Preety_India

I had used some characters here as well.

Finally found it after digging into my old journals. So this was the girl I was looking for. The girl had no name.. I used to simply refer to her as the quirky girl.

I can't believe back then I had made a 30 character list for my writing projects. This whole journal was about female characters. I'll look into this mint model again.

Oh lol I had done this last year I remember that.

I remember creating an endless list of girl characters because I was desperately looking for a girl who would be my closest girlfriend that I could freely confide anything with.. I never developed that sort of an intimacy with a girl. But I always wanted the girl character.. Plus I also wanted to be inspired by some specific characters. Since I didn't find anyone in particular, I decided to create my own versions of inspiring motivating girl characters. This is a whole list of endless girl characters I created in old journals

Bring the door closer to self focus and self healing. Mini updates. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Self compassion Self attunement Self healing Self focus Now what is Preety going to today for self focus — First clean the garden once again. Water the plants. Drink some water yourself.. Drink some orange juice.. Remember the focus should be on yourself throughout this time.

The door to freedom is closer and closer. Nearer and nearer. It will happen.

This is January 19, 2022. Don't be anxious. It will be alright. Just a little more struggle every day and you will be out of this..

Oki... Time to fall to myself — "calm down Preety. Let the shoulder pain go. Slowly wake up. It will be alright. I know this struggle is pretty intense but there will be a silver lining to it all. Don't give up. This is your life. You wanted to live for your dad. Everything is gonna be okay. Keep your eyes wide awake right now. Just try to deflect the anxiety. Keep patience. Things will be fine. I know that you are feeling anxious because January is slowly slipping away and it's scaring the shit out of you because you have very limited time and opportunity to be independent. If not now then never. Try to slowly do things you need to do. Ask yourself this - what can I do right now for my "self," only for my self? And proceed with that thought in mind. "

The moment I place boundaries with her she starts threatening me. I am so fed up. Narcissistic abuse is very tough to deal with.

Was feeling anxious again. I need to develop some sort of a self protective system. I'm having severe shoulder pain right now. Sometimes I feel like slapping my mom because she caused me so many medical issues through childhood neglect and intentional damage. She intentionally let me suffer whenever I needed medical help because she didn't want to spend money on my treatments. She would completely neglect my needs as a child and never take me to the hospital whenever I needed medical attention. Total child abuse. I try to keep pushing her out of my life so that I don't want the same pattern to repeat again. Today in the morning she was once again acting demanding and trying to waste my time. Morning I woke up to her loud banging music coming from her room.. This woman is a shitty excuse for a mother. I won't allow her to ruin my life. She did this all her life where everything was all about her. I had a very hard time maintaining any boundary with her because she is a control freak. It took me more than 6 months just to convince her that she needs to stay out of my room. That she should just let me do things on my own and interfere in my matters. She still doesn't listen. But I'm not going to put up this any longer. She did this all life. Like a narcissist, she never allowed anyone to speak in the house. Everyone had to be silent for her. I was never allowed to live my life. My father was never allowed to live his life But enough is enough. I have finally recognized that this dangerous pattern of narcissistic abuse is destroyed my peace of mind and my life. I need to tell her strictly to stay out of my life. And to give me space. But she just doesn't understand the meaning of space or letting others be themselves. I'm tired of fighting for my own independence and space. Either I have to move out or I have to keep boundaries.

Being irreplaceable and being 1 in billions is what you should be proud of.

Update 5, January 19, 2022 Fill out later. Quote Emotions part 1 Emotions part 2

Mini updates as well general updates °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° January 19. 2022, 10.51 am. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Proforma for this journal. Mini updates with timestamp General updates (just date) Work related updates To do list references with work related updates

Update 3, January 19, 2022 . Fill out later.

Update 1, January 19, 2022 How am I feeling today?

I agree with Leo. Don't meet your caloric needs in just one meal. You need division of labor. Have 2-3 small meals a day. That's how it's done if you want to be healthy eating.

I have a similar situation but it's my mom. My dad is dead and her toxicity was responsible for it. And I have always had this conflict whether I should completely cut her off or not. You have to come a wise judgement. Important is your own well being. Often times it was hard for me because I was torn between showing compassion for my mother versus looking after my own well being. I guilted myself for years. Please don't guilt yourself for doing what is good for you. Empathy and compassion should not mean that you have to sacrifice your own well being. This was a hard earned lesson for me

Thank God hun. You're such a wonderful woman. I had a query. I have recently recovered just like days ago from a horrible flu. Would it be safe for me to to get a vaccine/booster right now like in a week or should I need to wait more?