Preety_India

Benefits of the fire visualization experience /exercise I was randomly trying out some visualization exercises in the past few days and I kept exploring a lot of these exercises. I wanted to create my own exercise that would suit my needs. So I kept mulling over what I would do. I had done some nature visualization exercises but they weren't very helpful beyond making me feel calm.. So I got this idea of trying to incorporate fire into my visualization exercise.. And boom!!!! It was like magic. I can't call it instant healing but it was taking a huge leap in that direction. So this fireball exercise not only represents all art and all beauty and all creativity in the universe coming together into this ball. But it also means purging. Purging can also create intense emotional stress. You are letting out your inner distress. You are telling all your distress stories to the fireball. This fireball is absorbing your negativity and hearing all your purging and slowly absorbing it. Since fire remains neutral even after whatever you put in it, the fire would remain the same even after your purging. The fire would remain the same. So don't worry about the fire becoming negative. It won't. (warning - don't take this exercise very literally. Sometimes visualization exercises can really cause some stress. Do it at your own risk because visualizations are very powerful so do in low doses. Be careful. Since it's a fire visualization, be careful)... A similar exercise is with pranayam breathing. You inhale all the goodness You exhale all the bullshit and trauma. While inhaling you visualize that all the good things are entering your body and mind While exhaling you visualize that all the bad things and toxins are leaving you. Note The fire exercise can feel a bit brutal and intense. So I would suggest try some general visualizations at first like nature visualization and breathing visualization to prep your mind to visualization. If you do any mental exercise intensely it will have intense effects. Whether meditation or visualization. If you do meditation very intensely you can get a panic attack. This can even happen with visualizations. As much as these exercises are helpful, there is also a dark side to them that practitioners should be aware of beforehand. The only way is to do in low doses or small sessions and take it slowly and gradually. Don't make your meditations and visualizations too intense, you can run the risk of having mental breakdowns. So just wanted to leave a warning to be careful about these mental and spiritual exercises. And other important thing is not to rely on what I say or others say. Not to simply copy an exercise or meditation routine. These have to be highly customized. What I mean is this. If I do meditation for 1 hour, doesn't mean you have to do it for 1 hour. You need to have your own version that suits you. My version of an exercise might not suit you. Over experience you will have to invent your own version of meditations and use standard meditation practices and techniques only as a base It's almost like you are using an image as a support for your painting but then you create your own painting based on it. The image only serves as a base support

This fire exercise has helped me tremendously in the past 2 days. Huge difference in my feelings and general disposition.

Thank you for your encouraging words. I am grateful that my story can help people be strong in their own struggles. Thank you for telling me to stay strong. Those words are the best words to say to anyone. Those words make a lot of difference. So thank you. ❤️❤️ My days are not really that great. I still suffer from the effects, both physically and mentally from whatever I went through. The emotional scars are quite strong. But I am trying my best to heal every day but I still suffer from self destructive erratic behavior that I'm trying to work on. My main focus will be self love to reduce that self destructive behavior. Hopefully I will reach a point where I will feel normal physically and mentally and not have to continue with these bad habits that were a part of my destructive behavior. Watching elephant videos has been very helpful. When I saw the abuse that circus Elephants went through, it reminded me of my own abuse. But seeing how these majestic animals don't lose courage and come back to normal after so much suffering, it gave me a lot of hope. Elephants are the most loving creatures I accidentally came across the elephant videos and it came as a huge blessing. Although other people will look at it as a normal video, I am always in the habit of attaching meaning to things, so in my mind I felt as if those elephants were talking to me and telling me to love myself despite all the suffering and absence of love. It was hugely gratifying. I didn't expect that an elephant video would be a significant part of my healing. It was very unexpected. But then God moves in mysterious ways. Maybe this was just a sign from God to signal me to start working towards my healing. But those videos made a tremendous impact on my emotions. I am very emotionally chaotic day to day and I struggle with emotional stability. But I guess one day it will all get better. If I have come so far, I can still go a little further and create something good out of my life. I am looking forward to a brighter future, all the negativity in my past hasn't killed me.. And sometimes I think that even if it kills me, my death or suffering would not go in vain, even if things don't get better, my death would be a lion's death, because I fought extremely hard to come so far so I don't see my struggles as a regret, they made me who I am today, obviously I would have wanted a better life a better childhood, but then, who knows, maybe this is the nature of life, we also learn from our sufferings and sometimes we inspire others from our sufferings, so I don't think any suffering goes in vain. Even if I became hopeless and disintegrated into a downspiral (I very much hope I don't) At least I have this journal here and my words here that will always inspire people to be strong in their lives. So some good might have come forth from my suffering. That would be a satisfaction to my soul. Thank you for all your kind words. It means a lot to me. I won't give up my fight and never easily. I'm a positive spirit so I look forward to a bright future and doing well in my life. Blessings to you to stay strong in your journey as well. ❤️❤️

Thank you for your kind words. You are awesome. Bless you. ❤️❤️

You are a kind soul. Thank you so much for your kindness and support. ❤️❤️

This is the first time in my journal I'm opening up fully about the childhood trauma I went through. I went through a lot of trauma in childhood and also a lot of abuse in 3 abusive relationships. All of my 3 exes were abusive. The 2nd ex was extremely abusive and controlling. I was very close to death in that relationship that's when I broke it when I was admitted in the emergency ward. My liver had ruptured as a result of the continuous abuse of the relationship. That's when I decided to end it. This was in late in 2017. By December 2017, I met Joseph and I thought that I had found the love of my life. I was in recovery from liver damage when I found Joseph. The next two years went like a roller coaster and Joseph was extremely violent and abusive which I had no inkling of at first. He was very sweet in the beginning. I went through extensive trauma during this period where I slashed my wrist in the month of October 2018 where he was having a tensed argument with me and talked about breaking up with me. I flew in a rage because I felt exploited by him and immediately grabbed a knife and slashed myself. That's when he cooled down but he continued to threaten me.. From then on, it was a very on off relationship that I discussed at much length in the dating section. This was November 2019. That was probably my sixth attempt at breaking up with Joseph and I stopped talking to him at that time. I thought I had broken up with him but once again in January 2020 we started talking again so once again the abuse continued. It was finally March 13, 2020 that I was able to escape the relationship. I finally ended things with him for good. My first ex was also abusive but I ended that relationship in only 6 months. My childhood was brutal. I used to run away from home many many times. I made a successful attempt to run away from home at age 14. But I was brought back to my abusive mom. She was very violent and abusive with me. I started cutting myself early on to cope with her neglect and abuse My first suicide attempt was at 18. I tried to burn myself. But I was rescued by my family. I was considered a high risk for suicide and kept on suicide watch. My second suicide attempt was when I was 21 and I was unable to escape my abusive mother So one day I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and cut my wrists. I had extensive bleeding and hospitalization. My dad wouldn't stand up to my mom's abuse because he was being abused as well Still my dad helped me in trying to cope with the abuse I finally broke free just a few years ago, so now I live in a rented apartment but it's not easy. I have to sometimes take my mom to a psychiatrist frequently because she suffers mental breakdowns. My mom suffered from bipolar disorder for a very long time. That explains her violent and abusive behavior towards my dad and me She still suffers her bipolar episodes and she recently stopped her medication. The last time I visited her, just a month ago, she was very violent with me and I sustained some injuries after her attack. I was very traumatized as a child by her violence and abuse and that caused to seek refuge in relationships with men but these men turned out to be abusers as well. I noticed that whenever I opened up to my boyfriends about my mother's abuse, they would slowly change and become abusive towards me. It was as if they wanted to put fuel in the fire, instead of trying to help me out, they saw me as a opportunity to perpetrate their abuse on me After a long struggle and numerous suicide attempts and realizations, I finally got some freedom. I'm not completely free because I still have this dysfunctional bonding with my mother. I'm her caregiver. She is usually sick.. So I have to constantly take her to the hospital. I forgave her but sometimes I lash out at her for the stuff she put me through. It's a very dysfunctional estranged relationship that I share with my mother. I rarely talk about it to anyone. I try to do my duty as a daughter and take care of her in whatever way I can. But it is difficult for me to have feelings of love for my mother because of all the trauma I understand that her bipolar condition has been responsible for her physically and emotionally abusive behavior but at the same time all the trauma and abuse she put me through took a toll on my physical and mental health. So it's kinda hard for me to sympathize her I have to take care of her and her sickness and be there for her despite knowing that she is my abuser. This is a bit tough for me. I have to show love and care to a person who I trusted and who abused me all my life. This has created intense mental conflict in me. Despite all the self destructive behavior and trauma I went through, I always felt that I had a certain degree of duty towards my mom. I never forsake her After all she is my mom, even if she was the most horrible mom, the person responsible for all of my troubles and trauma, I sometimes let it go. But exactly when I let it go is when she gets more violent. I have been having some peace since being away from her. But whenever there is a doctor's appointment, I have to be with her and during times when she needs my help. I try to heal from alll the garbage I had to go through. I felt severely neglected as a child.. All of that could explain my chaotic behavior. My family was always dysfunctional. The earliest memory of abuse and violence is when I was 7 years old. There was not a single day that was free from the dysfunction.. I never knew what order or routine felt like. Everyday was a very uncertain day not knowing what to expect and what she would do. She would do anything. We as a family didn't know at the time that she was mentally ill. She was severely mentally ill. But my dad used to dismiss her behavior as mood swings and put up with her. My dad used to always be at work, he was a workaholic so there was no way for him to know the extent of the psychological damage happening to me at the hands of my mom. So overall I went through a very painful childhood and the trauma of 3 abusive failed relationships weighed heavily on me. I just hope that my future won't be so bad as my past. And I plan on healing myself completely from this garbage past.

My astrology chart says Gana - Dev or God like Vasya - Maanav... This is my zodiac. This means bow and arrow, which is closer to Aquarius, since I'm a cusp, like on the verge of Aquarius and Pisces, but I'm actually a Pisces, that makes a lot of sense that I could have some Aquarius traits as well. Yoni - maarjar or cat yoni. That means my vagina is a cat vagina. This basically means it's soft and shallow on the base and has a narrow passage. (this thing got me confused because I have no idea how a narrow or broad vagina made any sense on the intellectual or horoscope level. But anyway skipping the yoni part. Nakshatra - Punarvasu. This is the most important part of my entire horoscope because it describes me as a person. The description fits me pretty well and gives an overall outlook on my personality. I'm associated with the Star of Reneval. It shows that my animal is a cat, my bird is a Swan, my house is Jupiter, my God is Ram or Sri Ram and my deity is Aditi or Mother of Gods. It shows that my animal is a cat, my bird is a Swan, my house is Jupiter, my God is Ram or Sri Ram and my deity is Aditi or Mother of Gods. My sound should be Kay, I'm a water sign, my nature is divine, my occupation is selling or merchant, my house or planet is Jupiter and my Purusharth is Artha which means I will apply deep meanings and interpretations to mundane things and everything else

So I learned that I'm a Punarvasu Nakshatra. As per my astrologer. And these are the details of someone with Punarvasu Nakshatra. Nice to know that I share my Nakshatra with Ramana Maharshi. Punarvasu Nakshatra All you need to know about Punarvasu Constellation, 7th Lunar Mansion of Moon 1. Punarvasu Nakshatra’s degree is between 20 degree 00′ Gemini to 3 degree 20′ Cancer. 2. It’s Symbol is Bow and quiver of arrows. 3. Ruling Planet is Jupiter, Nature is Deva ( God like). Jupiter Brihaspati God 4. In addition,Primary Motivation is to follow Artha (material Prosperity). 5. In addition, Animal Symbol is Female Cat. 6. In addition, After that, Direction is North. 7. In addition, Sounds are Koy, Ko, Haa, Hee. 8. In addition, Qualities are Rajas/Sattwa/Rajas and Chara (Moveable). 9. In addition, Deity is Aditi (Mother of Gods). aditi mother of all gods 10. In addition, Bird connected with this nakshatra is Swan. 11. In addition, Tree connected with this nakshatra is Bamboo. 12. In addition, caste is Vaishya (Merchant). Punarvasu nakshatra – 7th Lunar Mansion Punarvasu nakshatra is 7th lunar Mansion of Moon. Most part of the nakshatra resides in the zodiac sign of Gemini, 4 pada comes in Cancer. The ruling planet is Jupiter, however, still strong mercury influence is seen in the first three padas Gemini. This combination of mercury and Jupiter can produce great intellectual and spiritual wisdom. Indian saint name Ramana Maharishi was born in Punarvasu nakshatra. Deity – Aditi Mother of Gods The Presiding Deity here is Aditi the mother of gods. Her power is the ability to gain wealth or substance. Aditi is the earth goddess who grants all abundances and gives birth to all gods. Since, the Jupiter and mercury together combined energy is there, great potential in the communications fields blossoms. Symbol is quiver of arrows which indicates aiming for something, keeping an eye focusing and wining, and launching successful projects. since, It is chara or moving type, good for moves and life changes. This nakshatra is good for our creativity and inspiration to be renewed. for instance, Animal Symbol here is a female cat which reflects its sensitivity and need for independence. Punarvasu Meaning Meaning of the word Punarvasu includes two words punar which means “repetition” repeat or again and vasu means “a ray of light” a gem or jewel. Vasu also means good or prosperous. for instance, The vasus are eight Deities who gives the foundation for cosmic and earthy abundance. Primary Motivation is artha or material Prosperity. This nakshatra is also called the star of renewal and indicates the purification of self , change of personality and the return of the light. Dark Side The Dark side of the Punarvasu is a tendency for over intellectualize life experiences, this can give a critical nature and temperament. This is more dominant in first 3 padas of asterism, which comes under gemini zodiac sign. The forth pada is in cancer in both rashi and navamsha vargottam but since it is close to cusp it is weaken. for instance, Mental vacillation can be experience at the cusp. Though, This Constellation is one of the most benefic of the 27 nakshatras, Lord Rama was born in this nakshatra. Punarvasu is a powerful springboard of self expression, encouragingthe development of latent talents. The sky is the limit.

Things seem to be going back to normal I guess This is May 14 And I'm expecting that by the end of the May month things are going to be okay and safe. At least I'm waiting to go out and travel and be able to go out. My apartment has still not lifted the ban on limited mobility I'm supposed to submit paperwork if I have to go out every day. Which is ridiculous Also my job has been hit hard. No more clients calling for the service. Because there are no events at this time The events will only begin once people feel safe to have a crowd. So I will have to wait for a really long time like several months to get my job back.. The government has not relaxed the rules for crowds. Of course. The social distancing is going to be happening over the course of few more months. Once they relax social distancing rules I can get offers once again. Since my work is about being in large crowds of people this wont be possible any time soon So a really long time with no work and no income. Meanwhile I just have to rely on selling camping material which I'm currently doing to make some bucks in the meanwhile. Last week I was able to sell some but not much. Whatever works works...I can't complain much because there are many people sitting home who lost their jobs just like me. They are suffering as well. Somehow this whole coronavirus situation looks like a period of sad darkness and misery, like a war period. And I just while my time away writing and getting bored and sometimes hungry. Once the coronavirus is over and done with , it will be like freedom. I will able to go out which I'm desperately waiting for. I will be able to sit in a park, enjoy the sunset, walk in nature, look at a pond or river, go to a shopping mall, travel in public transport, enjoy the greenery around, meditate in the woods... So on.. . Don't know when this will happen. It's going to take probably the end of June or July and my patience is being sorely tried. I wish It could happen at the earliest but I understand why staying at home is so important. But still... I'm so tired of this shit.

This journal is my reflection on what I feel about the situation and how I'm going to be positive throughout this time to help me, my family and friends to stay strong and courageous through this crisis. This situation will also test my determination and resolve to get through and fight as I have always done. I'm also going to note incidents of human behavior where I can understand human nature better so in times of crisis in the future, I'm better adapted to the actions and effects of the human nature and keep myself protected at all times from the pitfalls and drawbacks of humanity. To keep myself on an alert so that I do not fall prey to the wrongdoings of human nature.

I'm going to be doing the fire visualization practice everyday.

This was an incredibly horrible nightmare. There was a woman sitting in front of me during painting class. She was just vulgar and brash and constantly boasting. She was sitting with her boyfriend. And calling a lot of clients. My paint bottles for some reason were falling off the table and it was a mess on the floor. This woman immediately calls the cops on me. And constantly keeps threatening me. I'm telling her to calm down but she won't listen.. She just wants to see me in trouble. She constantly keeps telling her boyfriend about me. They gossip about me. This woman is like a mean girl bully. After a while she sits across me on the other side and speaks on her cell phone. And I hear her conversation because she is being extremely loud. And she tells them that she is talent handling agent. She takes people who find it difficult to get a job and then trains them so that they can easily land a job. Her language and tone puts me off because she is very rude, brash and arrogant, loud talk, she constantly boasts how good she is and acts mean and tough meanwhile throwing mean looks around. She talks like a pimp drug addict. Just very loud and obnoxious and tacky. Just completely soulless and in unemotional I am watching her, a bit scared because I don't know what she will do next. By now I'm too annoyed by her obnoxious boasting and mean language. I don't know how she treats her clients because she doesn't look nice at all, acts like a monster I really don't want the cops to come and create a scene and I'm thinking this woman is just a big mean bitch. Dream cuts off

I have been doing great after this fire visualization.

You look very handsome and very young. And also you are very intelligent. You look sexy in your pic. So you won't have problems getting girls

@28 cm unbuffed Lmao I thought you were 18.

@28 cm unbuffed yea insight and self inquiry and Metta meditation which is basically love meditation, like giving love to the universe. It might sound a bit absurd but try different techniques and you could read spiritual books to upgrade your spiritual database lol. Spirituality is essentially Cultivating infinite love in you. And doing more self reflection, knowing your self better. I hope my advice is going to be helpful

@28 cm unbuffed Do you think my advice will work out for you. The second post I made I mean.

My mom was like a tiger mom and there were a lot of issues growing up under her tiger mommying. There was a lot of violence and abuse, both physical and emotional and psychological It was so bad that I ran away from home at age 14 while my mom was beating me. At the time I was trying to pick the phone and call my dad to pick me up but before I could speak, she yanked the phone out of my hand and smashed it. And then proceeded to beat me. I tried to get out of the house and she wouldn't let me and finally when I tried to escape she shut the door on me and threw me on the floor outside the house. I had no money, nothing except my clothes and flip-flops.. I kept walking to a church that was many miles away and sat there for hours. And then I was just walking alone. My sister rescued me in the end and brought me back to my abuser There were many episodes even after that where I sustained physical injuries on myself that are still present today.. And the emotional scars were extreme. It was all fucked up.

I wanted to write a journal on theories of the brain. And this is a new chapter in my spiritual life

I can put forward one method to deal with the problem of uncertainty with respect to growth. This method is sorta simple. Keep 2 things in mind to follow this method. One is to have a very slimmed down basic framework like following a daily regiment or routine or discipline which will consist of good diet, regular exercise, regular work, some time with nature, good sleep and healthy lifestyle devoid of toxic things like video games and all that. And the second is to invest at least 2 hours a day in spiritual growth little by little every day. And to keep in mind that spirituality is like an ocean and spiritual growth and learning is infinite. Once you realize that it's infinite learning then you are not very with earning spiritual Mastery. You can take it nice and slow every day and also be proud of your spiritual growth. At the same time this dedicated amount of fixed time towards spiritual growth is not interfering with your daily self actualization routine.

INTENSE FIRE VISUALIZATION AND EXPLOSION OF SPIRITUALITY I finished an intense fire visualization and honestly it felt like a rebirth. The visualization was as follows. First I sat down completely naked. I took a deep breath for a few seconds. And then started imagining a small ball of fire at the center of the heart chakra in my chest. And then I imagined that this ball of fire was getting bigger and bigger. And the fire was spreading throughout my body. And slowly the flames were emanating from my skin outwards towards the surroundings. Eventually these wild flames will reaching to the planet and energizing every flower, plant, animal and humans giving them the energy to sustain and survive and be protected from all the deficiencies and Scarcities of life. This fire wasn't burning the grass but like sunlight it was energizing everything. I suddenly felt like an explosion of spirituality and light. I felt a bit dizzy but it was okay. I felt calm. At the end of it the fire was slowly receding and coming back to me and gradually fading into a small ball and disappearing within me. I don't have words to describe this experience. It really felt like an explosion. Like boom!!!! and then calm, fading..... It felt like a massive purge. Only these images can describe how I felt. But it was more powerful than anything I had experienced before Almost resonates with what Osho said. Everything was Infinity. This picture resonates a lot with how I felt. It was like looking deep inside me instead of outside. There was an intense vulnerability towards the end I felt like....... Like all love, all splendor, all beauty, all art, all intelligence, all creativity, all energy, all peace, all Infinity merging together in that fire ball inside of me. And this fire ball represented the energy of the universe through which everything was made possible. Every form of art or creativity, every piece of art, every form of love, every moment of peace came out of this fire ball. I cried a lot after this experience. It liberated some intense trauma. I had experienced intense childhood trauma. Something that I don't talk about because I consciously try to hide it. There is an intense fear in talking about it so I don't talk about it. I never talked about it to any of my boyfriends except for Andrew who has been very non judgemental.

I can put forward one method to deal with the problem of uncertainty with respect to growth. This method is sorta simple. Keep 2 things in mind to follow this method. One is to have a very slimmed down basic framework like following a daily regiment or routine or discipline which will consist of good diet, regular exercise, regular work, some time with nature, good sleep and healthy lifestyle devoid of toxic things like video games and all that. And the second is to invest at least 2 hours a day in spiritual growth little by little every day. And to keep in mind that spirituality is like an ocean and spiritual growth and learning is infinite. Once you realize that it's infinite learning then you are not very with earning spiritual Mastery. You can take it nice and slow every day and also be proud of your spiritual growth. At the same time this dedicated amount of fixed time towards spiritual growth is not interfering with your daily self actualization routine.

I find deer fascinating. The moose The elk The royal stag Elk Caribou Fallow deer A random assortment of animals and birds. The greater coucal has been my favorite bird.. I love the sound it makes. It's usually sits somewhere close to my window. Sometimes it can sound really creepy. Like some warning call of danger or sadness Here is a clip of the greater coucal bird call And then there are other birds