Preety_India

Chapter 282 Today I'm feeling a bit down and not so much in a good mood. Just empty. Trying to keep myself upbeat. But not happening. I will try to schedule an Ayahuasca retreat some day when I'm mentally ready for it. I guess I really need it badly to overcome my emptiness. I will probably have to do it many times to feel better.

Interview with a santero Religion is about getting something while spirituality is about being something. linda young. . 2 years ago. . Possibly schizophrenia is the reason he saw the woman next to the guy, perhaps he chose Santeria over faiths, philosophy's, and ideas is because he was searching a way of life that met with his caustic and unbalanced mind to either calm and rest his mind spiritually or I really think to find a way of life that rewarded his ego and told him he was right in his assertions, or delusions. Perhaps things like Buddhism didn't appease what he thought to be true or even rather what he wanted to be true. When he woke up drunken and acting crazy with his dress suit disheveled was more likely do in part the rum he was drinking, possibly flaring up his possible mental illness and perhaps any group mass hysteria possibly if anyone played any kind of instruments around him, perhaps drums, following chanting perfusley inspiring a sort of similar response to a Baptist church with some of its members in the congregation claiming to have been possessed by the Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost and dancing around and jumping, shouting, and even speaking tongues. Televangelist slapping and swatting on people or in there general direction inspire a similar response at times. Let's not forget the two girls who killed another young girl because ey wanted to appease the common day folklore myth of Slender Man. They believed that if they sacrificed her, they would find his mansion in the woods. This kind of hysteria among more than one person possibly describes much of the issue with diehard religious types that tend to stifle and poison any kind of true possible knowledge and honest inquiry, not to mention cult leaders with mental issues like some psycopaths, and sociopaths and narcisstic individuals seeking to control others may use belief systems like this to take advantage of people. No I'm no atheist either, though you don't need to be one to objectively observe this behavior as I have, I could be wrong but I do doubt it in this case. Most I see from Santeria and Yoruba stuff here in the U.S. is ripping off those who are mentally unstable and suffer from mental illness whether diagnosed or not. Superstition promising material riches and never any if ever actual personal development of the individual. I am not saying everyone who does this stuff is stupid, or even most into this are bad people, but I think it's often misguided, and confused regarding objective reality, sometimes they do actually have problems but perhaps they don't understand the source of their issues, and yes some are simply using this stuff to rip people off up for money and power tripping off of the blind compliance of others.

So fascinating

You will deserve whatever comes to you. That's how karma works. There's no point in thinking about someone who is trying to hurt you. Because their karma will serve them. They are the bad ones. You should not care about how they hurt you or worry about it, because they won't be able to hurt you too much even if they tried. Remember they say an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind. Do not let someone's hateful energy to come to you. You be in your lane. Do not even cast your hateful energy on someone, there's no good in it. .... You become what you exude or express. That is you cannot have the cake and eat it too. You can't be a superficial person and still have the energy of a deeply kind person. You can't become that. Whatever you are from inside it will show and it will be what you have. For example, you are someone who went through a lot in life. Now you have been very determined in facing your struggles. So when a real situation arises, you are able to face it because of the strength you gained while fighting something in your past. But another person who were /was raised on a bed of roses will not be able to deal with your situations because they don't have it, they don't have that strength in them, because they cannot suddenly develop a quality they never had. You cannot be acting fake all your life and suddenly start taking on the qualities of a genuine person. Those things that you express make you who you are, so when a situation arises, it shows who you are. Like you have always been sweet but superficial but when someone is in danger, you can't help them, the situation will bring out the real you. It will show who is what. It's only real people who can stand the test. That's where your hustle doesn't work. You can't be happy being fake. You can't be a rich kid who has everything and nothing to worry about and still reflect the qualities of a person who has been through hardships. You can fake it, you can fake kindness but when a real situation arises then your qualities are put to the test and when you don't have them it will show. So you can think that you are smart for being able to fake and fool others but in the process you are becoming fake and not realizing it. That is you will become whatever you express. You will form what you put out. Whatever you are putting out is whatever you are taking in and it eventually will become a part of you. Whatever you will sow, will grow in you and in future it will either help you or be a disservice to you.

Chapter 279 t̲̲̲̅̅̅r̲̅e̲̲̅̅m̅e̲̲̅̅n̅d̲̲̅̅o̅u̲̲̅̅s̅ s̲̲̲̅̅̅p̲̅i̲̲̅̅r̅i̲̲̅̅t̅u̲̲̅̅a̅l̲̅̅ e̲̲̲̅̅̅x̲̅p̲̲̅̅e̅r̲̲̅̅i̅e̲̲̅̅n̅c̲̲̅̅e̅ There are 2 concepts here, in the moment and out of the moment. So when you are out of the moment, you are essentially disempowered. And when you are in the moment, you feel the energy of self. That is your energy gets scattered the more you are out of the moment. The intense self love comes partially from self pity or sympathy for self. Like you feel that you are the victim of life, that life is suffering and when you die, you are released from this jail, you see yourself as someone who has been through too much and that's where you feel self love. You see yourself as a third person. Signs of spiritual awakening.. This one recurrent theme in spirituality will be feeling, "don't take life too seriously,".... This is a short journey that the soul has to complete. When it completes the soul is released into eternity. So essentially you are just wasting time putting your mind to negative things. Judgementalism.. This destroys self love. So one component of self love is self comfort. Where you tell yourself to just relax and that you don't deserve bullies. You kinda comfort your crying. The other component of self love is self expression. Purge it. Vent it. Express also the better parts like desires. The other component of self love is pampering. Pamper yourself once a while, it feels better. The other component is self non judgementalism. Do not judge yourself. Replace judgement with non judgement. Instead of saying, "Im not like that, I don't look pretty, I don't have that talent," say "how does it matter" "so what" "I still deserve". To feel intense self love, When you feel that intense self love, everything begins to come together when you need healing, you need a lot of self love just like a deprived body needs food. How to feel intense self love One way is guided meditation. Visualization accompanied in which mother nature loves you for who you are. And stepwise tells you how much you need to care for yourself. It will show you the difference between a pain body which is you right now, a sufferer, and a free body which is feeling happy and at peace. Not tormented anymore. An aura of black and white imagery, going back to your childhood,, an aura of whitish smoke and white flashes of light all around you. That's where you are a happy free body. When you feel that freedom from your self, you feel joy, happiness and love. Because you are rid of the toxins that are a part of you. Intense self love is to be practiced. Guided meditation. Give attention to yourself. Tell yourself how much you need yourself. Look at your body as separate from your soul and your self. See what your self needs. Care for it. Look at yourself from the third person.. Totally isolate yourself from the rest of the world. Talk to yourself sometimes Listen to what your body says. Express yourself as much as you want. Be a child for a moment and laugh how much you can. How to love yourself is a wrong way to put it. Be kind to yourself . Be accepting of yourself Be connected to yourself. Listen to what your heart is telling you. Feel yourself from within. Feel your soul. Feel the center of your chest. And you will feel like you are sensing your soul there. Then it will feel like a tugging feeling. Then you feel like a motherly or fatherly spirit It felt wonderful. Like someone who deeply cares about me. But it was my own soul. Like someone who understands me and says to me that you have to get better and do better and live better and be happy. It's my own soul. But it does not feel like small, it does not feel like something limited by me, in fact it feels like it's more powerful than me, like it's a part of me, like my dear friend, at the same time it feels like it's higher than me, bigger than me, like a higher self or a higher spirit but wrapped as my soul. It has lot of wisdom. And it is intense. And it's like telling me that other's stuff is none of my business. That it will take care of others, I don't have to worry. It is there for them. So when it is a part of them, it cares for them too. I cannot be the best person to my advise my friend what choice they should make. This higher spirit that is guiding me as my soul will also guide them as their soul. It's like an all protective spirit. But it does not feel like it's separated from me, just like my best friend is not separated from me. But it's not telling me that I should do so and so for humanity. It will only guiding me about myself. In fact it is telling me that the world is none of my business that I have no power over it, that if I did anything good, it's a part of my graciousness but it's not necessary for me to do it. Also it is telling me that I should only care about myself and my loved ones to the extent I can care. It is telling me that the world is not my business but it will take care of the world and I should let it go,. That if any injustice happens in the world that I should not worry that it will take care of it, that I can fight for it, but I can't be almighty and judge and decide what is good for all. It is telling me that I cannot be the almighty self righteous who decides the course of the world, do not be the conveyor of justice or the deliverIt also tells me that it knows what is good for the world and what if bad and what is right for the world or what is best for the world. It is telling me that things are meant to be the way they are and that I am only supposed to find my way through it It is telling me that the world is not my business but it will take care of the world and I should let it go,. That if any injustice happens in the world that I should not worry that it will take care of it, that I can fight for it, but I can't be almighty and judge and decide what is good for all. It is telling me that I cannot be the almighty self righteous who decides the course of the world, do not be the conveyor or dispenser of justice because it warns me against it saying I'm not the one to do it. Like I have no right or authority to do it. It also says that it has that authority and not me so I should leave the job to it and the more I try to draw the authority to myself I'm interfering in his plan which won't be good for me or the world. It is telling me that I might get partial if I get such authority and that I don't have the wisdom it has so I should just stick to myself and my concerns and needs. It also tells me that it knows what is good for the world and what if bad and what is right for the world or what is best for the world. It also tells me that every person's karma will come to them. And that it wants me to live a life free of suffering and be peaceful and happy and child like experience love and bliss right till the end of life and join it later into eternity and there will be total loving peace in eternity with it. It is also telling me that I will be provided for and it will be given if I ask and nothing will be short and I will be given whatever I need but not whatever I want. I will be taken care of. It is telling me that things are meant to be the way they are in this world and that I am only supposed to find my way through it and live my life span happily. It is also telling me that the rules are mundane. That the rewards or pleasures or joys of the world are not that great that I should regret or feel like I'm missing out on something and also that the pain is not that big that I should not live in constant fear of it, like whatever I will suffer it will not be big or something I just can't take, I will only suffer as much as I can suffer so I don't have to worry about that, nothing will be given to me that I cannot handle at all, or I won't be burning in hell in this life or going through hell or be given so much suffering that it will feel like I'm living in hell, no that won't happen, I will be given suffering only as much as my body can take, not like unbearable unimaginable suffering so it tells me that I will be taken care of eventually, and that I should not catastrophize or anticipate suffering because that is just the fear of the mind and not real. It is telling me to stay cool and live life and happy experiences and memories and trust its love for me. And it is also telling me that it will guide me always. It is also telling me that I'm like a seesaw between pain and pleasure. That I should not slide to any extreme on this seesaw and keep myself in balance and not rely too much on the perspectives created by the world and be pure and free of illusions. It also indicated to me that spiritual experiences does not mean that any magical or miracles are going to happen, no they won't happen, there are no miracles of course the situation can get better and one can always ask for more endurance and strength to survive the difficult conditions and yes the soul will help you regain your strength, but nothing is going to the change what happened or change the past, suffering will not go away, no miracles will change a disease or an accident or bring back something that is lost and there will be a designated time when death will occur and the soul will leave the body. There will be self acceptance and endurance of conditions but life will stay the same. The most it does is make you more responsible towards life. But there is some hope. Even if you are in a bad situation and you don't expect any miracles yet your situation can improve, not change completely or miraculously but it can definitely improve the more you connect to this soul experience. And your soul will also give you the strength and endurance to combat your bad circumstances. It is also telling me that it will make a person a better person a more moral, loving, genuine, matured, responsible and spiritual person. It also told me that everyone is equal, and everyone deserves everything equally, no one deserves more or less whether perceived superior or inferior. It said that everyone deserves justice and there should not be any hate for anyone and no wishing of suffering on anyone but only condemnation of what is wrong. Then it said that everything paranormal is just another unexplored dimension of human life and is malicious or unpleasant and has nothing to do with being spiritual. It said that evil exists in the form of intentions and brings harm. And that evil can be replaced by good and that evil only causes more destruction good can only bring good. It also said that truly spiritual people will never bring any harm on anyone by any medium such as curses or any other but will be completely free of bad intention and will have a pure heart and a free mind. And that being spiritual is nothing but "being in tune" that being in the right rhythm of life and eternity with love, peace, happiness and freedom imbibing your soul. And aspirituality means being out of tune with the universal spirit of mother nature or universe. This means you are toxic and not in the moment but spending your energy in unfruitful ways and not living life in happiness or love and making everything worse instead of better,and not following the words or messages of the soul. It also said to me that being spiritual does not mean being successful in life, in fact far from it, and that worldly success is an illusion and a trap,being spiritual means living a peaceful life, not harming anyone and peacefully contributing to the betterment of oneself and environment and people or family. And it said that nothing magical will happen when you become deeply spiritual, you won't get any supernatural abilities or things will get possessed or some entity will be left behind when you die, nothing of that sort, you will die just like a regular death and nothing extraordinary will happen about you or your body or to the house or objects you leave behind. . Your energy after death will be peaceful to the environment just like you were in life. Your energy as a spiritual person will be free, loving, kind, non judgemental, peaceful and detached but serene and beautiful, not intense or obsessed or too passionate.. But calm.... More like a liberal hippie. Also you won't become a perfect person as a spiritual person, your imperfections on your body or mental issues will remain, although your calmness might diminish some of the symptoms and you will show good moral behavior and healthy life choices but other than that you won't become a perfect person or the ideal person as a society sees it. Also this communication told me that being spiritual does not mean something mystical or mythical happens and everything starts to look mysterious, nope, all that is just bogus to bring some appeal, but spiritual is just straight up free and simple and beautiful peaceful. I will call it self love soul communication. SLSC. SLSC experience. In short soul communication experience. Sce.

Chapter 278 There were certain things that touched me in the video One was the feeling on intense self love. A lot of people said that they felt loved by someone, like a higher self. The other part was amnesia. Being born again. Forgetting the past completely. This will definitely help heal past trauma. Trauma healing The next part was purging. Like not puking, but purging, like ranting and venting out, just extreme intense self expression, throwing it out crying it out and intense release of inner emotions. This combined with "confrontation with shadow in shadow work" will be excellent in overall purging. Intense self love comes from knowing that the self has suffered so much in the madness of life and there is a sympathetic love felt for the misery that the self was put through. A feeling of protection comes over which is healing. "I didn't deserve this life, I didn't deserve this world, I deserved much better", "Im in a state of sickness",

Summary of the video Constant thinking loop Intense self love Stressed self coming out Addicts mentality Great awareness Dream like state but still self aware An ego death. No identity. No sense of self or time Sensory overload and visuals and hallucinations, anxiety Partial amnesia, you forget your past Childhood memories flooded back and forgiveness and self acceptance and letting go, healing The subconscious comes out. Done.

@Limo you're welcome. Take care

April 28 Chapter 276 What happened last night First day Aya diaries Costa Rica. Rhythmia organization center Ayahuasca is a plant medicine Finished Gerry Powells speech There is a mother spirit in Ayahuasca. It does not taste pleasant The first serving. Felt like a 2 hour loop of constant thinking non stop Just me thinking about everything that did not matter and kept me out of my current moment and I couldn't get my thoughts to shut off. I felt trapped in my head. 7.25 I felt so much self love You feel like you are dreaming But you are still awake Second half was my anxious stressed self coming out about me constantly thinking about things that don't matter, keeping me out of the moment, an addict's mentality, constantly want more and more, but mommy Aya showing me this is how my mind works, you constantly want more, but in reality you need to just chill, center yourself, you are perfect where you are. Day 2 Interview with Jeffrey It reduces cravings and increases clarity and awareness Day 3 17.42 I took the second dosage. It was too much. I had an ego death No self identity. I completely forgot who I was and I became nothingness. Mommy Aya told me to think about death constantly. I resisted but then I thought about it. I was like an old man in a hospital bed. I saw blackness and I was in a state of Ether, I didn't recognize myself although I was aware, but I felt disconnected, like I would touch my body and be like what this is.. No worries, attachments, or identity. Mother nature kept repeating in my head 3rd ceremony ??? If you are thinking about Michael Jackson or anyone else, you are disempowered 3rd trip Day 3 Day 4 Mind goes blank Took the first serving of ayahuasca I took the second serving and I lost my cool and freaked out. Most scariest experience My body felt like it was melting, it was heavy to move, and I was gonna puke, The visuals were very intense and going so fast, They say Mommy Aya intentionally tries to overload the brain to make it to surrender. The were like strobe light changing every second. But when I opened my eyes it was layers upon layers of sacred geometry patterns So here I am where I feel like I am gonna throw up but can't but at the same time I'm bombarded by these geometry patterns and when my eyes are closed, it's all the fast moving strobe light. Naturally I freaked out I got a panic attack and I wanted it to end so badly and I was fighting against it, at this point the shamans helped and I realized I had to surrender to it Once I did that, it felt calm and the geometric patterns dissipated, 6.09 It brought back my memories. I lost my grandmother when I was a child. And I never got a chance to say bye. I felt mommy Aya telling me to let go. I didn't even know I was harboring this guilt. I also forgave my abusive ex. Interview with Gerry Powell. Struggled with addictions. You wrote a book Interview over 11.03 The plant is amazing. The goal of ayahuasca is to merge you with your soul again ... Most beautiful human experience 23. Invite your soul to merge with you. 24. Money addiction. 25. 14. 08.......this is so much easier with addictions 26.interview over 27. It's Friday. 17.25. I was super anxious when I woke up. And my anxiety morphed into self doubt, I was thinking everyone was judging me, I felt paranoid. Mommy brings out your subconscious and dramatizes it immensely to show you who you are. Shaman raven tried to calm me and told me to give a breath of kindness to the anxiety and say that it doesn't serve me anymore. 28.when you laugh here, it's like non stop. What a waste of energy to care for what people think. I learned self acceptance. 21.35 29. Other people's experiences. Celestial surgery. He melted into the grass. 30. Purging. Purging felt better. I also experienced like a big yawn, felt like a spirit exiting the body. 31. The food was good. Breath work. I cried, I screamed for no reason. Breath work was wonderful. 32. The sad day came. I had to say bye to Rhythmia. 33. It was wonderful food. Next - life after ayahuasca Depression. I would drink full bottles of tequila alone Part 4 Life after ayahuasca How have I changed Only one month after I left Rhythmia. First few days weren't fun. I missed that place. I was feeling spacey when I went to the coffee shop, dreamy, disconnected Dissociation, it was scary, I'm not shallow anymore more like hippy, I want my goals to be about consciousness. No alcohol cravings. 9.27 I never drank in a month I felt an intense need for spiritual learning. I developed a love for nature. I'm a tree hugger It doesn't change you as a person, just makes you a better person. End.

Sesame Street Rehab.

Chapter 275 The implementation part of my spiritual journey begins. Here I will practice all the techniques and concepts I learned so far and record my progress. The conceptual part of my journey is over. I will also develop new techniques and refine existing ones. Finally I lifted off a huge burden off myself and all the toiling for a full year was worth it. This is a difficult path but I'm sure through all the frustrations and shrugs and the struggles I will get ample opportunities to smile and laugh and empty out the negativity in me. I'm now growing to be a better person, a more fruitful, productive and spiritual person. My journey in real life and through this journal has been filled with both struggle and fascination. I have seen everything and known everything and all of that at a pretty young age like an old soul in a young body I have known enough. Life has never been kind to me, but I should let that go. There is always be a better tomorrow as long as there is hope. What I came to know is that this human experience is filled with a lot of struggle, and pain and hardships and drama. This is called living and it will always be this way unfortunately. But I had to find my way out because I was about to kill myself. So a year ago when I knew that if things went really down south, I knew that I wouldn't be a stranger to suicide. I have tried that road many times and I have come back from it, there was always a vestige of hope but it didn't help much. I have somehow dragged through the suicidal period of my life. So a year ago, I knew in my mind that either I had to do something urgently to fix the situation or just give up completely and die. That's when I thought I had to bring a change in the way I looked at everything. I needed a reprieve. I was a mess, a terrible mess, and a terribly chaotic person. My childhood scars had left me deranged and looking for a direction in life. That's when I had the feeling that only spirituality could save my life. This journey started a year ago in February last year. That's when I started recording every day of my life and my thoughts to get a better understanding of what I needed to do on my spiritual path. I knew I needed a spiritual framework or a backbone to start working with because I was very fuzzy about spirituality, it was all scattered in my mind and I had no idea where to begin and how to bring it all together A year ago, if I had to ask myself, what is spirituality, my answer would have been, spirituality is spirituality, that's it.. Just a blank canvas. I had the worst nagging curiousity and I pledged myself that no matter what, no matter whatever the effort, I will dig this out. I will go deeper and deeper and think whatever I can and fish out whatever that makes sense and put it all together and weave it. Slowly and slowly, one day at a time, one hour at a time, I kept going with persistence and kept going and creating my own fantasies and concepts and binding them together. Eventually a pattern arose. Initially it was all scattered dots and I didn't know what to do. I was very frustrated with my own mind. Gradually with my persistence, I slowly began to join one dot to another and a pattern arose. It began to make sense after a while. Everything was making sense one day at a time.. I knew that I was close to the finishing line but the finishing touches were missing and still far away from my grip. So I had to wait. And wait I did. Then in October, I had it. I was coming to it.. Eventually over the past few months, the picture became stronger My dedication didn't fail even for a day. And finally I have it. I have it done what I had set out to do a year ago at this time. Now that it's in place, I can move on further bit by bit just like I did before Now I'm a free bird. I found my life savior in spirituality. It will be my sacred corner I will turn to every time something goes wrong in my life. It is something I can cling to. I needed the last straw. I can honestly say that I won't have to feel suicidal anymore because now I have some hope after all. I guess that's why spirituality exists. To give hope. To bring hope to those who are tired of life and this world and of people and drama, to give them a breather, a refuge, a shrine and a place of mental peace where nobody can hurt you anymore. It's a place to escape to when life is going down the gutter. Well of course it's better than drugs and suicide and self harm. It's much healthy and a way to heal away from all the chaos of the world around you. I wish I could afford a rehab. But I can't. So my spirituality is my rehab. I tried many ways to distract myself from all the abuse I went through and all the chaos, video games, food, music, over working, dating sites, trolling, constant shopping, crying, self harm,... But no use. It only makes my health worse and gets me even more depressed. So I figured out that my escape has to be a healthy one where I recover positively and I am able to get away from the emotional abuse and mess. The only thing I didn't try was alcohol and drugs because it's kinda illegal here. But now there is much more hope, thanks to all the effort I put in through this last year, despite my depression I was determined that I need to find that positive corner which will not be just a distraction that helps me get by through the day but also something that will be like a life purpose which will make my life purposeful and give meaning to it and inspire me everyday to live better and be better and lift me out of the depression.. Yesterday I was contemplating suicide again and I cried many many hours, feeling empty and hopeless. But after an hour this cup concept popped in my head I hurriedly wrote it down here. After that I felt better. I get bored very easily. Probably signs of some sort of borderline personality issues. I don't know. I think it's my hyper need for Stimulation. But anyway, I'm not going to waste my life diagnosing a new mental issue with myself every day. So yes distraction for me can only last so long. And I have an insatiable appetite for living a purposeful life. So yes. I need to make that happen or else I will spend my old age in regret. Yea I can be bipolar sometimes. But it's all okay. With a fucked up childhood, mental health issues are no surprise. But hopefully i have finally found a way to deal with my depression and emptiness and a lack of purpose and meaning. This I can put into practice from now on. And this will be my new life I have turned over to a new leaf. And it feels better. The chaos inside my mind has begun to settle. I'm finding peace. Finally and hopefully I can now move on and have a beautiful direction in life.. Yay.....its a new beginning. Amen....

Chapter 274

With the cup concept, the conceptual part of my spiritual journey is coming to an end.

Chapter 273 ~~~ ~~~~ ~ The Cup~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ This is the most important concept. A cup. When the cup is full, you are able to give so much of yourself. And give more. When your cup is empty, you have nothing to give, and you fill it with complaints, judgement, gossip and all the toxicity in the world. Why do you get attracted to these things. Because your cup is empty. The reason you are so dissatisfied in a relationship is because you don't know how to give, you only know how to take. You want to keep an account of what you get. But you forget to see that you don't give anything. You aren't supplying the "fertilizer", careful. I won't call it love. I will use the word fertilizer instead of love because love is such an ambiguous term and is thrown around too often as a general vague term. So I will just call it Fertilizer. A plant or land needs fertilizer for it to grow crops. Without it it's stunted. Every relationship also needs a fertliser. Without it the relationship is stunted. This applies to all kinds of relationships, even the relationship between parents and children. When you cannot give this fertliser, you fill it or compensate with all sorts of things like money, toys, gifts, etc. But that's not love. But you think it's love. But it is not. It's not exactly something that will fulfill a relationship forever. It won't. It will drain any relationship eventually.. Everyone needs the fertilizer. A husband who thinks he is providing for the needs of his wife is not actually loving her, he is not thinking what he really needs to give. He is not even focused on giving. He is measuring everything with an accounting book. True love lies in giving, not receiving. In giving, we receive. And we do not give with the expectation to receive. We give in order to build a relationship, for the crop to grow and for the land to be fertile. This is the law of nature and anything against it will only cause more destruction. There is a reason why as a person you are not able to give a piece of yourself into a relationship. Because... Your cup is empty. An empty cup can't give anything. You can't pour from it. There is nothing to give. As a result, the relationship doesn't grow and you feel drained instead of fulfilled, you count everything you give, you measure everything you receive, you get suspicious of everything, you place unreasonable demands, you get selfish about little things, you get dissatisfaction and this inner dissatisfaction and turmoil turns into cognitive dissonance. This cognitive dissonance entraps and colors all of your thoughts, the thoughts originate from this cognitive dissonance and they pour out in an ugly fashion resulting in spats and fights over very little things and hate and attacks over nothing. It makes the relationship toxic and drains it eventually. All love is lost and its all gone one day. It's a cycle, a vicious cycle Empty cup - - > General feeling of discontent - - - - -> wanting something to fill it, waiting for someone to fill it, - - - - - - -> tired of not being able to fill it - - - - - - - - - - - > feeling discontent - - - - - - - feeling dissatisfaction and restless - - - - - - - ->dissatisfaction leading to cognitive dissonance - - - - - - > petty arguments, conflicts and fights - - - - - - - - - - -> no growth - - - - - - - > feelings of hurt and loss - - - - - - - - - - - >breakdown of a relationship But it's a different thing with a full Cup. Full Cup - - - - -> Feeling of vitality - - - - - - - > happy mood and temperament - - - - - > able to give - - - - - - - > not waiting for the cup to be full - - - - - - -> not feeling restless- - - - - - - > waiting to give rather than receive- - - - -> thinking of ways to fulfill the relationship and help it grow - - - - - - - > sharing happiness - - - - - - - - -> not complaining constantly - - - - - - > not demanding or expecting all the time - - - - - > giving without strings attached - - - - - - > not counting or calculating what's given or received - - - - - - - - - - - -> no cognitive dissonance - - - - - -> not being selfish - - - - - - - - - ->thinking about the person's needs - - - - - - - - - > trying to understand what will make them happy or at least not upset - - - - - - -> trying to contribute in whatever way - - - - - - - -> mutual growth - - - - - > happy relationship - - - - - - - - -> (unless the other person is not loving) When you are deficient in yourself, you can't be gracious enough, you cannot give, you cannot grow, you can't help the relationship to grow, you can call it love, you can call gifts, money, sex, words, pleasure, trips as love but real love only comes from an unconditional place, conditional love comes from a place of deficiency, an empty cup, this leads to more emptines. The cup keeps getting more empty and hollow the cognitive dissonance only becomes more acute. But when you are full of graciousness and your cup is full, you don't ask for anything you would rather give, you love that person unconditionally and you love that person for loving that person and not for a particular gain. You don't ask questions like, "what can I gain". You don't get selfish. Your love is selfless and soothing, comforting. You think about the other person more often. You want them to be happy. The cognitive dissonance is almost zero.. You demand less. You expect less. You complain less. You fight less. When you ask too much, seek too much, want too much, you are coming from a place of deficiency and not abundance. When you are abundant, you need not ask.. Think of it this way If you were rich, would you ask for money. Most probably not unless you are greedy. But if you were poor, money could be an incentive for you. An abundant person is generous, waiting to give, waiting to fulfill the other person, looking for ways to make that person happy, and trying to see ways in which the relationship can grow further and see its full potential and contribute to its growth and keep maintaining it. It's like loving and maintaining a garden. He/she wants to give their full self to the relationship and see it grow. Whether there are fights, such a person seeks solutions, where there is pain or sadness, this person wants to bring comfort, where there is need for help, this person is more than eager to help, where there is deprivation, this person compensates it with love, care, affection, this person is not waiting to be told what to do, this person is not starting frivolous arguments, this person is not being a full time complaint box, this person is not overly calculative and judgemental, he gives time, he doesn't feel that he is losing something or wasting anything or being foolish or doesn't compare a relationship to a "bad trade", He is more than willing to do anything for the relationship. In fact he would feel upset if he weren't able to do something to keep the relationship. He wouldn't count the ways in which he is trying to make you happy He wouldn't feel like an asshole to be with you. He wouldn't guilt trip you like he is doing some big favor by being with you and putting up with you and that he could have found someone better if you weren't there, like by being with you is a punishment for him, he loves you or else he wouldn't even bother to be with you, he can get anyone he wants, he doesn't find enough reasons to appreciate you, he would make you feel like you aren't worthy of him but he is with you anyway, he rates you on a scale, he is trying to not hate you, you are lucky to be with him, he makes you feel like you lack something, he makes you feel pitiful about yourself, he hardly ever praises you, you have to beg for his affection, any affection given is forced affection, he constantly makes you feel like others are so much better than you, he makes you feel like you are really lucky to get his love and you are actually undeserving but you are still getting it since he loves you, like you committed some crime but he is forgiving you because he loves you so you have to be very grateful, he doesn't need to do anything for you, he is already doing something great by just being with you and you should feel grateful enough just to have him. Like he is a great god and you are nothing. Like he is some great judge of your character. He wouldn't make you feel drained. He wouldn't make you feel like you don't deserve. People with the fertilizer, they bring beauty and love to a place of deprivation. They heal instead of hurt. So if you have to give, your cup should be full. Only when you feel abundant, you are generous and are able to not only give to yourself but also to others unconditionally. That's because your cup is full. The fertilizer is the true essence of selfless unconditional love and nurturing that brings growth in life. That cup is overflowing and you wouldn't wait to give more. Let God in your life. And let his love fill that cup in you. And let his guidance and love fill the cup to inspire you to help yourself grow and to have fulfilling relationships and fulfill the other person in the relationship. Feel abundant not deficient. So how do you fill this cup. Through love and giving and through God. By giving we receive. That's exactly what the Bible meant. By giving we receive to fill the cup. The cup gets fuller or gets filled when you give more unconditionally. So if you exercised in having plants, gardens, pets, took great care of them, gave them a lot, loved them a lot, loved them unconditionally, and then let them just go to wherever and let them be free. You aren't getting anything back. This way you are cultivating selfless unconditional love. The more you learn to give this way, the less self centric you become and the more abundant you become and the cup becomes full.

Chapter 273 ~~~ ~~~~ ~ The Cup~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ This is the most important concept. A cup. When the cup is full, you are able to give so much of yourself. And give more. When your cup is empty, you have nothing to give, and you fill it with complaints, judgement, gossip and all the toxicity in the world. Why do you get attracted to these things. Because your cup is empty. The reason you are so dissatisfied in a relationship is because you don't know how to give, you only know how to take. You want to keep an account of what you get. But you forget to see that you don't give anything. You aren't supplying the "fertilizer", careful. I won't call it love. I will use the word fertilizer instead of love because love is such an ambiguous term and is thrown around too often as a general vague term. So I will just call it Fertilizer. A plant or land needs fertilizer for it to grow crops. Without it it's stunted. Every relationship also needs a fertliser. Without it the relationship is stunted. This applies to all kinds of relationships, even the relationship between parents and children. When you cannot give this fertliser, you fill it or compensate with all sorts of things like money, toys, gifts, etc. But that's not love. But you think it's love. But it is not. It's not exactly something that will fulfill a relationship forever. It won't. It will drain any relationship eventually.. Everyone needs the fertilizer. A husband who thinks he is providing for the needs of his wife is not actually loving her, he is not thinking what he really needs to give. He is not even focused on giving. He is measuring everything with an accounting book. True love lies in giving, not receiving. In giving, we receive. And we do not give with the expectation to receive. We give in order to build a relationship, for the crop to grow and for the land to be fertile. This is the law of nature and anything against it will only cause more destruction. There is a reason why as a person you are not able to give a piece of yourself into a relationship. Because... Your cup is empty. An empty cup can't give anything. You can't pour from it. There is nothing to give. As a result, the relationship doesn't grow and you feel drained instead of fulfilled, you count everything you give, you measure everything you receive, you get suspicious of everything, you place unreasonable demands, you get selfish about little things, you get dissatisfaction and this inner dissatisfaction and turmoil turns into cognitive dissonance. This cognitive dissonance entraps and colors all of your thoughts, the thoughts originate from this cognitive dissonance and they pour out in an ugly fashion resulting in spats and fights over very little things and hate and attacks over nothing. It makes the relationship toxic and drains it eventually. All love is lost and its all gone one day. It's a cycle, a vicious cycle Empty cup - - > General feeling of discontent - - - - -> wanting something to fill it, waiting for someone to fill it, - - - - - - -> tired of not being able to fill it - - - - - - - - - - - >- - - - - - - - - - - - -

He doesn't deserve my love. Not at all. I'm better off without him

This is the last day of my relationship. This break is final It wasn't worth it. It was worth nothing I put a lot of trust into someone who is stupid and cannot be an understanding person. It's like I'm talking to a shallow person. It doesn't make sense. It makes me just unfulfilled.

This is the last. No more. I have taken enough.

Chapter 272 That God helps us to become full. He fills that empty cup. He fills that empty cup with guidance and love and strength... Only when the cup is full, you can get going.

Chapter 271 For you to be able to help others, you have to be strong yourself. For you to help the sick, you should be healthy yourself For you to be a life coach and coach others you have to have your life in order first. Also if you have to give more to your life, you have to be in good shape. You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.

Chapter 270 April 23 Today is a brand new day. And time to begin a new chapter. I'm feeling great Forgot to add this part. The body is like a casket or a hollow statue. There is a lot of empty space inside. This empty space is throughout the body. It is dark there. And when you feel God's energy through you, this space is filled. This space is filled with the joy, peace, love and guidance. When this space is filled it begins to nourish all other parts of the spirit like the mind, the chi, the heart. The space gets denser and denser and you are filled a beautiful spirit. Your spirit becomes like water, immutable, unchangeable, unimpacted, stoic and strong. Guided spiritual meditation, Swan manual, tarot cards, the spirit exercise(water exercise), contemplation exercises, parts of mind exercises, review contemplation, brail exercise.

Chapter 269 Life is such a mystery Work, relationships, friendships, philosophy and spirituality are such an intimate part of life and really there cannot be a textbook formula to apply to these things and they will work out. These things will happen naturally. The problem is we get molded. We do the work that is available instead of what we want to do. We engage in a relationship which is perceived as desirable rather than having a spontaneous connection. We follow a philosophy like a pattern. I guess that's where we all go wrong. Life has to take its course naturally. And every point of the matrix you have to be prepared for it. That's pretty much what it is. I believe in a lot of the stoic concepts. I believe that life is a struggle and a lesson in heroism. Whatever you are is only as long as you live. But what you do will last forever. Life is very uncertain. Life is an uncertain reality. Therefore there cannot be a specific rule or textbook as a manual for life. The only thing that is certain about life is its uncertainty. Life is a mystery and it had to be like that because it's spiritual. It's not materialistic. The Bible is true. You have to live a godly existence. The rewards of a material existence are nothing. But the rewards of eternity are beautiful. Life is natural. Technology cannot change this or bend this. Technology cannot change universal principles. So what are we to do. The only thing that you can do as an observer of life, is to absorb the experience and cope with it and fight with it and as a stoic be brave and conquer suffering and achieve despite the challenges and be prepared to face everything that life throws. That's the stoic way of living. The only thing you have for certain is a very short period of time, today and tomorrow and you have to prepare yourself to brace the next day. That's the only manual. Look for a higher reward, a spiritual reward and not for a material reward and never think that you missed out on something. All that is a matter of perception, all that material success is very much an illusion. It's not true. Whatever you think you missed out on was nothing to begin with. Spirituality and eternity are connected and intertwined. When you truly experience spirituality, you are on a different plane where you experience beauty and love and peace and a calm and serenity and peaceful joy and acceptance. This is a highly subjective experience, and to reach there you have to be really devoted to your quest. But all the devotion is worth it. This is how my spiritual experience was I felt like I was a child playing in a playground with other kids and there was not a care in the world about anything at all. It felt so free, free from everything. (*freedom) The next thing I felt was being with someone that was deeply caring and very warm and very friendly. It was like pure love. Pure pure love. It was pure selfless love. Like an angel loving you. Like a mother who loves you. It felt like the beginning of life. There was complete non judgementalism. There was no judgment whatsoever. It was like I can just be myself. Nobody to tell me anything. No expectations of achieving something. It felt peaceful and it felt like being surrounded by all love. There was so much empathy and laughter. There was happiness. There was no place for negativity or hate. It felt like an unusual mysterious form of peace where everything came to a standstill. Like the peace that you have in a graveyard. Like nothingness. Like nothing matters. Felt like I'm an observing ocean that is observing everything around with muteness. Just simply looking.. And at the same time it felt a very strong sense of self love. Like an another identity of my own loving myself. Like a mirror image of me loving myself. It felt like a river of love. Very comforting. It was like me comforting myself. Me telling myself to be at peace. It felt like the energy of love. God is the energy of love. It felt like selfless love. It was like water, always flowing. Flowing from one point to another, never still. When it was still it was like ocean, just observing. When it was flowing it was energizing and uplifting and motivating.. It was self - healing. It was self - comforting. (Water is the knowledge and the cup is the Mind) (. (Bruce Lee already explains this a bit in the full quote: “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.” - Bruce Lee There are different takes on what he could have meant, depending on what the question was that led him to this statement, but if we assume he talks about life, then what he means is this: Water is formless, therefore it can adapt to every form. You, however, are often way too rigid. When a situation arises that you do not think you can handle, fear overtakes you and you degenerate into a state of helplessness. You are not adapting to your circumstances, are not dealing with the situation, and instead complain about it, and even blaming it. When the teacup situation arises you yell at it if you do not fit in right away, and blame the surroundings for shaping you into a shape that does not fit. You do not adapt. You let your past control who you are and are staying rigid in your form, which means you only fit into certain situations and crack at others. When water crashes against an object, it disperses and forms again, but when a box, for example, crashes against an object it shatters into pieces. Currently, you are like that box, trying to force yourself to adjust to different situations, shattering to pieces, breaking your own spirit, if you can’t. What Bruce Lee meant with his quote “Be like water my friend” is that you should not hold your own image so tightly. You are not your past, you are not the object people shaped you to be; you are simply water that has temporarily taken on that form. You can be successful no matter your start, can be anything you like to be and adjust to any and every situation if you just adjust and deal with things the way they come instead of wishing they were different. Stop trying to make the teacup adjust to you and adjust to the teacup instead. Problems arise all the time in life, and you can try to keep your rigid shape, smashing into the problems until one of you breaks, or you can be like water and slip through the cracks. ) It's a self healing force that is invincible because of love. It is constant, ever flowing like a fountain, it is silent like an ocean. It is the strongest form of self love. God is the embodiment of love. The spirit of love. God is a self healing force that causes your spirit or energy to be in equilibrium. That means your inner spirit becomes like water. Ever flowing, never impacted, never destroyed. When water crashes against an object, it disperses and forms again, but when a box, for example, crashes against an object it shatters into pieces. Nothing impacts water or destroys it. It remains the same. Your inner spirit forever stays the same because of the self healing force of love from God. It becomes like water. Nothing impacts. It laughs at the world. The water remains constant. No obstruction affects it or breaks it. Your inner spirit like water stays calm through everything and tides over anything. It is back up again, fully recovered even from setbacks and depression or suffering or obstacles. Imagine like your spirit is like a battery and you need a charger and God is that charger that keeps the battery up always. No enemy or obstruction can hurt the spirit. The spirit remains that way, remains like water forever. It remains stable and young and ever flowing and never drained or never down or defeated. This world is a nemesis. God is the friend. This world is a time capsule of the interaction between spirit and reality. But to take its onslaught, the spirit has to be strong and God gives that self healing strength for the spirit to recover from all the jolts of the world. The spirit continues strong into eternity. The spirit keeps self healing every time and from time to time with the energy of God. When the spirit becomes like water, then this life becomes pointless and everything starts to look pointless and unnecessary and of not much significance. Because both good or desirable or bad do not impact the spirit. It all looks irrelevant. The spirit just observes it and the spirit continues to flow. Imagine a fountain that never stops despite the disasters. It is eternally flowing impacted by nothing. Whats the point of this The spirit getting drained is really a form of sickness. It affects the body. It stresses you out. It is in constant state of suffering and agitation. Imagine using a phone with the lowest battery charge, it's really tough, The goal for the spirit is to stay stoic throughout the situations and interactions of the world. So getting drained is losing hope and not reaching the fullest potential of one's intentions. But a strong spirit moves on and achieves what the mind wanted. The soul continues on its path of purpose of creating goodness in the world and spreading light with an enormously strong spirit. Spiritual strength is a mysterious strength. It's like you are too exhausted on the bed and you feel like you just can't get up because you are so tired that you might almost faint. Yet if your spirit is strong, even in those circumstances, you will be able to get up despite the tiredness. The spirit will give you the willpower and the energy. Thus the spirit will show its power in the most impossible and insurmountable or difficult situations and circumstances where all hope is lost and where everything seems impossible. The spirit will give the energy to rise up again and to survive and tide over those extremely difficult circumstances. There are many in the world where people have survived and showed remarkable feats in surviving very difficult circumstances. It's their strong spirit at work. Scientifically their bodies under those circumstances should have shown massive damage and degradation and even a scant possibility of survival. However when examined they show miraculously or baffling level of recovery and no effect at all or very little impact and their survival and escape looks very astonishing like almost unachievable by a human. Yet they make it or made it. That's because of their power of the spirit. Their spirit like water remains unfazed, undefeated and this ever flowing spirit gives tremendous amount of strength to the body. A drained spirit cannot do this. I don't believe that this spirit creates miracles. But what I feel is that this spirit gives the strength and the ability to deal effectively with the interactions and situations of the world that are encapsulated into a phenomenon called life. Such a power the devil can never have. It's only God that gives it to the one that deserves. When you have a spiritual experience with God, your spirit becomes like water, strong, resilient, invincible,calm, matured, stable, flowing, motivating. And when you are deprived from such a spiritual experience, your spirit is empty, drained, it becomes like the wind, lacking strength and takes any direction in which it is made to go. When your spirit becomes like water, everything begins to look petty and you become a different person. You become strong and tough and resilient and things of the early nature do not matter anymore. Here we have a few definitions to better understand this concept . Life being like a time capsule of events and conditions. Earth as the earthly world of illusions and material rewards Water, representing the resilient nature of a fulfilled spirit Wind, representing the weak spirit Sky, representing eternity and the eternal guiding spirit of God and its rewards and glory of peace, joy, love and happiness. You have to be not like a wall or unemotional but like an absorbing sponge to feel the love of the eternal spirit or God. If everyone just focused on their own spirituality and the spirituality of their nearest kin, the problems of the world would end. We focus too much on the world and too little on ourselves. The world is an anomaly created out of the algorithm of many different positive as well as negative factors arising out of human perception and their clashing in reality. The Swan manual, tarot cards, the spirit exercise, contemplation exercises, parts of mind exercises, review contemplation, brail exercise.