Preety_India

That's awesome

I need to focus on the following parameters Maturity Independence Seriousness Avoidance Emotional safety Coping mechanism Predatory behavior

@Byun Sean it has nothing to do with my childhood or my belief about love. It had more to do with manipulation. Maybe more to do with pua beliefs. Anyway I have moved on and happy to have dumped.

I didn't have the courage to come up with this. But I decided I had to. So I recently gained some weight, not much though, only a few pounds. But when I told my boyfriend about this it didn't go down well with him. Now every time we have an argument he brings up my weight and calls me fat even though I don't look fat. This has been bothering me for a while to the point like I don't feel like talking to him anymore. I'm beginning to lose interest. He has shamed a lot over the past few months. It can be just anything something as small as sleeping late or watching a movie. And it's not just during arguments. But also during usual conversations and he casually insults me and wishes he had found someone else. How am I supposed to cope with this. Is it best to leave him because I don't feel comfortable at all being constantly targeted. His comments have gotten to me.

I don't wish to discuss toxic people

@Serotoninluv I don't think it's possible for real victims to start playing like victims.

You're better off getting dating advice from a woman. I went through a lot of these things in my many relationships. I was even called a murderer and that I might murder my partner in the future was my ex's hypothesis. So at that point I decided to leave because I had enough of his hypothetical future victim status. Now think about that. He had already dreamed up a future victim scenario for me. He even to the point of saying that if I married him, he would commit suicide the very next day and the whole world would find out how terrible I am, at which point I said that he could be free of being a victim of my cruelty if he chose to by dumping me. I asked his permission to break the relationship for the sake of his so called future safety. In which case he had no argument and he fell silent.. This was my second ex. Then he went to say that I might kill his parents out of hate. All of this over a very petty argument that I started because I fell asleep and forgot to reply to his texts. I finally had enough of his victim status under my perceived reign of terror and dumped him for good. The gaslighting felt like torture. If I didn't do what he said, I wasn't loving him the right way. If I did what he said, I was only doing it for some gain or perceived reason or out of fakery to please him. I just could not win. Any which way, I was bad and he was the good guy. The worst part of this perceived victim mentality is when they not only declare that they have suffered so much and how they have been wronged but also how great and honorable they are to put with this victim status because they are saintly, they are sacrificing their life and that they have to put with terrible partners out of love. Like when he would say that he "nobody will put with you, only me, poor me, I'm putting up with you because I love you and I am a great soul, look what I have to put up with" It's an endless cycle of frustration and torture and gaslighting and you get drained and miserable for being the cause of their victimhood. The other thing I noticed is the unwillingness to change the situation since the victimhood needs to be continued. So if I told him that maybe I can resolve the conflict if we sat together then he suddenly disappeared not wanting to resolve the situation, because how else can he continue blaming me in the future. So no resolution.

I went through a lot of these things in my many relationships. I was even called a murderer and that I might murder my partner in the future was my ex's hypothesis. So at that point I decided to leave because I had enough of his hypothetical future victim status. Now think about that. He had already dreamed up a future victim scenario for me. He even to the point of saying that if I married him, he would commit suicide the very next day and the whole world would find out how terrible I am, at which point I said that he could be free of being a victim of my cruelty if he chose to by dumping me. I asked his permission to break the relationship for the sake of his so called future safety. In which case he had no argument and he fell silent.. This was my second ex. Then he went to say that I might kill his parents out of hate. All of this over a very petty argument that he started because I fell asleep and forgot to reply to his texts. I finally had enough of his victim status under my perceived reign of terror and dumped him for good. The gaslighting felt like torture. If I didn't do what he said, I wasn't loving him the right way. If I did what he said, I was only doing it for some gain or perceived reason or out of fakery to please him. I just could not win. Any which way, I was bad and he was the good guy. The worst part of this perceived victim mentality is when they not only declare that they have suffered so much and how they have been wronged but also how great and honorable they are to put with this victim status because they are saintly, they are sacrificing their life and that they have to put with terrible partners out of love. Like when he would say that he "nobody will put with you, only me, poor me, I'm putting up with you because I love you and I am a great soul, look what I have to put up with" It's an endless cycle of frustration and torture and gaslighting and you get drained and miserable for being the cause of their victimhood. The other thing I noticed is the unwillingness to change the situation since the victimhood needs to be continued. So if I told him that maybe I can resolve the conflict if we sat together then he suddenly disappeared not wanting to resolve the situation, because how else can he continue blaming me in the future. So no resolution.

I already know what you meant. I'm able to be sober even while going through a hardship. I pointed out to you how it was low conscious for you to say something like that. You don't get it.. Not my problem. I am done.

You proved me right. That's exactly low consciousness behavior what you said just now. (but you won't see it) Goodluck with that.

@Lento It's a real thing. But I won't spend my resources explaining it you because I know very well you won't agree. I rest my case! I'm not a newcomer to this forum.

When people agree in groups it can't be called projection. Highly conscious people exist. They are not a creation. Everyone is at a different stage in the spectrum. People who know more than you are conscious. Do not dismiss them casually. If you cannot feel their vibrational frequency or cannot gel with them, it's not their fault. You haven't reached that stage yet. Both high consciousness and low consciousness exist. At higher levels you won't think the way you think now. Now you're thinking from a very low consciousness level. But it's okay. Everyone including me has been at that point. I have outgrown that level. You'll outgrow it someday.

I think victim mentality is a very strong way of protecting the ego in the worst manner possible. It's based in fear and the fear of change and living with the ego while resisting change. Such people go to great lengths in making defensive claims. They keep defending that ego their entire lives without giving up. Maybe in their minds giving up means defeat so they keep arguing endlessly never submitting never accepting and never changing. That's a very sad existence, to only live for the ego, like a slave to the ego.

Yep. Totally agree.

That's cool You must be joking lol.

The best antidote to a victim mentality is acceptance. A non victim trying to be a victim should accept the nature of things.

You're funny. Cute.

Although I have zero knowledge of what muladhara or sahasrara. So I can't speak on that. But I can say I would avoid it because I cannot survive with that level of restraint. My mother is Spanish so I understand your point of view of Latin countries when it comes to love and romance. But I need a balance of both romance and consciousness in my life. I can't live without either.

@Dumuzzi I wouldn't want to be a sanyassin either. Just balanced all around. I mean I wouldn't be happy being a sanyassin. I'm too romantic for that. I have my own demons.

That's a hindrance. It can even be called an addiction like a love addiction lol.. There is no need an abnormal dating need to have kids. People have kids even though they are not expert or master at attracting the opposite sex. It's a mental thing and also a social thing. I personally wouldn't want my life to be all about meeting and being with a man. Would be too toxic for me. For me every area of life needs to be carefully nurtured and grown and fulfilled.

@outlandish true

There are nice guys. Many many nice guys. Some of them are just pretending to be nice. Some are genuinely nice. There is always a tendency to think in absolute ways like when you say women like alpha assholes who treat them like shit or beta guys don't stand a chance because of how women are designed. Just one of those. In reality everything is mixed and complex and made up of n number of permutations and combinations. People like to think of the average or general or most common. It's a reductionist approach especially facilitated by dating coaches that speak in statistical ways. Buying into the philosophy causes error in judgement and inhibition of the limitless possibilities of life. Life is a mystery that cannot be explained by a statistic or a coach, it has to be lived in its real essence.

Please stop the rubbish

@Raptorsin7 thanks for the contribution. Helps a lot.

@Applegarden you are very welcome.