Preety_India

Update January 1 2022. I really can't believe it's New Year already. .

That year 2018 was my year of awakening. I was still holding racial biases pretty much throughout that whole year. And one day everything changed. That was my Perry Mason moment. On September 6, 2018, off-duty Dallas Police Department patrol officer Amber Guyger entered the Dallas, Texas, apartment of 26-year-old accountant Botham Jean and fatally shot him. Guyger said that she had entered the apartment believing it was her own and that she shot Jean believing he was a burglar. Local authorities did not arrest Guyger for three days and initially charged her with manslaughter rather than murder, leading to protests and accusations of racial bias, since Jean was black and unarmed and was killed in his home by a white off-duty officer who had apparently disregarded police protocols. However, two months later, her charge was upgraded to murder. On October 1, 2019, Guyger was found guilty of murder.The next day, she received a sentence of ten years in prison. This incident was my Perry Mason moment. It changed me, my mind forever. I saw for the first time in my life what racial biases could lead to. It could cost a person's life. I felt guilty. I felt extreme guilt and remorse. I had never experienced such deep and intense sorrow as I had in those moments when I was watching the trial online on YouTube. I cried a lot. I cried for 6 days over that incident. The day I received the news, I thoroughly researched the whole case and I realized that I was so wrong about racism Racism cost so many lives and had caused so much damage, the Amber Guyger case had only highlighted the tragic reality of the black community at large.

. To be continued

. I was a

Before joining the forum I had some form of racial bias So these are the changes I have seen in me over the last few years. One - I have significantly overcome my racial biases I suffered for long. This was the year 2017 and I was a part of a white supremacist group. So I was brainwashed by a white dude. This guy had a YouTube channel. It's his channel that did all the brainwashing. I don't want to use his name for privacy reasons. My journey begins when I first discovered his channel. At first I was a bit intrigued by the stuff he used to say. I was a bit naive back then. I began to think that the white race was an endangered race. I mean that's what that white guy told me. I won't be telling his name for privacy reasons. I kinda believed him. His content was very emotional. He would play emotional music.. He would say a lot of emotional stuff. I began trusting him. I was a part of his White Supremacist group for a couple of months before I met Joseph. I met Joseph in 2017. I was pretty naive back then. I had experienced any form of racism at that point. In fact I didn't even believe in the term racism. I thought it was made up.. Until...... I experienced racism myself. I joined the forum in 2018. And this is the same time I was living with Joseph in America. I still hadn't experienced much racism. But then Joseph began to say a lot of racist things to me. He would make racist jokes about black people.. At first I used to think that he is simply saying it without meaning it, and I used to push it under the rug. This was 2018. I was still naive on the issue of racism.

After joining the forum I made so many significant changes to myself. I improved in so many ways I was a bit naive a few years ago. And I improved significantly. It's time to do a recap.

You misunderstood me by a huge margin. I can't blame you because it's the internet. Only if you had known me in real life. I used to write some stupid shit before out of naivete. I have grown tremendously over the past 4 months though.

These Instagram girls (or the whole lot of them that are like them whether they are on Instagram or not) are never going to be the kind of girls who you would have a short or long term relationship with since they aren't too keen on relationships. They just want to hang out a bit or simply want the attention of several men. They will hang out with you but for a short while. Maybe you can expand your friend's circle where you end up dating your friend's younger sister who isn't that social. Online dating sites are very cruel especially for a 6/10 guy. They're cruel for 6/10 girls as well. No wonder you're meeting people with extraordinary expectations, online dating sites are meant for people with unusual standards. Even then they don't find partners. Cast a wider net. I constantly get this feeling that you're looking in wrong places. Whether you want casual sex or LTR, you got to look for in places where you can find someone on your orbit, I mean someone who thinks like you. You will simply waste time looking for girls who don't align with you. Yes I do agree that finding girls who are emotionally matured in the age range of 18 is quite impossible since they don't have experience and they tend to think in superficial ways. Yet there are a few girls who aren't like that. They're harder to find. But in order to find them, you'll need a different strategy altogether. You'll have to find them in your close friend's circles Expand your friends circle and you'll find one. Not on a dating app or Instagram or social media.. Maybe in a cafe or a store, grocery shopping or at a college campus or a yoga class. There are many many places where you find 6/10 average girls who hang out in places that aren't well known. You find them if you get a larger friend circle. You have to meet them in their homes. I never found a guy (none of my exes) at a club or bar or online dating app or Instagram. I found them in my classes, in Parks, grocery shopping or through a mutual friend. I am not on social media nor am I the social media type. In fact I'm too shy and reserved. If a girl like me can find a guy, I'm pretty sure nerdy guys who are similar to me can find girls as well. Now I'm not hot, but I managed to get pretty decent guys because I didn't have very high standards. Plus I wasn't ever looking on social media. I met guys in ordinary everyday situations of life. You need to switch your strategy if you want different results. To be fair if you went around asking people where they met their ex partner or current partner, the most common reply would be everyday situations of life. They didn't even hunt for anyone. They simply clicked and started a relationship, that simple. It's not that hard at all.

@Karmadhi I'm in my mid twenties. You're probably younger than me and dating girls in a really younger bracket like 18 I suppose. I know that girls at the age are very demanding from what I have seen especially if they are on Instagram or social media oriented. But lots of girls who aren't too much into social media culture. They look good too but they might be a bit shy and not too much like the Instagram girls you talk about. If you're like 22, then I get why you're dating or wanting those girls. But if you are 25/26 you can easily find girls who tend to think like me. I mean more emotionally matured, who had previous relationship experiences and who think more intuitively.

The only guy who I can think of off the top of my head is Tony Robbins. (and no I didn't read the previous answer, just read it after typing).

I don't think a girl wants a 10 out of 10 guy to be fair and honest. I think even average looks go a long way for men. You must be dealing with some really delusional petty demanding hot girls who have such sky high expectations out of men. In my social circle of female friends, all girls are average looking, but they still look cute, they have boyfriends that I won't consider 10/10(although I don't like to use a numerical scale for human beings yet this forum has taught me that and I have to use the lingo generally used here to explain my points), so yeah, these guys aren't hot or 10/10. They're somewhere 5 or 6 at the most. You're certainly dealing with people with abnormal expectations. I never expected a guy to look super hot. I just wanted a gentle guy. So I don't relate to this sort of experience you're talking about. I don't think most women are so hell bent on a guy's looks, doesn't mean that they would date an extremely unattractive /boring guy. Yet they won't test you harshly on looks. So if you come across a girl who is very demanding, then you are simply dealing with the wrong kind of person.. Drop that person and find someone who is realistic and grounded. There are many guys who have unrealistic beauty standards for women they wish to date. I would never approach them because they don't align with my mentality so whats the point?

Looks are important just like looks are important to men. This applies to every gender. I don't understand why this is so difficult. Don't rely on theories or what people say. Test it in real life. That's where all of your insight should come from? Don't you think? It's quite rational that looks are important because society has conditioned the human brain to count for looks. Why else do we have beauty contests? By the way beauty contests exist even for men. Now I'm not saying that people don't look past looks. They do. And you have to find someone that aligns with you if beauty is not a concern for you. Not only does beauty or looks count, you might even want to consider the fact that this whole beauty thing is very much influenced by beauty standards in our society. These beauty standards are influenced by many factors that are downright racist or based on racial bias. Because colonialism had a lot to do with it. For example in my country fairer or paler skin is considered beautiful and darker skin is considered ugly. It's so ingrained in our culture thanks to British Colonialism of India. Throughout the world, European features are considered the most beautiful and light skin color is preferred because guess what, White Supremacy still hasn't lost hold. But that's about beauty standards. But anyway coming to the subject of looks, looks in every tribe and culture is considered a precious commodity. Whether it's men or women, anyone who looks cuter or attractive to look at enjoys a premium pass in dating. But you don't have to worry. There are a billion people who don't care about looks and they are very loving and wonderful. You can always find them if you truly do not care about looks yourself If you do care about a girl's looks yourself, then that's an absurd hypocrisy to think that girls shouldn't care about your looks. If someone told you that looks are immaterial for either gender, it's not a very practical insight/suggestion. They're probably lying out of insecurity or they only had relationships out of attraction based on traits than looks. That could be it. But I highly doubt that. We all face looks related insecurity However this is no golden rule and shouldn't be assumed as some standard yardstick in dating. I mean we have billions of people who don't look good and they still marry and have kids. How does that happen? So I don't think that this is such a sturdy rule.. Some people are happy to not care too much about looks. Their own looks or that of others. Maybe try to mingle in that crowd. You can't change someone's mindset or what they are attracted to. You only have to find what matches you best. Also don't have unrealistic expectations. For example if you don't have the looks or charisma and yet you expect the hottest girl in the world to look at you, that seems unrealistic to me and frankly that makes people lose chances in dating because they set such sky high standards yet they themselves offer little. That somehow never works and works only if you got really great game. But rarely do people achieve that.

@Marcel ahh, love you hun. I'm not doing well at the moment. It seems to have gotten worse. Lets see how this goes.

Update 1 December 28 So the guests are here. I sat and had lunch with them. Although I wasn't keeping well. I had temperature But I managed somehow and now I'm feeling much better. My temperature came down. And my sneezing has been significantly under control. I'm still having some headache.

My nose kinda feels rinsed right now. Kinda odd. .

So my nose has been dripping But it feels kinda weird. Because it's nothing like how it used to be whenever I got a cold or infection.. Right now it's dripping like a dripping tap. Unusual. Maybe this is just a sinus. I won't take the risk of going to hospitals right now because in this season which is normally the flu season here, the hospitals are kinda jam packed with people who have all sorts of colds and flus. It's very easy to get infected again.. Maybe this flu might build up my natural immunity somehow

My mom is still coughing and sneezing. It seems she recovered for a while and then she got it back. Her infection seems to be a bit severe.

I drank like a whole bottle of guava juice. I'm not sure if it's the guava juice or what.. But the mucus in my nose is thinning out to the point that it's running like water. It helps because that way it won't stuff my nose. I never knew this before.

I don't know why I feel like the runny nose is some sort of a blessing. I feel like my nose is getting a rinse. Lmao

Update 5 December 31st My mom told me to try some hot water for the throat. My nose is almost dripping. I woke up with a stuffy head. I had been looking up for Omicron news. Im not sure if there's going to be another lock down.

Update 4 December 31st How am I feeling right now? Just not good. My feet are swollen. I feel a stinging sensation throughout my body. I'm feeling itchy and my nose is still running. My throat feels swollen. I didn't sleep well because I was constantly puking. I'm still debating in my mind whether I should drink water. I have lost all senses. Like I don't feel thirsty or hungry at all. I don't feel like eating. I just don't feel hunger. I got 3 bottles of guava juice yesterday. I'm drinking that constantly to build up some immunity and strength.

@Nahm kinda agree

I threw up again. Woke up in the middle of the night feeling dead. Struggling to feel OK.. All the accumulated cough it blocks the airways. I have been feeling so ill. My temperature kept fluctuating.

Documenting my health struggle gives partially some peace of mind to me. Venting about my struggles significantly makes me feel better and relieves built up tension/stress . I also get to keep a track on my symptoms. So I know if they're getting worse or better.

I just puked again. My stomach hurts really bad. This flu has wrecked me. It was really bad in the beginning. Then I felt slightly better for 2 days. Now it got worse again. I coughed up an awful amount of mucus and whenever I cough up I feel better. My chest is feeling heavy. My heart rate is acting funny and erratic. I feel like my lungs are constantly getting filled up with mucus and then I start to cough it up. My mom's flu has significantly subsided. She is doing good. She even went out for an evening walk. She has been fairly active and coping well. Me on the other hand, I have turned into a nervous wreck and feeling spasms all over my body. My body is feeling weak and my muscles are sore. My back hurts terribly. I slept on a hard surface last night because I couldn't find my pillow. So morning when I woke up my back hurt really bad. What a pain in the ass. My feet are really sore right now. My ears are itchy. Usually whenever I get a flu, my nose and ears and throat get terribly itchy and my sinuses get inflamed. I have been puking nearly all day. The cough is causing the sensation to vomit.