Preety_India

https://youtu.be/ZoZT8-HqI64

https://youtu.be/ZoZT8-HqI64

I am authentic with my feelings. No compromises there.

I promised myself that I'll always love Marcel forever, no matter what. (didn't you say that to yourself, Babloo) yes you will. This promise you will keep.

I'm feeling suicidal again. My whole body was aching since morning and at some point I just gave up. I felt like I'm better off dead than suffering this misery.

@Marcel I love you. You help me a lot.

I still have fears.

Galatians Chapter 6, forgot the verse number. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

dog-breeds broad-suggestions-and-specific-suggestions

My latest Oregano plant. New shoots appearing. One leaf looks a bit withered.

I'm slowly returning to a chilled state. I want to think about happy things

In unbequemer positionsitzendes Katzwesenähnliches die deutsche Nationalhymne singende Geschöpf Deutschewortkreirungsmechaniken..... (I can tease you lol @Marcel) How about this one? Verlängerungsmaßnaenerhebungsamtsbleistiftspitzerfarbenherstellungsprozessaufsichtskommiteetassenhalterungsinhaltsaufsichtsbehördengebäudeeingangstürbemalungsbeauftragter

This forum is useless. Realitätsverlusterzeugende Internetnutzerzweigstelle

I have slowly begun to chill after hours of crying today and yesterday over my father's memories. I want him to rest in peace forever. He was a kind good hearted human being. I am slowly leaving his memories behind but I can never completely forget the pain, loss and all the painful as well as sweet memories of the times shared. He used to take me to the beach and play with me. He would watch me play. He taught me so much. He used to get me teddy bears. I had a great dad that partially compensated for a shitty mother.

I struggle a lot with the mechanics of socialization. How much is too much and how much is too little? The question is how open should I be to the point where I feel maybe I misstepped and allowed a bit too much? Socialization almost feels like allowing sunrays into your room. If you don't have any you feel gloomy, if you have too much it can get too hot. So it feels like, let's say, if I get too close and friendly, it invites more intrusion from people. Yea? And if I get reclusive, it begins to feel lonely or too withdrawn? You can't really have a fine balance.

I'm slowly but not surely returning to a positive state of mind.

I was thinking about death. And the kind of questions I would ask before dying.

@Raphael I think break doesn't really help. I already took a break in the month of October. I was away for the whole month. I came back in November. I thoughts things will be better. But nope. The same silly shit and useless gossip again. I had taken several breaks last year as well. In my opinion, it's not really worth it. The forum attracts gossip mongers type of people and I'm finally fed up. They got nothing better to do with their lives so they talk about me. I like alone, peace and quiet. I wish people would understand the meaning sticking to themselves. I mean isn't that what personal development and self actualization should be all about? Focusing on one self? I try to focus on my journaling as much as possible. But whenever I look into the main forum, there is always someone talking or gossiping about me even when I don't exist on that thread. It hurts and I put those people on ignore. Its best if I simply don't exist on the forum anymore. There won't be anymore gossip about me. I'm simply going to continue my journey in an insulated lonely vacuum. There is not much to expect from a cheap shallow crowd.

That looks cool.

If someone suffers constant pain and see no value in their own life and really want out, then I don't see a problem.

@Nadosa this happens a lot. Don't be too worried about it. Be ready for complex experiences.

Find your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky.

Mood swings can even be temporary. They could be related to your circumstances. Not everything is mental illness.