Preety_India

This forum is extremely useful. If the forum is sold to someone else, it would be corrupted and misused and completely lose it's value. As of now, the forum is at its best in so many years.

I appreciate that a lot. It was a huge fear that it would really harm this place more than anything. So I'm glad that you are ensuring that PMs are safe.

I don't mind you reading pms at all because you obviously need to know what's happening behind your back. Also for the safety of this website. I'm just glad that you won't allow others to read PMs because they can seriously do harm. One major fear I had about this place was that people could be sharing drug/psychedelic sourcing related information through PMs and that can hurt this website. So that shouldn't happen.

How do you know that somebody is abusing or misusing pms or hurting community? How would you know which users are doing this?

Also there are huge safety concerns. When I moved out and the place I was renting, two girls who were living alone were raped. So that place had safety issues Most people who live with their parents are safer, especially girls.

I'm also a bit codependent on her so this is not just about money. I need to be able to feel psychologically independent before I move out I had the money to move out back in 2019/20 but I moved back in with her because of psychological dependency. I mean she never allowed me to do anything on my own. That creates a lot of dependency.

My own survival is in great danger day to day. I live in fear that one day she will kill me. She has said on multiple occasions that she won't hesitate to kill me because she thinks I'm not deserving of life.

I mean I feel like doing it. If I had a gun I would have gone long ago. What I meant is that I'm feeling suicidal. I'm unable to cope with my circumstances. It gets worse..

I need to stop talking to this woman till the day she dies or I die. She doesn't deserve this. She never deserved a child.. Fucking abuser. She took a wonderful child and turned that child into a mess with her control and domination. I don't know why God gives children to such people. There are so many good people in this world that deserve children and they want children and they can't have. Why didn't i die when I was born? "why didn't I just die in the womb? Why this life of suffering under a pathetic person who took advantage of me all my life. Placing boundaries with her is no use. I just need to stop talking to her altogether. Now the Covid is done with. I'm recovering. I don't need her anymore. I was codependent on her when I fell sick. Now I don't need to anymore As abused victims we sabotage our own lives. We can't love ourselves enough. We are desperately looking for love and attention.

It's time to love myself. And I need to love myself a lot. I need to take care of myself finally. Somehow I need to do this on my own. Nobody will do it for me. I wish I had a cousin or relative who would know what's happening and who would help. I wish I could talk to someone from the neighborhood and tell them that I'm suffering. I can't. Nobody talks because of the mask mandates. Plus I have Covid now. I can't talk to any one because of that. I'm basically quarantined because of Covid

My mom has ruined my life. I need to stop talking to her. It's too much. I can't keep acting anymore. This woman is an abuser. I can't expect anything good if she has never been good. I don't want to talk to her anymore, I don't even feel like talking to her.. She is an absolute mess and a manipulator. She causes me tremendous anxiety. I wish her nothing but pure rot in hell She is more dangerous than Covid.

Looking back everything was so fucked up I had a chance to do better when I was leaving my second ex. That time a couple of years ago just when I joined this forum. I feel like I had a golden opportunity. I could have made things work out for the better. I wish I had better sense than be with Joseph. Joseph really ruined my health. He was like the final nail in the coffin. With him I had suffered terribly. Too many panic attacks, his control. It was too much. Leaving Joseph felt like liberation.. I could only leave him in 2020 finally. This is 2022. I just feel terrified and miserable and deeply scared and worried. My mind feels very weak.

Thank you. Your words mean a lot. I hope I get out of this.

There is hope. Everything can become better. I can survive a few more years somehow. Although I don't think I'll survive long. But I live another 5 years that would be great. With my present medical situation I don't think I can make it far

This can work at least for the time being before moving out . Thank you

Just don't talk to your mother anymore. Enough is enough. I am very nervous and terrified.

I'm constantly having panic attacks.

Today is February 16. Love yourself please. That's the only way out. Don't be afraid. Have courage. You will get through this. Please don't be scared.

I'm just too scared right now. Just too scared. I feel terrified after I woke up. It was a nightmare. I constantly felt like I wanted to throw up.

@Something Funny right now I'm jobless and I'm just recovering from Covid. I am constantly suffering fever. I'm waiting to recover and feel better. I can't even think in this state, let alone plan anything.

My anxiety is at peak point right now. I'm deathly scared and anxious.

My new slogan

I'm still scared to go to the kitchen. She is there all the time. I woke up with nightmares and in my dreams She was coming towards me and I was screaming for help. I'm too scared of her. The fear is just extreme. Her presence causes me to have panic attacks. She used to verbally and physically assault me as a child. I hope she rots in hell.

Woke up with nightmares. Not a good feeling.

It's 2 30 am and I took my medication.