Preety_India

One way of beating the problem is to just think... Why did he/she do that ? And the answer should really be he is a neurotic and that won't change about him. His neuronal patterns cause his behaviors and that's not him in the heart. But then the heart is never really seen. So forget that

Don't think too much about them They are all neurotic that's why( you know who )

@tsuki that dreamcatcher is beautiful. I make my own diy types. Nice to see that Have a great day

@Zigzag Idiot you do hide a lot. I noticed that.

I have recently recognized those signs within me that I wasn't aware of. But interacting with people here and someone suggested I need to look into it , then I went and looked up and it seems I do show those signs . So I have decided to incorporate that into my spiritual development bucket list. I have informed my psychologist and therapy group about this. Although I'm just showing slight symptoms and not all and not intense, which is good because I can quickly recover. At least recognition is the first step towards recovery I'm glad that someone pointed it out so now I know more about myself. Self mastery lies in knowing yourself better everyday and then improving yourself to become a better healthier version of you. There lies the key of all spiritual development. At the same time, not everything about life is all about psychology and psychological disorders, life is much more expansive and larger than that. Like an ocean. It's not just the mind but also the heart, character, physical state, mental state and spiritual growth level.. Too often we focus on just the psychological aspect of things because it takes so much of our everyday space...which is a bane because if you ignore it or cut it out,then there are so many other things to learn and grow in life that you might miss out on. But I will try not to be totally absorbed into therapy and psychological evaluation and all that...I have to live life to the fullest. And nothing can stop me now The relationship is over. It feels like a huge burden is lifted off my shoulders. I don't have a responsibility to always be there for someone. I showed too much compassion and it resulted into me getting drained. But all good. I expect a good outcome for my life in the coming year. Thank you for being there for me. It does mean a lot

Help for Codependents Whose Relationships are Ending Breaking up and rejection are especially hard for codependents. Breaking up triggers hidden grief and causes irrational guilt, anger, shame, and fear. Working through the following issues can help you let go and move on. Codependents often blame themselves or their partner. They have low self-esteem, and any rejection triggers feelings of shame. Relationships are of primary importance to them. They fear this relationship may be their last. They haven’t grieved their childhood. Past feelings of loss and trauma from their childhood are triggered. Working through these issues can help to let go and move on. Blame Poor boundaries are one of the main symptoms of codependency. Codependents have difficulty seeing others as separate individuals, with their own feelings, needs, and motivations. They feel responsible and guilty for others’ feelings and actions. This accounts for high reactivity, conflict and caretaking in codependent relationships. They perceive their partner’s need for space or even to break up or divorce as their fault. Even if they were blamed by their partner, it still doesn’t make it so. There may be instances where a person’s addiction, abuse, or infidelity precipitate a break up, but if you look more deeply, those behaviors reflect individual motivations and are part of a bigger picture of why the relationship didn’t work. No one is responsible for someone else’s actions. People always have a choice to do what they do. Anger and resentment also can keep you stuck in the past. Codependents blame others because they have trouble taking responsibility for their own behavior, which might include a failure to set boundaries. They may have been blamed or criticized as a child, and blame feels natural and protects them from their overdeveloped sense of guilt. Low Self-Esteem and Shame Shame is an underlying cause of codependency and stems from dysfunctional parenting. Codependents develop the belief that they’re basically flawed in some respect and that they’re unlovable. Children can interpret parental behavior as rejecting and shaming when it’s not meant to be. Even parents who profess their love may behave in ways that communicate you’re not loved as the unique individual you are. Shame often is unconscious, but may drive a person to love others who can’t love or don’t love them. In this way, a belief in one’s unloveability becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy operating beneath conscious awareness. Some codependents have a shaming, “I’m defective” or “I’m a failure” script, blaming themselves for anything that goes wrong. Low-self-esteem, which is a cognitive self-evaluation, leads to self-attribution of fault and personal defects to explain why someone else wants to end a relationship. For example, if a man cheats, the woman often assumes it’s because she’s not desirable enough, rather than that his motivation comes from his fear of intimacy. Learning to love yourself can help heal shame and improve self-esteem. Relationships are the Answer In the dysfunctional and insecure family environment in which codependents grow up, they develop strategies and defenses in order to feel safe and loved. Some seek power, some withdraw, and others try to win the love of their parents by adapting to their parents’ needs. Stereotypical codependents keep trying to make relationships work – usually harder than their partner – in order to feel secure and okay with themselves. A close relationship becomes the solution to their inner emptiness and insecurity. It’s not unusual for codependents to drop their friends, interests and hobbies – if they had any – once they’re in a relationship. They focus all of their energy on the relationship and their loved one, which helps neither them nor the relationship. Some couples spend their time talking about their relationship instead of enjoying time together. Once it ends, they feel the emptiness of their life without a partner. The adage, “Happiness begins within,” is apt. Recovery from codependency helps people assume responsibility for their own happiness. Although a relationship can add to your life, it won’t make you happy in the long run, if you can’t do that for yourself. It’s important to have a support network of friends or 12-step meetings as well as activities that bring you pleasure regardless of whether you’re in a relationship. Grieving the Past Codependents find it hard to let go because they haven’t let go of the childhood hope of having that perfect love from their parents. They expect to be cared for and loved and accepted unconditionally from a partner in the way they wished their parents could have. No partner can make up for those losses and disappointments. Parents aren’t perfect and even those with the best intentions disappoint their children. Part of becoming an independent adult is realizing and accepting this fact, not only intellectually, but emotionally, and that usually involves sadness and sometimes anger. The Last Hope Losing someone can be devastating, because codependents put such importance on a relationship to make them happy. Fear is the natural outgrowth of shame. When you’re ashamed, you fear that you won’t be accepted and loved. You fear criticism and rejection. Codependents fear being alone and abandoned because they believe they’re unworthy of love. They might cling to an abusive relationship in which they’re being emotionally abandoned all the time. These aren’t rational fears. Building a life that you enjoy prepares you to both live single and be in a healthier relationship where you’re less dependent upon the other person to make you happy. Past Trauma It’s a psychological axiom that each loss recapitulates prior losses. You may have had other losses as an adult that compound grief about the current one. Yet often, it’s abandonment losses from childhood that are being triggered. Closeness with a parent was either blissful or you may never had it, or didn’t have it consistently. The intimacy of a close relationship reminds you of intimacy you once had or longed for with your mother or father. Either way, it’s a loss. Codependents may have been neglected, blamed, abused, betrayed, or rejected in childhood, and these traumas get reactivated by current events. Sometimes, they unconsciously provoke situations reminiscent of their past in order that it can be healed. They also may incorrectly perceive rejection, because they expect to be treated the way they were previously. Grief is part of letting go, but it’s important to maintain friendships and life-affirming activities in the process. Blame, shame, and guilt aren’t helpful, but working through trauma from the past can help you sort out your feelings and know what you feel about the ending of the present relationship. Do you miss the person, what he or she represents, or just being in a relationship? Letting go and healing involve acceptance of yourself and your partner as separate individuals. Usually, relationships end because partners have individual issues with self-esteem and shame, are ill-matched, or have needs that they’re unable to communicate or fill. Shame often causes people to withdraw or push the other person away. Healing trauma and losses and building self-esteem help individuals move forward in their life and take more responsibility for themselves.

Codependency is a behavior, not a biological illness. It can, however, run in families. By perpetuating the same type of behavior through several generations, dysfunctional relationships can emerge. Codependency can often stem from taking care of a close friend or family member with a substance abuse or chronic mental health issue. While the impulse to take care of another may be a virtuous and helpful decision, it may also arise from a need to control. Codependency, or as some call it, “relationship addiction”, occurs when the care-taker needs to control his or her own anxiety through another person. There is usually one person who needs to be taken care of and another who needs to provide. One example of codependency is the act of enabling. If an addict who has clearly been using drugs asks the codependent person for rent money, the codependent may feel like they are preventing something awful from happening to the addict by giving him or her the needed money. Although the care-taking may feel helpful, it is actually serving the codependent person more than the addict. By making excuses for the addict or preventing the addict from consequences, the codependent person feels in control of the situation. Codependency creates problems such as: a lack of personal time, feeling overburdened, and stress. It also has hidden benefits. The codependent in an unhealthy relationship may feel that they are: The healthier partner Important Needed In control Hard working Virtuous The people most likely to become codependent are those who have grown up with dysfunctional relationships. Common characteristics include the need for approval, feeling empty without others around, an intense fear of neglect, low self-esteem, putting the needs of others ahead of their own, and difficulties setting clear and fixed boundaries. Both men and women can have issues with codependency. If you suspect you may have issues with codependency, ask yourself these questions: Do you feel solely responsible for someone even though they have other avenues of support? Do you often find yourself in the ‘savior’ role? Do you have difficulty making your own decisions? Do you ask for what you want with actions rather than words? Is it better to be with someone than alone? If your gut tells you the opposite of what someone else is saying, do you first trust the other person? Do you feel mean saying ‘no’? Do you find yourself consistently resentful when others do not put in as much effort as you? Will you settle for less so that you do not have to argue? Do you alter what you say or look for friends or significant others? Without your help, would the well-being of others find themselves in jeopardy? Are you embarrassed for your significant other when he/she makes a mistake? Have you lived with someone who has experienced a substance abuse/alcohol problem? Have you lived with a physically abusive person? If nobody is around, do you feel inadequate? Do you feel that the burden of others often falls on you? Do you have trouble asking for help? Not every question is indicative of codependency, but if you answered ‘yes’ to most questions, you may exhibit codependent behavior. To start asserting yourself in a healthy way, dependent relationships need to be treated differently. Allow consequences to happen rather than making excuses. If a significant other has a substance abuse issue and is treating the codependent person poorly, excuses do nothing except enable the behavior. Without proper responsibility, the codependent is in charge of both the good and bad outcomes of their partner/family member. This can lead to an unhealthy sense of identity for both the codependent and the dependent person. Each person has their own life. No two people are exactly the same. Even if a couple or a family like to participate in similar activities, everyone has their own separate interests. It’s important that the codependent person discovers their own interests outside the relationship. There is a difference between being supportive and fixing the problem. Instead of solving an issue, listening for an allotted amount of time and then allowing the person to make their own decisions, establishes healthy boundaries. Only talking to others who have codependent tendencies can actually lead to more unhealthy relationships. Going to a 12-step group in which everyone adheres to a specific formula, can help facilitate social interactions in a healthy way. In group therapy, the therapist will control the dynamic so as not to instinctually delve into the very behavior one is trying to avoid. Barbara Johnson, an American literary critic, said: “Being codependent means that when you die, someone else’s life passes before your eyes.” Without recognizing the dangers of codependency, a lack of boundaries and control may reappear in future generations.

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior. Do you expend all of your energy in meeting your partner’s needs? Do you feel trapped in your relationship? Are you the one that is constantly making sacrifices in your relationship? Then you may be in a codependent relationship. The term codependency has been around for decades. Although it originally applied to spouses of alcoholics (first called co-alcoholics), researchers revealed that the characteristics of codependents were much more prevalent in the general population than had previously imagined. In fact, they found that if you were raised in a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, you could also be codependent. Researchers also found that codependent symptoms got worse if left untreated. The good news is that they’re reversible. Symptoms of Codependency The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship. You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent. Symptoms of Codependency The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship. You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent. Low self-esteem.Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame.Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself. People-pleasing.It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people. Poor boundaries.Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s especially where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else.Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones. Reactivity.A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements. Caretaking.Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice. Control.Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control.Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary. Dysfunctional communication.Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear. Obsessions.Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.”Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, discussed below, but it keeps you from living your life. Dependency.Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped. Denial. One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t face their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem.Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy. Problems with intimacy.By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness. Painful emotions.Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb. There is help for recovery and change for people who are codependent. The first step is getting guidance and support. These symptoms are deeply ingrained habits and difficult to identify and change on your own. Join a 12-Step program, such as Codependents Anonymous or seek counseling. Work on becoming more assertive and building your self-esteem.

A relationship is not a psychological thriller

These nightmares are awful

These nightmares are awful

Yes you are right about it. Narcissists are very difficult to deal with. They shut down a discussion and deliberately sabotage a discussion because they're too insecure to provide a platform of defense to the partner. A classic example of a conversation with a narcissist goes like this Target partner " I have to talk about something" Narcissist "what" Target partner "what do you think about same sex marriages" Narcissist "hmm" Target partner so Narcissist " what do you want me to say" Target partner "I'm just asking for your opinion" Narcissist " why are you asking me this?" Target partner " I'm just asking" Narcissist. " I don't know how to answer that" Target partner " ok" Narcissist. "What the hell, are you a lesbian?" Target partner "no " Narcissist "then why the hell are you asking this" Target partner "how does that mean I'm a lesbian" Narcissist "what's wrong with you" Target partner "what happened" Narcissist "you are dumb" Target partner " I'm not asking because I'm a lesbian" Narcissist "I didn't call you a lesbian" Target partner "you said that" Narcissist "what's wrong with you" Target partner "I'm just asking" Narcissist " this is too much, I need to watch TV " bye You never get around where you will have a successful discussion with them where the concerns and opinions of each other are openly discussed. When the target partner tries to defend, they get insecure out of the fear of being proven wrong so they just shut off the discussion.

I did get to know all of my exes gradually but still a bit faster, not too slow. I'm impulsive plus I show codependent behavior which means I will get emotionally bonded super fast. Like within days. So in some ways my own weaknesses made me a favorable target for abusive relationships. That's how exactly abusive relationships are. There is something in the woman also, like a deficiency that keeps such a relationship afloat. However there is one crucial difference. I wasn't the kind of person too desperate for a relationship and diving right in for any man who showed interest. Often I wasn't attracted to men who were attracted to me..plus it wasn't like he said he loves me and I'm laying in his bed the next night. It was manipulation. There was tons of manipulation which I'm very angry about. Because if they were more authentic about who they were, I probably would have had second thoughts. The manipulation meant I had no way of knowing what person I was really dealing with. It's like 6 months into the relationship, I feel like I'm dealing with a different person. My ex (not this guy who the thread is about) was two faced. I realised after many months what his true face really was. He said one thing in the first month of the relationship and completely flipped in the 6th month. Maybe I'm not a great judge of character,but it gets incredibly difficult to know a person inside out when they are being extremely deceptive. That's why I honor authenticity in men now much more. An authentic man saves a whole lot of pain and stress for himself and most importantly for the woman he is claiming to love.

@Key Elements I think in my case it was more about naivety. I was just naive and his affection caused me to believe that it's true love. As women we are taught growing up that we should manage,we should adjust, we should be patient and kind and motherly and understand a man's weakness. I think I was trying to fix the relationship throughout the relationship rather than thinking that it's toxic to me. I have a lot of dignity in myself as a person,I have no idea how I allowed myself to be mistreated,the only reason that comes to my mind is that I was passionately in love and justifying my efforts to keep going in the relationship as a sign of my true love and loyalty to him. It was like a test I had to pass to prove my love. With the kind of blackmail language he used, I was being prepped to think that I am only loving if I can prove it. I knew him only for two weeks before totally falling in love with him,which says a lot about how stupid I really was. My exes didn't come out of nowhere. Either they were my neighbors, college friends or workplace friends. They weren't complete strangers. So I knew them before the relationship. But they were very sweet which is baffling to me, how manipulative a man's approach towards a woman can really be. I'm a naive believer, I trusted too much too quick. Part of it was because I always thought being judgemental is so cruel. So even if they had a bad past I was still able to forgive their past or their flaws very easily. I remember one of my exes who said something sexually awkward to me like public sex, and at the time, I didn't even think very seriously about it. I was prone to taking everything lightly as long as it was " love ". ... because I never believed that a person can hurt in love. It's a sort of naive trust . The lack of skepticism in me which is the lowest. The level of openness I have that can be easily taken advantage of. Now I really don't know how to think of relationships. If I take it as a science and analyse it under a microscope everyday, it will get too mechanical like career planning . Plus there is still no guarantee that it will be good because men have so many different faces they hide from a woman. Let's say I marry the best guy, he treats me with a lot of respect, but what if he changes dramatically 3 months into the marriage. What if he starts drinking or gets a job problem and then begins to take out his life frustrations on me till the point of divorce . The fact of the matter is that we can never know for sure if a person is really good or really bad , we can only judge based on present behavior, but a good person can turn bad and vice versa. Nor is there a guarantee if a marriage will really work just because the lovebirds were happy in the first year before marriage. Things can radically change over time The only thing we can do is establish probabilities. The probability of a good future with a person who is showing good behavior is high. The probability of a good future with a person who is already showing red flags is extremely low. The key is patience. And not rush both emotions and sex. The problem is that men don't wait. They won't sit around for long. But here is the important part, if he really loves he will wait till the woman is convinced he is safe to be with, so a woman can set the rules Ahhh. Well I didn't know this much about relationships when I was dealing with them, wish I had this much knowledge as I have now. Now whatever I know is directly from experience, bad experience rather. I remember a saying that goes like this ...if you are too slow to learn,you will learn the harder way. If you are quick to learn, you won't have regrets. I still don't fully regret the whole experience. It was mind blowing. It taught me a lot about people,about men, about relationship dynamics , about my own psychology, about sex, about romance and affection, about relationship challenges and about narcissistic abuse. At least I'm more matured than before. Now I at least know what to avoid in a man or the type of men to avoid. I was clever with one thing. Although I was passionately in love with him, I did not go ahead and marry him blindly, a mistake many young women make in their lives and regret their entire lives. They get pregnant with the wrong man. I'm grateful that I wasn't physically abused. Because just an hour ago I read about a married woman in Sharjah beaten by her husband where she lost one eye. That's how bad things can be. I'm still grateful that this was only emotional psychological abuse. And thank goodness I didn't marry him. Because I could have been homeless or in jail just for trusting him so much in the name of blind love . I guess the human need for love is extreme. And when you are deprived of love in childhood this need becomes exponential as an adult and manifests itself as codependency as it shows in me. But self awareness is the first step towards spiritual development. I'm now aware of the kind of person I have become as an adult. This relationship exposed my weaknesses. It worked as a shield. Sometimes bad experiences teach you valuable life lessons. This shield means in the future I will be hyper aware of people I engage with and avoid destructive pathological people easily. I've got lifetime protection from bad people because I'm now very sensitive and alert at catching the behavioural signs which are dangerous for my mental health. I have avoided the personalities similar to my exes. But this guy was different from my ex. His style was different. So it was an entirely new experience for me. But since I'm completely physically safe, I should just feel grateful for what I have. Of course it's like once bitten twice shy . I have suffered so much in the relationship that I will never take any risks again. I don't want to lose my life and sanity in the name of love. And love is not love if it's destructive. I'm glad that I'm a better person today and that the experience has taught me certain things about people and life. But I won't make anymore mistakes just for the sake of learning. This experience has been more than enough to teach me a lot.

@Annoynymous thank you

...

This will keep my mind off the emotional stress.

Thanks for bringing that up. I looked up on the internet. And I saw that I show all characteristics of a codependent. I was heavily abused by someone in my childhood that lead to low self confidence and a lot of trauma. I could never feel okay or secure about myself. I also had a sense of fear and anxiety as a result of a narcissist abuser in my childhood. I did not receive therapy for it. But I have outgrown that phase of self pity. However I got attracted to men who offered me emotional support and my attraction was instant. I felt loved and comforted by such men. It compensated for the lack of love and deprivation I felt growing up. So i went through a string of abusive relationships. But these were men who were very warm and welcoming and loving in the beginning but later became abusive and hateful and tyrant.. I continued relying on them for my emotional needs as I lacked the strength to walk away and say no.. Deep down I craved the intimacy and felt really painful if I left. This always gave a sense of power to the men over me.. This was the probably the last relationship I had where I noticed an abusive pattern. This was intense. Because I wanted to give one last shot. So I kept hoping that things would get better. But the cycle was always like better than worse than better than worse than better..... It messes up the mind. It seems like such people know how to attract weak people and keep them in check.. I wasn't able to place healthy boundaries in the relationship out of fear of losing him. But then again I think, what's the point of placing a healthy boundary If the person is anyways abusive. He is not going to respect those boundaries. He is going to do his own thing. And If he doesn't he is following those boundaries only out of fear of losing me not out of genuine respect or concern for me. I don't want a man who behaves in a way only out of fear that I will catch him, I want him to genuinely avoid behaviors which are hurtful.. I don't want to cage him or instill fear in him. The point is simple. I was with a narcissist. It took me time to look up the symptoms of the relationship on the internet and then come to that conclusion. Wish I had known early on. Not everyone falls in love after doing cursory research on the internet. I thought love was natural. And a huge population suffers from psychiatric disorder. It doesn't always mean that they can't find love or have kids. If they are willing to work on their personalities they can change it. I brought up this concern with my partner last month where I mentioned to him that he was a narcissist. But he flatly refused. So i guess a relationship cannot work if the person is not willing to try to work on themselves. Anyway my future course of action is to either be single or never be in a relationship where I'm not happy. Just walk away if I'm not happy instead of trying to work it out and getting hurt. If I have to be in a relationship or find a person who is admirable then I will spend some time and check how the chemistry works out in a few months.. I will keep an eye on the red flags. And drop it at the sight of the first red flag. I don't need it.. I'm also working in a therapy program with my psychologist and therapy group and so far the support is awesome. Hopefully I will be able to improve my low self esteem and work on my codependency behavior.

This is like short stint in rehab.. Plus I'm also thinking about going camping. This will be like a retreat... So I'm thinking about two things in mind.. One is rehab and for a short time. Plus attending group therapy which is going great already.... The other is going for a short retreat. I'll be going to this place. It's awesome. I might have to travel a bit longer to get there but it's gonna be awesome. There I can do meditation for a full long day and even for a week. Plus I will drink a lot of coffee lol. It's winter. I just want to relax and just be there and enjoy nature and practice spirituality. It's gonna be awesome. I can't wait This is the place I wanna be... Just free and meditating under a tree and drink the stream water. Don't care if it's contaminated because I just love natural water.

Trader here too. Helps me a lot with my financial needs along with my regular job. Most importantly if I want to buy something for my spirituality and some art pieces can be pretty expensive but my side work of trading takes care of it. I'd suggest you that you please focus on money because that makes a huge difference and other things go much smoother. Once you got the money box ticked you can pretty much carry on with any alternative career. Goodluck and best wishes on your life journey and purpose

I'm enjoying the company of my therapy group. They are awesome. I feel wonderful.

Says that he loves riding horses. What a joke... And the whole pink girl lol " I like Shugga.. Not you"....... Like seriously Hahahah. The dream though. My heart pounding and everything... Now. I laugh lol.. What a jerk!!!! Always read jerk flags.... Not acceptable at alll.... I mean fuck. Off... If you don't know appreciation... And don't call respectful people cucks.. I am attending therapy. And a lot of this team is helping me a great way. Andrew is an expat I don't want their real names to be revealed. So I will give them some names The team thats helping me.. So the therapy group consists of these.. Real names hidden. All of them are dealing with their own psychological demons and issues. Chavez. Really friendly. Just like Cindy. In fact he reminds me a lot of Cindy. Talks like her. Very direct.. Hart...super cool.. Thomson...this guy is insane. His arguments are so sharp. He is so calm all the time through the session. Austin.. Very intelligent David.. Smart Lorna.. Sweet passive And Christy.. My psychologist and head of the therapy group. This woman is mega strong. Mad respect.

@NoSelfSelf yep. Narcissistic. I dumped him for good. It was unhealthy and toxic. I didn't deserve it and no man or woman should have to go through it. It's emotionally traumatizing. But the forum helped me recognize that I was doing damage to myself and I'm grateful.

Super cute ...

@tsuki awesome. Worth trying