Preety_India

That's one of the reasons why a lot of relationships run their course and end in divorce. Especially after the seven year itch. I know a lot of friends who hit the spot at the 5 year mark. Romance and love fades. It's pretty natural. Sex becomes a routine. But there is something called maturity. And when you have kids, it's important to stay together for the sake of the kids, a commitment the couple should agree to before marriage. Because marriage and kids is a lot of work and not child's play. Once you have kids the definition of marriage changes dramatically. If that lady decided to walk away, she was just being judgemental. I'd be completely fine even in a mundane relationship as long as there is full commitment. I'm very loyal as a person. So I won't find a problem in staying in a relationship despite boredom. And I don't see wanting passion in a relationship as a sign of neediness. It's pretty normal to want that. But to discard a relationship for not having the spark is being uncompassionate because that person could be going through a time, it would be selfish of me to only think of my own needs My personality is such that I can adjust to anything, if my partner wanted fun and romance, I would switch on to that role and spice up the relationship, if my partner wanted dullness and humdrum because maybe he is too busy for fun, I would keep myself occupied with other stuff so as to not be a thorn to him. In essence I'm the worker,the one who compassionately puts all effort into making things work. In the end I will do everything for me and him only because I love him. I see love as compassion. But the worst part that will hurt me in a relationship is not whether it's passionate or mundane but knowing that he is not even giving 3% to the relationship meanwhile I'm giving at least 75% to it . That won't fit for me.

I don't know if I would feel the same way about a cashier or a stone. But I will definitely a reasonable level of expectations from a future partner. And I don't consider that as neediness. I think wanting to be loved and wanting to love is kinda biological in my opinion. It's just how the brain is wired. It's another thing to change this wiring and think in a more consciousness based way.

That was a very good point. Especially the boundless witness. You really have a goldmine there. What spiritual practices do you follow ?

You said some golden lines. That's a short summary of how women really feel. At least I can attest to that An emotional vampire is like a scammer. And a person without needs is like being with a statue or signing a contract. It gets suffocating. The ultimate way of describing a healthy romantic relationship from my point of view would be exactly how you put it " To love and be loved."

At least you are right about something.

Sociopathic and sexist Predatory behavior versus empathetic behavior. Some people think of empathetic behavior as something stupid. Empathetic behavior is where a person is trying to supplement and augment so as to kind of help and support the other person so that they benefit from your behavior. Predatory behavior is where you try to get maximum benefit for yourself at the expense of the other person They are also shemers and also good at emotional manipulation. Like he was good at rolling the dice so that he gains and the other person loses. He was good at inflaming Signs of his emotional manipulation were Jealousy Competitiveness Reading of emotional signals Intentionally offensive ( sociopathic behavior) User mentality Scheming Intentional deprivation or alienation Give a sense of insecurity Mistrust Intentional creation of confusion Need to be superior Sadism Skepticism Survival mode, deeply insecure Pushing away Protection and securing of urgent needs or primal needs Do opposite of what emotions dictate Sociopathic laughter Emotional manipulation Emotional gaming Manipulation Emotional aggression Passive aggression Easily withdrawing from conflicts Provocation Preying on flaws Staying away from mess Thinking from a primal angle Good people management skills Diplomatic. Tact Using a lot of primal thinking

It's time for me to take an exit I'll sometimes use code words for certain things I want to do. Like right now I feel like saying coffee break

Well.... Psychological problems are complex Some openly display pathological behaviors. Others like to keep it under wraps but there is still a certain level of discomfort felt around such people.

@Beginner Mind I'd say looks, character, behavior and maturity play a huge role. But most importantly willingness. No matter whatever the flaws,if the partner is ready to work on them,that's the only way a relationship will be fulfilled. Things can be taken care of. But no willingness to communicate,sit down or discuss problems or no willingness to solve conflicts is a disaster and in such a case, everything from looks to achievements, talents, personality, character goes to the drain

That's exactly what I said in the last para. Looks are important but character meaning behavior will ultimately decide the outcome of a relationship.

Looks play a big role. A lot of people ignore that. A guys looks can say a lot. It's not just handsome. A guy can be handsome yet boring. But another guy can be handsome but have that romantic glint in his eyes. The face can convey a lot of things plus it's the seat of facial expressions,the seat of emotions, the eyes peep into the heart. I remember when I used to have arguments with my guy, but his eyes used to make me forget them. Looks are important in both men and women. But obviously character decides the overall and final outcome of a relationship.

Neediness should be there, like wanting or possessiveness. That's what makes the relationship passionate. Or it gets mundane But too much neediness is a psychological disorder in both men and women Often times the reason a partner is acting needy is not because they don't have boundaries or immaturity but because the other partner has kept them deprived for long. That's called negligence. I agree with you. It's not wrong to want a needy girlfriend or a needy boyfriend. People should not have to dictate whether your choices are bad or good as long as they are within the confines of morality. And you don't have to change a thing. What you like and or dislike is what makes you uniquely different than others. If everyone had the same attitude and style towards a relationship then we would all look like factory potato chips, all cut out in the same shape and all same flavor. It's completely okay to have a certain neediness, a certain passion, a certain ferociousness in a relationship, it's a part of connecting to your animal side The only difference is everything should be in moderation. It shouldn't cross limits and become pathological. That's where you have to pay attention. As long as you are 100 percent committed to making a relationship work, every flaw you have , you can conquer it and work on it for the better health of your partner and they can do the same. So there is nothing to worry. When you have true love and willpower to make a relationship work, you both will dedicate yourselves to seek and cultivate the best in each other.

That thing right there.... Perfect. Closing off is sometimes better than opening up.

@Nivsch I think you should just keep your original full name . Because that's your identity. It reflects authenticity and the need to be you and not something that pleases people. But then again it's just my opinion.

So true

I feel safe.....within the beauty of my walls. What a pleasant dream

I have been knocked down low...but I'll stand high

Time to build a wall As high as my heart wants it. As strong as my mind can build .... You'll never be in my life again

Note to myself -- don't let anymore emotional manipulators in your life. You either get hated for not doing as they say or get treated poorly and abused for doing what they say. Stuck between the horns of a bull.. Damned if you do, damned if you don't....

Gosh, you're deluding yourself into believing that you love me.

Yea I know. Maintaining a ranch is not easy at all. It is a money pit. And lot of other things in life are like that.

Don't take anything at face value anymore especially if it comes out from that side

Your screen name should have been Galaxy idiot. jokin

Why did you say "interesting" ..?