sounds as a kid and they pretty much practically understood whatever I meant.

A close up shot of the Holy Basil and the umbrella plant

So I took a picture of the Christmas lighting i placed on the fence/railing of my garden. The camera doesn't capture the light color because of the flash.

Bats come around a lot near my apartment in winter I can hear a bat right now. They scare the shit out of me. I always run into my room if I see a bat. I can shriek in terror at the sight of a bat. Like wtf (forgive my language) These bats usually come out between 4 am to 5 am. This is their hour.. I respect bats but I don't want them anywhere near me. They seem weird to me. Like fuck off batty. They freak me out. Near my apartment there are many fruit trees. That explains why so many bats here Usually if I see a bat hovering, I duck my head and run for cover. They fly at high speeds straight into those fruit trees. And that's where my favorite bird, the Coucal sits. I don't hear the Coucal right now. It's like a pheasant bird.. Quite large but majestic. I love the bird call of the Coucal. Right now I guess it's scared of the Christmas lighting.

Right now it's 4 am. And I'm wide awake with excitement. And I'm drinking a big bottle of coke. My God too much caffeine.

Everything is looking a bit bluish because of the Christmas lights that I hung over the railing over and above the pots.. That's where I usually put my Christmas decorations. All of my neighbors already hung their Christmas decorations. To the left in the picture is the religious Hindu plant of Holy Basil ( ?️?️..) next to it is is my cutest umbrella plant,then is the Desert rose. I don't get enough sunshine here. it's generally cold here and I live in a cold hilly place. so it's difficult to grow a Desert Rose, it needs abundant sunlight. the last time I unsuccessfully tried growing a desert rose was when I was living in a dorm. and I went to the terrace and placed it there for sunlight, annnnnd a stupid girl(bitch) from the dormitory stole it. like what the fuck man.... how can anyone steal a plant? people always had their eyes either on my pets or my plants all the time and I can be a bit possessive around anything I care for.. (the way my mom is possessive around me.. roll eyes).

I love love love my Periwinkle plant. But right now it looks slightly bent over and dull.. Like I don't know if it's because I transferred it to a bigger pot. I hope it doesn't die. I'm very new to all this. So I'm not sure if I'm doing all the right things. I followed the instructions on my gardening booklet properly. It shouldn't be a problem.

It has nice glossy shiny leaves. Looks like a succulent. I like looking at it. I plucked a few leaves so it might have to grow those again. The leaves grow in a bundle of five.

I love to take pictures of my tiny cute Marcel plant. When it first came near my door, my mom called it an orphan. She watered it a bit. It was really tiny with two leaf buds. Then it kept growing even without watering. I have pictures of it from a few weeks ago. This picture was snapped on the 4th of December when it grew near my door like an orphan. Me and mom were curious to see this new child suddenly and vigorously growing near our door and we couldn't exactly figure out what it was. So we called a person from the gardening store to come and have a look at it. He said it's an umbrella plant. It grew up vigorously. At first I was a bit nervous because I thought it was something poisonous. But it kinda made me emotional. So I told mom I'll pot it. Yesterday I potted it and my hands were shaking, I literally Panicked thinking it would die if I transfered it to another pot. So far so good. It did not show any signs of dying. This is the picture from December 4,near my door.

*constantly runs to get a look at the garden. I keep looking at it after every 15 mins or something. I'm so obsessed with my new gardening adventure. Right now I am looking at it and simply not able to believe that I could actually do this. My dad used to love gardening. He would have been so happy.

It's middle of the night here (right now) and I am not getting sleep. I'm hyper excited about my new garden. I immediately ran to get a look at it. It looks pristine after some cleaning. The floor was stained with mud and soil so I scrubbed it earlier in the evening and now it looks clean like marble tiles. Some corners are still stained thanks to my mom who doesn't know how to maintain pots. Hmm. Stupid big girl is what I call her. Took some pics out of excitement.

@Marcel today she literally asked me, "did you forget to water marcel?"

@Tim R not strong at all. Only when I take these things in my hand and smell those things. Usually the sensation under my tongue (close to my throat) passes away in like 10 seconds.

Is it even worth it when you realize the truth in the end when everything is over?

How do you reconcile reality with what you consider to be true, what you know in your mind is true?

What's the reality of it all? What's the higher truth? What's hidden behind this illusion? What's raw and real?

There is so much hurt deep inside that it's almost unexplainable. But there is a sense of peace as well. Deep down everything hurts too much Because you know truths that others don't. They just can't grasp the gravity of the situation. But somehow it was your fate to deal with it, to know it, to see it and feel it, something you cannot unsee once you have seen and felt it.

Why was I so naive? Why did I submit? Why did I sacrifice my own well-being? Why was I so foolish and dumb? Why was I lost? Where did I go wrong? The answers to so many questions will never be found. So many things left unanswered.

Sometimes darkness becomes your greatest companion because the truth it reveals to you are better than the falsehoods of the waking world.

You do feel guilt about the fact that you could have known these things earlier and benefitted from it yet experiencing it in its full form isn't bad either. Once you have a half baked experience, it leaves you in limbo because you still aren't sure about how you want to navigate around new unknown situations so going through the entire spectrum or gamut of these experiences serves as a brutal(yet helpful) crash course on how to deal with the entirety of such situations.

When you learn so much that you feel like you have learned enough, you reach a certain point where you don't want to complain about life anymore. There is a certain sense of peace. Not exactly fulfillment but a sense of peace. Because you have known everything you could have possibly known. There is just nothing left to experience anymore. You have had it. You completed this cycle. You are over it. Gradually you

I'm glad for whatever experiences I had on the forum. I grew tremendously from them. They taught me important and valuable lessons. Valuable lessons on life and people.