Preety_India

@Yarco it's not okay for her to force her desires on me either. I am in my mid 20s. I have been working since a long time .. I was working in the US in 2019. I was living away from her for some time. When I came back to India, I collected my savings, and took a loan and we bought the house quite recently. The house belongs to both of us because we both paid equally when we bought it. I took a loan from bank for the house which I paid off later. That's why I said ours. Recently I fell ill and I worked from home during Covid. I put all of my savings in the house. It's not easy to do that. I wanted a place for both of us because she always needs some form of medical attention. I pay all the house bills. I paid for her surgery a few years ago. So i don't think I should leave.. I don't force my desires on her ever. Don't just assume nonsense.

I will avoid talking to anyone here because talking to anyone is a huge distraction and waste of time Talking to anyone here is simply a waste of time.

I need like a 10 day consistency without interruption. A 10 day streak. I can gradually extend this 10 day streak to 15 days in a row. This will be difficult. My maximum goal is 20 days in a row. I can afford up to 2 interruptions in a month, max can be 3. Beyond which, there will be no point in holding a streak. So i need at least a 10 day streak to be good at this. In a 30 day period or a month this can mean 3 continuous streaks with 3 or more interruptions. A break in one of the streaks is still acceptable.. I'll also maintain journal prompts. Like for example — December Journal prompts. January Journal prompts. And so on.

I'm developing my own inner video game. This video game has an inner spiritual meaning. I like how I tie together different concepts and make something out of it. So this inner video game... I'll call it the "walking and falling Video game." You keep walking like you're walking on imaginary land in outer space. You keep walking indefinitely. And then when something goes wrong you suddenly fall through space. The duration of this fall is as long as the hurdle/disturbance /obstacle continues. Once you realize that you are gaining your focus back and regaining momentum, you slowly land on a platform or land. You begin walking on this land and your walk outer space celestial walk continues. The goal of this video game is to continue walking as much as possible and as long as possible, just keep walking. Falling is not good but is inevitable. It will happen. The game has 2 goals One is to keep going, keep walking and cover as much as possible. This is your game progress. And the other goal is to avoid falling as much as possible. Reduce the frequency of falling. The way you control this game (the name of the game is Walking and Falling video game) to achieve maximization of both goals translates your overall success with this game.

I'm developing my own inner video game. This video game has an inner spiritual meaning. I like how I tie together different concepts and make something out of it. So this inner video game... I'll call it the "walking and falling Video game." You keep walking like you're walking on imaginary land in outer space. You keep walking indefinitely. And then when something goes wrong you suddenly fall through space. The duration of this fall is as long as the hurdle/disturbance /obstacle continues. Once you realize that you are gaining your focus back and regaining momentum, you slowly land on a platform or land. You begin walking on this land and your walk outer space celestial walk continues. The goal of this video game is to continue walking as much as possible and as long as possible, just keep walking. Falling is not good but is inevitable. It will happen. The game has 2 goals One is to keep going, keep walking and cover as much as possible. This is your game progress. And the other goal is to avoid falling as much as possible. Reduce the frequency of falling. The way you control this game (the name of the game is Walking and Falling video game) to achieve maximization of both goals translates your overall success with this game.

@Marcel lub lub.

✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿vXk✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼ This is how it will look. It means I'm able to focus and continue.

I can focus back on my work finally. One representation for this is vXk.. That's the symbol of focus and continuum. I'll write that in the middle of a page with design around it. ✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿vXk✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼

A brand new idea on avoiding the journal section altogether is to simply collapse the whole section. All you have to do is simply visit your own profile. That way you simply avoid all the mess that this forum is. Just stay on your own profile. That's your room. That's your privacy. ...... This feels better already.

Have i successfully avoided the forum today? Answer - YES

How to avoid the forum completely. First login to the forum Close all sections Click on the far right icon to do so. Even close the "other" section Click on your username Go to your profile. This is your v room. Stay on your profile. No more peeping on the forum There is no annoyance/disturbance on your profile If you don't like it then go to your profile, hover over the top right of the recent profile visitors section and click "disable this block". Done Now there is peace on your profile If anyone wants to discuss something they can do so in pm. Right? Click on your activity tab Click on whatever topics you have Now make your entries Once you're done, then log off and go back to work /sleep

At least this is how the forum appears. How to avoid the forum completely.

Next time any interruption occurs I'm simply going to record it as "another interruption." Back to assessment cards and Taskmasters.

I think I can finally move on in peace. I had predicted back in September that It won't be until December that I find peace As usual everything always goes the way I predict it. I have no idea but my sense of intuition is pretty sharp.

It's time for a wrap up. I'm done with this whole chapter. Time to move on again and get rid of old ghosts.

I was going through turbulent emotions on December 11. My inner wounds were still fresh and I was trying to cope. I spent the next few days gardening to take my mind off of things. I think this was continued in my next live journal — I was too busy gardening for the next 3 days beginning December 12 till December 15 and that seems to be last entry on the journal before the fresh entry yesterday. So this was till December 15. I had taken ill on December 16 and wasn't keeping well and was trying to recuperate. So that was December 16, 17 and 18. Nearly 3 days to feel better. In the middle of things there was the ghost that came back. The ghost that existed on November 28. And there were a bunch of comments from 2 people in the Self Actualization section under a stupid most nonsensical thread. People not minding their own business. So there was that. Which specific date (because almost every 4th day there is a problem on this forum). So the specific date when that thread was opened was December 14. And the Comment was made on December 15. And it left a sour taste in my mouth. So there was no mental peace on that day and I was stressed out. So by December 16, I was totally stressed out. Then December 17 was my father's death anniversary and I was having a real tough time. It was December 18 when the ghost returned back and my anxiety began to climb. My anxiety was worse that day. The next interruption happened on December 19/20 and it completely felt me feeling sick and drained. That's when I decided that I was done with this forum. To be honest I'm finally pretty much done for good. These are my final touches. I don't want anything anymore. I will block my messenger for good There is nothing good that's ever going to come out. So there is nothing good to expect.

So this was my last entry in that journal.

So the second interruption occurred on December 8. And the first one occurred on November 28. This is on December 10. I have maintained some consistency till December 10.

This was on December 8. And this was on December 8 as well.

@Marcel I sent you a pm message. Please read.

Journaling interruptions. The whole month of November I was doing pretty good with all my projects. That's the time I was uploading all the art and doing Taskmasters. Well let me have a look again at my last assessment card and Taskmaster. I had just started working on productivity skills This was the post from December 4 I guess .. ... ...

I'm slowly recovering to a stable state. It's December 20.

@Marcel love you

Writing down my feelings throughout the day.

And one of the things that I would want a therapist to do is to offer me broad suggestions and specific suggestions as well.