Preety_India

Learning to look for love in myself. Within myself Loving myself for a better tomorrow.

Maybe he wants to finish his business with me. I'll let him vent. That's some generosity I'll show to him He was cold, unemotional, abusive, insensitive and selfish. And he will always be that..

My silence to him will be the best answer to him.. I hope he has a day of awakening some day where he will turn around and think about me. And in that moment he will (should) realize how much I trusted him and how much he disappointed me. I think in that moment he will feel the pain that I felt for so long. In that moment he will feel like a piece of ass. I told him once what an ass he was to me. And one day he will realize how he was to me all along. That moment when he really feels what he did, will be closure and justice for me. He thinks that everything is a joke. In that moment he won't think that. He thinks that I'm guilt tripping him. In that moment he will realize that I wasn't guilt tripping him but telling him the truth.

Thanks for sharing.

You were emotionally abusive.. I'm traumatized by you You used everything Gaslighting Playing on emotions Emotional blackmail Guilt tripping Passive aggression Inducing Fear Abusive language Create fear panic trauma hurt Apologizing when I tried to withdraw Then hurting again Confusion Lack of clarity Taking advantage of emotions Emotional control Mind control Dehumanization Demonization and shame tactics Insensitivity in times of suffering Counterintuitive behavior in every situation Narcissistic Abuse Mocking, ridicule and Invalidation Projection Sexually Exploitative An abuser always needs his victim. Because that's where he finds his sadistic attachment. He doesn't want to talk too much with people he is thriving with. Because there is no emotional thrill there. Therefore whoever he is happy and non-fuss or bland with, he gets too bored. He wants to be back with the one he feels he can torture again to get his thrill. His highs and lows. Abusers get too bored with people where they have to moderate their behavior constantly. They can't have public or socially thriving relationships where families get to watch their behavior. They can't play out their darkness. They want secrecy, sadomasochism. They want to let loose their anger, find a punching bag that will accept them even after the punch and won't judge or discipline them. Since in modern civilized society they can't be allowed to be impolite, their inner harshness and need to beat up and victimize (their bullyness) doesn't find an active outlet. Mental weakness is a fertile ground for abusers. They don't feel stimulated in those situations where they can't abuse.

A woman is free of all fear when she learns to say... " I don't"

Sometimes women care so much for others that in the process they forget to care about themselves.

You left me emotionally damaged. Now what do you want?

God sees everything Jo. You aren't free from judgement either

Practice emotional safety at all times.

One way to work on my self worth is to SAY NO..... SAY ..... I DON'T WANT. SO IF I DON'T WANT. THEN I DON'T WANT. TO BE ABLE TO BE CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO SAY I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR.... INSTEAD OF SAYING I CAN'T...... NOPE. I DON'T. Maybe I'm still awake because I'm still not in an emotionally good place, courtesy you.

I'm fierce. I had to be.

The reason why a woman leaves a man for the first time is the same reason why she leaves him for the last time

Don't shame, blame, judge, hate, bully...... These things never bring any good.

I can do my tarot and go to sleep

Green card is a long struggling process. She won't get a greed card. Marrying a United States citizen only for a green card can land the migrant in prison. She shouldn't do that. It's considered illegal. . You have to live in the US many years to get that. Also at this time travel has bans and restrictions. She might get stranded. Detention. Good luck.

@PlayTheGame try to avoid those questions or thoughts. Those thoughts are steering you a away from real development. Those thoughts are sometimes okay when you are totally free. But constantly engaging those thoughts is pure distraction from development. When you get those thoughts, label them as distraction and then focus on the work at hand.

I suspect some derealization that has happened because of the weed. I'm not sure if it goes away. Do not buy into the thinking that "I'm no self" because it affects everyday life. Maybe in the spiritual context it feels good to experience an ego death and all the fancy stuff but ground reality means that you just have to play by the rules of the world whether you like it or not. Your basic spirituality can include becoming more compassionate to everyone. At your age this would be more than enough. Understand that the world of spirituality is a bit complicated and can be disillusioning for a young person who doesn't have enough life experience. It can be a bit dangerous to follow new age spirituality schools of thinking because they can seriously interfere everyday functioning. You can't live like a hermit. Just try to be normal. Focus on how to improve your life and keep spirituality to a minimum. What you are going through can be described as an existential crisis also. The best thing is to focus in the moment and make a list of your short term and long term goals and start preparing and achieving them. Focus on college and job prospects. Dating etc. These are practical things to focus on. Spirituality will not put butter on the table. You can do spirituality as a fringe study. But your core focus should be on self improvement or Personal Development. Hopefully the weed effect will die down in a few months. Don't experiment with drugs that aren't mentally safe. People get weird symptoms with such things. You don't need it. Remove those solipsistic thoughts. Focus on being your natural self and living a healthy happy productive life.

@Elham It would be understandable if he told me to stay single for a short period of time if he felt discomfort. He told me to stay single all of my life for him.

Feminine is not about passivity or let go. You forgot the biggest aspect of feminine - creation. Birth. Fertility. Women like to create, make better, improve. They are not just lying around waiting for things to pass. Most women want to actively build things and make them happen which is the aggressive feminine. But some part of feminine is about relaxing and hoping and letting go. The Feminine here can be to have self control and realize how it is going to make the self anxious. Remember your kindergarten female teacher told you "baby it will be alright, relax." The Feminine way to deal with anxiety would be to cuddle a teddy bear and look for support. Eat a bowl of ice cream. Sleep in your bed and watch movies. Think the boogeyman has gone. Keep warm. Stop thinking too much. The Feminine here can be - Don't overdo. Don't get paranoid or aggressive. Shussssh. Again control. Say to yourself that you are already doing fine. You don't need much. Focus on the moment. Have you eaten right and enough for the day? Now time to relax. Use your energy for tomorrow. Feminine tries to save and conserve the energy for the tomorrow. Doesn't exhaust it right away. Here the Feminine aspect can be So what if the world is acting crazy and going crazy, my feminine energy will bring balance. It will stay strong and resilient in the middle of crisis. "I won't break down even if the world does. I will stay strong during the storm like a tree in the wind." I'll absorb the shock with my gentleness and reassurance and grow older and stronger. Not bitter. Feminine seeks the positive and encouragement even in negative situations. It fundamentally believes that even in the worst circumstances, good can be found and good can be created. Because that's what related to creation procreation or birth. Basically the Feminine aspect is fertility. Making a barren land fertile. Sowing hope where there was none. That's why the nurse the teacher the mother gives hope to the child even when the world is crashing down. Have a great day! ---------------------------------- For me the Feminine that I worship is Hecate, Gaia, Diana Gaia

The short answer is... Actualized.org is NOT A CULT. Anyone who thinks like that should be happy to leave and leave everyone alone who are seriously interested in doing their spiritual work here. People like me are not interested in hearing all the negative bullshit and the constant frivolous attacks on Leo. Like Leo said the forum needs a lot of Purging. All these negative people can leave right away They don't even know the definition of a cult and they want to spread their nonsense here. A cult does not even allow people to speak. They need to get the head out of the sand. And if they don't like it then why be here. Tell them to create their own websites. I doubt if anyone would even want to be remotely interested in being on their website. A lot of people who call it a cult, look at their profile carefully, look at the threads they open, they look like internet trolls, they don't have details on their profile, they come like anonymous people with a bunch of useless threads. You don't see them doing serious Journaling. You don't see them practicing even at least one of Leo's recommendations or suggestions. Yet they have the audacity to come here and call it a cult. Tell them to join a real cult, they are fit for it.. They are wasting everyone's time.. Tired of such threads.. People are here to focus on growth rather than speculate 24/7 on who Leo is. These people who call it a cult don't have better work to do. They are childish ignorant and like kids raging with hormones and Jealousy and they want attention in some form so they come to fuss around here. Enough of the bullshit.

What bias? He knows the reason why l left the relationship. Everything is known to him.

He is being idiotic and ignorant. He knows nothing. Leo is a great guy and way above this ignorance. For this guy, it will take a million years to reach the level of Leo. I guess some people are plain jealous.

Your way of thinking is absolutely unethical. The economy and love and consciousness of a large number of people is not above the lives of the elderly and the vulnerable that would potentially be wiped out in a scoop when the virus wave arrives. Their lives have always been neglected and this dire situation more than ever will test the capacity among human beings for the greatest compassion. If this is not an opportunity to show spirituality then I don't know what is. The basic purpose of life is to survive it. There is nothing selfish or undesirable or unspiritual about it. The greatest form of spirituality lies in the survival of a life and the cessation of its suffering. Thinking of prosperity and consciousness and love is spiritually very hollow. Love is not having cats and dogs and having trips and people sharing flowers. Or trumpeting with a marching band proclaiming the joy of a prosperous life, that is nothing but narcissism. True love lies in shielding the wounded, protecting the vulnerable, in charity, not to muffle the cries of those in pain by turning the music loud, but to hear their pain and do whatever one can to prevent their suffering. In this there is no sacrifice, nobody has been asked to die, nobody has been asked to be a martyr. In fact people are suffering a bit of discomfort due to food shortage, essential supplies shortage, social distancing, panic buying, laying of jobs, money issues, Bill payments, schools shutdown... This is nothing in comparison to the sacrifices people were to make in olden days for the survival of humanity. Back then there used to be wars and in order to save everyone's lives, people had to join the army and be ready to die for the greater good. That's the level of compassion your ancestors have shown because of which you are alive today. Scientists back then caught infections while trying to produce a vaccine or a cure for many of the diseases that you are free from today. Those scientists had to pay with life, they died! That's called the greatest love. Not simply watching people die while you go camping and fishing and wait for your life to be normal Sorry but that's the worst form of greed and life is not worth living if human beings have to be completely stripped of compassion.