Preety_India

@Space Lizard huge difference. False equivalence. Obese people can't spread obesity, it's not contagious.

OK done with journaling for today. I'll write the rest tomorrow.

Someone who dies in the hospital from Covid after denying the vaccine for months on end.

Update 4 January 8, 2022 I tend to get a bit disoriented when I wake up, as if I'm in the middle of jungle not knowing where to go. Writing in the journal helps me to feel grounded. Girl, what happened to not participating in the forum? You just did Answer to self = that's because I just woke up and when I'm just woken up, my brain is gooey and a mess. Then in that state, I click on a thread and start replying, that kinda acts like a kicker. But control control control control.. Tomorrow onwards, no more replying to any thread. Okay??? Just pure focus on the journal. I did my social responsibility and social obligation to this forum by writing this thread. If anyone on this forum commits suicide in the future, my reply is going to be this same thread. Yes there is some responsibility on the part of the owner to look into the suicides and put general disclaimers. Also having compassion for suicidal people will go a long way. I had many talking points in the thread. I saw that this forum has a dismissive attitude towards suicide, it's generally like "this is not our job." sorry! to me it appears as dismissal. Once I know I finished my obligation to this forum, I can have peace of mind and move on. That was probably my last thread. Leaving aside all of that, I have to be back on track with myself and continue to grow myself this year. I really didn't even think about my new year goals. OK that's going to be in my bucket list. I will have two lists to work on - one is a TO Do list, just to keep a track on work and projects and the second list is going to be the bucket list which will entail things I wish to accomplish or hope to accomplish this year or things that I generally want or should want. For example, one of the things I want is to have concrete goals for the year 2022. No wishy washy. No laziness. No monkey business. No blankness. No being clueless about what I want. The new year began while I was in a stupor from the flu. Time went by and it's already a week now. It helps to keep a track. So I barely have had time to make concrete plans and goals for the new year. Messy start I can say. One thing that was good was that I flipped through some zodiac information on my horoscope and came to know that red is going to be my lucky color. Synchronically, I had already ordered red jewelry before even reading the horoscope. That was a bit unusual, but not too unusual since my brain always works like a psychic, always had. So I'm not surprised that my brain picked the red color automatically. I got all the red jewellery now, except maybe a few rings that are going to be delivered. Apart from that I wanted to start my new journey this year and celebrate healing and leave my unfortunate past for good. Since I suffer from PTSD, this is a huge challenge, as one of the hallmark signs of PTSD is the constant resurgence or resurfacing of the past through rumination, a traumatized brain tends to vomit constantly until its finally done and over with and can move on. Pressuring it to move on prematurely (without adequate vomiting) is like dressing the wound with multiple layers of cloth and not letting it get oxygen to heal. If the dressing is not removed, the wound might get infected. Similarly if bottled up emotions are suppressed further, they will find an outlet in the future to explode like a ticking bomb. I guess that's what happens to mall shooters. They never get enough time or space to heal and bottled up emotions then explode like a bomb all at once. It gets explosive when it's not dealt with. Don't push yourself when it comes to healing. Vent as much as possible. And then the mind reaches a point where it's ready to finally let go and move on. This year I'm ready to move on. This is mostly happening because of Marcel. He is kinda fast tracking my progress. I'll have to gradually lose my attachment to the past. And then swiftly move on. To celebrate this moment of launching myself I bought a bunch of lipsticks (lol). I know it sounds cheap but lipsticks make me happy, I'm the girly girl.

Feeling so sick and tired right now. Woke up feeling shitty again. Had a bad dream but completely forgot upon waking up.

Yea before joining the forum, I wasn't exactly a fan, but I admired the hard work he put in into his 2016 campaigning, can't deny that. But once I joined the forum, my views about trump changed upon further digging into his past and observing his role as a president, a far cry from what he appeared during the campaigning days. I was never a fan but once I saw how he handled things as a president, suffice to say I developed an intense dislike for him. He is quite delusional and a freak.

could you please enlighten me when? Ever since I joined the forum I only remember talking negative about Trump. Please enlighten me when I was positive, I would be quite delighted.

Update 4 January 8, 2022 work related update, January 8, 2022(Refer To do list.)

To do list. Work related updates.

The problems I'm currently facing that I need to conquer this year are — Depression Anxiety Panic Nightmares PTSD Rage issues due to PTSD Suicidal ideation Insomnia Learning disorders and disability Memory issues

Update 3 January 8, 2022

Update 2 January 8, 2022 I had promised myself that I won't be participating in this forum again. What happened to that? I cannot stand this place. Yet sometimes I'm tempted to answer some questions. .

@Space Lizard I have lived in America. My family also lives there for more than 20 years now. Plus I don't need media. The fact that someone like Trump even got elected is evidence enough of how things have turned from bad to worse.

The roots of fascism have sadly already been sowed in America soil. The statue of Liberty (which I hold in highest regard in relation to American principles) has never before faced such a threat. It's left to be seen in the next 10 years, whether fascism will win or people's faith in democratic structures will be restored. God save America. Make America safe again. America will either be ruled by democratic leaders or by someone like Saddam Hussein.

Update 1 January 8, 2022 I woke up feeling shitty. I had dreams. I was crying in those dreams. Nobody could understand my pain and my wounds. I was thinking about the men who hurt me and betrayed me. It hurts how they mistreated me. It hurt deep. I felt like trash. I felt like a slave. I felt objectified. I felt like dirt. Like nobody cared about me. My Vulnerability was used against me. I felt terrible.

Q A Shaman is going to be my next case study. He is an interesting gateway into the minds of QA psychology and ideology of most conservatives and illogical buttheads. I'll note it down for future references.

Doesn't genetic potential matter in every aspect of life and living? Why should it not matter in dating then? Is dating not an aspect of life like others?

A recap.

I think 2022 is a year of healing for me. I want to celebrate this healing with a bunch of lipsticks. This year is special for me. Because I'm finally out of the trap of emotionally abusive relationships at last AT LAST AT LAST AT LAST AT LAST I WILL NEVER BE IN SUCH RELATIONSHIPS AGAIN. THEY DAMAGED ME DEEPLY BUT I LEARNED MY LESSON. I'm finally moving on with a healthy relationship. I will leave the past behind. It might take time but it will happen.

It's time to move on. It's time to heal. It's time to feel gentle again. I had several mental breakdowns last year. I couldn't take it. It was so difficult. Thank God I have Marcel. He is slowly healing me.

I barely slept. I was constantly haunted by my past, all the past relationships, Mr SHT (my first boyfriend), my second boyfriend Mr Bud and my third boyfriend Joseph. These people damaged me psychologically through mental abuse, emotional abuse and gaslighting. People will never understand how deep emotional abuse can go and how it can impact. Any loveless relationship hurts deeply and changes the psyche. I used to always experience deep anxiety in these relationships. They used to say horrible things to me. I was fat shamed even when I'm not fat I was ugly shamed even when I am not ugly.. I was constantly judged on my appearance. I was constantly judged negatively for every little fucking thing. These men are not men but straight from hell. I was traumatized to such an extent that I didn't want a man anymore in my life. They were cruel to me. They took advantage of my attachment and vulnerability. Since they could not attack me physically they started attacking me emotionally. I fucking hate them. God forbid if they came in front of me. I wish them nothing but eternal misery and hell for the damage they did to my brain. After suffering abuse, your brain becomes so sensitive. I can hardly operate properly. I was hospitalized on multiple occasions because of the abuse. I will never forget. I hope they get their karma for manipulation and abuse. It's a sick thing to do.. If you have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you will never be able to comprehend what I'm writing..

I watched this video and bought a few lipsticks. I just want this new year with new makeup and on a new note. I want to feel good. I want to feel like I deserve things. I never invested in Self care. I have never been gentle with myself. I never felt like I deserved anything in life. I always felt unworthy and useless. I want to upgrade my self esteem.. I want to feel good again. I want to feel worthy again. Last year I was very depressed. This year I want to feel new and come alive. I want to restart my life. I want to get out of my trauma.

Update 1 January 8, 2022 I woke up feeling shitty. I had dreams. I was crying in those dreams. Nobody could understand my pain and my wounds. I was thinking about the men who hurt me and betrayed me. It hurts how they mistreated me. It hurt deep. I felt like trash. I felt like a slave. I felt objectified. I felt like dirt. Like nobody cared about me. My Vulnerability was used against me. I felt terrible.

I wanted to get a few colors from the Masaba Nykaa range but I'm so confused, I don't know which one to pick. They're all kinda similar. Btw, I simply love this video. Love these lipsticks

I got 1 red and 3 grape, purple, lavender colors. (1 more monee) Also liked this music.