Preety_India

This winter has finally put me at ease

I forgot the thought I had in my mind an hour ago. Sometimes I'm just not able to articulate I think there are tiers in dwiser thinking

Are you demonizing all women? What does we mean? Who are 'we'? That's funny because you only represent yourself. Who doesn't have empathy? What's your justification or premise for picking MGTOW? I feel like you're going around in circles

No. I'm a love kung fu master

I think this a matter of perception and validation. If someone doesn't support your worldview it doesn't make it right or wrong. Understand that everything is relative. So if it's relative to you, it's completely fine, it doesn't need to be absolute for you to feel validated in what you do. In fact you should not even look for validation in the first place. Its called "stop caring what people think" Maybe what they think applies in whatever cases they refer to and not to yours.. You're entitled to your opinion absolutely. If you think that's a path for you ultimately then nobody is stopping you other than yourself and you don't need a green signal from people to begin walking on that path.. Your experiences are your own and people feel entitled to judge but it's up to you to allow that judgment to impact you. I think you just want to be honest to yourself and most people who tell you otherwise are probably guilt tripping out of their own selfish needs. You're absolutely not wrong in asserting what your needs are or how you feel. I think people's resistance emerges from a fear based mentality because they think that a certain behavior will become the next social trend and they will have to succumb to it and they don't want to do that so they turn to suppressing your opinions by deeming it as weakness or unconsciously Gaslighting you. Men have a strong sexual need so to convince a man will take a lot. Most men wouldn't want it subconsciously so they are going to guilt trip you as much as they can because they want the game as long as they aren't losing. If they can dominate they will. They will change the game if they don't get what they want. You on the other hand are just being honest and simple and not wanting any part of it. You are just being authentic That's how rebellion begins. There is always a starting point, a point where a person authentically goes against a system and then everyone follows. But to start it, you need courage to go against social beliefs and challenge them. One person can inspire another. You need to stick to your beliefs and not worry about what people think because they have their own selfish agenda why they won't want to support your belief. Do what suits you. If you think MGTOW helps you then do that. Social perceptions are not going to change because you think they are wrong. It's like telling people to grow up but if they don't want to grow up, you can't help it.

Thanks. But I don't need all those now. I have already moved on. For me every relationship has been a different experience. I haven't been the same person or had the same attachment or whatever style in every relationship. Those are like patterns. My experiences have been dramatically different in each relationship I have had. It has been a learning experience for me in not only getting to know myself better but also in knowing the type of people to avoid. I can sit here and watch thousands of relationship videos but it's no good because it makes matters worse sometimes since everything in western psychology is looked at from a psychological disease angle. Our emotions are our own emotions and they have validity. If I constantly feel that there is something wrong with me, I'll never be able to be myself I'm just a normal person with normal needs in a relationship. If I feel a certain way, chances are that most people would feel the same way in similar situations. All I have gleaned from my terrible relationship experiences is this. When a relationship doesn't serve my purpose, I should just move on. If I get love, respect and care I'll reciprocate or else there is nothing worth waiting for. It's just simple. This whole attraction game is bullshit. Do what your heart wants and be with someone who truly resonates with you. Then no relationship advice is needed.

If someone doesn't want to give you respect you can't change it, absolutely nothing can be done. Honesty comes from an honest person. Respect comes from a person who is respectful of others. It cannot be coerced. Certainly it can be gained from threatening constantly. But I'm not the kind of woman who constantly says, "do this for me or else I'm breaking up" manipulating and blackmailing is not my thing. I don't want to command respect from a man by constantly keeping him on the edge.. Because then it's fake and out of fear. I want genuine love and respect and if he can't give, I can deserve better. You can't beg respect. So the best thing for me was to just walk away as any woman with respect would do and I did just that. Where there is no respect there is no love.

Things are way more complicated than simple questions. Sometimes you just know the truth of the matter. When you reach that level of depth with your emotions, you get answers without asking. I'm happy that I broke up. It's better than feeling hurt forever. I'm in peace with myself now.

The funny part is when I ended the relationship with my ex, I did not say much other than how he would never want to hear me out. And he said "now all bets are off, you're a bitch", and I didn't respond to that. Guess even in that moment I loved him too much to hurt him, and he was just waiting to hurt me when the bets were off.

The only obvious part I can see here is the two week period, which to me appears as too long, but who knows. Maybe some people take that much time. In the end it's your choice to dump her or not. I approach this dynamic from a point of empathy. Sometimes it can be confused with codependency. Setting boundaries is not easy. Too much can feel like you are stifling the relationship and blocking another person's expression. Too little can come across as giving yourself too much to the relationship. Making another person happy is not always a slavish thing, a detriment to self, a sign of codependency. I have never felt bad or slavish for making my boyfriend happy. It's another thing if the person doesn't feel happy no matter what you do. If I genuinely want to make my soulmate happy it's an expression of my affection. In your stepfather's situation, he is obviously in the wrong because he is making her happy out of fear, a common phenomenon observed in narcissism - codependency relationships and it never works because you can't someone happy who doesn't want to be happy. If I don't wish to hurt someone, it's not necessarily out of codependency or a mental state, it is just me being empathetic to the other person. What I consider as empathy can be misconstrued as codependency by someone else

I have no idea where my trajectory is going. But good things seem to be waiting for me. I feel like I'm in New York city. Looking at all the high rise buildings and wondering to myself where have I come, in this world where there is no textbook for life, where one says one thing and another says another.. Too confusing. Everything is complicated. Mostly my emotions.. Like in a knot. Back then Annie didn't make any sense at all. But now she does. Sometimes melody lies in static and peace lies in chaos Man's search for meaning never ends. You keep looking for rhyme and reason. When you do wrong, people call you wrong, when you do right ?, you get punished by your righteousness.. At your service sir.... Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if everything is just manipulation and games and then I sigh realizing so much is lost in all of this. Then my heart speaks to me in a moment of oblivion,... "hey just do whatever is right okay"... I'm not going to bullshit myself into guilt tripping Me.. Not anymore. What am I guilty of? Maybe falling in love. I am not guilty of anything except guilting myself.. The waves crash at my feet. The sands get onto my toes. I don't know.. A sense of calm takes over me. I have been so driven to life. Is this wrong.. The only thing that kept me going on is my own survival instinct. Deep down my heart knows what it knows. Nobody gives a fuck.. Cmon don't kid yourself. I want to be me. Only me. The most liberating experience ever is to be me. A free bird .

Oh dude, I don't know if she is being funny or sarcastic or fake.. I mean a real woman will never say that. So maybe she is testing you who knows. But don't fall for the bait. And if she really means it, she has low self esteem or is going to flip out of the blue when it actually happens. Expect everything. You don't want to hurt your relationship if you really love her. Be honest to yourself before being honest to her. Do you really want to have sex with someone while still having a relationship. I mean it's obviously cheating.. 9 out of 10 people don't want relationships that involve cheating. It's a no no.. So take your bet. And the seed part. There are too many seeds in the world already. You don't have to worry about your seeds. Just worry about your relationship then the seeds will take care of themselves. Much of the pickup culture will help you with sexual needs and rest of it is just bullshitting you with the alpha male syndrome. Make up your mind. If you are into her, others won't matter. If you're not into it, nothing matters and it's best to not hurt her and move on and do what you like but spare her the pain.

Relationships always come with all sorts of challenges. It's just how nature is. If you constantly pick and choose, then no relationship will ever be perfect. Not responding to text can mean a lot of different things.. It's not always ghosting. It can mean the person is just not in the frame of mind to have an argument.. Or deal with stuff. Sometimes it's best to leave some period of time then constantly rub salt into wounds especially after an argument. Such situations will even arise in marriage. Then you can't jump to divorce. Understanding is they key if you really care to love that person and sustain the relationship. That person will eventually respond when they feel the comfort space to be able to do so. Till then it's just tricky and best left unresolved. Of course if too much time passes, it's time to move on. We are humans. We can be indecisive especially in relationships. This is nothing new or nothing wrong. Relationships involve a lot of investment of emotions. How do you expect a woman to just say "I'm breaking up or we are done" when she has been emotionally invested in it for a while. It's not an on or off switch machine. Plus there are other ways to blame. Had she responded with a text that she was done, she would be called a "cold bitch", do you see the problem now. Plus she loses her prospects of making the relationship work if she ends it on her side. Maybe she wants it to work and that's why she needs space. To prematurely jump to conclusions is a sign of immaturity. Not everything is ghosting and manipulation. Sometimes we want our "me" time. And communicating that can be perceived negatively or lead to more arguments. There is really no packaged way of dealing with relationships other than simply respond to the cues given by the other person. If they want space, give them space, if she wants love, give her love, if she wants attention, give her attention. You cannot have a textbook on this. Do what makes the person happy. But even after all the efforts, if things don't work out and the other person is not interested then move on. Failure in relationships hits hard. So make it work if you can and while you can. But if the tree can grow no more, then cut it.

There's no point in having a long distance relationship.. It will only hurt you more. It doesn't satisfy your needs in a relationship. Long distance relationships are like clouds that just pass by. In your case it seems you're friendly enough to be able to approach so many girls as you mention. So approaching shouldn't be a problem. I think you just haven't hit the jackpot yet. So keep trying. And don't get upset with rejections. Work on yourself in the mean time.

Some people need space. How about that. And you are true that some women expect the man to understand. So be it. Get the hint and move on. Nothing promotes neediness. It's the inner self which is the problem. Blaming another person does nothing. There is always turmoil in relationships. They are tricky. The strategy lies in understanding the other person's psyche. They are not wrong if they don't want to hurt. By not responding they have made their boundaries clear. I think after a certain amount of time a person should just move on if there is no response.. I mean this is common sense..

This is not the case of setting boundaries at least not in my perspective. Sending someone text after text is not called setting boundary or having problem in setting boundary. It's called invading other's boundaries Basically it means utter disrespect for another person and acting as you want disregarding how their boundaries are getting violated. He is trying to assert himself even when she doesn't want it or at least doesn't respond to it, that does not create love, it creates annoyance and the feeling of disrespect. It means a person calling you despite you asking for space. When someone does that, a person with healthy boundaries and self respect is going to feel violated. Too much needy behavior comes across as selfishness when the person only cares about their own needs. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

It's just failure to develop intimacy. This happens a lot. Not everyone is meant to have that special place in our lives. Even if you tried it, it leads to feelings of emptiness and it gets mechanical.. You have to be lucky to be able to get intimate with a person you are really attracted to. Not many people get that.. Once you have that intimacy it obviously blossoms into relationship. Causes of such lack Social anxiety Shyness Lack of confidence Lack of communication Insecurity Approach anxiety Previous bad experiences Prejudice against the opposite gender Inability to show affection Cognitive dissonance Depression Body image issues Sexual hangups and insecurities Lack of trust

I think he needs to be more empathetic. You're not wasting your time on poker! Tell him to get real

@Raptorsin7 yep.

I can do that. The problem is certain thoughts are intrusive and they can easily seep into the subconscious before you have time to ignore or block them. These are intrusive thoughts and hard to uncondition. For example you have a presentation for your job tomorrow. Now the night before the presentation you are trying to not stress yourself but suddenly a thought comes to your mind "what if I didn't fix that error in the document or maybe it won't go well" this thought has already formed in your mind and even you cast it out or ignore it, it has flown into your subconscious mind before you could catch it. This thought has now generated anxiety and this anxiety is now blocking your sleep. So you see.. Sometime you simply cannot ignore the thoughts which are having a direct impact on your health or life. They need to be brought to the surface, confronted, detected, recognized, labeled and then called a bullshit or considered bad or wrong or intrusive. Then they should be discarded each time they appear. This way such thoughts can't manipulate the mind

It's important for me to get rid of mental blocks. To focus on how to immediately put out mental thinking that blocks further progress or general development. Any thought pattern should be immediately recognized and categorized as bullshit. Because it is what it is. My thought patterns have been very destructive.

Always use the end perspective and the big picture. Like what's the end of this.. It helps a lot

I know it's not her but I don't think you respect a woman as much as you would like to assume. You say that your girlfriend wasn't responding to you. You contradict and manipulate to make the narrative fit your needs

Dude just a while ago you were complaining about your girlfriend not texting you back for 2 weeks and you really wanting her bad and you were hurt by her right Are you contradicting yourself? You wanted her only for "that"? So maybe this attitude is the reason why she was avoiding you. Maybe she should be the one to keep boundaries.

I need to work hard for it