Preety_India

Chapter 171 January 15 Today a big thing happened. I was very frustrated with the game. With the coop Lizard Lounge. Terrible experience of politics and alienation and unnecessary pressure. Couldn't cope up and no fun . So finally called it quits. Quit the coop and joined TorriLei . Nice.. feel better.. no stress now. No pressure. Just goes to show that politics never changes. Same old selfishness and bs. Today was a stressful day in the evening when I suddenly made the decision to switch the coop.best decision. Sometimes the best decisions require a childish courage and a fitful reaction. You gotta do it if you feel like it. Don't hold back at all. Because that's the way. Just go with it. And don't put up no more. . especially if the risk is too low. I was in the coop since last 6 months and today I suddenly decided to leave. It was a fit. A sudden decision out of anger but I don't regret it .in fact I like it. It was brave to quit something that is damaging.

Chapter 170 January 14 Family and money are 2 sources of evil. They both are abusive and toxic. The only way is to stay away from both. The only relationship that remains pure is with God. Stay alone. Try to be less dependent on money. Have a wonderful relationship with God. That's the way to live a pure life.

You get attracted to narcissists in the following situations Emotional weakness Emotional deprivation Bullying and past or historical abuse Dysfunctional family Illness Empathetic behavior Anxiety Depression Loneliness Old age Lack of family support Burnout - lack of experience and awareness. Traits and red flags Domination Control freak Selfishness even with little things Total power Abusive words Gaslighting Contradiction Trivialization Insecurity Infantlization Codependency Lack of appreciation Lack of help or cooperation when needed Lack of appreciation in public Emotional blackmailing Victim playing Crying as a weapon of the last resort. Will keep you deliberately confused. Love to create chaos Will provoke and bully Will create unnecessary conflict Purposely ignore you or don't respond to make you feel less important. Use you when they need you Pull you back when you are trying to go away Get scared when you are trying to escape them. Typical abusive trait. Will intentionally deprive you of basic affection and love and care. They will make you beg for your attention Grand delusions. They want you to praise them and make them feel important and special They want to feel superior in the relationship They secretly envy you despite claiming they love you They pick on your faults and lack and defects or mistakes They compare you to others. They will not sacrifice for you even if it means very little or small compromises They don't show gratefulness They demand more. Bossy behavior. Whatever you do is never enough If you do wrong or right you're microscopically judged and you are always wrong no matter what. They give you silent treatment They deliberately try to engage you. Alienation of affection

She tries to engage me all the time. Try being aware of it. Keep daily awareness points.

January 11 Either you be smart or you learn the harder way

January 10 Forgot to get cartons. Fill up the flourer box.

Morning wake up time Observed sweating and slight headaches and asthmatic breathing. The nightmarish palpitations could be triggered due to pulmonary hypertension and asthmatic breathing causing shallow breaths and giving a wrong signal to the heart inducing anxiety in the brain. Pseudo anxiety.

Today was a busy day. Trying to do F goals.

Didn't see the forest for the trees. Even if you are a nut, if you are with the wrong person, this is what happens. Get g bags and inform p about maintenance. Get money and get spray The only act of kindness I need to do is to myself now. I have neglected and ignored myself for too long

Maladaptive delusions. Delusional disorder. Stay away from toxic people. "I've done nothing wrong. I claim my life back." You're a shady person Do what is compatible for you. Take control of your life

January 8 Today I had a physio appointment. Just finished it. She was so fat omg. How can a physio be so fat. Aren't they supposed to deal with body mass index and all that. It's just stupid. They just give simple solutions when I have knee pain. It's the same thing all the time like everything in the world has a quick fix. Do these people even understand that the body is more complex than they think and everything cannot be fixed just like that.

Focus this entire year on yourself

He is shady and caddish. He keeps his business under wraps. He has stuff in his mind and he is evasive about it. He has his wandering ways and I don't have patience for that anymore.

I observed that I don't go dry when I nose breathe

I could be having a certain degree of following disorders. Anxiety Depression Emotional distress syndrome Schizoid personality Emotional instabilities Dissociation disorder Burnout. Tunnel vision Mild autism Emotional codependency Self destructive suicidal behavior Avoidance or aversion Emotional Hypersensitivity. Emotional weakness Major depression I will need to slowly work my way out of these. It's going to be an uphill battle. Toxic environment has caused these conditions to aggravate.

I think the lack of activity and thinking of crucial ideas is due to mild autism in me.

January 6 Chapter 162 I forgot to sign in as P learrnings. That's what I'm going to do from now. Steps I'm gonna take to deal with this new relationship Sign in as P learrnings. Keep low key Do not have a conversation about relationships Stay off and avoid as much as possible. You made it clear in December that you are just a friend and that you aren't going there.. Now you don't have to carry the burden of guilt. You made it all clear. You didn't do anything wrong. Ignore any comment that is insulting.. Reduce text time. Do chats Discuss about other stuff Conveniently move out of his space. Don't give him much time of the day. Say you're busy.. Pull yourself back emotionally. Don't be emotionally invested at all. He is playing a game with your life. Understand that. Stay away from his toxicity. Always praise him to keep him happy. Don't get him angry. Keep just one account to reduce hassle Communicate less and less frequently maybe thrice a week. This reduces the frequency of fights. Do not message consecutively. Like keep a day off between two days of communication. This way it doesn't get too heavy. The sign in as p learnings is a great idea. I am so dumb. It just didn't click in my head. It didn't occur to me even if I created that account a year ago almost and never used it. Now it's gonna be put to good use. The idea became so much more workable when I was on the trip. It was an excellent way of distracting myself from the toxicity. I realize that most of the time I'm just dumb or unaware or not getting brilliant ideas. I'm like stuck in the head, like a fog in the brain. It's like tunnel vision and and probably hidden depression. Or just plain laziness. But I'm not really lazy because I think a lot No idea why this happens. It's a part of my self destructive behavior that will eventually unravel itself.. I'm just sitting with no ideas in the brain. This could be because of carelessness, I don't know, maybe I suffer from dissociation disorder, so my thoughts are all over the place and don't form a coherent pattern and combined with very high emotional instability. I have realized it could also be a part of autism I guess I have diagnosed myself. I could be having a certain degree of following disorders. Anxiety Depression Emotional distress syndrome Schizoid personality Emotional instabilities Dissociation disorder Burnout. Tunnel vision Mild autism Emotional codependency Self destructive suicidal behavior Avoidance or aversion Being around narcissistic people has aggravated my condition.

The cracking of lips happens when there is improper mouth breathing. Noted. Write about bills on sequence notes.

Chapter 161 Note to myself - if you're bringing a man in your life, bring a good one and a really good one, not a bad one or a semi - good one because it's a source or tension and unnecessary stress. A source of chaos is all it becomes. A relationship takes over life and emotions can be very addictive and stubborn. There should be a no compromise policy. Any compromise is seriously harmful. Any compromise is an indication of low self worth and low self esteem and lack of boundaries. And lack of self care, in short carelessness and self destructive behavior. Don't treat your body like a toy and play with your mental and physical health. Your body deserves more love from you. And

A break from everything can make such a huge difference. Break from humanity and life lol.

Pay bills.

Chapter 160 This relationship is a joke and it's BS.. I've ended it finally. We are just friends I also told him that during the trip in mid December but I guess he didn't take me seriously I feel free. But I will always long for the person I fell in love with. Always. He was the prince charming of my life. Its sad that I went through horrendous year in 2018 with him. It was a train wreck. But anyway. I'm glad I'm over it now. One day I will thank myself

Saturday January 5 Chapter 159 He will talk whenever he wants or whenever he misses me. I am no longer going to show that I'm invested in any way. I am moving on and I will make that clear. I have this guilt that I broke your heart but anyway. It had to happen. It was too toxic. I am focusing on better things and this year will finally bring hope that never existed before. My relationship struggles are over for good.

Won't be in any groups anymore. No more drama. And also won't be on Facebook that much. It's just toxic. Will post something nice once a while. Will keep just one account on the private text service. This way its easier to deal when there is a block situation. No more boobie around the block or pitying myself and no more dealing with the stress of handling accounts and moving back and forth with angry messages on multiple accounts. If he doesn't want to talk, it's fine. It's fine if the whole thing is frozen. I have told him already on new years eve that I won't be coming to his place ever. I made myself clear and I no longer carry the burden of not having told or cleared anything. I am just a friend now. And it's no longer any more emotional. I'm pulling back emotionally I mean. No more hangups. No more guilt and getting guilt tripped.... The break of nearly 15 days helped in the process of healing from this toxic relationship.

Made my first Facebook post after a break. Didn't want to be there for a while