Preety_India

Update 4 January 3, 2022 So 4 hours ago in the middle of the night I began painting the floor. Pictures are here. I sat on the floor patiently painting every corner of the portion of the floor that has been used for the garden. It was back breaking (especially given my flu), but at the same time it was very satisfying. Reminders - Put a clip on the curtain (need one more) ♦️ Place a chair in the garden ♦️ Place a mat ♦️(I have placed a small red mat() but not a yoga mat. I need to search for the yoga mat too. ♦️ Clean the place once again✔️ Refill small bottles everyday ✅ Throw away accumulated water ✅ Throw away Pooja waste ✅ Make a dumpster for Pooja waste. Like a rectangular box bin♦️ Remove the chair in the evening ♦️ Clean the area again ✅ Place Holy water ♦️ Place copper pentacle cup next to Goddess Hecate✅ Start worship. One jar used for holy water that is "intention water" to be drank every morning after reciting intentions and another jar for keeping jewelery in intentioned water or talismans or lucky charms energization. ✅

But I never felt this way. I didn't experience anxiety in relationships. But only around strangers. Anxiety can be experienced in different situations for different people although symptoms can be similar. Some people are afraid of elevators, whereas others are afraid of spiders.

OK got it. It shows up in show report. Anxious / Preoccupied The anxious/preoccupied attachment style (referred to as ambivalent in children) is created in the first 18 months of life, in a dyad with the primary caregiver, usually the mother or the father. The roots of this attachment style are based in perceived neglect: the parents did not necessarily neglect the child actively, but the child perceived that his or her needs were not met. Growing up, people with this attachment style start to neglect their own needs and to put the needs of others first. They expect that, if they are nice and caring to someone, he or she will like them and take care of them in return. This turns into preoccupation with the needs of others and leads to lack of self-definition and sense of self. Common signs of your attachment style include: Please keep in mind that, even if you have this attachment style, you don’t need to identify with all of the characteristics outlined below. Remember, everybody has a unique personality and life experience. You lack a strong sense of self and tend to put others first. You take care of others and place more importance on them and their needs, instead of on yourself and your needs. You have a hard time being alone; you crave relationships and intimacy. You have a relatively low self-esteem and seek approval and reassurance from others – you need them to validate your own worth. Therefore, you often crave attention and try to impress people. When it comes to relationships, you often exhibit clingy and needy behaviors. You seek attention and intimacy and can become too demanding. On the other hand, you are sensitive towards your partner’s needs and preoccupied with taking care of them, which might cause your partner to feel smothered or suffocated by you. You fear that you will scare people away and that they will reject, criticize, or abandon you. You can get extremely upset when you receive disapproval (in any form). When your partner is unavailable and spends time away from your relationship, you can become jealous, frustrated, and resentful. You overanalyze and worry excessively about relationships. At the same time, you easily ignore or misread signs of relational issues. ................ Live happier and healthier Dedicate the necessary time and effort to your anxious attachment digital workbook, and soon you’ll find that you … Pay attention to and value your own needs No longer sacrifice for everyone else at your own expense Feel confident in your skin and don’t engage in negative self-talk Can better regulate your emotions and can soothe yourself when you’re distressed Experience less stress and anxiety in social contexts Know what to look for in a partner Spot red flags in potential dating and sexual partners Find it easy to stay away from toxic relationships Don’t need external validation to feel good about yourself Connect easily with others and build strong bonds quickly Enjoy better sexual experiences

@Thought Art where did it show it separately? If I'm not wrong, the test did not generate results for multiple categories?

That's what I mean. Kinda misleading to lump it all. Might give a lot of people a negative forecast

@Thought Art not necessarily. It's case by case. For some people their personal relationships can be very beautiful yet their relationship with their parent could be very shitty I have seen a boat load of couples like that. They're very happy but they avoid their parents like the plague.

Theranos girl goes down. Now can we have the same for Trump plz

This test is very misleading and should not be used. Because attachment styles with romantic partners can differ drastically from attachment styles with parents, both relationships governed by very different factors and they put both relationships as well as relationships with other people in the same box. Many people are very secure with their romantic partners yet not at all comfortable with their neighbors. I have done such tests before, but only in the context of romantic solely and it would show up as secure. Whereas this test shows my result as Anxious. But I suffer social anxiety, a psychological disorder, so it's obviously going to show up as Anxious. Yet I'm completely secure and display zero anxiety in personal relationships. In fact, so much so that my anxiety with outside people gets overcompensated by my complete lack of anxiety and feeling of extra protection within a relationship, it serves as a buffer. @Marcel hun could you please take the test as well. Stupid test in my opinion if you're looking for romantic attachment style.

Put on the music. Put on the light and start painting.

I have to work in the night now to escape detection.

I often had this feeling like this forum is too stage Orange. Like everyone is too concerned about what they can get out of this forum but less interested in how they can truly help each other. Of course the advice given here is helpful most of the time, but did it ever feel like the advice was too official without a touch of intimacy? I also felt like the forum was very masculine most of the time, no I'm not talking about the male/female ratio, but rather how all the suggestions are tailored more towards a masculine way of handling things, outcome driven rather than feelings driven. Less integration of compassion and wholesomeness and a passive spiritual approach that mostly feels bogus or impractical. Like for example someone can talk about love, but when you actually talk to them, they run away from you. Also I have a lot of other questions regarding this forum. How is your relationship with this forum? How would you describe it? Is it love-hate, antagonistic, like a mirror, loving, comfortable or complete dislike? How do you feel about interacting here? I would also add that throughout my experience with this forum, I always felt like the forum appeared very polite on the outer front but on the inside, things were a bit murky, in the sense I got a feeling of fakery, like people feign spiritual wisdom here, they say big big things in the Meditation section yet when you personally interact with them, there is a feeling of emptiness and distance /zero intimacy. Did anyone feel similarly?

This is the best yoga position. https://youtube.com/shorts/m4RUCl2RANc?feature=share

Update 2 January 3, 2022. At the same time despite the challenges of the flu (my face is swollen), I feel the feeling of emotional puberty as the greatest joy of my life. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Update 3 January 3, 2022 I don't feel like participating in the forum again. It feels boring and too many trollish threads. It seems like this forum will be taken over eventually. Feels like it went to shit. Obviously there is nothing new to talk about. The same topics again and again. Leo doesn't come too often either. It's basically gone. Also I never see threads being locked like it used to be before. Now even the worst threads continue on and on. Most people who write substantial answers left the forum long ago, never to return back. In the past 24 hours I saw many trolly threads. I give up. Maybe this is just a phase. But I really intuitively feel this won't last. I give this forum 2 years max. After that it's gone. Because many veteran users left.

Update 1 January 3, 2022. This sense of emotional puberty feels great. I still haven't recovered from the flu. It feels absurd because it never lasts this long. Although it feels better than couple of days ago, my head still feels stuffy and warm. I don't like this feeling. I feel very weak. The only thing that feels better is sipping fruit juice. Coles, Flus take out all your energy and cause malaise and weakness. I feel I can hardly walk. I managed to clean some portion of the garden. But i couldn't complete it. I felt tired and I experienced difficulty in breathing.

I feel like I have hit emotional puberty. Sexual puberty is reached at 16-18 and I think emotional puberty is something that takes years after that.

*hugs you tight.

I have no idea how much I have grown emotionally but I feel like I have had intense emotional growth in the past 3 months.

You have to remind yourself that people who troll you are massive cowards. They will never use your name. They will never have a direct confrontation. But guess what trolls and bullies are the biggest cowards of the world.. They will type nonsense sitting behind a computer. But they will never confront in real life. As that needs courage. And they don't have that. And those who don't have courage are worse than any animal on planet earth. These trolls are so scared of real life. Because they know in real life their game is over. People will see them for who they are. They will never amount to anything. Because they wouldn't have been trolls in the first place.

People who write shit about others are the real trolls. Even trolls do better than you.

Well I don't need to waste my time responding to trollish nonsense of yours.. (self reflect).

I always felt like I couldn't stand up and couldn't feel strong. A letter to my family member To my Family Member, this is to you — You took my father's life. This is serious. He didn't deserve to die. I wish I could save him and I will live with this guilt for the rest of my life, the PTSD that you gave me. You miserable moron. You awful awful awful psychopath. You had no right to take his life. And I tried very hard to deal with this trauma. No more of your bullshit promises to help our family. Get the hell out. I know I'm weak although I appear strong. I don't want to hear your sob story. My ex boyfriend Joseph used to say that I'm brainwashed, that you are a very wicked person who is trying to hurt, rather than help. Joseph was a big help. Today I'm crying, tears flooding my eyes, remembering everything Joseph said. I know that Joseph was abusive and hurt me in many ways, he was a narcissist, yet at least he had a conscience. He knew that something bad is happening with me. He was aware of the exploitation. I thank him for opening my eyes. You'll never read this. But you will never be in peace. And that's your karma. You did wrong to our family. You used my family as a weapon in your sick twisted gameplan. You told a lot of wrong things to people to destroy us. My father told you something important before he died. And I think you are such a horrible betrayer, shame on you. I hope I will never have to deal with you again. You can always justify whatever you did, but the pain that you gave me by taking my father's life is unconscionable and I'll have to deal with this pain for the rest of my life. You had zero conscience in that moment. I hope your karma catches up with you. He deserved to die a natural death which you didn't allow because of your extreme greed. What you made me do is extremely traumatic because I was just a teenager who looked up to you for support and you made me commit a sin. You used me for your twisted plan You are a schemer, a narcissist, a psychopath. You destroyed my dreams. You destroyed my health. You destroyed my trust. You destroyed our whole family. I hope God serves you right. My tears today are not in vain. It's a testament of the pain and scars that you gave me. I hope nobody has a family member like you because you are like a cult leader who gives false promises of a better life only to ruin and break trust and exploit. You're like Jim Jones. You can ruin lives. Today my mom saw your real face and realized who you are. You'll never change obviously because your blood is bad, blood doesn't change easily. I hope and pray that I get freedom from you. I hope and pray that I'm liberated from your cult and that a loving God takes care of me. There is justice in this world. I believe in Hindu religion. It talks about justice and peace. "No justice, no peace." it's powerful. Until we get justice as a family, until I get justice as a daughter. Until my father gets justice. I won't die easily... I hope God stands by me and shelters me from your future evil because I know that you are looking for more victims. Repent repent repent... And stop victimizing in the name of victimhood. I have no mercy for you. I just have pity for you. I have known you now. Whatever you did was a grave sin, a crime. You killed somebody and got away with it.. But God watches you. I also know that you have absolutely no remorse for what you did because you don't even remember my father. But even if my life is a total garbage, it served a purpose. I lived, however. Just the way my dad did. Everything is not money. I hope God gives a sweater and blanket to those who feel cold this winter, I hope God saves the homeless. I hope God gives strength to the weak and tired. For a very long time I felt helpless and weak because I had no money. Absolutely no money. I have some money now. But I still feel helpless. I felt weak, helpless, tired, fragile, abandoned, depressed, uncared for although I had huge grit to live life despite my terrible circumstances growing up. I felt dependent, weak, codependent. ( My soul will never rest in peace because of whatever happened to my dad.) I felt dependent, immature, helpless, afraid, lacking in Self confidence. I always felt anxious and I felt like I couldn't do things. I felt incapacitated, incapable, disabled because my mind was not able to believe that I could do things. I felt like I was simply incapable. This was for a very long time. But I want to end that cycle of codependency.. I want to feel like I can do things. I want to feel strong, I want to feel confident, I want to feel secure and self confident. I want to feel independent and matured. And not just feel, but also make things actually happen. I want to feel like I can handle things instead of feeling helpless.. Please God help me to become, strong, secure and independent and get rid of this cultish family that I'm a part of. Give me freedom or give me death

I don't know about that.

@Tim Ho no.

Kinda sad realization. Because I suck at connecting with people in the real world due to social anxiety and most people are on their phones anyway.

Sometimes I tend to admire how other people write. For example this one — Honestly there's way too much diversity within each person to slot them into paths according to their race. Yes they look different but that's about it in my opinion. It's more about the culture being that race attracts, is what shapes the person more. For example being black in america is gonna be a much more different experience and expose you to a much different culture than being white, asian or Indian. Not to mention you'll be born into a family that follows it's own culture. I would recommend that whatever ideas you hold about each race, search the opposite of it on google and find lots and lots of examples that contradict your ideas about the world, and then find views that contradict even that. This way you'll be exposed to much much more diversity and variety and develop an even more nuanced worldview.