Preety_India

The best antidote to a victim mentality is acceptance. A non victim trying to be a victim should accept the nature of things.

You're funny. Cute.

Although I have zero knowledge of what muladhara or sahasrara. So I can't speak on that. But I can say I would avoid it because I cannot survive with that level of restraint. My mother is Spanish so I understand your point of view of Latin countries when it comes to love and romance. But I need a balance of both romance and consciousness in my life. I can't live without either.

@Dumuzzi I wouldn't want to be a sanyassin either. Just balanced all around. I mean I wouldn't be happy being a sanyassin. I'm too romantic for that. I have my own demons.

That's a hindrance. It can even be called an addiction like a love addiction lol.. There is no need an abnormal dating need to have kids. People have kids even though they are not expert or master at attracting the opposite sex. It's a mental thing and also a social thing. I personally wouldn't want my life to be all about meeting and being with a man. Would be too toxic for me. For me every area of life needs to be carefully nurtured and grown and fulfilled.

@outlandish true

There are nice guys. Many many nice guys. Some of them are just pretending to be nice. Some are genuinely nice. There is always a tendency to think in absolute ways like when you say women like alpha assholes who treat them like shit or beta guys don't stand a chance because of how women are designed. Just one of those. In reality everything is mixed and complex and made up of n number of permutations and combinations. People like to think of the average or general or most common. It's a reductionist approach especially facilitated by dating coaches that speak in statistical ways. Buying into the philosophy causes error in judgement and inhibition of the limitless possibilities of life. Life is a mystery that cannot be explained by a statistic or a coach, it has to be lived in its real essence.

Please stop the rubbish

@Raptorsin7 thanks for the contribution. Helps a lot.

@Applegarden you are very welcome.

To be totally honest, you aren't really ready for it yet because of your mental and emotional circumstances. If you want to start dating you will need a lot of mental work before that or else you will meet major disappointment leading to further downspiraling of your mind. So in order to protect your mind, the safety net you need right now is to stay away from the subject of dating. You can always start your spiritual journey anytime, right now is the right time to start it. It's never early or late. Along with spirituality, look into psychology stuff, read books and internet stuff or material on psychiatric stuff like anxiety, depression, borderline, phobias, awkwardness, emotional regulation. Next step will be to start slow or gradual socialization. Step by step. Baby step at a time. This will loosen up your hangups regarding social stuff and free you a bit. Once you feel more confident socially then you begin experimenting sexually like being casual relationships to get some preliminary sexual experience. This whole process will take some time and effort. Once you have conquered the fear of intimacy and sex, you can then start gradually with being around women, especially those who easily accept you do you don't get rejected right away. This will give you an initial experience of dating. But you will have to be careful with your emotional needs and emotional safety. Not to get emotionally bonded with a woman right away but approach slowly knowing fully the emotional consequences of a rejection or even breakup. You will need a ton of mental preparation. You can't get into dating right now with an unprepared mindset. Best wishes on your progress. Keep developing and never give up.

Try answering What do you really fear when it comes to dating? What's holding you back from it? Would you like to date a girl if the fear did not exist? Be honest while answering.

Nickyy Member 458 posts Posted just now · 2 hours ago, Angelite said: In reality, there is only Truth. Okay I'm gonna say this from a higher conscious plane of looking at thing. In the end, it is love. Anything that is not based on love will not last forever. Love can't be faked. I believe in natural attraction. These are all reasons. You don't need reason for love. True love won't fade. But judging from this forum, people aren't looking for love, but to get their needs met. Love is not a need. Love is simply love Not knocking your views, I personally have no first hand experience of what you're saying, but that doesn't mean I can knock it. It's valid for the stage you're at. But for me I'd like to plant a seed to set the wheels in motion for a new paradigm for guys to adopt on the forum. Actualized.org is probably the only place now where people can get real information on how to grow in different lines of development. I believe what I'm proposing is a healthier way of looking at dating and male female attraction, at least healthier than what's out there at the moment in the orange centred dating coaching industries, the pickup macho culture and the MGTOW stuff. So for me it's important to take one step at a time and try not to confuse people. I consider myself at least able to grasp some of these high personal development concepts, and that has taken me time to do that. Not everyone can grasp the things you're saying. We need to present the reality of male and female attraction in ways many people can understand. I think moving from distorted orange ideas about male female dynamics into healthier 2 me tier is a step in the right direction.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said: I think this can be very similar to a sort of jealousy women feel towards a archetype of the seductress also sometimes to the Succubus who is great at sexually attracting a man to herself like Jezebel but uses him eventually for her goals because she is the goldigger or the psychopath who uses her sexual charisma to get his wealth and enjoy fortune and status. It's to see how we all get enmeshed into this whole game of sexuality and dominance and survival and easily forget the value of truth and higher goals and purpose. It's about animalism trumping on spiritualism. But there are hopefully ways to deal with this cognitive dilemma. One is to be liberated from this primal game and focus on true purpose and not get overwhelmed by games people play. In the end karma is a very strong word and what starts with good intentions ends with good outcomes. Something that is really not rooted in real values is materialism and society loves to project it like success or power. This is again an illusion that disempowers us. To be true to yourself and not get carried away by materialism and illusions is a great indicator of strength of character. The rewards of the earth are temporary. The rewards of great intentions are ever lasting. In the end what is real stays real. Like you can always have a fake diamond. But nothing overcomes the shine of a real diamond. It's pure beauty free from corruption. Yes, two sides of the same coin. Amen to that, sister I am actually quite disturbed by the rampant materialism and apparent sexual frustration exhibited by many on this forum. Maybe it is because this place attracts a younger demographic, but it seems to me that in order to progress spiritually, you have to overcome your obsession with both, so that you may concentrate on achieving a higher purpose.

Posted 47 minutes ago · 54 minutes ago, Preety_India said: Therefore the behavior of the opposite person/partner is more important than what they teach in a pua community. Because their thinking patterns will never apply to a real time situation because every situation is like a separate case and so a man will have to be pretty much impromptu in his approach and understand her psyche to see how he can align himself to her and get along with her. Following a pattern based thinking will only lead to borderline behavior and sabotaging a potentially good blossoming relationship. ? Hence why it's better to drop all dating coaches and just do serious self development work. Emotional healing, meditation, that kind of thing. Be your own authority rather than absorb other person's beliefs, especially people who have an agenda, are incomplete , are possibly trying on a coaching role to make money. We can see now the pitfalls of this kind of reductionist approach

Anton Rogachevski Member 784 posts Posted 1 hour ago (edited) · @Fede83 This issue goes much deeper and it has to do with codependency. One of its most common patterns of behaviour is pleasing others from a place of neediness. Someone who has that, sees his behaviour as "nice", and when he sees someone who doesn't do the same he calls him " a rude and arrogant jerk", but all that is a borderline judgement from a limited selfish perspective, which stems from low self esteem - this means that his perception is twisted by his illness. Also, it all depends on where the niceness is coming from, if it's not from manipulation, but an honest giving of kindness with no strings attached, then we are getting somewhere. A well rounded individual knows how to blend all these principles in a tactful manner, and so he may be both kind and attractive. You can also throw in stereotypical thinking, generalizing and level of development. It's obvious that people on different levels of development appreciate, and are attracted to different kinds of behaviours. For example, unhealthy stage red is attracted to displays of power.

33 minutes ago, Preety_India said: It's difficult to make that happen. I'm myself a youngster struggling with that. But going through many toxic relationships I had the opportunity to understand toxic patterns in my partners as well as myself. Like they say experience is the greatest teacher of all. To each their own. Personally, I no longer partake. I have effectively been living the life of a Sannyasin, for the past 7 years. It isn't necessarily the life path I would have chosen for myself, but this the path that the Goddess put me on, therefore I follow it. If she should ever deem it necessary that I should marry and start a family, I will follow that path. points from both of you, but I think the existence of conmen and their success would indicate that faking confidence can be just as effective as genuinely having it. The very essence of a confidence trick is to fool the other person into seeing you the way you want them to. Psychopaths in particular are very adept at this and such people are often at the top of our social hierarchy. See the current leaders of the UK and the US as a typical example of that. Anton Rogachevski Member 784 posts Posted 58 minutes ago · @Preety_India I guess we can boil it all down to Borderline thinking and exaggeration. Thinking you are either nice or a jerk, and going from one extreme to other. This kind of radicality is just a result of a low level of development, and that's where most people are, so that's why we get all the stereotypes. (All women yada yada, All men yada yada.) My personal rule of thumb is not to judge the whole by the majority. To personally embody this means to understand that you always represent all your kind, and to act accordingly.

Dumuzzi Member 30 posts Posted 1 hour ago · 1 hour ago, Preety_India said: That's okay. People build empires by stealing money and scamming. I want to walk on a path of consciousness and truth and values. So I don't need to follow their examples. Success achieved by wrong means is not true success and no success at all. It's like the ends justify the means. I'd rather the means justify the ends. Sportsmanship is more valuable to me than winning the game. But I can understand the need to sharpen the tools or skills needed even if it meant the intent is not right or authentic. Like a mock rehearsal. The point for the pickup community seems to be, that they envy psychopaths, or as they call them, Alphas. Such men see women as prey and are in effect predators, on the hunt. They seem to want to be able to completely detach from their emotions and their empathy, so that they can relate to women as objects to be used for sexual gratification, rather than as actual human beings with feelings and wants of their own. The thing is though, you can't "unhave" empathy and normal human emotion, you're either born with it, or if you're a psychopath, you are incapable of it from birth. Thankfully, only about 4 percent of the human population is psychopathic, most of them men, but it is enough to cause plenty of mayhem. I think nice guy syndrome at its root is about the envy normal men feel towards psychopaths who are often a lot more successful at certain things than they are. Thing is though, psychopaths may be able to "get" women easily, but are unable to form normal human relationships and enjoy their conquests on an emotional level.

1 hour ago, Nickyy said: What you're describing is nice guy syndrome ? The pickup community / men's movement, have swung to the opposite polarity by not really understanding what it actually means to grow up as a man. Oh! Happy to know this behavioral pattern has a name. I agree with you Nickyy. I somewhat feel sorry for those guys in the PUA community who can't find their way out of those unbalanced mental scheme. Quite often, their imbalance leaning towards the masculine energy is reinforced by the fact that they will only consume stuff they see as masculine content, and justify their behavior with "science", and "rationality". Unfortunately, since the pull of our mainstream society is Orange, it leads them in a difficult loop to escape. They can get trapped in this sad patterns for decades of their whole life. I wish there was more healthy role model for them. It's hard to find the escape of this maze on your own.

Nickyy Member 457 posts Posted 2 hours ago · 2 hours ago, Preety_India said: I disagree. Confidence can't come without real inner work. Confidence just for the sake of confidence has no real source and thus its foundation is shaky and easily crumbles under pressure and test/obstacle. You got it. Confidence that is put on is contrived, it is not authentic, because only true confidence comes with being in alignment with yourself. That's why women test men with emotional tests. To find out if he is worth time and energy. To see if he really is the Mack daddy he is presenting himself to be. When a guy knows why he is where he is in this moment, and it makes 100% sense to him, then whatever he's experiencing in his mind at that time in relation to a woman's behaviour has no effect, because he knows why she is in front of him and how she fits into his purpose. Purpose being the larger context. If a guy has no integrity with himself and he is just hanging around a woman for no reason then that's when neediness takes over, because he's with her to take from her rather than be there for a real reason that makes sense to him. And when a guy is trying to take from a woman then he gets very shaken up when he doesn't get what he wants. He becomes flaccid, like a limp penis lol Women don't like that kind of guy.

Etherial Cat Member 514 posts Posted 1 hour ago (edited) · I think that most of the disagreement in this thread might come from the fact that everyone pictures a different definition of what is a nice guy. It's quite a relative concept. I can't fathom being attracted to a man who isn't nice. He needs to resonate with my sensitivity, compassion and love for other fellow human beings, nature etc, otherwise I won't be able to build intimacy. But in this thread, I can't help myself but to picture the type of odd guys I used to meet in high school or very early 20s. The type of dude who would be nice because they are overly naive, delusional, lack survival skills, do certain actions because they expect something in return for their niceness, etc... Niceness doesn't mean yes to all. Some guys will be yes to all, and disappear in his attempt to please you. It's unhealthy and unattractive. My nice guy has healthy boundaries, a life of his own, is self-confident and won't take no shit from me and others, when times comes to stand for his principles.

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said: Oh! Happy to know this behavioral pattern has a name. I agree with you Nickyy. I somewhat feel sorry for those guys in the PUA community who can't find their way out of those unbalanced mental scheme. Quite often, their imbalance leaning towards the masculine energy is reinforced by the fact that they will only consume stuff they see as masculine content, and justify their behavior with "science", and "rationality". Unfortunately, since the pull of our mainstream society is Orange, it leads them in a difficult loop to escape. They can get trapped in this sad patterns for decades of their whole life. I wish there was more healthy role model for them. It's hard to find the escape of this maze on your own. I met a guy (not directly, just indirectly) around 10 years ago on my first forum at ken Wilbers integral life website. The forum is shut now, but I think we can still access the forum archives and read the stuff on there. His name was Charles Bowling, a man in his 70's, who had been into personal development all of his life. There was something about him that was beyond anything I've experienced before and since. The closest word I can fathom is presence. But not just presence of being here in the now, but actually grounded in every single interaction he had on the forum. This manifested itself in an ability to understand your question accurately and be able to give you an answer that was suitable for your own level of understanding. He would answer every question put to him. He wouldn't dodge questions and he wouldn't tell lies, he only spoke about his direct experience. He wasn't green, he didn't buy into flatland equality, he had access to every stage of development and was not fixated at any particular stage When he replied to you you felt that he had taken enough time to absorb your perspective and then he would offer you something that he knew first hand would be of value. You could tell that he was done working on himself and that he had absolutely no agenda but to offer his experience and help you. His moment by moment purpose was aligned with his larger life purpose. You could feel his congruency coming across the text. It had the effect of my feminine feeling safe, nourished, understood, at home because he himself was at home. But not only did I feel like everything was ok with the world when I read his texts, I also felt the pull of challenge. He appealed to my masculine side like a father figure. Always leading me to take responsibility into my own hands. Time seemed to vanish when I read his posts. He had done the work integrating beige with body work and grounding into his body completely, and integrating purple using Jung's archetypes. He understood the crucial role of mentoring younger people (healthy blue) and the benefits and limits of orange with the sensitivity and spiritual reawakening of green. There are no role models like that in society. Many people try, but I don't think they truly understand what it means to integrate the spiral and truly live as a whole person. He definately was at being needs stage as he clearly only needed to contribute to others. A real master. Once you have someone like that in your life, even for a short time, it can really help you sort the fakes from the real. Unfortunately there are hardly any people at yellow and above, so yeah orange and it's views are the only thing guys have to go on.

pluto Member 5,152 posts Posted 3 hours ago · 3 hours ago, Lento said: @pluto The truth is boring. People love the illusion, at least 90% of them (myself included). That's because most people haven't truly tapped in to the truth Even among conscious communities, most have just had a glimpse, a taste, a flash, enough to know but not enough to understand. I reside in Truth, I experience, love, bliss, beauty, wisdom, perfection in all things. I can shift the whole universe in a blink of an eye or play pretend while those dwelling in illusion can only play pretend. I can do both So boring Indeed.

2 hours ago, Nickyy said: Thanks for the rec. I'll check it out in a moment. You're right about that, some people think that shared interests or commonality are what relationships are really built on. It just so happens a lot of people get taken in by this mistake. Yes I agree. One way to view masculinity is congruence. If you have conflicts inside that have not been addressed then you're not going to be rooted in masculine. The "now". You're going to be fixated on those things in the back of your mind, or pushing them away for a later time. It's crucial to get these issues sorted out and to be present in the moment, being here fully, knowing what your purpose is in this moment and how whatever situation you are in fits into that purpose. What is your aim in this moment? Is what you're doing in this moment reflective and supportive of your larger purpose? Everyone (not just women) sense this alignment. There should be no complications. There should be transparency, straight forwardness, no self deception. No BS.No games. No "game". Gaming women is not a life purpose. Nobodies life purpose is ultimately centred around attracting women. The attraction comes from congruence .

Your path which is beneficial to you is your best path. Whatever you choose that fits your purpose is the right thing to do. Trust your inner intuition. You can always change it when it no longer fits if you outgrow it. Best wishes on your spiritual journey take care.