Preety_India

I want to think about the things I would have liked to achieve if I had already achieved my basic goals and dreams.. Having a great quality of life is a blessing.

So I want to think from a state of abundance and plenty and not from a state of lack or deficiency.

The other thing that I'm learning really quick is that the question "what I am really missing out on?" And the answer to it is "a lot" I'm missing out on a lot. And much of this is coming from a scarcity mindset. And there is an abundance mindset which I have never had the opportunity to explore. I have said several times in my journal and elsewhere that I have suffered terrible abuse in my childhood and in my life in general. I have suffered extensive child abuse and it has debilitated me in a big way. The psychological trauma it has caused me is severe. When someone steps on that psychological trauma it gets reignited once again. But I'm trying to cope with things at the same time. Although I don't have the requisite physical stamina to deal with stuff and that impairs me a big deal One big loss or disadvantage of child abuse is the lack of ability to think beyond survival. Since your survival was always in danger as a child you were always ingrained with the thinking that only basic survival is a big achievement. Because of that you don't feel the need to think beyond it about better prospects.. You get stuck in thinking about only how to get through the day or secure a day's meal. I am now realizing that I might have operated in survival mode or deficiency mode for a pretty long time. And I need to get out of it.. When I see abundant people achieving a lot of things I get jealous of them I get hurt, I feel left behind.. I feel like asking myself "why can't I of they can" But the immediate answer that jumps out from my subconscious mind is that they weren't abused like I was.. This either causes a victimhood or victim mentality whether real or feigned.. I want to now think that I want to imagine from a place of abundance, like I already have everything. The seeds are in place. The soil is fertile.. Because I have understood that only from a place of abundance can come growth.. Not from a place of deficiency. Me as a woman can feel better only when I'm happy or enriched.. And when I feel better I will also have growth.. I want to do things that other people do like joining a piano class. I want to do things that abundant people do. People who have already achieved their potential and life purpose..

That's a good thing you are looking for. If a woman is toxic to you then you should move on, as simple as that.. You have to be with a woman who can jive with your goals. Basically what you are saying is nothing but a definition of a healthy woman. A non toxic woman. And that's a rare thing to find. But you will eventually find that if you're more upfront about your intentions in a relationship. You are less likely to be stuck in bad relationships if you're more open about what you really want and decide not to settle for anything less than that.

Can you explain to me what's exactly the meaning of "high quality women", been hearing this phrase a lot very lately from people especially men.. No idea what it is supposed to mean. Never heard it before as much. Next thing is my question to you, why would you date a woman in the first place if she weren't high quality in your opinion. By high quality do you mean a wealthy woman living in places like Los Angeles? Anyway coming to the other part of the stuff you're mentioning. I think you should just let her go. By the looks of it doesn't seem you totally love her or you are not really into her, so maybe she can be happier with someone who truly appreciates her for who she is.. Abandoning and hurting her is far better than having her around but at the same time thinking that she is unworthy of you. That will do her significant damage in the long run unconsciously. If you feel like you can get a better woman in life I think it's high time you move on and spare some suffering on both ends, So if you think that you guys are going to grow apart anyway because of your work, why not grow apart already. My suggestion would be for you to move on and break up with her because clearly she is not the one on your list. Then do what's best for you. What is best for you will also be best for your future partner.

I'm trying to identify with my feelings a little more I felt like trash. I felt crap. I was made to feel unworthy. I was made to feel unwanted, undeserving. Uncared. Unloved. Deprived.. If I'm undeserving I should move on.. The more I identify with my feelings the better it gets for me.. Absolutely important for me to identify with my emotions. Because they are an indication of what's going on.. Of course he will continue to find other ways to hurt me. Because he has to prove that I'm undeserving. He will try to make others look so good.. He will make it seem like heaven.. He has never been empowering. Two things that I have learned out of this experience is that ? Is to pay careful attention to what a person says and record those lines in a diary or something. So I can reflect on them later.. I have understood that doing that is the key to knowing a person deeply enough to make a value judgement on them, to pay careful attention to their words and to keep reflecting on them from time to time and not take it for granted. Don't ignore the red flags. The red flags are in the words. Don't ignore the words and just let it go as temporary anger or slip of the mind.. There's a lot more to the words spoken.. When a person says something, do not be dismissive about it as casual banter or rant. It means something. It says something about that person. They mean something when they say it.. ? Second thing is to completely and fully identify with your emotions.. How do you feel exactly.. Record it. One problem that I consistently faced in all of my relationships is the inability to identify with an emotion. I was not able to do that. That is every time an emotion came, I had it without knowing it, I felt distress but I wasn't able to articulate or describe exactly how I'm feeling.. I didn't know how to label it, how to put it, how to know it, It would generally take some amount of coaxing and some reflection and thought and the right vocabulary to be able to pen it down and say it Like for example in this situation, I couldn't put my finger on what exactly I felt but finally I happened to crystallize this feeling and when I crystallized it, it came into these words " I AM BEING MADE TO FEEL LIKE I DON'T DESERVE IT" " I DON'T FEEL RESPECTED." but to come to. This could be a cognitive dysfunction in me or a personality disorder, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what it's called where you are struggling to deal with your emotions..

I didn't want to feel hurt anymore. Is all I can say. That's why I chose to move on. And it feels amazing after a long time. It feels like great relief at last.. Finally happening. I don't have to carry any guilt anymore.

Finally today is the day I give up It's January 5. And I was absolutely fed up. I took my final decision after a lot of thought. And I took it. And I just decided to take the final call and call things off. It has been a really rough ride and many lessons learned along the way. I need to know whether I want you here or not. Being judged. Then seeing all those pictures. It's too much. I can't handle it anymore so I gave up. I am not evil. I did nothing wrong. I felt like crap. So I did what I did.. That had to be. You said that I will regret it.. I don't regret shit. If at all I'm happier than ever to be out of it for good. But yes there is that disappointment that things didn't work out. It's too much too late too long. I have suffered severe distress. I have been nice and instead of gratitude I received hate. I am not like other women. But that's completely okay. It's me.

Often times it's the image of a person which is more important and that's what I have realized..

They do not neglect themselves

They aren't careless They are sometimes penny pinchers because they realize the value of money They can sometimes boast which can be a bit nasty They like to achieve things. High achievers.

Characteristics of strong people They look beyond the current situation They make things happen They have reserve stamina.. That means they are not going to stop just at something they will continue working harder. They aren't complacent. They have a strong will They are motivated They love and support each other They care for each other They talk with abundance Their spirit is generous They allow growth of themselves and others. They aren't weak They don't just give up They keep calm and rational. They don't easily give into fear psychosis of survival. They are able to take a lot of stress They dont get tensed easily They need stimulation

The one thing that I learned from these stories is resilience. I want to use a different term for it.. Because I have observed some of these strong women. And what I noticed in them is that they are not exhausting their energies right away. They keep up the struggle. They accept the nature of challenges. They are ready for it.. They are ready to embody tougher things because they aren't broken within. Once you overcome the survival stage of life and have the love and support of people around you then your next focus in on bigger things in life. You don't want to have a narrow focus. You have a higher goal.. These goals can be anything ranging from Financial independence Fruitful relationships Great health and fitness Wealth building Children Community building Environment care System focus Happiness Mental health Travel, learning and adventure Learning new skills other than survival skills Self esteem and ego needs Social status

Lot of people just assume that they are meditating for therapeutic reasons. They feel better when they announce that they are meditating even when they aren't. Be easy on them. It's a lonely planet. Meditation may not necessarily cure loneliness but it's great for the soul. Human relationships depends not only on good behavior and integrity but also availability. You may be the best person in the world and yet not find a partner if people around you choose looking into a phone over communicating with each other. Loneliness, desperation and lack of guidance and or lack of family support leads people in to dark corners of toxic relationships. So don't be surprised by that. If these same people were to experience natural joy and real healthy wholesome relationships combined with personal healing, maybe they wouldn't be stuck in toxic relationships and wouldn't feel this needy. So judging others is a bit harsh. You cannot take the condition of patients as a sign of success or failure of a hospital. It only reflects an unhealthy society. And we can't have a quick fix for that. Meditation will definitely make you feel better. But if what you need is human connection, meditation can't fix that. You will need to seek love and connection..

This thing These stories are so inspiring.. Stories of hope. Stories of strong women who try to make something out of their lives. Meanwhile some form of violence snatches their life away. But their families, their moms, their parents, sisters, friends always were by their side to support them through the way.. They were loved.. They were strong. They were struggling through life and yet making it through.

So I was suicidal again on December 22 and it was really bad. I was sitting outside in the cold contemplating stuff. But I have improved over the week. Much better today. Mood uplifting. Felt a lot of despair and hopelessness. But feeling like the new year is going to bring some good news for me. Maybe finally I will have what I always wanted.

Forgiving is only productive when that person understands. Forgiving that leads to distress is no forgiving

The wheels of karma are always turning. Always. Those who make others suffer won't have it good themselves. Be fair to others if you want yourself to be treated fairly. This is the ultimate lesson of life. So often we cross these boundaries and tend to give into the absurdity of the ego and its need for power You don't need enlightenment to know this basic truth that everyone is born free and you can't rule someone's life You can't expect to treat someone awful but not have to deal with the consequences of it.

I am so tired of everything and I want to give up. Yesterday my ex called and begged for me to talk to him I wasn't having it. Sometimes it's just too much. I had to block him. What in the world makes people think that they can have their way with someone. Lesson learned... Never ever be with a controlling person.. They always cause damage and a lot of it. Just fed up with such people Like why can't they just shut the hell and mind their own businesses. Goddamn weird. The need to control someone makes a person lowest of the low.

I have enough to deal with on my own plate to bother about any of that crap. So I'll pass it. At the moment I'm thinking about confidence and how important it is. I wrote these lines in my diary I'm a flower that cannot be crushed I'm th3 wind that cannot be stopped I'm the ship that has set its course I'm the bird whose wings are free I'm the building that will never fall.

I am dreaming about a beautiful world where there are no boundaries and only freedom

I have had that happen many times. People asking me money and I have given them but they always said they will return back but they never did. I've learned never to trust people with either cash or with other stuff that needs money. It's a loss. It's also an emotional loss because it breaks trust. The one thing that helped me deal with being a sucker every time was this question - What is the cost of disappointing someone? Answer - Nothing We attach meanings. We feel guilt for not having helped. But help only those who really need and when you do that there should be no expectations for returns because maybe that person is not able to do that. But do not help a person who is really not in need. Huge mistake. Of course they can give back but they don't want to and without paperwork they don't need to. So lesson learned - help those who are really in need and be ready to lose. Those who pretend to be in need or can return back, don't help them, most likely they're just bullshitting. The other mental statements that helped me deal with this are 1..I'm not going to put my emotional safety at risk. 2.. I'm not going to put my financial safety at risk..

Pork is eaten by Satan.

The best strategy is to keep it static. No more changes to it. Earn valuable resources like gloves and seyds. And I was laughing so hard when Cindy said if there exciting new pins. Haha she gotta be kidding me No she is just another person who got suckered into it And she doesn't realize that. That's why it matters so much to her just like it matters to others. It's nothing but a money pit and a frustration pit. How to recover Stop putting more money into it Don't change it anymore. Keep it static Don't engage in events Don't get lured by rewards Be careful not to get frustrated Vent out frustration on Farzilveg forum. Keep an eye on what other people say Learn beforehand what the new rollout is going to be out. No more rollouts. There's no room for more rollouts and no energy to deal with them

When it gets worse with time, a time will come when it will need to be completely abandoned. It will be a complete shock to all those loyal people who have been involved wit it for 7 years like Pauline. And for people like me who put money into it. Now my money is tied. Telling myself - be prepared for it darling