Preety_India

One Up-manship.. Jealousy Bias People pleasing Need to control Bias Labeling each other the stages of the spiral dynamics, "you're orange, im turquoise" Drama Pointless sarcasm just to appear intelligent or smart-ass Projection Prejudice Group politics Chimpery Aversion Meanness My shadow is people pleasing.

28 November Trying to not fall off the wagon. So did you do it - yes. But not great only half. One third still remaining. Did not fall off the wagon this time

She has moved on already. But you can still persuade.

I have no idea on how to connect to the mother of kindness though. But I'll try to..

I just love this guy...

I have understood that I'll need at least a week to 2 weeks of a perfect schedule. Only then things will work. Looking forward to it from today. I will use the terms on schedule or falling off the wagon for my habits.. If my day is on schedule I'll write on schedule or else I'll write falling off the wagon.

You look very curvy

@Raptorsin7 maybe idk.

Soulful

I want to add some music to my life. It helps in healing. I love music to death. So I will be posting any music I like and keeping a small collection I can always refer to especially during my sad times to let it uplift me and keep me in the zone and grooving... So here I go.

So I had a lucid dream this night and I woke up from it. It was huge. Like a near death experience. I felt first like I was focusing on the word spirituality. Then it came alive. Like suddenly everything grew cold. And then it was dark. I felt like my soul was leaving my body. Like a white Mist floating over me. This mist was separating from me. And I was calling it back. I told it not to leave me. Please come back into my body. During this transition I could feel like there are two places opposite to each other. On one side there was a smokey hue like greyish smokey and in that smoke I could easily see a structure like a bull with his horns. The bull shaking his head and the horns like in a rhythmic fashion. It felt creepy eerie and very demonic. Like the bull saying this is the end of my life and that he will bring me closer to death. It was his job to separate life and death and cut off the umbilical cord of the soul from life and take it to death and beyond. And he would do everything destructive in my life to attain this objective. I was scared. This was the face of demon. A bull. Then I looked at the other side. It was like a bluish bright white magical ice angel with wings. This angel was hard rigid ice. Transparent. It was feminine. She said something like don't give into his temptation and be strong. After that I felt like I was going to close to death but the angel was saving me. Then I told the demon to go. That I wanted to live. But this demon is stubborn. The angel said. She was like a mother, like a mother of kindness. She came closer and started pouring milk all over my head. She was carrying a huge pitcher and pouring milk. I said "hey stop this".. I was laughing and giggling because the milk was getting in my nose and ears. She continued pouring and she was giggling too. After that I felt an icy coldness. As cold as ice. Everything very cold. This continued for some time and then after that I was in a different place It was all digged up mud everywhere. And I was sitting on a stone block. Like a stone slab. There was nothing to do. I was bored and lonely. Something told me that this was heaven. But there was nobody there except me. There was orange light in the sky and I was feeling lonely But I wasn't sad. Then something from behind me said to me that it was time for me to go live my life. But I turned around to see there was no one there. After that I saw myself in a very narrow hospital room on a gurney. Strapped. The person in an apron looking like a doctor comes and switches the light on and off and then comes over to me and says "you should go to sleep" Over The mother of kindness was especially important. She told me that the demon gets stronger if you do cocaine and if you engaged in perverted sex and if you engage in Occult, if you are with a person who has a demon, if you do what the demon wants. But if I listen to her things will be okay. Then I ask her how can I be closer to her. She tells me that's the goal. Her goal is to protect. But I ask her how. Then she says all I need to do is say what I want and she will do. But I should want it sincerely or else she will do it for me but it may not be what I truly want. Then she tells me how the soul is immaculate, it's pure, white as snow. That the more spiritual I become the more I will be able to connect with this immaculate pure soul. That's what she says I should do.. I ask her if I can pray to her. She nods. After the dream I vomited a couple of times. Felt uncomfortable. But then there was a sense of calmness over me. I can't say it was a great experience but a memorable one.

I wanted to discuss my new concept of psychological affinity. It means having affinity for something or at least developing it gradually over time even if you had no liking for something. For example let's say I had no liking for cooking . Maybe I don't like to cook. But in harsh weather, where it would be impossible for me to step out and go to my nearest Chinese takeout or pizza shop, I really need to learn cooking and get by during a harsh winter. So yes in this case I'll have to develop interest in cooking even if I don't like it. This gradual affinity I develop over time for something I don't usually like can be called psychological affinity.

It's pretty natural I think to feel a bit uncomfortable about it. If I were a man, I'd feel too. I mean how are you supposed to do something like that in public. It never made any sense to me.. I think there should be like a wall between each of them.. That would make it more private. Just being honest hahahah

@Mikael89 you are not too old to try anything. You act like you are 80 year old lol who can't try anything or there won't be any point in trying anything

To lead a dream life, you don't need an awesome brain

Thumbs up

@Lento can you give me examples of how to go about with it. Because I don't understand how to do that

This is a nice post

Evil as a medium of expression or formation of good Also something that I label as bad must be originating from egoic needs and survival needs and structural needs. The need to continue in excellent condition. Example Let's say wax in its solid form is rigid. But when you burn wax, it melts. That's where it is released. The tension in the wax and its rigidity is released. Now let's say this wax is more pure because it's impurities have been burned out. And now it can easily mold into a desired shape. via Imgflip Meme Generator via Imgflip Meme Generator

This is more like a random journal

I have understood that there is something called a "thought flow" and although it can vary from minute to minute it is always trying to find a substratum, a meaning and an essence, a structure. However it's important to have these random thought flows and also have pattern thoughts. I will call them rtfs pronounced as rt-effs.... Although they are random they should have expression and they need to be recognized so that they eventually weave together to Create a meaningful semi pattern.

I really like these Creed Assassins version of Cleopatra and all this geeky stuff via Imgflip Meme Generator via Imgflip Meme Generator

I think I'm going add all the aesthetics and cultural stuff to this journal combined with my new art forms

I want to study IKIGAI which is a Japanese art and then use Haiku poems which I really love. I like rapping too. So I want to mix Haiku and rap and make my own blend of Haiku rap. Plus I want to add my new trip Nnemonics to the Haiku rap and create Haiku Nnemonics.

When you are incapable of feeling any real emotion you feel like you are all knowing Beauty was never bestowed on clowns.