Preety_India

Even if my mother acts like a total narcissist, maybe I can still show her some love. Sometimes I wonder I can try. Although the relationship might never heal, I can at least look out for her wellbeing in the best way I can. She will need my help. That time I can be there for her in whatever I can. That's one way I can show my love for her. For the time being, I will be silent and not bother talking to her. Or repair the relationship. Because it won't work. A narcissist will always be a narcissist. So the communication barrier she constantly creates is always going to stay.. I pray that she finds better sense and connects and reconciles with her daughter before she leaves planet earth. Hopefully she will at least give me that closure I'm always looking for. At least she can make peace before she goes. She hurt me in the worst manner possible throughout my childhood. She was majorly responsible for all the trauma she created with her relationship with my dad. She gave me wounds that are difficult to heal. Yet she has one last chance to make it all right in the end. And even if she doesn't I will simply forget everything and move on and consider it my destiny. Regarding the other psychopath in my family, I don't know what exactly to do with that one. Because they have committed a crime And they have gotten away with it. I can't spill the details. But they have gotten away with a big crime. I am not going to deal with that person at all. I won't exactly forgive them. But I won't think anything positive with them. I just wish to be as far away from them as possible. They are dangerous. Very dangerous. So i just pray to God that I never have to deal with them. Because they can do the unthinkable any time. It's like you are dealing with someone like Casey Anthony in your family. How are you even supposed to forgive a psychopath when you know what they are doing. It's dangerous. I'm scared of that person.. I just pray deeply that I never have to deal with them..even the thought of facing that person frightens me. I just hope my future life is peaceful.

Narcissists never change. You can't change them.. You can't expect them to change In their minds, they are just entitled to themselves and have little regard for other's boundaries.. It's not like I will love my mother and she will suddenly start respecting my boundaries. It's like narcissists force you to hate them because hate is the only language they understand. Love is a stranger to a narcissist.. Love basically means "you're ready to be abused" to a narcissist. If I showed her love, she would do worse things. Like she used to when I was a kid. I have realized that the only language that works for a narcissist is that of boundaries. You simply tell them that "this hurts." That's all. Let them go. Don't think about changing them. Don't expect mercy or empathy for them because they don't have it in them. You can't force a person to feel empathy for you. I can't force my mother to want to hug me. She used to push me away if I tried to hug her. It's painful. It's hurtful. But at some point you have to accept what it is. You simply can't impress a narcissist. They don't want your love. They only want an obedient slave or toy that they can use whenever they want. Just like Joseph. He never wanted to be loved. He wanted to use people. Eventually everyone left including me. I tried hard to love him, to make him feel better, to do everything he wanted, only for him to betray me. He betrayed his brother, his mom, his ex wife, his friends. He betrayed everyone and yet he was the victim to be sympathized with. He never reflected on how he hurt others and pushed them away. He hurt those who stood for him, those who helped him and used them only for whatever he needed them for.. And when his job was done, he discarded them like trash and made new friends, that is new captives. This is the Saga of the narcissist. They will never change no matter how much love you show them.. They will play with you, break your boundaries, see what they can get out of you that benefits them and then throw you out like you never existed. You love them, you lose your own well being in the process. You stay away from them, you stay healthy.

Sometimes I stop and think — what kind of a relationship should I have with my mother? Why should I want a reconciliation with her when she all does is hurt me, betray me at every turn and has zero empathy for me? Why should I even bother to build a relationship with her when she doesn't feel the need to try anything on her side? This new year's, when a relative of mine called, they wished her a new Year and told her to spend more time with me. It was like a sarcastic remark intended to let her know that she never spends time with me. I'm always torn between wanting to rebuild my relationship with her versus absolutely wanting nothing to do with her, because her unempathetic behaviour, her need to start a fight, her delusions, her useless accusations at me (she once accused me of stealing things from her room when I don't even enter her room, such accusations hurt), her need to control every little goddamn thing and her absolute selfish callousness makes me feel like it's not worth it. It's lapping up to a narcissist. Whats the point of showing her love? She takes it in a narcissistic way. The same problem that I encountered with Joseph Every time I would show love and affection to Joseph, he would start behaving mean and offensive and say very bad stuff like offensive racist jokes. It gets very hard to deal with a narcissist. You show them love and they act mean in return. They immediately take advantage of you being polite with them. They say obnoxious and hurtful things. And when you cut off with them, they start acting kind and friendly to rope you back in. Like a lure. She does the same thing as Joseph used to do. Whenever I show her love, she gets very nasty and mean. And passes it off as some joke or humour. But it's hurtful. And whenever I pull away from her, she starts to act like she wants to warm up and act nice. I'm fed up with such mind games that narcissists play. I don't want this abusive relationship.. Being with her feels like being with an abusive partner. It's not good.. Someone's kindness shouldn't be taken for granted. You can't love a narcissist. Period. You try to love them. They return that gesture with —"you are my slave now. Or I guess I can say whatever i want or I can do whatever I want with you." they immediately start breaking your boundaries the moment you show them some love. It's like you're loving a parasite. The moment you are nice to them, they start toying with your emotions and boundaries. And then you recoil in repulsion and you response is like "what the hell, get off." Then they start acting nice again when they see that you're walking away. I'm so done with this. This is not a mother's love. This is narcissistic abuse.

Update 3, January 15, 2022 My body still feels very weak. Today I will try some herbal remedy. I just don't like how I feel. I feel feverish. I have been sick for nearly 20 days now. Today I'm feeling very anxious since morning. My mom started a fight over nothing. She called me a liar when I was telling her the truth. She wouldn't even listen. This is what I hate about her. She uses every little thing as a weapon and starts some drama. Then she started hurling abuses at me. I guess a part of my anxiety comes from not having peace at home. I wish she had at least 1% understanding of what life is. It's pathetic. She makes everything look easy. Yea because she was just a housewife being fed by my dad. She has no idea what it takes to face the world and how brutal survival can be. She never had to go through an abusive relationship. She never had to face a boss. She never had to face in laws who would abuse or harass. She never had to face financial struggles. Everything her husband did for her. Or her children did for her. Me and siblings helped her. Every time she had a problem, I would take her to the doctor. Every time I had a problem, there was nobody for me except abusive ex boyfriends. She had a caring husband who financially provided for her till his death and then her children provided for her. So she has no idea how brutal the world can be. If she lived among people in a house and behaved how she behaves with me, people will just throw her out. Her mannerisms, her anger, her drama, nobody will put up with her crap one bit. The way she starts acting like a bully and mean with me, nobody outside will put up with that. I have often seen doctors getting frustrated with her,because she doesn't stop. She annoys them to the max.. She talks bullshit non stop. And she has zero empathy. She didn't ask me even once if I'm feeling okay. She didn't care to ask "what's the matter? You have been sick for so long. " it just doesn't matter to her. She will simply look at me like a stranger. It hurts because this is what she did all my life. She never looked at me with compassion or empathy. She would laugh and watch TV if I or my dad were in any kind of trouble I would feel sorry for my dad if he was ill. But she wouldn't. I'm just baffled by this appalling lack of empathy towards family members.. It's hard to even open up to her because she has absolutely zero capacity for listening. She can't listen to someone's struggles. She will simply get up and leave. I can't understand how a person can even go on living like this as though they are having tunnel vision. It baffles me.. Does this person even have a soul???? I remember one day when I was bleeding like hell, this was in 2015, and I was shaking, trembling, I had been too weak too walk, I had lost a lot of weight, I was just practically a skeleton, I thought to myself that I might die anytime, and I remember one of the neighbors asking her, "why don't you take your daughter to the hospital, she doesn't seem well." I mean a neighbor had to remind her that I needed hospitalization. That's when she came to me and said, "okay I think we need to go to the doctor because this is getting worse." I mean I had been thinking about going to the doctor and I was bedridden unable to walk, my brain was weak, I was not even able to put sentences together and this woman did not feel the need to show me to a doctor??? Yet when she is even slightly ill, she runs to the hospital for help and commands me to take her. And I always follow her commands like an obedient servant. What a lame excuse of a mother. This sick woman starts a fight calling me abusive names even when I'm feeling ill and bedridden. She has zero mercy. Today I was going to do something to feel better in the morning but this woman ruined it by fighting.

Thank you hun. Your words help me so much.

Check for main airtel number 2 again. 7760 (main airtel number 2) Because I remember doing a second recharge for this number.

To-do list

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Symbols to be used Work completed. Finished tasks ✔️✅ Unfinished, incomplete, partially done, or uncompleted tasks ♦️ Tasks to be done at a later time in the near future. ? Tasks to be done now or later. ? Tasks canceled. ? Reminders. ? Symbols ???✅✔️♦️?

List of recharges Recharges numbers ???????? 7795 (main airtel number) 7760 (main airtel number 2) 9844 (vodafone number 1) 7996 (vodafone number 2) Underlined those that belong to me. ????????? Recharge for airtel number 1 (m) begins with 7795 Expired on December 31. Recharge again ? Recharge for airtel number 7760 (main airtel number 2) ISD pack 18 bucks for 28 days from today December 4, 2021. Till December 31. Expired on December 31. Recharge again. ? Recharge for vodafone number 1.. 9844 number Recharge for vodafone number 1.. 984××××× number Inditab recharge on December 1 2021 at 9.30 pm. For 459 bucks.validity till 84 days from December 1. Validity till February 22, 2022 I did an Inditab recharge Don't recharge now. Recharge again on February 23. 2022. ? Recharge for vodafone number 2.. This number is 7996 Recharge for vodafone number 2 (79 ×××××× number) Recharge for 1799 bucks. Validity is 1 year from today December 4 2021. Expires on December 3 2022. Call every month for this number. Unlimited calls.

When has Rogan spread correct information?

I woke up with a blocked nose. My body temperature rose significantly to the point that I had to visit the bathroom and it was painful. My lower body felt very hot, like blazing hot. I don't know what was happening. I don't remember what I ate.

I'll divide these into two 3 groups. Core properties Spiritual values Healing words #empyrealideas 1.Core properties Positivity "feeling better" Healing and growing Empathy and compassion 2. Spiritual values Compassion and empathy Wisdom Judgement Maturity (general) Awareness Emotional Maturity Embracing Reality Supreme Understanding 3.Healing words healing psychic guidance nourishing Protective Growing Enriching Uplifting Inner child Holistic health Psychic spiritual coaching Naturopathy ?Healing ?wholesome ?protective ? nourishing ?enriching ?uplifting

I think Positivity is extremely important with any issue you're facing in life. What matters is that you heal and grow. Always have empathy and compassion in your heart no matter what. Then I even talked about spiritual values. I will need a recap. So we have Positivity "feeling better" Healing and growing Empathy and compassion

I'm crying. This was so hard to watch. I hope Trump faces his karma. Too many people suffered because of his propaganda.

I don't think so.

Objectively yes. Subjectively no.

Mini updates I'll focus on these words. healing psychic guidance nourishing Protective Growing Enriching Uplifting Inner child Holistic health Psychic spiritual coaching Naturopathy ?Healing ?wholesome ?protective ? nourishing ?enriching ?uplifting

Mini updates.. January 14, 2022, 6.am I still feel a bit weak. But I slept kinda okay. That's a huge improvement from how I slept a couple of days ago. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Bill time. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° I had 3 words in my mind yesterday. And I forgot to note it down. One word was healing. Another word was probably psychic. Maybe nourishing Protective Growing Enriching. Uplifting. Then there are other words. Inner child Holistic health Psychic spiritual coaching Naturopathy

Mini updates.. Separator. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° I got a bunch of lipsticks. I just love them. I will post pictures when I put it on. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Want to focus on positivity. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Moosh moosh. Love you. Kusss.

Will fill out these later. Update 3, January 15, 2022