Preety_India

https://www.myjournalate.com/a/entry?id=659155&nonce=1639991657

Update I got a few helpful responses and mentions. Thank you guys. @Tim R can you lock this thread. I got the help I needed. Thanks.

Can anyone be my intimate friend and therapist. I mean not exactly like a therapist but more like a helper/guide or listener? (I know this sounds entitled and I'm sorry about that). Just someone I can share things with and someone who can understand me and not break my trust in any way? I want to be able to share deep personal information and I need someone who won't break my trust. I need a shoulder to cry. I am going through a tough time and I'm feeling traumatized. I can't afford therapy and I never properly open up to therapists. They usually put me off due to lack of intimacy. I want some sort of intimacy like a true friend. I don't want someone who simply wants to be like an official person. I want to feel free and intimate not like an official/formal conversation. Someone who has enough time to spend with me. I like long conversations depending on my mood. I know this sounds very entitled of me but I have to do what my body/mind craves for without feeling shame.. I'll either need video call, audio call or text sharing depending on context. Please leave your mention here in this thread if you are genuinely interested in helping. And then I can give you my contact information. I am looking for long term friendship. P. S - I'm not an emotionally stable person. So deal with me at your own risk Please don't move this topic to Serious Emotional Issues. There I don't get enough help or responses.

Whenever I will encounter a forum related distraction I'll label it as "another bump on the road. No 1,2,3." so on.

Another bump. What does this mean.

Oki I'll leave the thread now because I got other stuff to do. If anyone interested can simply mention themselves here and I will check back and message them later. By anyone I mean someone who knows a thing or two about depression, suicide, anxiety, PTSD, trauma and has enough time. Thanks for stopping and looking.

@King Merk maybe someone who has experience in such matters can gradually help me.

@Yarco I have tried several therapists in the past. After a while I just gave up on it. So I won't go that route again. Money wasted. Time wasted. Everything wasted. That's how that experience felt. Regarding your point about draining someone, I get it. I never really had a friend who I would deeply confess to. Most friends in the past were work related. Plus I'll be careful about what you are saying. I won't try to drain the person or at least I would try my best. I usually feel very guilty if I offend someone I trust and I recoil back as a result. This happened to some of my friends where I had only 1—2 conversations and I felt I was draining them so before they could ghost me or anything I myself backed off. So far whenever I opened up to someone (since I open up so rarely if I ever do, this is also because of my social anxiety), those times were few and far in between. So I'll try not to drain anyone who is being a genuine friend. I'm not trying to use anyone. Just seeking help. Shouldn't be flipped over and turned into something negative. Also this is a request. Only for those who are willing to give me their time and ready to help, no pressure. In that case it's not use.

Yea I agree with the OP. I myself faced this conundrum many times.

@4201 I'll ponder on that. Thanks for suggesting.

@Yali easier said than done. Tough to overcome fears.

@Yali I suffer from social anxiety disorder. I suffer palpitations when I'm with anyone in person. I also stutter and stop talking after a while. I'm shy and I have anxiety. Online friendship would be a great option and replacement.

I just want someone who is caring and empathetic, and a little bit of chit chat. Therapists are always very time bound and act too official. I find it difficult to open up to them. I don't like the feel. Plus I always have some form of anxiety around doctors/psychologists/therapists etc. That whole profession tends to create some anxiety in me.. I would rather open up to a deep intimate friend than a therapist.

@4201 actually I have tried a bit. Not like direct. But indirectly sometimes. I think I can't seem to understand sometimes what his words mean(I mean no offense, I mean this in the politest way, Nahm is great but just not the kind im looking for at the moment.) I want someone a little more direct, chatty and less philosophical and more intimate. Sorry if I offended anyone, did not mean to.

@Yali it's not just talking on this forum. It's also talking outside of this forum as well. Like a more personal conversation. If you get what I mean. Like a chat buddy either video/audio/text etc. And also I need long term like deep intimate long term friendship. But thanks for looking.

I need someone who knows how to calm me down. And also someone who has some experience with trauma. Since I'm a trauma patient. I suffer PTSD. Please don't move this topic to Serious Emotional Issues. There I don't get enough help or responses.

I had a mental breakdown a few hours ago.

I can also be a bit argumentative. But no need to stress. I usually try to come to peace as the argument proceeds. I have highs and lows of agitation. Arguments are a way for me to figure out and understand things clearer and deeper. Also I'm temperamentally a bit defensive kind of person.. Maybe you can use me as a case study if you are into psychology and stuff (I'm going to be pursuing psychology sooner or later next year)

I cried a lot in the past few hours and my anxiety is worse. I just feel awful.

Thank you flowboy

This is supposed to be my own private space.