Preety_India

CONCEPT OF ALLOTMENT, LACK OF MOTIVATION, PRETENTIOUS BEHAVIOR AS THERAPY, MENTAL EXCUSES AND VISUALIZATION FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY I have been putting off going to a place since many days where I am required to give a presentation out of fear of being in that place. I have been giving many excuses to my manager regarding this. This has severely impacted my work output and income since I can make considerable income if I get ready to take on several projects. But I have been constantly giving excuses to my manager to avoid this specific situation. I faced public humiliation in the same place before. I have decided to deal with it and confront my anxiety and fears. It's very difficult though. And constant judgement doesn't help I have observed that my persistent lack of motivation doesn't help. I have understood that every reason I come up with in order to avoid the encounter is just an excuse born out of anxiety and fear. Fear has held me back from a lot of enriching experiences. Solutions One thing I can do is completely abandon all activities and distraction and just sit. Then say to myself "I gotta to do this right now, right away, no ifs and buts." I will call this "complete allotment"... This means when the time is appropriate for the task, just put the timer on and wait and keep oneself completely free and available to get the task done. This way no excuses or distractions can prevent the initiation and completion of the task. A task can be divided into 2 parts - initiation and completion. I need to do 3 things here. 1 Make room for Initiation and 2 Record the completion 3 Reward the completion 1...making room for initiation This is a sort of empty meditation. Just sit. Relax. Simply focus on the task planned and alloted or scheduled for that time and prepare yourself to put the key into the ignition and say "Start"...... 2.. Record the completion. Once you have started the task, of course you're on a roll. Keep doing the task. There can be lapses or a need to take a break or avoid or delay. But continue to perfect the craft. That is perfect the task like perfecting an art piece. Keep mastering it to do it more skillfully and fulfilling next time. Let's say you were reading a book. But couldn't focus and did it haphazardly. Or you had to exercise. But kept postponing or did it in haphazard namesake ways just to make yourself believe that you actually completed it and hurriedly tried to wrap the task thus having a bad quality output. Now focus on the quality of the work and try improving it. 3.. Reward the completion Whether I finish the task in an unpleasant unfulfilled way or in a satisfactory way, I should make sure to reward myself in the for at least having tried. Rewards can be anything from monetary to flowers or greeting cards or chocolates or a collection of charms. Charm jar filling. Another thing that helps me with this is pretentious behavior and visualization skills. PRETENTIOUS BEHAVIOR AND MOCK To pretend like you actually completed the task. For example if I want to read a book or attend an appointment and if fear is holding me back and if for some reason I am not able to do it, I will pretend like I am reading the book. I will walk to the doctor's building and walk around the building a day before the appointment is scheduled to mentally prepare myself and pretend like I am actually doing it and getting it done. But it's a fake task. The task actually did not happen or occur. It was make believe. This is to relieve anxiety. This is pretentious behavior but this is helpful as a therapy. I can do the same for my job and shopping. I can pretend like I attended an event and tell my family that I actually did it so as to mentally convince myself that I have done it and it went well. This is a mock practice. A mock practice of an actual event. The next day I can do the actual event. VISUALIZATION FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY One thing I can do to complete a task (avoided due to social anxiety or other fears), is visualize the happening of the event/task. I will have a Complete visualization of the task from initiation to completion... This is slightly different from a mock task. It is just a mental visualization of the task. This visualization will be detailed and will show the successful completion of that task. This helps in prepping the mind for it and making it believe that no obstacle exists and thus it alleviates anticipatory anxiety.

Another spiritual lesson that I learned today during my early morning meditation was That... Ahm Spiritual growth lies in becoming less biased, more honest[more genuine, no agenda] , more authentic, more innocent, more truthful, more brave, more unconditionally loving, more equal more neutral, more graceful or forgiving, more open minded, more frank, big Hearted Ness, more generous, more decent, more humble, less manipulative, more accepting, more kind, less narcissistic, less judgemental, more welcoming, less insecure, less grudgy, more Openness...

Spiritual lessons learned today There is a difference between the image of the world and the ideal image Look at the outcome of whatever you like. Begin to consciously like and dislike things. Do not operate on your instincts or dopamine instincts. Your liking or disliking doesn't make that thing necessarily good or bad or undesirable. You can start liking something that you didn't like before. It's all a mental perception or outlook or bias and it can easily be conditioned to change. Your perception or like or dislike is completely under your control and completely changeable. By liking things we don't do much harm unless the thing liked causes bad outcomes. By disliking we create division and hate. Bias is very potent way of create division. Another spiritual lesson that I learned Greatness does not lie in great talent or looks or skill Real greatness lies in being like God.

Santa muerte is the protector of the innocent heart

I'm not in a writing thinking ability competition here. Stop the chimpery.

Another lesson that I learned yesterday is that only one kind of outlook can exist. One can switch between outlooks like switching from a blue room to a red room but you cannot be in both red and blue rooms at the same time. You can have different outlooks towards a thing but you cannot have 2 outlooks at the same time. You can only switch to realize the difference. But the way our psychology is molded since teenage and and childhood our outlook is shaped and defined. This outlook stays a bit permanent until either we consciously change it or a certain event makes us question or challenge our outlook and make us want to think jn different ways. Example . You could be used to thinking that someone who sleeps a lot or moves sluggishly is a lazy person. This could be an ingrained thought taught in childhood and trained by parents and schools or peers. However when you come across people who are usually ill or chronically ill or stressed you realize that not every behavior is because of laziness but due to health issues and problems. Thus you look at the same situation with a new outlook that's different from the one you had earlier.

Prepation for Morning and preparation for night. These will be important parts of Samhain

I have suffered depression and emotional distress for a long time and in trying to come to terms with it... Finally I can find healing, find peace or be at peace with myself and move on

10 Signs of an Ailing Mind Experts describe the physical and mental signs that may indicate emotional distress. By Colette Bouchez FROM THE WEBMD ARCHIVES Maybe you're having that proverbial "bad day" - or perhaps a rough few weeks: Feeling down, anxious, overstressed, as if you're one breath away from the "last straw." If so, you may be surprised to learn it's quite common; doctors say it's part of the human condition. "The presence of anxiety, of a depressive mood or of a conflict within the mind, does not stamp any individual as having a psychological problem because, as a matter of fact, these qualities are indigenous to the species," says Charles Goodstein, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry at NYU Medical Center in New York City. But if living on the "last straw" has more or less become your way of life, experts say there's something on your mind that is crying out for your attention. "The key is how often you are feeling this sense of distress, how bad it gets, and how long it lasts; that is what can help determine the seriousness of your situation," says Abby Aronowitz, PhD, the director of SelfHelpDirectives.com. To help you gain some important perspective on the problems in your life, three experts helped WebMD put together this list of symptoms you should not ignore. If any of these signs seem true for you, speak to your family doctor and request a complete physical. If everything checks out OK, ask your doctor if you might benefit from professional counseling. CONTINUE READING BELOW Sleep and Weight 1. Sleep disturbances. If you're sleeping more than usual or less than usual, if you can't fall asleep or wake up after only a few hours and can't go back to sleep, experts say emotional distress may be looming large in your life. "If you have recurring disturbances of sleep more than once or twice a week, and there are no physical reasons your doctor can identify, your problem may be linked to a psychological problem -- most commonly, anxiety or depression," says Goodstein. 2. Dramatic weight fluctuations/changes in eating patterns. Have you gained or lost a significant amount of weight without any changes in your diet or exercise regime? Do you find yourself constantly thinking about food -- or repulsed by the thought of eating? If so, experts say it could be a sign of emotional distress "Constant preoccupation with food, weight, and body image is a sign that an eating disorder is sapping energy from other areas of life," says Aronowitz. In women and young girls a loss of menstruation in conjunction with changes in appetite can also be a sign of trouble. Also look out for a lack of appetite. Goodstein says it can sometimes be a sign of depression. CONTINUE READING BELOW Unusual Symptoms and Short Fuses 3. Unexplained physical symptoms. If, despite a complete physical workout and even a visit to a specialist or two, no one can find a reason behind your physical complaints, it may be your body's way of letting you know that your mind is in distress. "Unusual symptoms that resist the million-dollar workup can be a sign that your body is expressing some kind of emotional upset," says Goodstein. Problems commonly linked to emotional distress can include headaches, a rumbling stomach, diarrhea, constipation, and chronic pain -- especially backaches. 4. Difficulty managing anger or controlling your temper. Are you fine when you're by yourself but frequently get provoked to an explosion by your spouse, children, friends, or co-workers? If so, you may be on stress overload, a situation that is dangerous to your physical and mental health -- and unhealthy for those around you. "Not being able to control your anger is a sign of inability to manage feelings. And this is the one symptom that has the biggest impact on other people; children and women especially are affected," says Anie Kalayjian, EdD, RN, adjunct professor of psychology at Fordham University in New York City. Generally, she says, folks who have anger-management problems do not recognize the symptoms because they feel fine when they are by themselves. "This is something that only comes into play in relation to another person -- so it's easy to blame the other person for what is really your symptom," Kalayjian tells WebMD. Even if you don't see the signs in yourself, Kalayjian says consider counseling if your boss, co- workers, spouse, family, or friends are frequently telling you to calm down and watch your temper. Obsessive, Tired, or Forgetful? 5. Compulsive/obsessive behaviors. Are you washing your hands -- or feel a compulsion to do so -- even though there's no logical reason? Has the fun gone out of life because you are constantly worrying that something bad is going to happen? Does it take you an hour or more to leave your home because you're bogged down with a series of "rituals" -- like touching things or rechecking locks, the stove, the iron? If so, you may have more anxiety in your life than you can handle alone. Obsessions are repetitive thoughts which resemble worry and are accompanied by anxiety. Compulsions are behavioral acts designed to eliminate the obsessions. And sometimes if your mind becomes so cluttered with obsessions, and your day so filled with compulsions, life as you know becomes completely taken over by anxiety and counterproductive rituals," says Aronowitz. 6. Chronicfatigue, tiredness, and lack of energy. "When the body cannot handle emotional overload, it simply begins to shut down. And that is often manifested by a sense of extreme tiredness and fatigue," says Kalayjian. Goodstein adds that feeling too "beat" to do the things you used to love -- even when a physical checkup shows everything is alright -- can be a sign of emotional distress and depression. Memory problems. Lots of things can temporarily interfere with your memory, from the hormonal changes of menopause, to a preoccupation with a work problem, to a lack of sleep. But it can also be caused by stress, a reaction to a traumatic event, or sometimes an illness such as Alzheimer's disease. How do you know the difference? "You need a physical examination first and foremost," says Kalayjian. If everything checks out OK, she says, then anxiety, depression, or sometimes an unrecognized reaction to a traumatic event you have yet to deal with may be behind your forgetfulness Social Activity, Sex, and Mood 8. Shunning social activity. Did you love to go the movies with friends and now you don't? Do you seem fine at work but the minute you're home you jump into bed and just "veg out"? Are you turning down invitations because you simply feel better when you stay at home? Experts say all can be signs that your emotions may be getting the best of you. "Any significant change in social behavior for a significant amount of time could indicate a stress overload or other emotional issues are at work," says Kalayjian. Aronowitz adds that if phobias or fears of certain places or events are keeping you from doing what you want, then anxiety may be looming large in your life. 9. Sex is no longer fun. Are you going through the motions and not feeling the pleasure that sex once brought to your life? Do you love your partner, but just don't want to make love? If a physical checkup reveals everything is fine, then Kalayjian says an underlying depression, or an anxiety disorder, may be behind your slump. Diminished sexual desire and inability to feel joy in the sexual act itself can be a sign of emotional distress," she says. While that distress may be linked to your relationship with your partner, experts say just as often it could be linked to anxiety stemming from a totally different area of your life. 10. Mood swings and erratic behavior noticed by more than one person. While life may seem like "business as usual" to you, if friends or family members are commenting on your "moody" behavior, experts say pay attention. "You have to listen to not only your own inner voice, but also listen to what you hear from your best friends, your neighbors, your spouse, your family. Others can have an observation of you that you cannot see," says Kalayjian. "The greater number of people telling you that something is wrong, the more you need to pay attention

I need a therapist not a relationship. I was completely unhappy with you. Thanks for giving me fucking depression when I was already going through enough.

I should have never met you in the first place. Just more salt in my wounds

I was looking through the whole stage thing and I do have a faint idea of what it means but I have forgotten it over some time now. The green blue turquoise stage etc. Can anyone provide a simple overview or a link that is very detailed or explanatory on this topic.

She looks cool

In what way could I be causing problems Not taking proper care of myself Wasting too much time attending..... Lack of self focus Getting unnecessarily emotionally hurt and distressed. Affecting my schedule. Causing unnecessary interference in my schedule and loss of my resources or energy or time or the disruption of my normal schedule Loss of mental peace Weight gain Comfort eating Psychological damage Financial loss Sleep disturbances and insomnia General distraction from major goals Self esteem issues Occupancy of my mental and life space Emotional Hurt and betrayal

The key difference that has been made is that you are now dealing with uncomfortable emotions, rather than the belief that you are good enough (which cuts way deeper since when you believe it's true, it's a box you can literally never come out of). I found this wonderful thing in the forum that helped me understand better. That lack of confidence is definitely an issue because it can lead to self esteem battles, self guilt-tripping, pleasing others, not caring for self but over confidence is equally a problem because it means you can never change or improve because you are too good. The key lies in a balanced confidence.

This entire ball of psycho emotional mental spiritual, I will call it the intangible component

Another psychological barrier that I suffered from was this feeling that if I cared about my own needs and concerns I'm somehow being selfish. I sort of internalized a strange form of guilt over self care and always associated it with selfishness. As a result I could never fully care for myself. I need to convince myself every day that caring for myself is totally wonderful and not selfish at all I think this thought was implanted in me by my ex who always made me feel guilty anytime I expressed my concerns or needs.

Another lesson is If you have nothing to gain, make sure that you also have nothing to lose and make sure you aren't losing anything

Santa muerte helped me a lot in accepting who I am and not feeling ashamed or unworthy of myself. She reminded me that those who shame me are the ones who are wrong These 4 things that I should learn to deflect and cut off and dissociate and cancel from my life. These are specific strategies ?Deflection - means distraction. If a person says something offensive in the middle of a conversation, immediately switch that topic and act like you didnt hear it and turn over the attention of that person to something completely different or bring the attention back to the original discussion bypassing that offensive subject. ?Cut off - cut off that person completely from your life Reduce interactions with such a person Or cut off the interaction abruptly. Walk off or go silent ?Dissociate - do not be impacted even slightly by that person's negative judgement ?Cancel - cancel the person. Which means do not like them. Do not give them importance. Treat them like they don't deserve any form of praise or attention from you. Treat them with contempt and derision just dislike them, consider them inferior for their mean behavior. Eject them from your field of thought or vision Apart from these strategies the behaviors that I should red flag are ? Someone who complains ? Someone who plays victim around me even when I didn't have the intention to hurt them ? Someone who doesn't appreciate ? Someone who doesn't respect ? Someone who shames me ? When I am misjudged or misunderstood by the person. ? Someone who doesn't care enough or is very phony in their caring attitude ? Someone who doesn't appear empathetic ? Someone has a negative opinion of me ? Someone who is skeptical of me ? Someone who is judgemental of me ? Someone who blames me without justifiable reason or context ? Someone who threatens me in both small or big ways ? Someone who bullies me... A common thing that bullies say is go kill yourself ? Someone who ridicules me ? Someone who mocks me ? Someone who fails to assure me ? Someone who is rude to me ? Someone who is indifferent to my needs and concerns ? Someone who is downplaying my problems.

I will try to differentiate between Dissociation and detachment Detachment means being detached from your surroundings Dissociation means being able to unhook oneself from bias, prejudice and other people's emotions, judgement, perceptions and able to retain your equilibrium and basic calmness

Next spiritual lesson is Hate is okay. It's okay to have love within myself and for someone to have hate for me. It's completely okay for them to hate me. It doesn't make me a bad person.

@This is the end thanks a lot

Today in my spiritual growth I'm going to focus on Dissociation and Lack of acceptance How to stop guilt tripping myself. How to dissociate myself from people I don't want to be with. The feeling of guilt that constantly bothers me. I think this feeling of gullt also causes me to become psychopathic, schemer, manipulative and pretentious. This fundamental guilt comes from some factors that I have identified in my childhood Those are Lack of acceptance Fear of being rejected Fear of being scorned or hated Fear of being judged which is the biggest Fear and guilt of being unloved Fear guilt of being considered unworthy Fear of being punished or persecuted Fear of not being in the good books/favor of that person Fear of not being ignored Fear of being outcast Fear of humiliation Fear of hate Fear of not being able to win favor of the person These particular fears cause me to bend to a person's demands and not be able to say no. Not being able to stick to myself and retain my self respect and not being able to defend myself effectively and easily get guilt tripped. A few days ago I felt like I was wrong even when I was not wrong. It was a question of my self respect. I began to doubt my basic objective thinking which was right. But doubting it led to needless self guilt. I think feeling excessive self guilt can be a sign of suffering narcissistic abuse.

Another lesson that I learned during my morning meditation is that Only type of energy can exist. It cannot be two energies at the same time. Like I cannot hold the energy of both love and hate at the same time. So once I have the energy of hate, it won't be replaced by energy of love because it doesn't work that way. Once I have the energy of love, I cannot suddenly get hate I need to do a recap of my spiritual practices.

@Raptorsin7 fasting is one of the things that helps me get a peak experience. Another thing that helps me is a type of meditation in which I do visualization where I feel like I'm accessing an alternate reality or realm or space and in that space there is only love and peace. Sometimes this experience can be very intensely emotional. I call it my love exercise. Another thing that helps me is making a chamomile tea. But meditating with it Recently I came across a video where I saw a snippet and an image of a meditator working on a piece of art. That was beautiful. It felt like full form expression. I haven't tried it yet but going to try it soon. Another thing that's helping me recently is my Santa muerte practice I also get a lot of insights during my spiritual meditation