Preety_India

After ranting and venting out I feel way better. Way better... Spat you out of my life you asshole.

I'm looking forward to meeting up with Andrew..... I want some more sexual chemistry with him But I want to take it really slow. Because my attachment with my current boyfriend (my immediate ex) is still lingering a bit and I'll have some hard time letting it go and feel normal again. But Andrew is really sweet. He is an American living here. I met him 3 months back at a local meditation center. And he was cool He is on the same page as me. He loves self development just like me. We both love spirituality. My asshole boyfriend.... Well that's what I am going to refer to him who I broke up with just a few days ago. He was a total asshole. He was American too. But very disrespectful and just a plain asshole who feels the need to feel important in the relationship at the expense of insulting me. But Andrew is nothing like that. Andrew is cool and mesmerizing. Quite tall. 6 feet and more. But I kinda match him well. I couldn't really think of hitting off with Andrew right away because I was still stuck with this asshole throughout this year. He wouldn't let me go. I was bonded but at the same time I resented his behavior. I stopped sending him stuff. Now with Andrew. We get along great. He is always smiling and gentle. He is not disrespectful like my asshole boyfriend Joe. Joe bye bye lol. Goodluck being an asshole to another woman. I had enough of you and I'm moving on super fast. That's the only way to get over you and create my new space. You really thought that I was going to put up with you forever. Nope. It gets too much. You really had me like a doormat. You controlled me too much. You were just very selfish and self centered, outlandish, arrogant, predatory (preying on my emotional weakness), narcissistic, cold, attention grabbing, and you brought tons and tons of negative energy into my life. Your words would cut through like a sword.. You were mean, vile alpha bad boy... I wanted alpha but not a bad boy. Negative,..... Self centered... Predatory... Narcissistic.... Heartless But I wish you good... Good luck.. Good luck screwing another woman.. But I doubt you will even get another woman after this. Guess what I was the only one to put up with so much because I was madly in love with you.. You knew it well You can go on preying another emotionally vulnerable woman but she will drop you like.... Like that.. She will be too smart to put up with you. You will never get another woman and I hope you don't because no other woman deserves to go through what I had to go through with you. I didn't deserve being treated that way. You are awful.. Your constant passive aggressive behavior had taken a toll on me. Your constant reassurances that you love me just to pull me back was lame. The only reason our relationship lasted was because I was so forgiving and empathetic to you. You had ways to draw my empathy card. Drawing my attention to you You said I was the love of your life, the Woman of your life, that you will never hurt me, that we are forever, that you can't live without me, you want to live with me forever.. Didn't you say that when you were in jail???? You told me that. Writing letters to me. Keeping a copy of me. Reading a book about me.....? How sweet... And when you came out of jail, you were so nice and warm... For how long? Two weeks.... What a joke. You were back to being the same asshole you were before your jail stint. You loved playing games, blaming me, passive aggressive, pulling me pushing me,.. You would start a fight over nothing. Just because you wanted more power in this relationship. You wanted to feel big. You always wanted to guilt me for something imaginary. I feel like a total fool for falling for you and giving you so much emotionally to come out feeling damaged. I betrayed you while you were in jail? Nope. I wanted to dump long before that.. It was the tipping point. I had taken too much by then.. You were a pain in the ass.. You were delusional. You think you are super awesome. You are just an immature narcissist. Glad I'm done with you. No regrets. But I do regret losing my time, emotions, health and resources dealing with your craziness. You were a waste of time. A waste of my health... Guess what...... I'm better now... Way better.. I gained weight. But still better. Thanks for the weight gain for all the bullshit abuse you put me through constantly attacking me and feeding on me. I have grown now. The moment a guy does what you did, I'm gonna dump him like a rotten egg. I am better for myself, more self confident now than ever before. I'm way better now. I feel free and independent. I don't feel like I need a man to validate me anymore. And the most important thing.. I don't feel the need to put up. One red flag... One bad sign.. One asshole move... And I will dump straight up. No more tolerance for assholes. No more dealing with bad behavior and forgiving it. I am going to learn setting up boundaries no matter how madly I'm in love. I will be with a person who respects those boundaries. I will be with a person who is matured and understanding and not someone who just needs his fix with me and is with me only because he gets what he wants I want a man who loves me unconditionally not some narcissistic asshole who uses strategies to devalue me and feeds on that meanwhile gloating how awesome and great he is and how he can get any woman he wants. Haha Goodluck bad boy asshole. Goodluck. You will meet someone weak like me or twisted. But I'm strong now. I was just in love. You took it as weakness. It was being soft because I didn't want to hurt you. But I'm over it. Andrew is 100 times better than you'll ever be. He respects me. If I create art, he calls it beautiful unlike you who use to make fun of my art and insult me. Andrew doesn't hurt me. Not at least now. I want a beautiful space with my man and me. And I'll create that. You lost me forever. And you can sit and regret it for the rest of your life. But I highly doubt it. Since you are a narcissistic, you will never truly regret anything. You will invent some blame on me and make it look like it was all for good. Bye for now. Even though the pain still hurts. The pain of loving and letting go. The pain of nurturing a relationship and then breaking it with my own hands. The pain of loving and caring someone deeply and then realizing that I am getting destroyed in their games. The pain of betrayal of my trust and forgiving nature. I settled for a lot. I put up a lot with you. Just a lot. Just a lot. Lesson learned. There is no need to put up with so much disrespect in the name of honoring love and promise. There is no need to put up with a user just because he needs me. There are much better people out there than you Joe. But you had a way of proving that you are the best. Nope. You are not. You are a boaster. You had a complete disregard for my feelings and you couldn't care if I had a bad day. Everything was all about you every time. But now I am looking forward to a bright future. Andrew is very patient. Very kind. Extremely kind. But I don't want to rush things. I want to be nice with him first,.... And wait till I feel like I can really be with him. But till then I want to focus on my spiritual journey .

Dodged a bullet

I'm falling in love with Andrew. But right now he is just a good friend. Last week we were intimate.

@Joseph Maynor Where's your journal. Did you download it?

You can't think like that. You have to think a bit about yourself and you have to be a bit selfish

@tsuki you're doing great work with lot of honesty and frankness. Respect!

@Bridge to Infinity how exactly are you displaying your neediness. Can you give a few examples?

Being an asshole should be a punishable offense

@Key Elements hahaha. Well I would have the same problem if I had kids. They would do that even before I get a chance to click pic

These people are very confident. They are deeply engaged in things that interest them. They talk to their partners only when they need something, have to vent or have a communication or a discussion and not just for the sake of lovey dovey exchange and assure each other that they are for other. This is a very matured relationship A relationship where partners have to constantly remind each other that they are for each other is very abnormal. They are acting petty and too immature and attention seeking. Won't be healthy long term. A non needy guy does not ring up her girlfriend only for sex. That's a primal duffer. A non needy guy will communicate a lot with his girlfriend openly but won't bug her to death A simple example - If the girlfriend says, "hey I need to go to bed" the guy allows it. And is okay with the end of the conversation or intimacy. But a needy guy will ask more time and no amount of time would ever be enough. A non needy guy doesn't keep a tab on what his girlfriend does or does not do. He is not thinking of what she must be doing all the time A non needy guy is not scared if he doesn't receive a reply to his text sent to her. He waits patiently. In fact he doesn't even wait. He immediately sets out to do his work in the meantime A non needy guy is not desperate to hear his girlfriend's response to a question related to the relationship. He gives her her own time. "take your own time" A non needy guy does not send his girlfriend a deluge of 30 text messages and 10 missed calls in an effort to reach her if she is not replying. He sends her only one text saying that he will wait till she replies back. . A non needy guy allows a girlfriend to go on a break especially after an argument. If she needs a break of a week, he lets her. A non needy guy is not feeling miserable if the girlfriend is hanging out with her girlfriends. He knows that she needs her own time. A non needy guy leaves his girlfriend completely alone when she says or begs 'leave me the fuck alone'... He doesn't bother her further. A non needy tries to hear his girlfriend first and lets her speak as long as she wants without constantly badgering and interrupting her thus frustrating and tiring her out A non needy guy doesn't get testy with a girl.. 'do you really love me'.. 'why can't you do this for me'... He doesn't ask her to prove her love for him constantly on a daily basis. He trusts her completely and believes that she loves him and doesn't put her to test or keep her in tight spot with this endless requests and questions. A non needy is more concerned if his girlfriend is happy with him. He tries to read her eyes, read her mind, he respects her space deeply and tries what she needs and what needs to be done to keep her in peace. He lets her be as she is and doesn't control her every move and responds only when he knows she is ready too. Finally. A non needy just minds his own business most of the time but shows affection when he thinks he needs to spice up his ladylove a little bit especially after a hard day's work. And yes..... A non needy boy doesn't have to be badboy to appear non needy. He is just a matured man.

You are having a mental habit and an immature disposition. This can be broken with practice. Most non needy guys were a bit needy in the beginning. Then with experience and many heterosexual relationships, they lose that neediness automatically. Understand and be aware that needy behavior can trigger a "shrugged or paranoid" psychological response in the female. I had this with my needy ex (one of the exes).. I would get frustrated with every "needy move or clingy behavior".. One trick is to reprogram your mind and realize that a girl is not the center of everything in life. Take deep interest and motivation in many pursuits and activities in life but don't do them just to impress a girl. That way the girl factor is dropped out. You are suffering low self esteem and low self worth combined with emotional immaturity and lack of emotional independence. Emotional independence means you don't need the opposite gender to fulfill you or complete you. Age is a factor here. With age progression, detachment gets very easily accomplished. Next strategy Intense socialization.. Try socialization online if you suffer social anxiety real time. Have as many friends as you can. Talk to a lot of people in whatever way you can. This helps with emotional independence Next strategy Travel This helps big time. Traveling to many places has a natural way of rewiring your brain to feel less needy and more confident and self assured. Games. As strange as it might sound, games are healthy as a coping mechanism for engaging the mind and keeping out neediness. They make you feel productive and independent. Though in moderation.. Social media Try setting up a social media account like Twitter or Instagram. May be did difficult in the beginning because you might not have much to post. Try posting anything, just your every day feelings or about political events. As you begin to gather an audience, this boosts your confidence and the need to express and open and reduces the need to rely on one person for your needs. Exercise When you exercise, the endorphins released bring a natural sense of independence and grounding. Don't do this to take a selfie. Do it for your mind. This keeps the mental hormones in check and reduces extreme reactions like neediness Openness. Seek a partner with whom you can share everything. If your partner is such that you can't be open with because of your self esteem or their judgmental behavior, this can cause you to naturally become more needy for their affection and validation. If the person has a great comfort zone with you, your neediness will exponentially decrease. Engagement On the spot remedy is engagement. If you spot yourself acting needy, distract and engage in some activity like watching a YouTube video, solving a puzzle or going out for a walk or doing household chores. Is your relationship depriving you Sometimes your neediness may not be your fault but your partner who constantly punishes you even for little affection. In this case you are going through Alienation or deprivation. Such a relationship is not worth having. Either air it out and let them hear you or break it up. Hanging out with the opposite gender Hang out with girls not necessarily for a relationship agenda in mind but just for friendship. Casual flirting helps ease the sexual tension and makes you feel comfortable and not as needy. Interact online if offline doesn't work Practice self control You need affection. You need reassurance. You need their time and comfort. This is part of addictive personality. You need intense self control for this impulsive addictive behavior. It's completely impulsive. The receptors in the brain constantly stimulate you to want the other person's presence. Practice self control by setting a self restraining boundary - like - I'll call her only 2 times today. I won't check my phone. I won't respond to her today. I won't bug her today. Keep days apart. Keep a particular time slot to communicate and exchange affection or company. This reduces the need to constantly want to want that person. Keeps that need in check.. The more time you put into practice, the better you get at it. Remember that partners are for you to grow in life. Try not making them the center of your life. Hope this helped

A design I made on the floor

Strategies Save your time and resources Cut the losses Be open and transparent and direct. No ifs no buts. You save more time this way Emotionally matured people do exactly opposite of what their emotions dictate They first detect their emotions. They don't fall prey to it. Learn from experience Learn from other's behaviors.partners friends Emotionally matured people don't jump. They first see the situation and decide What good will come out of this What bad will result or come out of this What Will I achieve from all this. Both the situation and the response/reaction. Emotionally immature people act borderline and immediately act on their emotional impulses. They follow the direction of their emotion. They don't detect or recognize their emotion and then use objectivity in approach. They don't manicure their responses. Words to describe such behavior Snap Aggression Borderline rage Defensive Insecure Panicky Lack of impulse control Low impulse control Loose cannon Batshit crazy Triggered Emotional Time bomb Fiery Tantrum Fit Out of control Impulsive Meltdown Jump the gun Fiesty Short temper Rampage mode Bipolar rage Set off Wild Frenzy Butthurt Berserk Unstable Fury wrath Charged Passionate Manic Crazy Weak Incited aroused Incensed Agitated Aggravated Roused Provoked Set off Pumped up Worked up Flustered Infuriated Riled up Antagonized Stirred Enraged

God's love creates good out of bad God loves you even if nobody else does

........I know I'm weak ..in weakness lies strength I did everything for you... I never knew I was alone the whole time .... In my weakness I'll find my strength You pushed me. .I got back up.. And in the end I found myself .... I made it through....

The traits which I observe is Self centered Super productive High achiever Great strength and abilities Low on emotions Obsession with work Practical and realistic Maturity and decency Non aggression Opposite of borderline High definition thinking...big picture thinking High on preemptive reasoning Some degree of narcissism High ego to the point of hubris Move on swiftly. Things happen fast Don't sit with something for too long. Want everything to work out super fast and immediately come to judgement . High risk taker Kids are toys No patience No depth with respect to spirituality and character

@Key Elements awesome

Having the bigger picture of reality in my mind all the time This concept I will call the Rubik's cube concept

I'm looking forward to a brand new future. Of beauty and transcendence. Leaving my old cloak behind I'm now going to use another concept in my life and I will call it the big focus concept Having the bigger picture of reality in my mind all the time '....' are very negative. This negativity should be kept away. Negative energy impacts life in a huge way.

@Key Elements exactly. That's a huge problem. Therefore I didn't marry right away. That would have been a massive risk. Dating is impossible if people use masks. I have altogether given up on dating because it's too hard to know a person's personal side, there is a lot of mistrust out there, people do communicate a lot but fear intimacy and attachment, nobody really wants someone in their bedroom, chat sites are flooded with people wanting to chat but real intimacy and love are rapidly on the decline.. And getting too intimate too quick is dangerous. Because you give your heart mind and body to the person and they can easily play mind games with you. It gets stressful when they act like nothing happened and like a relationship is not a huge deal. For an emotional person like me this can be harrowing. So it's very important to know what you are getting into and what's waiting for you. And a lot of people don't want to be simple and authentic anymore. Decency is a rare breed. People want social media and quick hookups but nobody is truly understanding the meaning of a bond. Plus the rise in crime means credibility is on a huge decline ..

@tsuki 2 years