Preety_India

Another part of emotional independence can be taking full or at least partial responsibility for the way you feel. The most important question to ask here is Why I feel the way I feel right now and what did I do to resolve it?

I'll have to write down some of the thoughts I get in my dreams. So these are the thoughts "why do care so much about?you're better

No truer words have ever been spoken.

One part of emotional independence is letting go. And I'm going to elaborate on this The other part of emotional independence is carefully dissecting what has been spoken and how it was processed. This is a part of emotional regulation. The third part of emotional independence is counterintuitive behavior. Lessening emotional Reactivity. The next thing I was going to write about was the subject of emotional abuse. And how it plays an important role in our life. And how emotional abuse could be happening on the sly and you not being able to detect it. Becoming a pro at detecting signs of emotional abuse Note to myself A person who constantly aggravates you is really not the best person...

Ok got it now. I was going to write about emotional abuse and the hurt cycle. I was also going to write about narcissism, psychopathy and empathy but that can be put off for later. One thing that I noticed in my previous relationship is that there was a certain pattern to it. I could put it like this - - - - harsh words spoken - - - - feeling hurt or traumatized - - - - apologizing without adequate acknowledgment, just an effort to win back, no rightful or mutually agreed upon resolution sought even after trying to convey the message "I need a resolution", no fucks given, and no guarantee that such a behavior will not happen again. - - - - a lame acceptance of his apology. And then talking to him once again. But at the back of the mind, the hurt remains. Unresolved. I'd call this the hurt cycle. I had known that this happened too many times, too times I had to forgive and let go until it reached a point where I could no longer forgive because it became a game of my emotions. One constant resonating theme of the relationship was my sentiment 'he just doesn't care at all'

I hate the feeling when I have to write something that was in my mind and when I am ready to put in words I completely forget what it was about. The mind becomes blank again.

Sometimes my mind races so fast that I get 3 ideas at once and I have to be too quick to jot down or they escape my mental matrix I've really gotten the writing addiction bug.

Learn to label things One thing that I must learn is to label things even emotions and behaviors at least in my mind because it helps in easy discernment and emotional processing. It's like I could jump to react if I haven't given a thought. This means that I am reacting even before knowing what's it's all about. The problem is that I'm a very intuitive person and so often I rely plainly on my intuition alone.

Yesterday I was thinking (by the way my nightmares have only gotten worse, it's like I'm holding onto a chord), so I was thinking about how we have so many desires that we suppress within ourselves. { I was also thinking about total independence, how would it feel to be totally emotionally independent} So I kinda of compartmentalized life into 3 distinct phases according to age and how our state of mind changes in correlation to the age bracket we are in. I don't want to be too restrictive about the age bracket I create for these phases because age is just a number and the emotion is more important than the age itself.. These phases are the creative, the compromise and the Acceptance. The creative phase - This phase is when you are young. The phase that I'm right now in. This is the phase when you fall in love, when you're into self realization, when you go through periods of uncertainty regarding your life purpose, when you have breakups with your partner, when you look for love again, this is the phase where you want to create your life and where satisfying a desire gives utmost pleasure and happiness and not getting what you want makes you feel rejected or disappointed. The compromise phase. This phase is characterized by reaching a zone of settlement, where you learn to compromise (not compromising what you couldn't have because that's hurtful and shouldn't be an ideal situation, that's a situation created out of repression and hence is not favorable) on the fact that the desire has served its purpose and its time to move on and look for mellow excursions, this is the phase to relish what was conquered and experienced and fulfilled in the creative phase. The acceptance phase This is the last phase of life and this involves acceptance of what's to come. Preparing the mind for it. Accepting that things are the way they are and that death is certain this is the phase of old age. This is also the phase where you remember your life in flashbacks and commemorate your memories with pictures and celebrations of your life and your aspirations and struggles. This is basically the end of the joy trip. It might feel sad that things have become difficult or come to an end but time is limitless and even in this phase there are ways to be creative and artistic and spend time in productive happy ways.

Tarot animals for each Empathetic Codependent Narcissistic Sociopath Counterintuitive Psychopath. Empathetic Codependent - Heron Narcissistic Sociopath - Ostrich Counterintuitive Psychopath. - Crocodile

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on 3 aspects Empathetic Codependent Narcissistic Sociopath Counterintuitive Psychopath.

Some important information on Covid-19 If the vaccine is implemented in your city now or in the near future please get vaccinated. The difference between a flu and Covid-19. Don't panic just because you got a flu.. Coronavirus also has neurological symptoms as stated in this article linked. Seizures etc. (sensitivity warning) https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/01/health/coronavirus-stroke-seizures-confusion.html An article here that describes the symptoms and concerns and questions in detail https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/apr/01/covid19-coronavirus-have-i-already-had-it Below is the article that discusses what physicians and health department can do if a Covid-19 patient enters emergency ward. https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/public-health/what-do-when-covid-19-enters-your-physician-practice Following is an important pdf text (no software virus, can be safely downloaded ) that shows how to get the workplace ready for the coronavirus. getting-workplace-ready-for-covid-19.pdf

You can't bring back a woman who found her way. She is gone forever. There's no point in Guilting me Joseph. I'm moving on forever. The damage was done long ago. Now face what you have When you break a woman's back, her back is broken, don't ask why now It's over. We are done for good, no matter how it much hurts me and no matter how much I wanted you, I tried my best to swallow your asshole behavior but I could take no more. A woman can only take so much. I won't stay single for you. I'm not stupid. I have my whole life in front of me and I'll make it beautiful.. If you make a woman leave you, it's your fault. Don't make her leave. Stop being an asshole before she leaves. If you can't love your girlfriend, it's not her fault, because she tried loving you, but you couldn't appreciate her love, then your fault, not hers. She can find a better man who will treat her with respect and give her the love she gives him

I'm trying to draw enough strength to get through this period of uncertainty. Things haven't been good I really need bullet focus.

It's time for me to rediscover myself. After the breakup, I haven't been feeling sexy at all. It's difficult now. I had an extremely strong sexual chemistry with Joe. It was something out of the planet. I would orgasm all night long. I would feel intense comfort in his arms and just having him touch me would make me feel come alive. Now that we broke up, it's difficult to feel the same way again with someone else. Even if I had sex, it would feel like cutting onions in the kitchen. I don't think I'll experience the same sexual outburst n When I was with Joe, he would be all over me, we would have marathons, it was sexy in a way I can't describe. He used to tell me that I made him feel like no other woman. I told him the same. Our chemistry was strong. And when we fought, we would make up with sex. Now that he is out of my life, I don't think I'll ever feel the same way with another man. One day Joe told me (I was kinda pissed off and ready to give up on the relationship) And he said "you'll never find someone like me, nobody will love you the way I did." In a way it's true. I don't like Andrew the same way I used to like Joe. Andrew is the nice one. But my feelings have eroded over time. It feels like it's not me anymore. I can have sex again but still not feel sexual. Still not feel the spark. The joy Not feel the romance. The romance ended with the last relationship. Its like " that man or no man" When I was with Joe, I was fiercely loyal. I never flirted with any guy. I never cheated. Even the thought never crossed my mind to look elsewhere. I wanted Joe only And now with the failure of the relationship, it hurts because I gave it my best only to know that he turned out to be that abusive typical lover. I never deserved that I ended the relationship. It hurts even the person who ends the relationship. Joe believes that only he is hurt. But that's not true.. I'm hurt as well. Very deeply. I would have really wanted things to work out between us. That's why I gave him the back door. I let him be friends for a while to see if things can work again between us. And they never did He was good for a couple of days after the breakup. But then he started acting strange once again. The same bullshit. The same assholism. So I was..... "hey, not anymore, I'm packing my bags, try some other woman with your games and shit" And here I am, all alone once again, feeling like a dead tree. Wanting the birth of new love in my heart. Wanting to dress sexy again. Feel sexy again. Put on those pumps. Wash that hair. Put that spray. Lather that lipstick. Wear that bag. Off you go... It's not that easy. I feel like a shell of myself. I'm not blaming Joe for this. We both were hurt. I just don't know how to collect the pieces together. And even if I did and decided to start dating again, it would feel like wearing my friend's dress at the prom dance. It won't feel original anymore. An ode to the Original Love.

Sexual attraction and sex are two different things. Romantic attraction has a beautiful essence to it. It's like magic. Like two magnets pulling each other. There's something about a person's face that attracts you to them. In the way they speak, the way they make you feel. Romantic attraction is like charisma, a spell that's difficult to resist. Every time you see that person you want them, you desire them, you wanna play games, tickle their fantasies, it's a thrill. Often times romantic attraction causes partners to be passive aggressive with each other, each teasing the other, playing silly games, intensifying the feelings of craving, the constant push pull, fighting and making up after, and surrendering to their temptations. Romantic attraction is a temptation hard to resist. It's very different from trying to resist the temptation to buy an expensive car or that thing you cannot afford, it's a different feeling. Resisting or compromising with it can cause feelings of intense melancholy and dissociation. Not having the lover you so desperately desire can lead to feelings of emptiness and even suicide. Love is like a fever. It grips you. It's a spell and when you are under this spell, your heart wants what it wants, and your joy is fulfilled in the arms of the lover.

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@neovox Place an ad in your local Craigslist Why not ship it back to the seller who you got it from. Search their email.

Call your local animal protection services and inform them. They'll come to your place, confiscate the animal and release them back into the habitat.

@Hardik thanks for sharing

So beautifully said

Tomorrow I want to talk about broader aspects of healing. Change in belief patterns. Tired of writing for now.

Positive sex. I have had some hangups regarding sex for some time. The last time I had sex was with Andrew. It was in December. It was great and pleasurable and I was single at the time when I was with him. Weren't really in a relationship with each other but we were attracted to each other nevertheless. Andrew is in another city right now and can't come here because of the coronavirus at least for a few weeks. When we meet sparks fly. I'm not sure about our relationship status but maybe we are just trying to establish a relationship between us that will take time to fully form. I have had some difficulty with thoughts regarding sex. Last night I was thinking about sex and a striking thought swirled in my head and that was, when was a discussion associated with sex ever positive and kept thinking and mulling over it for so long and I figured that as a collective culture we really never had a positive discussion on sex ever. Like right now if I look at the media, I see several examples where sex is discussed or associated with and these associations are generally of several types including something like Rape Sexual assault Groping and molestation Pedophilia Porn Masturbation Nudity Toxic masculinity Feminism Objectification Teenage pregnancy Human trafficking Prostitution Perversion Sex addiction Bestiality Shaming Slut In each of the labels above, sex is discussed often with a negative prerogative. It seems like we want to bring up sex only when we talk about something bad like a crime or a disease or addiction or a general unwanted condition or situation. Have we ever discussed the positive aspects of sex? How many news channels open a discussion saying statements like "oh let's see how beneficial sex is?" "so what's so good about sex?" "sex can be good for so and so reasons" other than only having children.. The simple answer is....... No Religions around the world are notoriously known for their Demonization of sex throughout centuries. It seems like we as a collective species are very narrowly focused on the negative aspects of sex and too often we forget the , soft, gentle, healthy, productive, fulfilling, beautiful, curative, loving intrinsic value of sex. We only want to focus on the negative returns of sex. This can be a very debilitating phenomenon. Because it doesn't encourage the positive aspects of sex. The aspects which are nourishing. I feel sex is like fire. Now with fire, if you use it right, then you get to enjoy its warmth but if you play with fire, you get burned. I look at sex like that. When I look at the positive aspect of sex, I feel like it's a fountain of energy. India is known famously for its book called Kamasutra, a famous ancient manuscript on different sex positions for the mates. However there is a lot of cultural repression. Sexual sculptures on walls of ancient Hindu temples. At some point my culture was probably sexually free, I would need a time machine to figure that out.. Chuckle. What I found is that the good part of sex can be discovered if we minus the bad part. That is if we stop looking at fire as something bad then maybe we can have the chance to look at fire as a source of energy. Look at sex as a source of energy. I've begun to look at sex as a source of infinite energy, of infinite love, of infinite or eternal loving energy. Like with birth. When a woman gives birth to a child she feels like she created something, a explosion of creative energy, same with sex. It can be an explosion of loving energy. Toxic masculinity looks at sex as instant gratification obtained by the objectification (looking at a woman as a piece of meat) of women and by treating them like a faceless headless (existence-less) sex toy that needs the male sex organ to be drilled into for intense excitement and pleasure and nothing more. This is a very reductionist materialistic unloving in-joyful unenergetic and robotic bullshit way of looking at sex. The one way of looking at sex positively is by elimination. Eliminate all the following labels and what remains is pure wonderful loving beautiful energizing sex. Rape Sexual assault Groping and molestation Pedophilia Porn Masturbation Nudity Toxic masculinity Feminism Objectification Teenage pregnancy Human trafficking Prostitution Perversion Sex addiction Bestiality Shaming Slut ..... Look at sex as a fountain of loving energy..