Preety_India

Time to get super serious and concerned with my business.

So what's on the agenda. I'm going to bring about some really significant changes in my life this point on. I am going to be ultra busy and ultra serious about everything. Because it's now or never. I am seriously going to bring peace and stability and health and healing in my life. That's a firm resolve. And this time there will be no sabotage and no excuses.

March 31 Im fed up with people who are trying to put me in their boxes of perceptions. I'm just not who they are trying to portray me as. I know who I am and I'm pretty sure about who I am. So f with these people. I don't have to give a f. My mom tried for several years to make me look like a lazy person. My ex boyfriend tried to make me look like a killer. An evil person. My current boyfriend tries to make me look like a bit*h. I am just not these. I have done nothing to them. I'm tired of everyone. I better be myself. And this is serious, I think I will have greater peace of mind being with myself, I mean f the world. Who are they to judge. I am such an amazing person and I'm aware of it. This is not boasting oneself. This is my fact. I'm pretty confident. I can do better, way better than all the people who are trying to bring me down

?Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sags, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life.?

Wednesday March 27. The power of goodness changes everything. From good emerges God. Where there is no God, there is hell. Hell continues till the destruction is complete. God compensates for the lack in you. God brings comfort where there is pain. God brings solution where there is a problem. God creates possibility where there is none. God creates opportunity where there is no hope. God carves diamonds out of stones. God gives a gift where there is a deficiency. God fulfills where there is nothingness. God creates greatness out of emptiness. God builds the broken ship and heals the broken heart and recovers the lost soul. God creates fish in the sea. God creates gold out of clay. God has infinite empathy and his lamp burns till eternity. God is goodness, empathy, love, peace, freedom, compassion.

How people with low self esteem behave People with low self esteem always take themselves for granted. They place others above themselves. They look at themselves as inferior and lacking and also think they deserve lesser than others. When they get something better they think that others are more deserving of it than them For example, a man who gets a better paying job might think that his juniors or subordinates are better than him and they deserve the position he has more than him. But never think like this. You deserve nothing but the best in the world. Nobody is in charge to decide who is better or who is worse. That's the most narcissistic thing. You deserve all the happiness and all the love, care, attention and support in the world. I came across a video of a terminally ill woman who had low self esteem and thought that she doesn't derseve love since nobody can love her due to her illness. This is absolutely absurd. Even if you are terminally ill or chronically ill or whatever other limitations you have, you still deserve the best and you deserve even more. Take it this way. Let's say you have 2 cats, one is healthy and the other is sick. Who needs more attention from you. Obviously the sick cat needs more of your attention and care. So to think that you don't deserve love is so wrong. You derseve more to heal faster or feel better. Also another behavior commonly observed in people with low self esteem is that they do not reach out for help. For example if they are in a hospital, they think they are a burden on the hospital staff and may be lenient or less inclined to claim benefits or services or ask for help, or get frustrated at themselves if they mess up something, feel apologetic over nothing and or view themselves as a burden on others who are supposed to serve them. Such people are hesitant in claiming their own rights. Know that there is nothing wrong in claiming your benefits and rights and you fully deserve it and that you are not a burden on the system. Those who are supposed to give you service, they should do their job.. And you have to demand it because it's your right.

March 27 Why never judge someone First of all, 1.God loves everyone 2.Circumstances and conditions can cause certain behaviors to vary. That is the same person could have done things differently had they been in circumstances different from their own. 3. We can never know for sure what a person's real potential is. A lot of people die young and the rest do not realize their fullest potential in their lives due to many factors like health problems, family, finances, lack of opportunities, wrong choices, lack of motivation and guidance etc. This means that the person we see is not his or her fullest form. What we see is the partial form of a person emerging from their personal conditions, circumstances and their real potential has been sabotaged or under developed. Judgement only makes sense when the person or individual does something unthinkable or something they had the power to easily control or avoid, also when they had the best upbringing and conditions and their circumstances were perfectly normal and even conducive to further growth and they still turned out to be the worst despite not having any personal challenges like health problems or other issues.

Spirit Walker.

God will never fail you. Trust him. God will do justice to you. God help us be our best.

Sociopathic behaviors Stealing Aggression Control Domination Exploitation Lack of compassion Lack of sincerity

The lesser I care about you, the better I feel. I have begun to feel better now that I don't think too much about you. All the hurt is dissolving. You are a great guy, no doubt but I'm not feeling good with you. We won't get along. Things won't be okay between us. How I wish we were together forever as a happy couple in love. Oh I so wish that. But fate has different plans. If I wanted to ask God one thing, I would have asked for you. But it's okay now. I understand that things in life are very different. My desires will die with me. But at least I will live with the hope that something good will happen some day. Something good. I'm not sure what that will be. But I know it won't be bad. Honey I loved you and I still love you to death. But I'm unfortunate and I will leave it to this. I will be happy if you're happy. I will always pray that you be good and everything works out for the better.

When a man respects a woman, everything falls into place.

Sleep early and wake up early.

Tasks categories F SBU NP F - flow S - situation appropriate B - bridge U - urgent NP - New progress

I will call this "zero reaction" behavior. Hopefully this will control some of the stress. Also I will use deception and "keeping a facade" to go along so I don't get hurt. I will call it ghosting although it's not what ghosting exactly means. But I will call it pseudo ghosting, a method where you just give a silent treatment and act like the relationship exists when it actually doesn't and be pretentious about it and carry the facade as long as you can.

I will call this "zero reaction" behavior. Hopefully this will control some of the stress.

For 2 long months, I kept telling him how much I love him and I said it every day. But he never bothered to show any affection. He only said that he loves me in return like an obligation or favor that is being returned. Since 3 days I have avoided him and not talking to him, just giving him the silent treatment and for the first time in 2 months he texted me "hugs" today, like he suddenly remembered that he needs to show me some affection. I'm so surprised. He will again use the guilt trap to pull me back in when I am trying to whisk away.. He showed me the texts between him and his mom and how unresponsive his mom was. All of this strategy is just a way to make me feel sorry for him and feel bad for him. But I'm not giving into all of his bs. He can go on with his pity party and pretend that he is too sick. Since I wasn't able to completely block his texts, I've decided another strategy to avoid him Is to not reply. Tell him I'm busy, keep mum most of the time, act like nothing happened, show no reaction, not complain anymore, not get mad at him, not even say "I love you to him" because I have said enough of that, alienate him from affection, avoid saying much, avoid talking about his family, basically pretend like he doesn't exist. I was obsessed with him for a while. Kinda stalking his every move but that's because I was suspicious of him and my suspicions were true. But I'm no longer going to snoop on him. Not interested. Not wasting my time thinking about what he does and doesn't. I'm neither going to praise him nor complain to him or show dissatisfaction. Just going to act like I don't care. This way he can't use any strategy to rope me in. And I don't have to deal with the guilt of leaving him. I am just going to passively agree with whatever he says because he is such a narcissist that if I ever disagreed with him then he will fire a cannon at me. I will just say yes to everything he says. That way I'm safe from his rant rage.

I'm going to use deception with him if that's the only way to escape him.

March 9 2019.. I know hun that he is not good for my mental health. It's a tragedy. I promise you that I won't let his actions bother me anymore and I will set myself free from him. All of his manipulations are not going to get to me. They are not going to change my heart. A real man is one who keeps the heart, one who promises and doesn't fall back on them, who doesn't break your heart, and most importantly respects and values you the most. Whatever else he says in his defense is just that, only manipulation, every way of making you feel guilty for being mad at him. When a woman is able to say in a relationship, that, "I don't care about you, I don't care what you think or do, it doesn't matter whatever whatever whatever you do, I'm no longer in love with you, I have barricaded myself among these walls and you are far away from me and you can do nothing to me, and I don't care what happens between us, I'm free to move on with a man who will respect me and not hurt me... " when you don't give anymore fucks about what he does and his actions no longer impact you and you no longer are attached to him with love, you have taken the first step towards emotional freedom.

I know how you feelin.. I know your pain Your tears are mine I understand you I know what you been hiding for so long I know what you mean. I know everything about you. You are a sweet angel Don't let it bother you I can see through your eyes, your eyes hide your pain. I know gal what's going on Don't let them outsmart you, don't let them use you Be a free bird and love yourself Protect yourself gal, before it's too late Set up that 5 feet wall around you, so that nobody can hurt you. I know your heart I know your soul I'm your true soulmate..Remember me

Sbu Flow tasks.... Regular flow or routine. They form a pattern or sequence. Situation appropriate... For that particular situation. Bridge tasks or fillers. Urgent tasks.

I've finally left Joseph behind. Goodbye Joseph. I caught you talking to a 16 year old. Honestly that's it. I spoke to Tracey and Dawn yesterday. And it was a welcome relief. I also spoke to Cindy. It was wonderful. They were very kind and helpful and warm and gave me the best advice on this whole situation. Tracey said that he was using me for his advantage. I wish him good luck. But I have grown up in many ways. I have learned and realized. Hopefully and finally and at last I will be able to focus on my life and move on and work on my spirituality and find peace in life and bring it all together. I will never suffer in life again. I have closed the doors on all the toxic people in my life. And I am finally getting closure and no more chaos or sabotage. Mummy I do love you but you caused me a lot of pain. I will forget you and you're out of my life. I will continue living in happiness and grace and your shadow won't bother me anymore. Find your peace and leave me alone. Goodbye to you. I can be free at last.

My goals, my dreams, my life, my circle, my time are much more valuable than this one person that I'm giving so much value too. That's why I will put him behind me. He can do all the flirting and cheating in the world. I'm already moving on with positivity and hope. He will always create some dysfunction or drama or chaos. I'm done with him. I've realized that he will never change or become decent. He will continue with his dumbness and chaotic odd behavior and some nonsense just to trigger me all the point. I will call him the trigger point guy. He is shameless. All he does is trigger me and start some new drama. Either it is his landlord or tenant or someone at the mall or grocery store or someone at the pharmacy or some random person online or some random bad mood or some woman who he did not agree with. I'm done with his antics. I don't have any love left for him The whole relationship was a mentally draining experience and now my healing should begin. Do not have a relationship with a person who is giving you a hard time. If someone tries to trigger you they are just bullies and they are creating an uncomfortable chaotic environment and just avoid them and be out of their space. The more I will think about him and the more I will be upset by his behavior it will imply that he is more important than my life. Which I should not allow.. My life is more important. And therefore I should act like he doesn't exist and not entertain his thoughts or his drama anymore.

Don't give him so much space in your life. Yesterday I was distracted from my goals because of the whole incident. I reached out to Cindy and Tracey and today Dawn. They were all supportive of me. That helped me a great deal. They all agreed to me that he was being nasty. Don't take him seriously. Don't give him such a space in your life that you forget who you are.

I think I am in a happy space today. It feels good. My life will probably come back on track after escaping the abuse of my mom. It's over finally. I am so free. Also I got rid of my ex. I told that I will call the police if he kept stalking me. Hopefully that warning will do some good. He hasn't called after that last warning and police threat. It's time to cut off people who have been very unkind to me for some time and move on and find support and find people who will respect me and appreciate me for who I am. Because everyone deserves respect.