Preety_India

I was imagining someone loving me deeply. Would that make me feel accepted?

I need to understand that there are problems with my behavior and rather than escaping and running away I need to confront them head on and seek improvements. But maybe you judged me just the way everyone else does. You never wanted to look at me from a neutral perspective. If all had to get was only judgement then why did I open up to this world?

I don't know what happened there

You would only come to know when you have sex with either a male or female. If you're orgasming to a male and having sex with him then yes, homosexual. If you're horny with a woman as well as a man then you're bisexual. If you're horny with a woman and have sex with her but can't do that with a man or don't feel horny around him then you are straight. You cannot rely on mental things to know for sure because mentally we can be attracted to anything in the moment. But try it out in real life and soon you'll know your sexual pattern. Direct experience is always the best indicator and teacher, zero confusion. Till then you will keep toying with this idea but never know the truth.

Note down things here. Two hour time.

The problem is it would have been ridiculous if it had been entirely untrue. But then I looked up the definition and did some research on my own and found that I did engage in emotional vampire behaviors myself like threatening someone etc. That lead me to think that I must have some darkness in me. The thing is by using this logic almost every person on planet earth is an energy vampire, not to imply that it's redundant because of its universality, just that being more conscious of it opens up channels for further cleansing and healing of the personality, when these impurities are removed, a better higher self emerges. It's like if I said I'm guilty of lying. And someone says "that's okay because everyone lies" but honestly that's not okay, the better road would be to stop lying or at least minimize it and create as much high consciousness and clamp down on low consciousness so you clean up your energies and the energies of your environment, imagine if everyone did this then the world will be a better place. Often times we shame the negative so much that we just don't confront it, because our ego just cannot handle such self negativity, so we rather turn a blind eye to it than detect and improve on it, this happens because of excessive shaming that actually blocks the process of reversal or healing by simply demonizing the whole aspect of scanning for flaws, the ego is so resistant that it just doesn't want to hear that it must have fucked up in some way unconsciously and so the growth never happens because that channel is always blocked by insecurity, pride, tension, fear and ego. .

First I need to Shame myself for all the bad things I do. Then I need to unshame myself to liberate and heal and stop doing bad things and also understand that I shouldn't be ashamed of mistakes I made or flaws I have, rather I should accept them, work on them, not be ashamed of owning them or exploring or exposing them and then vouch to get rid of them and eventually come clean and become clean.

Yup.

So many many thanks for this response. It cleared up a lot of my thoughts and mental gymnastics. Right now the picture is getting clearer. Also thankful for all the suggestions given to stop being a vampire Tremendous growth through just 1 post. Thank you.

It will be okay. We sometimes do wrong things

The darkness of humanity is within me.

in-shaming-myself . lunch-hour i-want-to-be-like-jordan-peterson Im-a-dork true-love how-to-not-be-a-victimloser my-short-bible-for-life

@Razard86 well I don't need to. I'm sorry. If there is something that has always been toxic to my health, I need not integrate it so your advice is of little to use to me, even downright abusive and dangerous. Should I start integrating rapists too? I'm doing what's best for me so spare me your advice. I resist it because it has never worked for me. Now I don't Want another lecture on why I should not hate things.

I need some guidance. I'm breaking down. I don't know how to deal with these thoughts. Please help me. Should I pay attention to these thoughts or neglect them?

I just feel awful. I wish I had never. But maybe you judged me just the way everyone else does. You never wanted to look at me from a neutral perspective. If all had to get was only judgement then why did I open up to this world?

Life can be beautiful even in the darkest times.

There should be acceptance.

@Razard86 @Kksd74628 I need you both to stop arguing on my thread because I'm asking for suggestions and I am not finding anything helpful in your posts. So try luck elsewhere and let me be in peace. Just stop being rude and argumentative Its not helpful. I'm going to stop communicating with both of you.

Stop arguing on my thread. You aren't solving my problems only claiming your superiority and looking for validation for your goddamn pathetic assumptions and opinions. Stop targeting me with your assumptions. When I said it's not helpful then it's not helpful. Stop pushing yourself on me. I'm getting fed up with your behavior.

Sometimes you just feel like you're out of touch or out of place and it's okay to feel that way.

He is like the perfect example of what's wrong with the New Agey Spirituality movement He exemplifies every bit of Deluded New Agey.

Your conscious awareness is non duality itself.

You can say that you like drinking but you're not in the mood for that day or moment.

This sad realization that I will never be accepted by the world no matter what. I just have a stronger need for accepting and bonding than most other people is how I can put it. I'm slowly healing now. This space is healing me. At least I'm not heartless. My own heart can heal me. This space can heal me.